


Of life, storms and sunlight

by k_itt



Series: Of Life... [1]
Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: (I tried), (i think), (not so) Random Uses of Canon References, (sorry for that), Alternate Universe, Angst, Background Relationships, Bisexual Character, Chicago, Comedy, Drama, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description Of Dancing, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Lee Donghyuk | Haechan Are Brothers, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Seo Youngho | Johnny Are Best Friends, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seo Youngho | Johnny & Mark Lee Are Brothers, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 00:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 101,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20684300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_itt/pseuds/k_itt
Summary: When their mother died in a car accident, Jaehyun brought his teenager brother, Haechan, to live with him in Chicago. Things wouldn’t be easy, he knew that. He never expected them to be this tough; neither to find himself in Ten’s eyes.--“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”— Azar Nafisi





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered why certain things happens to certain people. Like, why some great people would lose their jobs, while some assholes cocksuckers would rise up so easily in life – ok that was obvious, but that wasn’t the point. Like, how some people would fall in sick _and_ lose their homes at the same time, or why would kids be born within terrible families, while others were lucky to have amazing parents but lost them at such young age. Like why some people would find true love in their first love, while others would probably never even learn what love really is.

Why would some people seem to be so special to have such great luck in life, while others have to go through so much pain, even though they deserved the world? Good things happens to good people, or so they say. Jaehyun didn’t believe it was true because some people looked like they were somewhat special in life. On the other hand, was anyone really _that_ special?

Jaehyun blinked his now dry eyes, unclenching his jaw as the sound of doors opening and closing on the background reminded him he was not alone and Haechan was probably awake.

Three boxes of three different kinds of cereal – each one displaying a different animal that stared right back at him – were lined up with the bottle of milk, a chocolate milk and a Yakult, and he wondered if that was what kids would eat for breakfast these days.

“Hey.” Jaehyun tried to sound cheerful, but it was still too early in the morning for that and the screech of the chair Haechan pulled in front of him – plus the loud thud when the teenagers let himself on it – was proof enough it was too early for the kid too.

“Did you sleep well? I’ll be driving you to school today, but you’ll be staying at the Seo’s with Mark until I get back from work, okay?”

“Whatever.”

Haechan was a nice kid. They didn’t spend much time together until now, except for when Haechan was really a kid and Jaehyun was a teenager, and those summers when Jaehyun would be back in Seoul to visit his family. Still, his baby brother was special in Jaehyun eyes and he did deserve better.

Haechan was sixteen now – he was almost twelve years younger than him – and Jaehyun left home for college at the age of seventeen. While he did enjoy teaching Haechan basketball during his stays at summer breaks, he could not say the same about spending much more than a few weeks within the company of his mother’s new husband – Haechan’s father. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to deal with the said man anymore.

Jaehyun stared at the coffee cooling inside his cup and his guts twisted at his own thoughts. He wouldn’t have to deal with that brat of a man who mistreated his mother and spent all her money with only God knows what, but that also meant that he could never come back to her arms again. He lifted his eyes to Haechan and his brother was busying himself with eggs and toast and coffee, all the colored boxes and fruity flavors had been completely forgotten. He sighed.

The drive to Haechan’s new school was not completely peaceful. They were both silent, but Haechan kept changing the songs on the radio, never really satisfied with whatever came up on Jaehyun’s playlist.

“Your songs suck.”

“Mouth.”

“I said ‘suck’, not ‘suck off’”.

“Haechan, watch your language. You know mom didn’t like it.”

“You’re not mom.”

“Exactly. I’m not, but you know she wouldn’t like if-“

“Exactly! You’re not mom! Mom’s not here and will never be, so just let me be! Leave me alone!”

Jaehyun knuckles tightened around the wheel while he quickly parked at the street at the opposite side of the school, frowning at the sudden outburst from the teen. It’s been less than two weeks since he came back from Seoul, bringing a very quiet and sorrowed Haechan along with him and everything from the kid’s life they could make fit inside those three bags.

Of course things wouldn’t be easy for neither of them and he did expect things to be particularly hard for Haechan – he just didn’t know how to deal with it, yet.

“I know I’m not mom, okay? But you’ll be living with me now, so I’m the one making the rules here and I’m telling you to watch your language.” His voice was hoarse, throat tight while he tried to watch on his own temper, but yeah, he was really not prepared for all this.

“Well, I don’t care about your rules and I don’t care about language! Fuck you and your fucking stupid rules!”

“Haechan!” Jaehyun shouted as Haechan burst out of the car.

“Haechan! Fuck!” The loud sound of the horn startled a few students that crossed the street in front of his car as he hit the wheels, but he honestly couldn’t care less.

He knew bringing Haechan home wouldn’t be easy. Jaehyun did lose his lovely mother – he didn’t meet his father, but he was probably there, somewhere – but he was a fully grown man now, with a good job and an independent life. He had left home almost ten years ago and despite missing his mother truly, he was kind of used to not having her around anymore. It didn’t make him cold hearted, no, but he knew things were certainly harder for Haechan. While he did lost his mother, Haechan lost both his parents and left everything and everyone he knew behind, in Seoul.

Jaehyun had been living alone ever since graduation and even though money wasn’t that great, work was nice and payed him a nice life. He could afford bringing his baby brother to US, not whiling to leave him alone with some whatever relative Mr. Lee, Haechan’s father, would have. Haechan was his brother, after all. But dealing with a mournful teenager was far from an easy task.

Ever since his first few words, and that Jaehyun remembered, Haechan had been the talkative type and he remembered even clearly that the young one would never shut up whenever they were together during vacations. He was really a nice kid and now that he thought about it, he probably should have spent more time with him – and their mother – on those last years he haven’t been in Korea. Maybe things would be a just a little bit easier. Maybe the quiet and almost mute Haechan that went home with him wouldn’t be such a frightening sight that made him almost appreciated the sudden teenage outburst – at least he was getting a reaction.

Things wouldn’t be easy, Jaehyun knew it. So he just wondered why some things would happen to some people in life to cause them so much pain, while others could live such a fulfilling life. Haechan was special on Jaehyun’s eyes. Their mother certainly had been special in both their eyes.

But maybe, Jaehyun thought, no one was really that special at all.

\--

“Wow. You look like shit.”

Johnny was a great friend, most of the times. This time, he was not being that great, Jaehyun thought, but he did bring a nice mug of hot coffee with him, so Jaehyun would let it pass, this time.

In fact, Johnny was Jaehyun’s old roommate and longtime best friend ever since he moved to the United States. They met in Michigan as freshmen and despite achieving different degrees – Jaehyun was a designer while Johnny majored in Cinema, they ended up working together at a publicity agency in Chicago, where Johnny’s family lived.

Johnny has a younger brother, Mark, that is only one year older than Haechan and that Jaehyun also cared like his own brother, and also, it had been Johnny’s parents who helped him through all the school transfer and papers for Haechan. Mark was a really nice kid and been keeping Haechan company after school ever since he moved in. There were still a lot of things they would have to overcome, but at least Jaehyun was not worried to leave his brother alone in a foreign city while he had to work.

“Hansol called.” Jaehyun said.

“What? Now?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, man. What the hell does he wants?”

Out of all of Jaehyun’s current problems, his ex-boyfriend was possibly the least one he’d like to deal with right now.

Those times when Jaehyun wondered why things would happen the way they happened to people, he couldn’t not think of why sometimes things would be all good and happy rainbows, like when just a few months ago he was having such a good moment in life; he had a hot boyfriend, great sex, drinks with friends after work to celebrate he was no longer a junior, then suddenly it was all storms and he didn’t have a boyfriend anymore, he didn’t have his mother anymore, belayed work piled up his desk from his absence and the cherry on top, he now had to be the a big-bother-slash-father-figure to his teenager brother, coming from another country.

Sometimes, Jaehyun really wondered why life would play special and pick favorites; while he really thought Haechan didn’t deserve all that happened to him. To be honest, he also thought that he didn’t deserve all that shit either. Really, Hansol could just fuck off.

“Seems some of my things are bothering him at his place and he wanted me to pick ‘em up-”

“What a dick.”

“But I told him I’m not going, so Ten’s coming up tonight to bring ‘em.”

“Ten?” Johnny frowned, picking up his own mug that left a round, brown mark over the desk and something in the way his eyebrows knitted together made him look even taller from Jaehyun’s chair. “At least you won’t have to deal with him personally. I really wanted to punch him in the face last time he went to Taeyong’s. The guy is a brat. He never showed up when you were dating and now he wants to bring his new boyfriend everywhere?” And at the same pace his frown deepened, it disappeared. “I know he’s your ex and all that, but you’re my friend and I’m glad Taeyong told me he’s leaving.”

“The Studio? Really?”

“The city.”

Now that was some big news.

Johnny’s boyfriend, Taeyong, was a dance teacher at the same place Hansol worked – that’s how they met in first place. Ten, another dance teacher, was Hansol’s flat mate and Taeyong’s best friend, and alongside Yuta (also a dance teacher from another studio) and Doyoung (their close friend and co-worker), they made quite a squad.

“Taeyong said he’s only staying ‘til the end of the season.” Johnny shrugged. “How are things going on with Haechan?”  
Jaehyun usually likes his coffee dark, but this one was way too bitter. Or it was life bitterness that made him frown and sigh and stare at the forgotten folder of test prints for this client and wish that those were the biggest of his problems. Really, why couldn’t Hansol just throw those things away instead of making him lose more of his time and what was left of his ability to focus at 9:38am.

“I think he hates me.”

The weight of Johnny’s hand on his shoulder didn’t felt so comforting as it usually was after he told his friend the whole event this morning. “Don’t be too hard on yourselves. Think about it: at least he’s not completely silent anymore.”

Jaehyun sent him a skeptical look.

“Maybe that’s his way of opening up. You always said he was a cool kid.”

“He is. Was. Probably is. It’s just- Ugh, it’s so frustrating! I’m not ready to be a father, let alone a teenager's father.” Jaehyun covered his eyes with an arm and sighed, for the n-th time, and he really wondered if things could get worse than that. He was so done with life playing favorites at this point. “He didn’t even finish unpacking.”

“But you’re not his father, Jay. C’mon. He’s your brother, you’ll work it out.” If Johnny was right – and Jaehyun could only wish he was – he wondered when this storm would go out. He was done being trapped on this pouring so much. “Just give him some time. Give yourself some time too, uh? When did you last got laid?”

Letting his arm down, Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. “Not everything is about sex, you know?”

“Nope, it’s not. But what I mean is that I understand your mourning and that you’re worried about your brother, but you need to live a little. What about game night at Taeyong’s place this Saturday? I can tag Mark along if that will make Haechan feel better. They seem to catch up just fine.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it. I’ll talk to him. Thanks anyway.”

Johnny was probably right as to in to give them some time. It was not that Haechan hadn’t unpacked at all. Jaehyun had cleared up the smaller room of his two bedroom apartment for his brother, except for the desk, now cornered up by the window beside Haechan’s new bed they ‘ve bought the day they arrived from Korea. It sure lacked some decoration, but little by little – as in one piece a day – Haechan placed either one of his books, or one of his collection toys, or even a picture once. In the picture, Haechan was around nine years old and tied his still chubby arms around their mother’s waist. Jaehyun was all dimples as he rested his head above hers, and Mr. Lee simply stood still by Haechan’s side, never bothering to smile. He remembered seeing the frame once, decorating their mother side of the bed when he came for a visit one summer after that.

He thought he heard Haechan’s crying one night, a week after they arrived in America, but he didn’t want to pry, so he let him be. The next morning, the same frame he remembered from his mother bedroom now stood by his brother’s desk. – Jaehyun was the one being heard crying from the bathroom that night.

\--

The ride from Johnny’s parents was quiet once again, but at least there was no apparent tension from that morning. They stopped by the lamen house near Jaehyun’s place as it was the closest from home they could both get that night and it took some effort from Jaehyun for Haechan to spill a little about his first day at the new school and they were truly relieved there was another Korean kid, Jisung, and a Chinese, Chen Le, that shared most of Haechan’s classes. Mark had helped him through school and later with homework – all in English – which was great too.

Yeah, Johnny was probably right; they needed some time.

The interphone ringed about twenty minutes after they got home and Haechan was in the shower when Ten arrived caring a box the size of a microwave that he gladly passed to Jaehyun’s arms before taking off his shoes.

“Gosh, I’m glad you didn’t move in together or I’d have to rent a truck. How can you leave so much stuff in someone else’s place?”

“Thanks, Ten.” Jaehyun smiled and it was a first, that day. Or maybe for a whole week.

Jaehyun met Ten the same night he met Hansol in a party at Taeyong’s house, two summers ago. It was a party to celebrate the end of the term at the studio they teach and dance at. It wasn’t long since Jaehyun had broken up with his last girlfriend and Hansol was hot. He remembered Johnny introducing him and Ten as Taeyong’s friends and at first he thought they were together, as a couple, but Hansol made it pretty clear he wasn’t taken when he palmed Jaehyun’s dick over his clothes in the kitchen, while they simply exchanged phone numbers.

He and Hansol fucked around for about six months before they made themselves exclusives. There was never the “wanna be officials” or stuff, but it didn’t hurt less when he told Jaehyun he was seeing someone else, after two years of dating, only two days after his mother had passed away.

“I’m sorry. It’s such a dick move.” Ten said as he sat on the couch after apologizing – probably for both the breakup and for him being the one bringing his stuff. Jaehyun have heard those some words from Johnny before. “I’m sorry about your mom too.” Ten’s voice was as soft as his touch in Jaehyun’s arms and he couldn’t help the lump in his throat before forcing a small smile, but failling miserably.

“Thanks. I’m sorry too, for bringing you into this shit. Hansol didn’t have to send you with my stuff.”

Ten and Jaehyun were not best friends, but they were in what Jaehyun called close-friends-term and would often hang out together on either Ten and Hansol’s living room, or at Taeyong’s with Johnny and the others. He learned after just a few months with Hansol that they weren’t as close as Jaehyun had thought that day on the party and only lived together to cut off on the expenses. Ten was a really nice guy and one of the greatest dancers in their dance studio, even better than Hansol – if Jaehyun was being completely honest – and despite never imagining Ten to pick up a side in their break up, he never thought Ten would be the one being so supportive for the loss of his mother, instead of his ex-boyfriend. At that, he never actually expected any of that to happen, except for he and Hansol breaking up, but even that, he never thought things would happen like that.

“It’s alright, he didn’t. I actually offered.” Ten shrugged, but pulled the same box he brought earlier through the carpet and not at little bit ashamed, he lifted the cover a bit to peek inside. “As I said, it was a dick move to call you for this after everything that happened.” Ten frowned, letting go of the box and put back his hand on Jaehyun’s arm.

“You can count on us, you know that, right?” Ten said in a soft voice, his lips pressed together in a tight, but genuine smile and Jaehyun actually smiled at that.

“I know.” He muttered, letting his hand rest over Ten’s in reassurance.

“Hyung?” Haechan called and Jaehyun quickly covered the box again before Haechan appeared at the corner of the living room. “Can I use your charger, I- Oh. Didn’t know you had a visit.” Haechan stopped by the dinner table and quickly glared at them both. Jaehyun knew that glare.

“Wait, Haechan.” Haechan had already turned around, but stopped at the call, not bothering to spare them a second glance.

“Oh! You must be Jaehyun’s little brother!” Ten stood up excited and proudly began his well-trained, but still broken, Korean introduction that Johnny and Taeyong taught him once. _“My name is Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, but you can call me Ten. It’s very nice to meet you.”_

Jaehyun would have laughed, as he did when Ten introduced himself to Doyoung and Taeil – don’t get him wrong, he appreciated the other’s effort. It just never failed to amuse him – but this time he didn’t, as his brother responded in bright English.

“That’s a stupid nickname.”

“Haechan!” He stood up from the couch. The worst part of it was that, beside never seen Haechan be this rude before, he wasn’t really shocked by the behavior after recognizing the disgustful glare in Haechan’s eyes once he stepped into the living room, as Jaehyun have seen it before, but in someone else’s face. Jaehyun hated to admit it, but Haechan sometimes reassembled Mr. Lee more than he felt comfortable with.

“I can speak English, you know?” Was Haechan’s reply instead, while Ten stood still, his lips pressed in a thin line.

“Haechan, you’re being rude. Apologize.”

“Jaehyun, it’s alright. I should leave, anyway, you guys must be tired.” Ten’s voice was calm just like before, his touch on Jaehyun’s arm was soft when he turned around, but this time Jaehyun held him in place while he stared deeply at his younger brother.

“No. It’s not. That was rude and Haechan in going to apologize.”

There were tons of reasons why Jaehyun loved spending part of his summers with both his mom and his brother and his childhood friends back in Korea. His mother was the loveliest person he had ever met. She would smile the brightest of smiles whenever she looked at her sons and would cook them the best food Jaehyun have ever had. She would hug him and listen to his thoughts and support him in every aspect of his life, even when she didn’t agree with his choices. She would still be there and hold his hand and tell him it was okay, that things would be all right as long as he was a good person to the world.

He never understood how she could put up with someone like Mr. Lee. And despite tons of reasons like teaching his brother all the cool stuff kids his age should know and the coolest tricks on video games or basketball, like taking him to ice cream, like spending a whole day doing nothing with his friends, Mr. Lee was the sole and only reason he stopped enjoying summers in Seoul.

It all happened that same year they took the picture framed in Haechan’s bedroom. Jaehyun was out at night with some friends once and met this hot guy at a night club that offered to drive him home. Mr. Lee found them making out in the car outside their house and that was when hell started.

Not that Mr. Lee was a nice guy before that. Jaehyun never like the way he would see only their mother do the entire house work by herself and her husband would never even thank her, not even once. Jaehyun never liked the way the man treated anybody, to be honest, as he walked as if he owned the word. He disliked him even more when Mr. Lee stopped working to live on his mother finances and spend his days drinking and gambling – with money that was not his, to begin with. He was just that kind of scumbag.

Jaehyun had recognized the same look Mr. Lee spared him that night, right now, on Haechan’s face.

“No, I won’t. He’s just a fag.”

He wasn’t sure if it was Ten’s or his own grip on Ten’s hand that tensed up. Maybe both. But his jaw clenched and really saw red as he couldn’t recognize his own brother staring blatantly at him. All he saw was a younger version of the man who slapped him the face once he went inside his own house on a hot summer night.

“You will never repeat this word in this house again, are you listening?” Jaehyun was never one to raise the tone of his voice if not needed – and he learned from his mother he should never need. “Go to your room. Now.”

“Jaehyun,” Ten called him after Haechan left, the door closing with a loud bang, but Ten still held him firmly and Jaehyun didn’t know if it was in shock or to calm him. – Once again, maybe both, but there were things he wouldn’t admit inside his own house. “Jay, it’s alright. I’m leaving, anyway.”

“It’s not alright! You heard him!”

Jaehyun didn’t mean to spur at Ten and he did noticed how the other beckened, licking his lips as he avoided his face, but what he knew is that his own brother offended one of his friends in the rudest way and that, he would never tolerate.

“I did. He’s- He’s a kid. I know you can talk to him. Just, calm down, okay? It’s fine. I’m- I’m fine.”

“You know this is not right, Ten, what he said! It’s not alright!” Jaehyun pulled back his hair from his face tight, as he finally released Ten’s grip.

“Just talk to him.”

This time, while Jaehyun stared at Ten’s eyes and saw the reflection of the pain he felt so many times before in his house back in Seoul, he didn’t wondered why things happened the way they happened to people. Sometimes, he wondered why people behaved the way they did to other people. Why there were people who were like a storm, sprawling their anger towards other people and devastating their lives. All the while some people, like his mother, seemed like rainbows, transforming the ugliest of storms in colors and in other people’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have a few chapters of this completed, so I’ll update as I review/edit. Sorry it won’t be beta-read, so feel free to point out any errors and grammar mistakes (I do appreciate it).


	2. Chapter 2

When Haechan left his room the next morning, Jaehyun was already in their dinning room. He wasn’t hungry, so he placed only a set of dishes for Haechan at the table and watched silently the other pick a box of cereal with a strange bird drawn on it. Jaehyun simply sipped at his coffee, busing himself with some work on his phone, but called Haechan back, as soon as his brother motioned to leave.

“Sit. We need to talk.”

“I’m going to be late for school.”

“I’ll write you a letter. Sit.” The brothers stared at each other’s for at least half a minute without a blink, before Haechan cleared up his throat and lowered his eyes as he took a sit at the same chair he had breakfast on.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, stood up and moved around until he rested against the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining and living area with his arms crossed, face to face with his brother. He had barely been able to sleep at night, sleep wouldn’t come as peaks of what happened in the past of what Mr. Lee said and done entwined with the things Haechan said last night.

That night, Jaehyun wondered on why people acted the way they did. Why they absorbed misconceptions and took them as the only truth without a bother to try. That night, he wondered on why people even cared so much about other people's life and why it mattered so much to them in their own little lives. On how easy was it for some people to spread rudeness and hate towards the world without a care. That night, Jaehyun wondered how he would deal with his teenage brother in a way he never thought he would even need to.

“I don’t know what your father told you.” He started firmly, but kept his voice low, rising just the slightest when Haechan tried to interrupt him, only to low it back again a second later. “I don’t know what he taught you. But I know what mom always told me, and I’m sure she taught you the same as in to respect people.”

Haechan opened his mouth as in another attempt to speak, but closed it soon, lowering his eyes once again.

“I don’t care what he told you.”

“He said you were a fag.”

“I said I don’t care.” He cut short, pursing his lips tight together for a breath. “I don’t need you to accept me. I don’t need you to wave a supportive flag, you don’t even need to understand if you don’t want to. But we’re living in this house together now and what I need, what I demand, is for you to respect me and other people.”

“Dad said it was shameful. That it’s wrong.”

“Once again, I don’t care.” Jaehyun cared. He hated to see his own brother repeat those words, without questioning, without thinking of other people feelings. “Mom would never accept what you did last night.” And for the way Haechan lowered his head, Jaehyun knew he was right.

“See.” He couldn’t hold the small smile that rose on the corner of his lips. Their mother was really especial. “I want you to apologize to Ten. You were rude to him and what you said was really mean, Haechan, to say the least.”

“But he _is_ a fag.” He said, matter-of-fact.

“Okay, first of all, this word is banished. You can’t use it, ever again, not in this house, nor anywhere, nor never. It’s really fucking rude and I won’t accept it.”

“Language.”

Haechan went silent once again as Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. He knew his brother was a brat sometimes, in the good way of the word, of course, and would choose the least appropriate moments to spit an awful joke, but this was absolutely not the time for that.

“Tell me something. What does it matter to you if someone is gay or bisexual, or whatever? Tell me, Haechan, what does it matter in your life?”

“Well, you’re my brother and if he’s your boyfriend it matters and it’s wrong.”

“Ten is not my boyfriend.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “But even if he was or if what we do were any wrong, how does it matter in _your_ life? We’re not doing anything wrong towards you.” Haechan frowned but remained silent and Jaehyun sighed, uncrossing his arms. “Even if you believe that what we do is wrong, we’re not hurting anyone, Haechan. There’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t give you right to treat people like that.”

“Dad always said it’s wrong! Mom didn’t like it, but he always said it is and that you knew it and that’s why you never came back anymore!”

Haechan stood up from his chair and tried to storm out of the room, but Jaehyun blocked the way, his ears red in anger. “What!?”

“Dad told me that you knew that what you were doing was wrong and that’s why you never came back to visit us. He said- He said we could never trust people like you, because all you do is wrong and you know what? I think he’s right and I wish it was you who’ve died instead. You and all you wrongs!”

Out of everything Jaehyun ever heard about being gay (bisexual, actually), Haechan’s words were by far the most harsh ones. Not because of what they meant, as Jaehyun knew, somehow, Haechan didn’t actually really meant it; he was a teenager who lost both his parents, moved to a different country, with people he didn’t know and a brother he haven’t seen in years. Of course he didn’t mean it; Haechan was a good kid. But it was because it was Haechan, his little brother whom he cared deeply, despite not seen each other for years, it hurted more than a slap in the face from a man he despised.

They both stayed silent for a while. Shock running through Jaehyun’s veins as they stared at each other and he tried not to let the words sunk in too deep – his brother couldn’t have meant it. Sometimes Jaehyun wondered if some people would be only storm and only rainbow. People weren’t utterly good or purely evil, he knew that. But some people, there were people who would never show anything other than a storm. He always wondered if his mother ever saw a rainbow in Mr. Lee, whereas he always showed his storm. But Haechan was not Mr. Lee, no. Haechan was his baby brother; sometimes a brat, but mostly a good kid.

Haechan’s own words seemed to have shocked him too as his eyes turned red and Jaehyun noticed a slight tremble on the younger lips. It was like that one time Haechan tripped on his own shoe lace when they were young and tried too hard to hold a cry because he didn’t want to cry in front of his older brother. That was until Jaehyun lowered himself and hugged the 7 years old in his arms.

Just like that time, it only took Jaehyun to step forward and wrap his arms around his (not anymore a baby) brother for him to shed those tears.

“It’s alright.” “I’m sorry.”

They said almost at the same time.

Haechan’s whole body was trembling as Jaehyun held him close, but he was not sure he wasn’t trembling himself as he gulped down his own tears. “I just wish they were still here. I- I just wish that mom was here. I’m sorry.”

\--

No matter how much he tried, Jaehyun didn’t manage to focus a single bit in work for the whole day after that morning episode. He stared at his half done project of half drawings and words of a half-assed brainstorm that looked more messed up than his currently life, and he wondered if he could solve this nightmare of a puzzle - of his life, not his work. For the latter, he didn’t have much option.

Not that he did have many options with what was going on in his life. It was not like he could run a time machine and bring his mother back; or like, send his own brother back to Korea – no, that was not an option at all. What he wondered this time was how life could be such a bitch sometimes. Like, he loved his little brother, but why did life had to make him so much like his father and not more like their mother. Sad part was: that little kid from his summer breaks looked so much like his mother and so much less like that scumbag of a man.

He sighed – and he was done sighing.

That same moment his phone blinked on his desk and flashed with a massage from a very smiling Johnny that stood only two desks away, thumbs up and all at Jaehyun.

** _John-d:_ **

_All set for Saturday_

_Mark’s coming so bring Haechan_

_Doyoung and Yuta gonna b there too_

_B)_

** _Jae-d:_ **

_Sorry_

_Can’t make it_

“What?” 

Jaehyun have heard Johnny from his desk even before he finished typing the rest of his reply.

** _John-d:_ **

_What_

_Why_

_?????????_

** _Jae-d:_ **

_Long story_

_I’m picking up Haechan at school for _  
_ the rest of the week, so tell your _  
_ mother not to worry about it k?_

_I’ll call her later, anyway_

_We need to figure out some stuff_

_Maybe next time :)_

_ **John-d:** _

_What happened?_

_ **Jae-d:** _

_Tell you later_

The thing was: how could Jaehyun bring his homophobic little brother to hang out with his mostly queer friends – except for Yuta – and not expect it to be a burden after what happened with Ten? He didn’t even think he’d have the courage to tell this “long story” for Johnny, who was his best friend and very much openly gay. Oh gosh, he just hoped Haechan wouldn’t say anything wrong to Mark at school. Johnny’s family was almost like his own family now.

Their mother, whom he dearly called Miss Seo, even though she was married – _“With due respect, you look too young to not be called a miss, Miss Seo” _– was too much like his own mother and always greeted them both with a huge smile, tight hugs and warm food ever since his first College winter break. Jaehyun always felt like he was granted a second mother after he moved to Chicago. Mr. Seo, Johnny’s father, was a great man and their number one fan when they hosted this inside-campus radio show (hence their nicknames) back in college. The old man bought his first smart phone back then just so he could stream it via the college app (still in beta version). Mark, well, Mark was a book of his own. Johnny’s little brother was actually his partner in crime most of the times when he hanged out at Johnny’s. He always reminded himself too much of Haechan and boy, the kid was fun, so they never minded tagging him along for watching a Bull’s game or videogame night at Taeyong’s.

Taeyong was also part of their family. Have been dating Johnny for almost three years now, neither one of the Seo’s had ever have a problem with their oldest son being gay. At least not that Jaehyun had ever heard about. – _“A mother would always know”, _was what Miss Seo said once, during a Christmas Eve, after the episode with his step-father back in Seoul. Johnny had broken up with his boyfriend back then and they were both too melancholic for Chicago’s death-cold winds, so they spent the night drowning themselves in wine inside the Seo’s living room and that’s when Miss Seo overheard them. Jaehyun ended up telling them both the whole story with Mr. Lee and was invited to spend at least half of his summers at the Seo’s ever since. Jaehyun grown to really like Chicago after that.

Anyway.

Jaehyun did pick up Haechan at school that day and after giving Mark a ride – thank God the kid being to hyped up about the upcoming talent show by the end of year to break some of the tension still hanging between him and Haechan – he didn’t drove straight back home.

“Where are we going?” Haechan asked, staring at the change of scenario as they approached the heart of the city.

“To where Ten works. You’re going to apologize for what happened yesterday.”

“But I- why?”

Really, Jaehyun knew better than that and Haechan wasn’t that kind of a brat. Their mother would never raise her own child like that and Haechan was starting to get to Jaehyun’s nerves at this point. He understood the kid was going through a lot, but being okay with being rude, that was a whole other history and not at all an okay one.

“We already talked about that, Haechan. Your behavior was not acceptable and you’re going to apologize.”

“Why do you care so much about this if he’s not even your boyfriend? Can’t we just forget it? I won’t repeat that word again, if that’s what really bothers you.”

“Yes, it bothers me but, that’s not the point. You can’t treat people like that and think it’s all right, Haechan. If mom was here she would never accept it.”

“Well, mom’s not here and I don’t want to apologize to a-”

“You know what?” Jaehyun snapped, cutting off before Haechan finished and slipped the damn word again. “You’re grounded.”

“I am what?!”

“You've heard me. You’re grounded. You’re grounded for being rude to Ten, and you’re grounded for the things you’ve said, you’re grounded because it’s not right to treat people like that. Now we’re gonna go there, you’re gonna be kind and apologize and no games until you think about all the th-“

“You’re not my dad! You can’t ground me!”

“Exactly! I’m not your dad! And maybe if he and mom had grounded you, maybe a little bit more, you would have learned not to be rude to people who were just being nice to you!”

“Why are you like this? Stop trying to act like you’re my parent! You’re nothing of that!”

“I am not!” He blurted right before parking at the side of a short, red-bricked building that contrasted with all the grey and blue windows surrounding them. “I just want things to be right and what you did was not right, not right at all!”

Haechan tried talking again, but Jaehyun shook his head, his shoulders tensed up as he stared at the wheel and then to his brother. “Do you really think mom would be fine with what you did? I know that she’s not here, I know that I’m not her and thank God, I’m not like your father, but do you really think what you did was fine? You’re not a baby anymore, Haechan. You _know_ that what you did was wrong. You _know_ you can’t treat people like that!”

“I, I – I just don’t want to go there and apologize, okay? I don’t even know him or if I can trust him.”

Despite not being a child anymore, that’s what Haechan looked like, corned up by window inside Jaehyun’s car and for a second time that day, all he saw was his scared baby brother, like that one time he saw the younger watching him and Mr. Lee arguing one night over whatever thing Jaehyun have done that displeased their mother's husband – what meant pretty much everything Jaehyun did when back home.

Taking a deep breath, Jaehyun stared at the other; lips pressed up on a thin line, big bright eyes and Haechan looked so much like their mother that stared at her own son being slapped over by her own husband.

“Haechan.” He said, voice calmer and way lower this time. “Do you trust me?”

“I-“ Haechan swallowed, dry, but didn’t avert his eyes. “You’re my brother. It’s different.”

Jaehyun nodded. “What about Johnny? Don’t you like Mark’s brother?”

“Yeah, I like him.” Haechan frowned, confused and clearly not getting what that question meant. “He’s been nice to me when he gets home, before you arrive. He even said he’d take us to the next Bulls’ game.” Haechan frowned a bit and lowered his gaze. “ I still can go, can’t I? Mark said you always take him with you.”

Jaehyun lips twisted in a small grin at that, despite all the tension inside the car. Of course they would add Haechan to their usual match routine. Jaehyun even brought Haechan a Chicago Bulls shirt for his birthday once, after his first year in the city and sent it via mail.

“What if I told you that Johnny is gay?”

Haechan snorted. “Johnny is not gay. He’s cool.”

“So someone who’s gay can’t be cool?”

The car went silent and the younger brother looked outside the window, noticing the dance studio's neon sign glowing at the darkening sky.

Jaehyun wondered if his brother would at least be okay with all this one day. He really hopped his brother could understand, he wouldn’t deny that. He knew Haechan was hurting; he knew it was not easy and it would probably take a lot more time than he first imagined for him to settle down and call Chicago home. Above all that, he wanted Haechan to be fine.

“Just play nice, okay?” His voice remained soft, but clearly tired, as he removed the belt and jumped out of the car. He kept one hand on Haechan’s shoulder as they made their way inside the building. “It will be fine.”

What Jaehyun had forgotten – well, he should have expected that – was that Hansol also worked at the same place as Ten and that was exactly the first person they met inside.

“Jay?” Well, fuck.

“Hi, Hansol.”

“Jay!” Taeyong loud greeting was like a blessing to his ears and he turned around, stopping mid track to hug the dancer, but regretting right away at sigh of sweat in the others shirt. “Oh, sorry about that.” Taeyong laughed awkwardly, as always, but way too genuine for his own good, as always.

Jaehyun really liked Taeyong, from the day they met. He and Johnny met both Taeyong and Yuta at the same time, when they were assigned together to work on the publicity calls and whole coverage of a dance contest promoted by both their studios. Taeyong was hot, he couldn’t deny that, neither complain when his best friend went head over heels for the dancer. Both him and Yuta were funny to be around and a nice add to their duo. They also clicked well with Doyoung and soon enough both Ten and Hansol were added in the team. Aside being Johnny’s boyfriend, Taeyong became one of his best friends and it was always refreshing to meet him.

“What’s up, TY?” He said using the nickname that would always make Taeyong roll his eyes and Jaehyun could use some laugh on his day.

“What are you doing here? Who’s this?” Jaehyun noticed Haechan’s shoulder tensing up a bit under his arm. “Is he your brother? Are you the famous Haechan? Ohh! It’s very nice to meet you, Haechan, I’m Taeyong Lee. Welcome to Chicago!”

Haechan glanced at Jaehyun before making a small bow with his head. His smile was still too yellow, but at least that was a start. “Nice to meet you, hyung.” A really nice start.

“Is Ten in class? We’d like to talk to him real quickly.” Jaehyun asked, and if Taeyong looked surprised, it didn’t show as much as Hansol, who was pretending to busy himself with some flyers at the front desk.

“Ahhh, I don’t think so.” Taeyong answered glancing at the wall clock. “Hansol, can you go and call Ten here for a bit, please?”

They both watched Hansol leave without spearing a single word and Jaehyun almost sighed in relief. “Thanks.”

Taeyong smiled, probably understanding exactly what Jaehyun had thanked him for, and without wasting a minute he changed the subject. “So, you guys ready for Saturday? Hope you like Mario Kart, Haechan. Be prepared to get your ass beaten.”

“Mario Kart?” Haechan’s eyes sparkled at the mention of the game, as he would at the mention of pretty much every game, but this time it was Jaehyun who got tense. He haven’t mentioned it to his brothers and it didn’t matter now, since Haechan was grounded, so they were not going, anyway.

“Uh, I’m not sure we can make it, hyung. I’m sorry.” Jaehyun quickly answered.

“Why not? Johnny said Mark is coming too and Yuta said he misses you. I’m making tteopbokki.”

“Mario Kart and tteopbokki? Can we go, hyung? Please?”

“Haechan-“

“Jaehyun?”

“Oh, Ten!” Taeyong quickly turned backwards when Ten arrived at the room, black bucket hat covering almost half of his face that made him need to look a bit upwards when he approached the group. “Come here, let me introduce you to Haechan, Jaehyun’s younger brother.”

This time it was not only Haechan that tensed up, as Jaehyun could feel his pulse running faster at the situation. Ten stayed quiet for a second that took too long inside his mind, but the short dancer curved up his lips in a gentle smile, nodding briefly. “Nice to meet you, Haechan.”

“Ah.” Haechan stared between them with huge eyes, but soon bowed deeply, wider than he did for Taeyong just a few minutes ago. “Nice to meet you. Hyung.” He added.

“Ahhh… Such a nice kid.” Taeyong remarked, not noticing Ten’s raised eyebrow as he shared a look with Jaehyun. Really, Jaehyun was really glad for Taeyong being the way he was sometimes.

“Hey, Ten. What are you doing on Saturday? We’re having a welcome party for Haechan at my place. You’re going, right?”

“Ah…” Ten licked his lips, pressing them together as he glanced at both Haechan and Jaehyun. “Sorry. I can’t.” If the small smile on Ten’s lips wasn’t proof enough of his discomfort, the way he zipped up his hoodie and kept playing with it definitely was. “Maybe next time?” He tried, before turning around, ready to leave for another class.

“Ten, wait.” Jaehyun called as quick as possible, but damage was already done and Taeyong wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, head ping-ponging between them. “Can we talk outside, please? We won’t take your time, I promise.”

“O-kay.” Taeyong starred at them, confused, and pointed in the direction of the hall that led to where the dance classes took place before making his way towards it. “I’ll go back inside then, and see you Saturday? Bye!”

Ten sighed, a little too exasperated by Taeyong bluntness, but moved his head towards the exit before leading them first. Jaehyun glanced at Haechan, who looked really anxious, but guided the boy outside anyway, only releasing his shoulder once the fresh wind hit them right away.

Ten had always been the smallest of their group (even Mark was taller than him now). And it was not like he was weak, neither he looked too thin, no – that was Taeyong, actually – being a dancer made them all have a nice body and Jaehyun knew it, having watched them practice way too many times since he started dating Hansol. It was the way Ten leaned against the brick wall, hands hidden inside his pockets as he tried to protect himself from the already chill autumn wind, that make him look even smaller than he actually was. Jaehyun really hopped his brother behaved this time.

“So, what do you want? Hansol was really riled up to see you here. I don’t think he expected to actually see you around any time soon.” Jaehyun knew it was only small talk. He had spent enough time around Ten, either at Taeyong’s or at the apartment he shared with his ex-boyfriend to know that Ten observed and sensed more of his surroundings than any of them, which saved them all, mind telling you, from (a lot of) embarrassment – except for when he was the one embarrassing himself.

When Jaehyun stared at his brother, the younger looked just as nervous, but before he needed to push him to do it, the younger stepped closer to Ten, head casted down, but sent over Jaehyun a side glance when the silence grew louder around them. “Uh, Ten. Hyung. I-“ Haechan took a deep breath before finally meeting Ten’s eyes, even though it didn’t last much. “I’m sorry, about yesterday.”

Ten tilted his head sideways as he observed the teenager before a smile – still small, but way more sincere then his previous one – lifted up the corner of his mouth. “It’s alright, kid. We’re good.”

Haechan lifted his head and blinked a few times at Ten, looking very surprised. He fidgeted on his feet and Jaehyun finally approached them as he noticed the younger didn’t know what to do next. “Go wait in the car.”

“Thanks.” Haechan bowed quickly towards Ten once more before making a fast way to the black Rover and Jaehyun waited until his brother entered the car so he could finally let out a heavy breath.

Ten had sighed deeply at the same time and they couldn’t help but share a nervous giggle at the tension around them finally loosening a little. “I’m sorry. For him and for what happened.” Jaehyun started. “I promise he’s not like that.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that.” Ten shrugged, but one corner of his lips twerked up a little. “I’m glad he listened to you, though. You guys talked, right?”

“Yeah, sort of.” Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair, pulling it backwards, while his other hand hid inside his pocket. “He’s a nice kid, I know, but he grew up listening to a lot of shit and I honestly don’t know how it’s gonna work. I am really sorry about what happened yesterday, Ten.”

“I know.” Ten whispered. “He seems like a smart guy. And I have a feeling he will work things on his own. He just needs time and some good guidance.”

As always, Ten’s touch on his arm was quick and soft, reassuring, as always, and Jaehyun forced himself a tight smile. “You don’t have to step out of Saturday because of him. We’re not going, anyway, he’s grounded.”

“You grounded him? Oh, Jaehyun…” Ten snorted, looking elsewhere as he shook his head, but he wasn’t really trying to hide the small satisfaction on his smile, Jaehyun noticed. “You don’t have to ground him because of what happened yesterday.”

“It wasn’t just that. We talked earlier and he said some things and- It’s not being easy.” He admitted, swallowing the dryness in his mouth. “Let’s say… Haechan needs some real good guidance.”

They both laughed at that and as if to prove a point, Haechan’s head showed up outside of the car door. “Hyung, let’s go! I’m hungry.”

“If not for him, do it for yourself, Jay. I’m sure it must be tough, but- Let your poor ass get some fun, uh?”

“You’re spending too much time around Johnny.”

Ten snorted, rising up an eyebrow at him.

“Hyung!”

“I’m coming!” Jaehyun yelled back and waited for Haechan to get back inside the car before speaking again. “I don’t want him to blow things up with the guys, you know? I know that Hansol is throwing things at everyone, and now this. Haechan said so many awful things since yesterday and if he says something like that at Taeyong’s it’s gonna be a mess. I don’t even- I- Its’ been- Gosh…” Jaehyun ran both his hands through his head and he stared at the sky, already dark above their heads.

Jaehyun must have been really tired for him to open up so easily like that. Not that he didn’t trust Ten, anything like that, no, but he usually wouldn’t talk so freely about his inner problems with anyone but Johnny and, sometimes, Doyoung. They were the ones that he would normally go for and they would listen up to his rants. He liked talking to Ten and they usually talked a lot whenever he was in Ten’s shared apartment with Hansol. Jaehyun was really surprised – touched, to be more specific – to find Ten being so supportive, not only about their whole breakup situation, but with the whole mess that went on with his life. Haechan had been really unfair with him yesterday. Then again, maybe that was why – because Ten have seen it, been the victim and yet didn’t freak out – that Jaehyun felt like he could talk to him about this.

“Hey.” Ten’s voice cut him of his thoughts and once again, not what he said, but the softness he conveyed it was what surprised Jaehyun. “Let’s make a deal. I go if you two go, what about that? You said he’s a good kid, he apologized. Just give your brother a chance. Give yourself a chance, uh?”

“Hyung, pleeeeaase! Please, please, please, please, please.”

“Fine.” He chuckled. “Fine!” He shouted back at Haechan.

Ten snorted at the teenager, but he looked back to Jaehyun with a smile. “See you on Saturday, then.”

“See you Saturday.” Jaehyun smiled back and watched Ten turn around to the building before he made his way back to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. I think updates will be faster than I expected. (please, feel free to point out any errors) 
> 
> I had a few songs in mind when I wrote some upcoming chapters/scenes, so I wanted to know if any of you are interested in them? ^^' If you are, I can post here (as end note or something like that). Please, let me know. 
> 
> Also. Thank you for all the kudos <3


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered what actually would make people change. Not _if_ people could change, because that, he really believed they vould. Everyone could change. Not that people would simply change in a “woke up like this” change, but Jaehyun truly believed people could change with time; their minds, their acts, their thoughts. Yeah, people were totally and fully capable of changing if they wanted to – at least most of them. But why would they; that was the question.

Jaehyun changed a lot, if you asked. From a completely shy child, to an outgoing teenager; from a straight teen boy to a sexually open-minded young adult – yup, that happened; from a lazy young adult who would rather spend days playing games and watching TV with his roommate, to a responsible, almost workaholic adult – yeah, Jaehyun was definitely an adult now, twenty eight waving at him right around the corner; from believing that people couldn’t change, to believing they would, if they wanted to. Some would say it was all called “maturity”. Yeah, maybe.

Seeing Haechan change was as hard as it was scary. Not just from the ten-year-old boy with chubby cheeks and funny voice to this young teenager, who still had chubby cheeks and a funny voice – Jaehyun still remembered when his voice changed around the same age and, boy, it sucked – but from this lovely kid from his summers, always caring to help him or his mother; from the kid who could never stay quiet for more than five minutes in a row and would always bounce around the house and pretend he was a fireman or even a mafia boss; from his baby brother, too clingy for his own good; to this sometimes too quiet teenager who would lock himself in his room, coming out only if it was for food or to use the bathroom; to this kid who would blurt out harsh words and rudeness whenever he felt like it; to this younger brother who resembled too much of Jaehyun’s step-father.

Of course Haechan hadn’t been all silence or harshness since he came to Chicago, he was not. For the rest of that week Jaehyun had picked him up in school and in spite Haechan still being grounded – no video games for the rest of the week – he would take him for ice cream or shopping for some things he still needed for either his room or for school. Those times had been quite nice, actually. Haechan was still a little bit too quiet, but so was Jaehyun. Of course they would still miss their mother, and father, in Haechan’s case, but even like that they managed to have some good time and laugh together at some silly joke or some story from Haechan’s school.

Haechan had been taking the new school surprisingly easily. Jaehyun had to help him sometimes with homework, especially math, but since both of them studied in bilingual schools back in Korea, language wasn’t really much of a barrier. He was quick to make friends with the other Asian kids in class, which was nice actually, because cultural balance wasn’t that easy to achieve, Jaehyun knew that, and just like Johnny had been for him once, Mark played well his role as a supportive senior. 

Speaking about them, Jaehyun had sum up the episode between Ten and Haechan to Johnny, but left out a very important part about his brother having problems with queer people. Not that he was ashamed, that was not it, but Jaehyun truly believed that people could change. He understood that his brother had grew up listening to (probably a lot) of bullshit from his Mr. Lee and, of course, he didn’t expected Haechan to suddenly accept homosexual people in his life all of a sudden – Korea was still a close-minded society, mind telling you. He just didn’t want people, especially his friends, to pretend being what they were not or having to step over eggshells whenever around his brother. He and Haechan were going to live together for at least two years before Haechan could go to College, so yeah, he would probably meet Jaehyun’s friends a lot in that time, and it was for the best if he could at least be respectful towards them. Also, Jaehyun really believed Haechan hadn’t changed that much. He was still his brother, they were raised by the same mother and Haechan had never being impolite, even when he was been his usual brat.

Mourn was absolutely one of the main reasons people would change, at least that was what Jaehyun believed. It wasn’t just about losing someone forever, like they have lost their mother, but usually people tended to change once they’ve lost something considered important, like a job or a lover. Likewise, Jaehyun also though that people could, too, change once they found something that really mattered to them. Haechan had lost his mother, his father and a place he called home. Jaehyun could never replace the first two, and this wasn’t his intent, but he really hopped Haechan could find his other home here, just like Jaehyun was still to find his new place in Haechan’s life.

“Okay, let’s make a deal.” Jaehyun said, already ready to leave the house. “We’re going, but you better behave or you’re really staying grounded for the rest of the month.” He hadn’t told Haechan about his other deal with Ten, but seeing Haechan trying to hold his temper for the rest of the week so he could go play Mario kart was completely worth it.

“That’s not a deal. That’s called blackmail.”

“Do you really wanna stay the rest of the moth without playing video game?”

“And for that I say we have a deal, my good old man.”

Jaehyun could hear Ten sneer at background as he waited for them in the kitchen.

Ten had promised both Johnny and Taeyong that he would personally make sure that both Jaehyun and Haechan would be going to their small get together, hence the couple making too much of a fuss in their chat group for Jaehyun to live a little.

“You have fifteen minutes to shower and change clothes.” Jaehyun warned before going back to the living room, Ten following as soon as he passed him.

“It is always a pleasure making business with you, sir.” Haechan shouted, already from the bathroom.

“The kid’s a brat, but he’s funny.” Ten said.

“Wanna take him home with you? I wouldn’t mind having the house for myself for a while, you know.”

“I’d rather keep my sanity, thank you.” Ten rolled his eyes and tossed himself on the couch next to Jaehyun , but their laughs vanished quickly. “Just relax. Everything is gonna be alright.”

Jaehyun rested his head on the back of the couch and he wished he had half of the hopefulness he watched in Ten’s eyes. “Thanks. For everything.”

Ten shrugged, brightening up a smile as he made himself comfortable and pulled up his feet above the cushion, bending his knees. “Isn’t that what friends are for?”

“Yeah. Thanks anyway. Is Hansol still giving you a hard time? Johnny said he’d been giving Taeyong the passive-aggressive shit.”

“Ah, don’t tell me about it.” Ten adjusted his fringe out of his eyes but he shook his head and ended up messing it all up again. “Hansol is being an asshole. He thought everybody would be okay with him cheating on you and dumping you when your mother died, but that was so not okay!” Ten’s eyes widened in realization of what he said and his cheeks flustered as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun. I shouldn’t say it, but that was not fair.”

At least Jaehyun was glad that it was not pity what he saw in Ten’s eyes. Yup, he lost his mother and his boyfriend almost at the same time, but truth to be told, it wasn’t that he didn’t know Hansol was acting strange. It didn’t make it hurt less, but then again, if he was completely honest, their relationship haven’t been really good for a while, even before he started to suspect that Hansol was cheating on him.

The thing was, he hadn’t only lost his mother, but had to change his whole life to make room for his brother. He had less than a month to provide all the guardianship for Haechan, deal with all the papers from both his mother and passed away step-father back in Korea, not to mention the whole school transfer. He had to make a few changes in his daily routine, like waking up an hour early so he could drive Haechan to school – it was supposed to be their bothers’ quality time together – and even put on hold his gym subscription until the end of the year – he would wait for Haechan to be more adapted before he let him at home alone, which meant he wouldn’t have time to go out much, and chastity wasn’t really much part of his plans, but he would have to deal with it later, when he actually had time for that. Haechan’s wellbeing was his number one priority for now and in between all that, he hadn’t really found time to mourn about his mother, let alone for his already failed relationship.

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. Hansol was a dick and now he’s mad because no one took his side.”

“You don’t have to pick sides. He’s your friend too.”

“We didn’t. He’s been acting like he’s superior or something and we’re all tired of that. Me first.” Ten sighed, turning towards Jaehyun. “I know you dated him, so I probably shouldn’t be talking like this, but I also live with him and Hansol is not an easy person to deal with when he’s mad.”

“Yeah, I know that. I mean. We didn’t use to fight, but- Yeah. I guess I know what you’re talking about.”

“I just want you to know that you deserve better and that his new boyfriend is ugly and boring. I would never swap you for that.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh. As lame as it sounded, both for Ten to say that and for him to find it funny, but he really could use some kind of cheering up, if any. “Thanks, Ten.”

“You can ask Taeyong, he agrees with me.” Jaehyun pretended he didn’t notice the color in Ten’s neck and just hope his ears weren’t as red as he felt them. “Besides, it’s not because he’s my friend that I can’t point out when he’s being a jerk and we’re not even that close. You’ve always been much ore of a friend than he ever was, so yeah. I can say he’s acting like a jerk.”

“Who’s the jerk?” Haechan appeared at the corner of the table that separated the living room area from the kitchen, eyes round in curiosity.

“No one. You ready?” Jaehyun answered promptly.

“Yup. Two minutes before the time tag and since we’re making business now, I would like to propose another deal.”

Ten and Jaehyun shared a quick glance before standing up from the couch and making their way out, Haechan in toe.

“Ten extra minutes a day of game to compensate for me being deprived of my daily dose of joy.”

“You don’t have game hours.”

“I don’t?”

“But if you get any bad grades it will be a no-video-game-until-Christmas game hour.”

“Wait, what?! That’s so unfair!”

“Would you rather having designated game hours?”

“… That’s why it’s always a pleasure making business with you, old man. What about ice cream for dinner? We can make a deal on that, can’t we?”

\--

It was only halfway through the night when Jaehyun finally let go of his worry on Haechan actually blowing things up. His brother, Mark and Taeyong spent pretty much all the time glued up to the Switch controllers while he, Johnny and Yuta took turns over the spare one, Doyoung joining them about half an hour later and Ten just didn’t care. Yuta had just came back from Japan for a series of workshops back in his home place and had a lot to catch up on, having missed most of his and Hansol break-up story.

If Haechan actually listened to any of their talk he didn’t pay it no mind, or at least that was what Jaehyun hoped for. Still, he took caution enough to make the conversation as subtle as possible, all the while he was glad for his brother seemed to be too distracted with the game and for both Mark and Taeyong loudness. It was a relief to see his brother having fun after what seemed like an eternity, and he must admit it, it was more than great to just chill out among his best friends after that same eternity.

After dinner – Taeyong’s cooking was always a blast to light up his soul – and a few beers (for the older ones only), they all just laid around together in the living room, some random episode of Black Mirror playing mainly as background noise as they talked over the latest NBA rankings.

“By the way, I’m getting us tickets for the next game so I need to know who’s coming.” Johnny asked from his second favorite spot in Taeyong’s apartment, lying sideways across the armchair by the window, his too long legs hanging from its side.

“I’m in!” Yuta, who was lying on carpet beside Taeyong’s legs, raised his hand in unison with Mark and Haechan making all of them laugh.

“Let me check with Taeil first, but I guess we’re going.” Doyoung added from Taeyong's other side, sitting on the couch arm.

“I’ll pass. I need to work on some new choreography. I can meet you latter for pizza.” Taeyong shrugged, but glanced Johnny a quick smile.

“Ten?” Jaehyun turned his head to the man by his side at the other corner of the couch.

“Uhm…” Ten seemed a little hesitant as he bit on his lower lip, eyes drifting between Jaehyun and the others in room before shaking his head. “I guess I’ll have to pass this time too. I need to work with TY.”

“Ah-” Even though Jaehyun was used to it usually being just him and Johnny, and sometimes Mark, and on rarer occasions the other guys, he couldn’t help the disappointment on the fact it wouldn't be all of them this time. He pushed up one corner of lips in a small smile that made one of his dimples way more visible than the other.

“Oh! Taeyong hyung,” Mark called, legs stretched across the floor next to Haechan. “I’ve been working on the lyrics I showed you, you know, for the talent show. Could you give me some help with them again?”

“Sure! I’m going for dinner on Tuesday. Can you wait until then?”

“Of course! Great!” Mark cheered, clasping his hands together before giving Haechan as thug in the elbow. “Say, Haechan. Have you decided what you’re going to do for the show?”

“Me?” Haechan arched his eyebrows and quickly looked for Jaehyun before shaking his head vigorously. ”No.”

“Yeah, come on, man. I know you told Chenle you like dancing, there must be something you can show us. And let me tell you something: girls love it. It’s the best way to get them talking to you in school.”

“If you don’t embarrass yourself first, of course.” Yuta add on, geting up from the floor. ”C’mon, show us what you got and we can give you some tips.”

“I- I don’t think so.”

“Come on, Haechannie.” Jaehyun smiled brightly, already riled up for his brother. “I’ve seen videos of you dancing before.”

“I can’t. These guys are dancers and I just like copying things from the TV. I can’t do it.”"

“Just show us something first. Besides, If you like dancing, you could go take some classes with us and we all would help with something. You’d be alright for the show, then.” Taeyong suggested, and Mark rose up in his feet, already pushing Haechan in encouragement, but the younger simply shrugged.

“I can’t take dance classes. Dad always said that-”

The whole group went silent when Haechan stop mid phrase and Jaehyun’s fears rose up to their max. Mark didn’t seem to notice much on the rising tension as he tried to make him go further and the others probably assumed Haechan froze because he missed his father as they all remained silent. All, but Ten.

“Oh, come on, chubby-cheeks.” Before Jaehyun noticed, eyes glued to Haechan’s frozen ones, Ten was already by his brother side, poking on the teenager’s still baby cheeks with a smudge smile of his own. “Don’t be scared, you can do it. Bet your papa knew nothing about dancing, huh?”

Ten shared a quick knowing glance with Jaehyun, whose air seemed stuck inside his lungs before some music blasted from Johnny’s phone.

“Just try to keep on along with the rhythm.” The dancers started snapping his fingers to the song's beat, Taeyong turning off the TV behind the duo, made trio, when Yuta joined them, following Ten’s moves. Ten rolled his shoulders to the side, then chest and then hips following soon, and Jaehyun couldn’t help the smile forming up his lips, slight puff of air coming from between them as he watched.

Ten's smile escalated to a very proud one once Haechan started following up, movements still too stiff, but Jaehyun nodded at him to keep going and Mark joined them for the fun, making way too much noise as he rapped along with Drake, and as the music went on, Haechan chilled, letting himself go as he followed the moves.

“Woah! Man! That’s it! You’re totally going to get those girls!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update because last chapter was really short and because weekend. ^^

To say things were fine was being too optimistic, but at least Jaehyun though things were starting to get better ever since that day in Taeyong’s house. Until a Wednesday two weeks later, that is.

With just the right amount of pressure from him and the other guys in their new chat group - called “Haechan Hit the Stage” – Haechan finally ended up agreeing on taking the dance classes at the dance studio both Taeyong and Ten worked at. That same Monday, Jaehyun took Haechan to the studio, right after school, and the boy got himself registered for Taeyong’s classes, three days a week. Jaehyun ended up watching his first class and it was a total relief to see his younger brother having so much fun, even more than while playing Mario Kart with his friends.

Yeah, things were slowly starting to get better.

As usual, Miss Seo would invite both Jaehyun and Taeyong– pretty much demand their presences – for dinner at least once a week and now Haechan was added to their weekly meals at the Seo’s. Two weeks later, on a Wednesday after class, Taeyong gave Haechan a ride to the Seo’s house where Johnny and Jaehyun met them later.

Jaehyun actually knew how to cook – and took pride on most of his dishes – but it was safe to say that dinner night's at the Seo’s was his favorite night of the week and it was always a feast – not to mention Miss Seo's kimchi was almost as good as their mother’s. It was like being home, even if just for a while.

Sometimes, before losing his mother and mostly after having dinner with Johnny’s family, Jaehyun would wonder what true happiness really was. He would watch his friend’s lovely family and think of his own mother and brother, back in Korea, and wish that one day, maybe, he could have them all reunited like that again. Yeah, now that could never happen, but before their mother died, that thought alone had always made Jaehyun a little bit happier even on an awful day.

Jaehyun always considered himself happy and not in a “happy in spite of something(s)” way, but in a true happy way. Over the last ten years and since he had moved for another country – where he truly found a place he could also call home – Jaehyun had met most, if not all of his best friends, found a cool job short after graduation, survived through college as smoothly as someone who actually lived through his whole university years could, had find himself a few lovers – both boys and girls and some of them even managed to last over the length of a few weeks, while some did not, and even that had been fine. Yeah, Jaehyun was happy.

It wasn’t that Jaehyun wasn’t happy anymore. Let’s just say things got a little bit too complicated.

If he was to put things in a somewhat logical way, breaking up with Hansol wasn’t easy, neither it felt like losing the love of his life – as he said before: it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it coming either. He loved Hansol, in a way. It wasn’t the “wanna spend the rest of my days with you” kind of love, as he could never really paint the whole kids-and-house-by-the-lake scenario – he preferred the craziness of a big city, really – but, yeah, they had been happy together for the most part of it. They didn’t fight much and mostly never over small things, but it had been months before their actual break-up that Jaehyun noticed things slowly drifting apart.

Jaehyun knew they were different, in different ways. While he loved sports and hanging out with his friends, Hansol lived for dancing and it was (really) hard to get him out of his room most of the days. While Jaehyun thought that life was supposed to be lived and shared, Hansol didn’t actually share much of his life with Jaehyun, and although he listened, slowly Jaehyun stopped sharing too. Jaehyun had never been the jealous type– as he never thought love meant any kind of ownership and he simply trusted what they had together – while Hansol would always sound a bit suspicious of each and every one of Jaehyun’s friends – it was funny to think that Hansol was the one who cheated, in the end.

He couldn’t tell if it was him or Hansol at first, probably both, but it had been months ago since he kind of noticed Hansol getting himself really distant – and even more secluded than his usual self – but if Jaehyun had to be completely honest, the thing he missed the most, as it was the one thing that really – really – changed in their relationship, it was the sex, and well, that thought alone probably said a lot about them as a couple. 

So yeah, Hansol breaking up with him wasn’t really that bad, but being cheated on had actually really sucked though. 

Losing his mother in a car accident – in which his douchebag of a step father was completely to blame for – was on a whole other lever of pain he had never experienced before. Jaehyun hadn’t grown up with his father, neither his grandparents, so his mom, and later his brother, had actually meant everything in a matter of family through most of his life.

His mother had met Mr. Lee, Haechan’s father, through work and they got married real quickly, once his mother found out that she was pregnant for a second time. Jaehyun was almost eleven and being only him and his mother until then, Jaehyun had actually really liked the idea of getting a baby brother. He never really liked Mr. Lee though.

Losing both his mother and his boyfriend wasn’t a happy moment in Jaehyun’s life.

Bringing Haechan with him was actually, somehow, something happy. He loved his baby brother and missed him truly all this time he hadn't gone back home for summer, but being a teenager’s older brother was more than just being an older brother, and Johnny had agreed with him on that once; it was almost like being a super hero. He had really taught Haechan so many stuff he wished he knew back then and being so much taller than a six-year-old made it made winning on basketball so easy it was like he could play Jordan for the whole season, back then. But now, Haechan was almost as tall as him and probably knew more tricks than Jaehyun himself, either when he had Haechan’s age, or now. Anyway, bringing Haechan with him now, despite the circumstances, was indeed a happy thing in Jaehyun’s life as Haechan was his brother and his only family. Jaehyun cared for his brother and knew that being together now meant they would always be there for each other.

Of course dealing with a teenager wouldn’t be easy, and Jaehyun was okay with that. Of course dealing with the loss of both his parents could not be easy, but hey, Jaehyun would 100% be there for his brother. But dealing with Haechan homophobia was another level. Getting this shit from Mr. Lee was one thing; the guy was an old man, with an old mind, not to mention he was a complete trash – if you asked fourteen years old Jaehyun what he thought of his “new dad”. But hearing those things from Haechan… Yeah, Jaehyun really couldn’t be happy with that.

They were all having a great time that evening at the Seo’s and Miss Seo’s homemade kimchi had already been put on small container so they could bring home all of the leftovers – all but one other smaller container for Taeyong – while Jaehyun was happily chatting with Mr. Seo in the living room when Haechan approached him, coming alone from Mark’s room.

“Hyung, can we go home now?”

Jaehyun frowned a little at Haechan serious face. “Are you sure? Miss Seo is making us songpyeon.”

Haechan shook his head even before he listened and glanced sideways towards the elder in the room. “I’m not feeling good.”

“Are you okay, my dear?” Miss Seo had just entered the room with a plate full of sweet rice cakes in hand. She called for the others before leaving the dessert at their coffee table on her way to check up on Haechan, warm hands coming directly to the boy’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever, do you?”

“No, Miss Seo, it’s not that.”

“What is it?” Jaehyun asked, but already stood up on his feet as Haechan seemed more and more uncomfortable as Mark, Johnny and Taeyong emerged from the rooms.

“Can we just go now, please?”

The ride back home was quiet and Jaehyun wondered if Haechan had caught some kind of illness like the flu, but once back home the teenager went stomping straight to his bedroom, door banging loudly behind Jaehyun.

“Haechan?” Jaehyun knocked twice on the boy’s door, after storing the food on the refrigerator, but didn’t actually waited for his brother to say anything before letting himself him in the small bedroom. “Is there something wrong? Do you want to go to a hospital?”

Haechan was sitting on his bed, corned up with a blanket in the mostly dark room, lighten up only the lamp on his desk and the displays from the Gameboy Haechan stared deeply into. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Jaehyun stood by the door, not understanding what his brother meant.

“About Johnny hyung and Taeyong.” He answered after a while and Jaehyun couldn't help but roll his eyes, crossing his arms above his chest.

“Really?”

“I saw them together at Johnny’s room. Kissing. It was gross.” Haechan eyebrows deepened in his face before closing the console that he tossed at the mattress before staring at his brother. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jaehyun huffed, running his hand through his hair as he stared at his brother, but he took a deep breath and straighten up his back before taking a seat by the end of Haechan’s bed. It wasn’t easy to remind himself he was dealing with a teenager, his teenager brother, when the other looked so much like someone else from Jaehyun’s memories.

“Okay. You’re still young and I get it that you find people kissing gross-“

“Kissing is not gross.” Haechan interrupted. “I’ve kissed a girl before and kissing is not gross. Them kissing is what is gross.”

“Haechan,”

“I’m quitting the dance classes. I’m not going in there anymore and I’m not going to Mark’s place ever again. I don’t want to be around them again, never!”

“Are you serious?!” Jaehyun gasped. “We already talked about that, Haechan. They did nothing to hurt you. You can’t just hide yourself from the world just so you can avoid all the gay people around you.”

“I want to go back to Korea! I didn’t have to avoid anything like this this back in Korea!”

“No, you can’t be serious. Haechan, they did nothing wrong. They weren’t even in public, in first place. It was Johnny’s home and even if they were, it’s their life! Why can’t you see there’s nothing wrong with that?” Jaehyun exasperated, his whole expression falling at his brother words.

“I told you! Dad always said I can’t never trust someone who’s gay and then you bring me here without me even having a choice and now you just throw all this- All of- All your gay friends at me and I don’t want to be around them!”

“You don’t wanna be here?”

“I want to go home!” Haechan shouted. “I just want to go home and my mother back and I don’t want any of this!“ Haechan sobbed. “I just want my mom back!”

Jaehyun usually considered himself happy. Jaehyun really thought he used to have a happy life. But he couldn’t be happy now, and not just because he lost his own mother or maybe because of his now ex-boyfriend, even Haechan’s prejudice, but seeing Haechan like this, his own brother like this, corned up in a bed he didn’t even considered his, had never made himself feel so small and useless and he only wished he would take some of Haechan’s pain away.

“Come here.” He barely whispered before sliding himself through the bed and pulled his brother into a tight embrace. Haechan now fit himself between his brother’s arms and despite both having seeing each other cry before, it didn’t soothe Jaehyun any less to see his brother like this while they cried out, together, heavy tears and all of that.

They stayed snuggled up in Haechan’s bed for a good half an hour before they both stopped crying and Haechan’s sobbing subdued to a soft snore.

Jaehyun was tired, to say the least, and not just mildly speaking. He was probably more frustrated not being able to deal with the whole situation than really tired of the whole thing, but it has been over a month since he had a good night of sleep and that night he actually considered staying with his brother as even his body felt heavier than usual. It wasn't an easy task, but with some effort he managed to tuck Haechan in bed without waking up the teenager and then allowed himself a long hot shower before making his way to his own bed on the opposite side of the apartment.

He hasn’t been able to shut up his head for a single second throughout his night routine and despite being really tired, sleep was still a faraway idea when he fell back in his own bed. Jaehyun ran through his phone, replying a few messages to make sure Johnny and his family wouldn’t worry about Haechan – he would have to talk to Johnny later, though – but let any other message left unread, not willing to talk to anyone else.

He ended up snapping lazily through boring Instagram stories, apart from Yuta’s daily dose of goofiness, but stopped at a boomerang of Ten sprawling himself over the couch – Jaehyun recognized that couch – with a glass of wine in hand and a hashtagloveyourself written on it (4 minutes ago). Jaehyun snorted and tapped the screen to the next one and it showed the TV from the apartment he shared with Hansol – Jaehyun recognized that one too – and the Netflix page for Call Me By Tour Name showed on the display. The next one was pretty similar, but with P.S. I love you (2 minutes ago). The last one held a pool for the movies (1 minute ago) and Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh. Ten was alone at home. Hansol hated romance movies and would often mock on Ten for being a romantic, so Ten would only watch this kind of movies in the living room when he knew Hansol wasn’t around – Jaehyun had seen a few of similar posts from Ten before, all of them when Hansol was either asleep by his side or using his shower on those rare nights they crashed over Jaehyun’s apartment.

** _Jaehyun: _ **

_Isn’t it too lame to be_  
_watching romance movies_  
_by yourself on a Wednesday_  
_night?_

** _Ten10:_ **

_Omg_

_Hansol brainwashed you_

** _Jaehyun:_ **

_Lol_

_I’m just kidding_

_Which one did you pick?_

** _Ten10: _ **

_Prisoner of Azkaban_

** _Jaehyun:_ **

_10 points to Gryffindor_

** _Ten10:_ **

_I’m a Slytherin_

** _Jaehyun:_ **

_:|_

_I’m taking the points back_

** _Ten10:_ **

_No!_

_I was kidding!_

_Gimme my points back or  
I’ll hex you!_

_#gogryffindors_

Jaehyun laughed and closed his eyes.

Forgetting for a whole minute about what have happened with Haechan, even if just for a minute, had been really great, but reality hit fast and he felt too tired once again. He didn’t know what to do or how to talk to Johnny about that or about any of that at all. Johnny was his best friend and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, like he knew Haechan’s prejudice would, but Haechan was his teenager brother who was already hurting and didn’t have his mother to hold him. He was really fucked.

** _Jaehyun: _ **

_Mind if I call you?_

Jaehyun didn’t have to wait for a reply; his phone, on mute, soon displayed Ten’s name large on the screen.

“Hey.”

_“Hi.”_ Ten's voice was always soft, Jaehyun noticed, but he sounded even more so on the phone right now and he couldn’t help a small smile, feeling guilty for interrupting the dancer’s #loveyourself time. _“Are you alright?”_

“Yeah… Just tired.” Jaehyun sighed, running his hand through his hair, and he picked up on the sound of glass and something else on the background. “I think I never thanked you for the other night. At Taeyong’s.”

_“Oh, that?”_ Ten snorted. _“It’s alright. I’m glad Haechan is taking the classes, he’s really good, did you know that?_”

“I didn’t, actually. I mean – not like _that_.”

_“He is. He was having fun today too and he was nice to everyone. Seems like our little brat is making some progress.”_ Jaehyun couldn’t help but laugh at Ten bluntness and shook his head as the other proceeded. _“If he keeps up like that I’ll be more than happy to help with his school show. I mean, I will, anyway, but you got it.”_

“Yeah.” Jaehyun chuckled. “I just hope he won’t give up.”

_“He won’t. I really went to check up on him in class today and he really looked like he was enjoying it.”_

“He saw Taeyong with Johnny.” Jaehyun slipped in the information and the other side of the call went silent before Jaehyun heard some rustle.

_“He didn’t know.”_ Ten stated, probably having figured out the problem on his own.

“No.” Jaehyun voice was barely a whisper and this time he hear Ten’s sighing on the line. “He didn’t.”

_“How much did he freak out?”_

“He just asked to leave Johnny’s house in a hurry, but he freaked up real bad when we got home.”

Ten went silent again.

“I don’t know what to do.”

_“Talk to him.”_

“I did!” Jaehyun was frustrated, but kept his voice low, more of tiredness than bothering not to wake Haechan, as their rooms weren’t nearly close. “I’m trying, I really am, I just don’t know how to deal with it, Ten. I don’t know what to do. He keeps saying he wants to move back to Korea.”

_“You’re not leaving, are you?”_

“I don’t know. I don’t want to, but-” Jaehyun took another deep breath, closing his eyes briefly before staring at his window. The curtains were closed, but it wasn’t exactly the view what he wished for, but all of his life that he knew he had outside that window. A life that was his, that he actually enjoyed and that really made him happy. Him, but not Haechan. “I don’t think he’s happy here.”

_“Of course he’s not happy, he lost his parents. But he just moved in, Jay. Give him some time and he’ll adjust. Really, you should have seen him this afternoon. It might still take some time, but he’ll be fine._”

“I know. I know that, it’s just.” He stopped, biting on his lips. “I’m tired, Ten. And Haechan isn’t taking this… homophobic thing any lightly. I don’t know what to do.”

They both remained quiet, except for Ten’s soft breaths that Jaehyun sometimes picked over the phone while he stared his curtain.

_“I wish I knew how to help you.”_ Ten breathed and Jaehyun turned up the corner of his mouth in a small smile, even though Ten couldn’t see it.

“You already are.”

_“No, I mean really help you, but I don’t think me or anyone else talking to him would be any better than his own brother, you know?”_

“Yeah, probably not.”

_“Just give him some more time before- Before making any important decision.”_ Ten seemed a bit hesitant, but so did Jaehyun as he understood what Ten meant with what he said. He really didn’t want to leave.

“I think I need to talk to Johnny about what happened.”

_“You’re not asking for them to hide, are you?”_

“No. I wouldn’t do that, never. But I just can’t leave him in the dark, you know. I haven’t really talked to him about it but I think he’s getting suspicious that there’s something wrong, like, really wrong with Haechan. I think I’m gonna call him now.”

_“Do it tomorrow.”_ Ten cut in, but added quickly. _“In person. I think it will be better and you sound like you need some sleep right now.”_

“Damn.” Jaehyun snuffed, but rolled up sideways in bed anyway, pulling up the blanket above his shoulder. ”Do I sound that bad?”

Ten snorted and Jaehyun heard some other muffled sounds on the background. _“Not that bad.”_

Jaehyun chuckled and closed his eyes, a small but genuine smile breaking through his face.

_“Are you still going to the Halloween party?”_ Ten changed the topic and Jaehyun was actually glad for that. _“I mean, I know Hansol will be there too, so we kind of understand if you don’t want to, but I think you should. Just to have some fun, you know? Everyone else is gonna be there too.”_

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll be there.” Jaehyun opened his eyes, but just for a short while, his eyelids becoming heavier as he slowly relaxed and even speaking became harder. “What are you wearing?”

_“What?”_

“Your costume. Have you picked up anything yet?”

_“Oh.”_ Ten gasped, but he was already starting to sound too far away for Jaehyun to hear, or maybe he was already too tired to even hear. _“I won’t tell you, it’s a surprise. What about you, Taki-taki?”_

Jaehyun heard that anyway and let out a full laugh at Ten’s (awful) joke on his last costume as Taki, from Kimi no Na Wa, and the hit song. “I would tell you, but your joke was too lame.”

_“Hm.”_ Ten huffed and Jaehyun could almost hear him pout. _“You’re no better, just for you to know.”_

Jaehyun chuckled and, yeah, he was tired, but he felt like, maybe, this night he could actually get some rest after all.

_“Good night, Jay.”_

“G’night, Ten.”


	5. Chapter 5

Haechan didn’t give up on his dance classes.

Ten was midway through the dance with Taeyong, Hansol and three of their best students when he saw Haechan watching them from the door. He was actually surprised to see the younger there, since he had heard earlier through both Jaehyun and Taeyong that the brothers had indeed missed their basket game last night. The other dancer even mentioned Johnny seemed really worried about Jaehyun lately, but that his boyfriend hadn’t explained much, and Ten wouldn’t be the one to pry. Then again, Ten wasn’t that surprised by the sight of the teenager, as Jaehyun did told him he would try to convince his brother not to quit, when they exchanged messages that Thursday night.

He was the one who actually texted first. Johnny had called Taeyong to invite them both to the game because he didn’t want Jaehyun and Haechan's tickets to go to waste and with some persuasion from both him and Johnny, Taeyong ended up going with them – they would try to return the extra ticket – while Ten stayed back at the studio so he could work on the choreographies he had to practice, and as soon as he got home he texted Jaehyun.

Jaehyun told him about Haechan’s father that night, and how the old man had reacted the night he found Jaehyun kissing another guy, how the man had never been actually nice to Jaehyun, except for a few times, but those were when he started dating his mother and only when they were in front of her, and how the man even prohibited Jaehyun on having any meals with his family on the dining table ever since that same night. Jaehyun told him it was a nightmare to be home ever since and that he did go back once after that, but it had been even worse than the previous summer so he gave up eventually, using school, ticket prices or any other excuse he could to avoid being back home after that. He missed his mother and his brother and called them every week, but that was it.

Jaehyun told him his mother never really spoke on his defense, but she loved him, he knew it, and would support him no matter what. He told Ten that she would even asked about his currently girlfriend or boyfriend back in time, but when Mr. Lee didn’t allow him to join them at the table, she would simply arrange him a plate back inside the kitchen – being open and proud about her bisexual son, even at her own house, wasn’t something she was ready for, probably something the majority of Korean society wasn’t ready for. Jaehyun had never seen or knew about Mr. Lee speaking directly about it in front of Haechan, but the teenager had made it pretty clear where all his misconceptions came from.

Ten told him about his own experience and family. About how his parents knew, but pretended they didn’t. His father would always try to find him a girlfriend, whenever he went back to Thailand and had actually set him on a few failed blind dates – and Jaehyun had the boldness to actually voice-message him while laughing his ass off on some of the stories – but his mother gave up a long time ago. Ten was a proud gay, or as much as he could be with parents like that, but in fact he was glad that he didn’t have to run away from home, like Taeyong did, or pretend to be someone he was not, like Taeil.

They did end up talking until almost two in the morning about Jaehyun’s college adventures and Ten’s blind dates and some movie Ten had recently watched on Netflix, that he have actually talked about the book it was based on with Jaehyun before.

“Oh, come, on!” Hansol grunted.

Ten had messed up the choreography, again, much to Hansol's delight, and despite managing to quickly pick up the pace again without much trouble, Hansol called it quits for the night.

“What the hell is wrong with you today, Ten? You messed the same part, every single time.”

Ten sighed and shared a quick glance with Taeyong as them both picked up their water bottles. “I’m sorry, I’m- I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“We’re never going to get this right if you keep screwing it up. It’s my last performance here and I don’t want it to suck because of you.”

“Stop being a dick, Hansol. We are all tired, so don’t act like you’ve perfected it all the time.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve forgot that only team Jaehyun can mess things up around here.”

“Hansol!” Taeyong warned and Ten quickly glanced towards the door through the mirror where Haechan watched them with round eyes. “Let’s not mix things up, all right? We still have a couple of months before you leave, so please, keep it cool until then. We can try again the next time.”

“Try telling that to your friends, instead.”

“Okay, that’s it. We’re done.” Ten hustled, literally jumping in between his best friend and his flat mate, but turned towards the students that were also part of the choreography and bowed deeply. “Sorry for that, guys. We will continue this later, but you can leave for now. Bye-bye.”

Taeyong and Hansol still glared at each other though the mirror, but they all remained silent until the students left the room, Hansol soon following behind. 

Despite living together for years, Hansol had always been a bit closer to Taeyong then he ever were with Ten, so seeing even them throwing glares at each other was a really bad sign.

“I think I’ll go crazy before the month ends. Hansol is driving me nuts since he saw Jaehyun here and I don’t get why he’s so riled up about if he was the one who messed things up in the first place.” Ten grunted when it was just the two of them inside the room.

“I just think Hansol is pissed because neither Johnny, Taeil nor Luna are talking to him and you’re talking to Jaehyun a lot these days.” Taeyong explained from his spot in the middle of the room, his face hidden under a hand towel making his voice sound stuffy and even more tired.

“Really? Johnny and Taeil? He never liked hanging out with us when he and Jaehyun were dating and now that they broke-up he just wants us all to be his best friends? To pretend he didn’t cheat on Jaehyun and broke up with him like that? Also, I always talked to Jaehyun more than I talk to him because his boyfriend would actually be social when they were at home, while he locked himself in that room.” Ten huffed as he passed through the music on his phone before joining Taeyong back in the center. “I don’t get why he’s so affected by Jaehyun coming here for his brother, really. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Hmm.” Taeyong muttered. “I think he have always been jealous, you know?”

“I don’t get it.”

Taeyong pulled down the towel from his face and sent Ten a glance through the mirror that lasted more than Ten felt comfortable with. He knew what Taeyong really meant, and Taeyong knew that, but really, Hansol had always been jealous of everything.

“You’re his roommate, Ten, and Jay is his ex-boyfriend. I know he’s been mad with everybody, but that’s why he’s coming at you more than he is at the rest of us.”

“I still don’t get it! He was the one who dumped him and Jaehyun is my friend who just lost his mother while his asshole of a boyfriend was having it with someone else. He has zero reasons and even less rights to be mad at any of us because we’re standing by Jay.” Ten shook his head and stared at his own reflection, but not really focusing. “And beside that, you know we never clicked. If it wasn’t for the money I would already be living by myself for a while now, and not with him.”

“That and because you’d starve yourself to death. You should be glad you’re always partnered with people who actually can cook, Ten. Now let’s go.”

Before Ten could come with an actual reply, the song was already playing through the speakers and on repeat, so just like that, they went on with the practice.

They only went through it a few of times though, before Ten spotted Haechan watching them again through the mirror – he had forgotten about the teenager presence once Hansol had left – and Taeyong, following his eyes, called a very shy Haechan inside.

“Hey, Haechannie! What are you still doing here?”

“Hyung is stuck at work and I forgot my wallet.” The boy shrugged and despite trying to look cool, Ten could feel the tension in the boy’s shoulders and the way he avoided looking both the dancers in the eyes. “It’s ok if I wait here, right?”

“Of course! You should have came in here earlier.” Taeyong stretched his arms above his head and lowered his back just like that, until his hands could touch the floor. “We could have practiced on some moves for your show.”

“Are you leaving already?” Ten asked but rolled his eyes even before the reply when Taeyong smiled at him with glowing teeth.

“Movie night with Johnny.”

“You’re so cheesy you disgust me.” Ten hummed under his breath and turned towards Haechan, who was a little bit flustered, but said nothing. “Hey, Haechan, we can practice while you wait if you want. Have you chosen a song, yet?”

“Not yet.” Haechan confirmed and Ten smiled when the teenager left his backpack by the door and went straight to the center of the room, not really far from Taeyong, as Ten went through his playlist.

Taeyong didn’t take long stretching and left the room waving them goodbye when Ten took a spot next to Haechan as some beat started blooming on the speakers. “Let’s just try some things again, alright? Like the other time.” And just like that night at Taeyong’s house, he started snapping his fingers, marking the tempo. “You can follow me, but I want to see what you can do, so just try to feel it.”

When the bass dropped, Ten switched to mark on the tempo with small chess popping’s and smiled at the mirror as Haechan followed with a pretty decent move for someone only on their second week of dancing classes. He added some feet and soon shoulders and head to create a balance with the energy they put into the movements. He kept them simple, mostly, trying out a thing or two in between and hailed in encouragement whenever Haechan tried something on his own, once they got into the second chorus.

“That’s right!”

He cheered up and added a bit to Haechan's small foot work that had the teenagers quickly following up. They went like that through about five different songs and Ten felt they were actually having a good time.

Music tended to do that to people, Ten always though. Dancing was the way he met most of his friends, Taeyong included, even when he would still tumble on most of his steps, English still too strange for the Thai teenager moving to a foreign country, and he couldn’t help but see a little bit of his younger self in Haechan.

Like Haechan, Ten didn’t have either of his parents by his side, but unlike Haechan, his parents did cheer and wave him goodbye, proudly, at Bangkok International Airport at that time. Ten had won a dance scholarship through a dance contest at the age of fourteen. He had been living alone – well, with roommates, actually, ever since then.

That was how he met Taeyong, back in L.A. when they danced and shared an apartment together for a year before moving to Chicago, when one of their instructors was about to open up a studio back in his hometown and invited them both to join him in the team.

Taeyong also signed up for modeling for an agency at the time, so he managed to rent his own apartment while Ten ended up sharing with Yuta the same two bedroom near the studio he currently lived in with Hansol, but Yuta moved out when he joined another local dance group, so he could live closer to the new academy. That was when Hansol joined them, only a few months before Taeyong started dating Johnny, bringing Jaehyun and Doyoung, and sometime later, Taeil, to their small group.

In about two months Hansol would be leaving them, for real, to go back to Miami with his new boyfriend while this dancer from China would be joining them. He had seen a few videos of WinWin, Dong Si Cheng’s stage name, on Youtube and the guy was hella good! He would also be Ten’s new roommate for a while, so Ten wished he was as nice as he seemed.

He and Hansol never really clicked from the beginning – except when it came to music and Ten have tried – but Ten really needed to save money so he could send some for his family back in Thailand, so yeah. He learned how to deal with it.

And he did deal with it pretty good most of the times. Taeyong was right and Ten couldn’t cook even his life depended on that and Hansol wasn’t much of a cooker but Ten would clean and Hansol would cook and that was their daily deal – and it was actually nice whenever Jaehyun came over, as he would always cook enough food so Ten would eat with them too – but sometimes, when Hansol wasn’t up for wondering into the kitchen and out of his room, Ten had to rely on either Taeyong’s pity, or frozen food from the supermarket.

Jaehyun had always been nice and despite not being as close to him as Johnny, he always had fun whenever Jaehyun was around. When Ten found out Hansol was cheating on Jaehyun, about a month before they actually broke up, he and his roommate had a huge fight and it burned down what was left of their friendship. Ten knew it wasn’t his business so he remained quiet, not even telling Taeyong in fear of Johnny’s reaction – and he was right, as the always quiet Johnny almost punched Hansol on the face once, when Jaehyun was in Korea and Hansol showed up with his new boyfriend at Yuta’s place. Taeil and Luna, Yuta’s ex-girlfriend who was also a dancer at their studio, hadn’t spoken to him either ever since then.

Ten knew that was the main reason Hansol was acting the way he was recently, but he was done with the dancer's temper at work and that would get even worse once they were both at home, as Hansol would find anything enough reason to nag on him – it was even worse when Chris, Hansol’s new boyfriend was around. It came to a point where Taeyong even suggested him to step outside the whole thing – Jaehyun being it - at least until Hansol moved out, but Ten couldn’t. First off all, he was just being there for his friend as he would do for any of them in a time like this, but after meeting Haechan and knowing everything that was going on inside their home, Ten couldn’t just leave them hanging, specially not Jaehyun.

When Ten first met Haechan he was really taken aback by the teenager's behavior. It was Jaehyun's way of dealing with it, or at least trying to stand up for both his brother and to his principles that made him put it all aside and really try to help them. Jaehyun was going through a lot, and so was Haechan, but even then, Jaehyun didn’t step out when it came to doing what was right, so wouldn’t Ten.

Speaking on the devil – Jaehyun, not Haechan, and Ten had actually took fond of the kid as it became clear that the teenager was indeed a good kid going through way too many changes – Ten and Haechan were actually laughing when the younger managed to recover from a mistake by making fun of himself, when Ten spotted Jaehyun staring at them by the door.

Jaehyun had his hand inside his pockets as he leaned on the door frame and watched them with amused eyes and a smudge grin that showed up his dimples. Ten felt his neck warm up in surprise when his eyes met Jaehyun’s over the mirror, so he turned backwards, making Haechan notice the other man there too.

“Hyung!” Haechan sounded really cheerful and Jaehyun's smile grew larger as he entered the room.

“Hey!” He greeted his brother with a few pats on his back before messing up the younger's hair and then turning towards Ten. “Hi, Ten.”

“Hyung! Ten hyung was showing me some new moves and it was really dope! You should have seen it!”

“Dope?” Jaehyun mocked, but laughed anyway. ”I’ve seen a few, I think. Been here for a while now.”

“You did?” Ten’s eyebrows rose up in surprise, much like Haechan’s.

“I tried calling first, but since you didn’t pick up, I came in. I didn’t want to interrupt, though.” He shrugged and Ten felt his checks also warm up.

It wasn’t like Jaehyun had never seen him dance before, because he did more times than Ten could count, but it was always because of Hansol. This time it was because of Haechan, of course, but Ten felt very sneaked upon when he caught sight of Jaehyun from the mirror and much more from the warmth in his eyes.

“But since you already stopped, are you guys done? I am really starving.” Jaehyun asked, and both brothers stared at Ten with similar hopeful gaze so he laughed and waved at them.

“Of course.”

“Great. I’m taking you to the best pizza in Chicago. Go get your stuff.” Jaehyun told Heachan.

“Really?!” Haechan’s eyes widened up as he bounced to his backpack and other stuff by the door, all the excitement from their small dance routine rising up the younger’s mood.

It was a nice change to the usual tension around them and if it had been just a onetime thing, Ten was actually glad he and Haechan have had some good time together, especially after their first encounter and Ten was smiling when he went for his stuff. He turned off the sound and the lights before joining the others on the hall where the sound of two other classrooms echoed from afar – he could stretch off later at home and all he really wanted right now was a warm shower.

“Would you like to come with us?” Jaehyun's question caught him off his thoughts when Ten would actually part ways to the locker room.

“Uh? What? Me?” Ten was really taken aback by that “I- I don’t want to bother. It’s alright.”

“You won’t.” Haechan's answer took both Ten and Jaehyun by surprise and Ten never turned his head faster, but the boy shrugged and then Ten noticed the teenagers didn’t even cast his eyes away from his phone.

Ten then shared a glance with Jaehyun, who simply lifted his eyebrows in encouragement, even though his eyes still looked surprised, as Ten noticed – so Ten blinked a few times and used his thumb to point back inside. “I need a shower real quick first.”

And Jaehyun smiled. “We’ll be waiting outside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Ten's POV for now. 
> 
> I'm still a little bit unsure about posting the music’s, because some of them just fits the whole scenario, or the mood, or a character (some fits more than one), or just their dancing, but not necessarily a scene in the chapter or the chapter itself. I also don’t want to limit your imagination for a few dance scenes, so I'll think about it some more.


	6. Chapter 6

Talking to Johnny wasn’t as bad as Jaehyun thought it would be, but it doesn't mean it was any easy either.

“So, you’re saying that little Haechan has a problem with accepting diversity?”

Jaehyun could feel a vein pulsing under his fingers as he laid his head in his hand. He took a deep breath and pushed his empty coffee mug aside before nodding and only then looking back to Johnny. The taller guy had crawled on his chair all the way from the opposite side of the office once they were finally alone that the evening. Doyoung, their friend and other designer of the team, who usually occupied the chair between theirs, had left work earlier, pretty much like everyone else on this particular and rare slow Friday. It had been a relief, to say the least, as Jaehyun had been having a hell of a hard time trying to get his job done so he thought that maybe spending some extra time in the silent office could do something, but as soon as the last person left the space, Johnny had pulled Doyoung’s chair aside and made his way right beside him.

“Yeah. That’s pretty much it.”

Johnny was frowning and crossed his arms above his chest, but he didn’t seem mad, which was a relief.

“Wow.” His tone was flat and he completely failed on pulling up a smile, so Jaehyun just sighed, pulling his hair backwards.

“I don’t want you guys to stop doing what you do because of that, you know? That’s not why I’m telling you all this or what happened and everything.”

“I know you don’t.”

“It’s just- I don’t think I can be around much. He’s just a kid. I can’t force things on him like that either, so yeah… Oh, man” Jaehyun sighed and ran his hand through his hair, again, and probably for the twentieth time in the last ten minutes. “I don’t even know what to tell your mother on why we won’t be showing up.”

“It’s okay. We don’t have to tell her exactly why Haechan is not going home with Mark. I’ll tell her you wanna spend more time with you brother and she’ll understand. She’s just worried about you, you know how she is.”

“I know. Thanks, man.”

Johnny nodded and they shared a tight smile followed by Johnny’s big hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“I don’t think we should tell Taeyong either. I mean, not for now, at least.”

“Please, don’t. it was a nightmare to convince Haechan not quit his dance classes. Ten said it would actually help him, you know, getting used to be around different people, especially Taeyong. I just really, really hope he won’t freak out anymore and he won’t do anything stupid.”

“Ten’s right. And not just that. Tae always told me that dancing helped him get through a lot of stuff, so maybe it will work out for Haechan too? Do you think he would still be up for a game this Sunday, just you, me, him and Mark?”

“I hope so. Let’s see how things will go in the dance class.” Jaehyun nodded, but quickly sighed, again and with a grunt., as tossed his head back on the chair. “I’m so sorry, man.”

“It’s not your fault, Jay. It will be alright, Haechan is a nice kid. I’m actually more sorry for your sorry ass. Halloween’s party is next week and you should really try to get some, but considering all this…”

“Oh, shut up.” Jaehyun actually laughed about his best friend’s supposed worries – and Jaehyun knew better: it was only to cheer him up – and Johnny joined him soon.

“I’m serious! You really look like someone who needs to get laid, you look so tense. When was the last time again? ”

“Should I be offended?”

“No. You should get laid, that’s what you should do. Wait- If Haechannie doesn’t chill out soon, does it mean you’re going blue balls until he leaves for college? Geez, man.” Johnny fake shrugged, but laughed as he shook his head. “You should consider taking some Yoga.”

“I’m not going blue balls, Johnny.”

“You sure?” Jonny faked on a suspicious face as he stared at Jaehyun sideways. “C’mon, Jay. You know I’m just kidding, but you do look really stressed out these days and I know you’re going through all that stuff, but I’m really worried about you. You _really_ need to chill out a little.”

“I’ll be fine, okay? I’m just tired with- all this going on.”

“Are you sure it isn’t just blue balls?”

“Shut up, Johnny.” Johnny flinched when Jaehyun tossed a pen at him and slowly drifted his way back to his desk, sliding the chair.

Jaehyun had just started to get a few of his work done again when Johnny stood up by his side, jacket already in hand as he was about to leave, and patted Jaehyun’s back. “It’s gonna be alright, man. Next time just call me if you need something, don’t stress yourself out, alright?”

“Thanks, John-d.” They smiled at their old nickname and nodded briefly. “I will. I think I already bothered Ten enough with this whole thing, so yeah.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. We’re all here for you, man.”

They ended up shaking hands, all bro hug and hand shake and stuff, but Johnny’s face brightened up before he left, eyebrows arched and teeth showing as he always did whenever he came up with something that, in Johnny’s head, was apparently a brilliant idea. “Tell Haechan he _needs_ to go the game on Sunday. We’re teaching this kid how to play basket, Chicago style, next weekend.”

“Are we?”

“Yeah! We’re having a match after the Halloween. You and Haechan against me and Mark. This way you’ll at least get some exercise done even if you don’t get any at the party.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but laughed anyway. Yeah, it’s been ages since he got laid, but even longer since he got to play basket with Johnny or his other friends and it would probably do him good. It had been even longer ever since he had played basketball with Haechan, so yeah, Johnny had actually had a really good idea after all.

“Ok. I’ll bring him in.”

\--

It was already dark when Jaehyun parked his car outside the dance studio and tried calling Haechan a couple of times on his phone, but the calls were all missed and so he tried a few more times before starting to get worried. He actually taught Haechan whatever train or busses the boy needed to know to get home the day before when Haechan refused to go to Mark and Johnny’s place after school, but Jaehyun wasn’t completely at ease with the idea of his brother walking around the city on his own, nor leaving him home alone for too long before he came home from work, yet, at the same time he couldn’t just keep leaving work early every day. Besides, when talking about it with Ten last night, the dancer thought that giving Haechan’s some independency and time alone would probably help the teenager to settle down a little, and Jaehyun though that dancer had a good point.

It didn’t make Jaehyun less worried, though. He never had someone else really depending on him, completely, and for that, he never felt so responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. It wasn’t like he thought on Haechan as a baby, but he truly cared and had missed his brother for the years he hadn’t gome home and now all he wanted was to Haechan to feel safe and for him to be someone his brother could always rely on. Seeing his brother hurt because of their mother and Haechan’s father lost was already devastating – and he would still hut, of course, just like Jaehyun did – but watching their bond drift apart because of Jaehyun’s and his friends' sexuality was something else and something he didn’t even know how to deal with.

Haechan had told him he learned from his father to not trust him, but he would do anything to show his brother that he could trust him, no matter what. And so could Johnny and his others friends. They were all like his own family here.

He stepped out of his car after the fourth missed call and went inside the building. The reception area was empty and Jaehyun knew that only advance classes and crew practice took places this late on Friday nights as he lost count of how many times he waited on the same place for his ex-boyfriend, most of those times tagged along with Johnny, so he walked himself towards the hallway to the classes. He saw Yunho, the owner of the studio, inside the first and larger one, so he kept on, following the sound from the other room. He peeked through the door window inside the second room and there was his brother dancing beside Ten.

Jaehyun blinked a few times in surprise and slowly pushed the door open. Neither of the boys seemed to notice him and it looked like they were enjoying themselves, so Jaehyun just waited as he stared at them.

His brother had a smile on his face, but his eyes were fully focused on the mirror as he followed Ten's steps. Ten had a similar face, his smile just a tight bit smaller than Haechan, more focused, as he guided them through the music with precise movements that Jaehyun had learned, after years of watching, weren’t exactly easy, meant for beginners, and Ten was actually pushing Haechan’s abilities. It was interesting to watch them and so he did, for at least a few minutes. 

Relief was probably the right word to describe the kind of happiness that went through Jaehyun's body when he saw Haechan joke on a mistake that made Ten crackle up a large smile, full with head turning back and eyes curving up and all that as he giggled. It was really nice to watch them and just then Jaehyun was caught up by Ten through the mirror, who quickly turned towards him with neck flustered from the dancing.

“Hyung!” He heard Haechan cheerfully calling before he could even say something and let his own smile fill up his face.

“Hey!” Jaehyun turned to his brother and patted him on the back, proud at both his dancing and to see the teenager having some fun while dancing with Ten, especially after everything that happened lately. Jaehyun thought he couldn’t feel happier at this moment so he intentionally messed up Haechan’s hair, much like he did whenever the boy scored during their basket games during summers. “Hi, Ten.”

Ten smiled back at him and they laughed at Haechan's enthusiasm as the younger rented on about his special class with Ten. It was really nice seeing him like that; excited over something and actually having fun. It had been a while.

“Hyung! Ten hyung was showing me some moves and it was really dope! You should have seen it!”

“Dope?” Jaehyun mocked, but laughed anyway. ”I’ve seen a few, I think. Been here for a while now.”

“You did?” Ten’s eyebrows rose up in surprise, much like Haechan’s.

“I tried calling first, but since you didn’t pick up I came in. I didn’t want to interrupt, though.” Jaehyun shrugged. Jaehyun would let Haechan tell him everything and he would listen to everything gladly, but he knew his brother better and the younger would actually talk for hours if they let him, but Jaehyun felt like starving all of a sudden – well, not really, after having eaten barely anything for the whole day. He really needed to care more about his health , he thought, as not only he wasn’t doing any exercise lately, he had pretty much fucked up his entire diet, but right now all he could care about was getting a large bite of his favorite pizza. “But since you already stopped, are you guys done? I am really starving.”

“Of course.” Ten waved at them and Jaehyun could almost hear his stomach cheering up for him.

“Great.” Jaehyun turned to Haechan with a large smile and yeah, diet could wait. “I’m taking you to the best pizza of Chicago. Go get your stuff.”

“Really?!”

Haechan’s eyes widened up and Jaehyun snorted when his brother bounced to his backpack and other stuff by the door, all the excitement from their small dance routine lifting up the on the younger’s mood. He followed suit and watched as Haechan quickly searched for his phone in his bag, texting rapidly as they made their way to the reception.

It was really nice , to say the least, to see his brother having fun after what happened last Wednesday and the fact that had indeed almost quit his dance classes – and he probably would, if it wasn’t for Jaehyun’s insistence on Haechan giving it at least one more try. Better than that, after their disastrous first encounter, Haechan seemed to be getting at ease around Ten – and considering how it first had being, it was a really good point – just like Ten seemed to really catch no grudge against his brother, if actually suggesting Haechan to take the dance classes and listen to Jaehyun’s rambles and complaints almost every night ever since wasn’t enough of a good sign. Yeah, things didn’t seem like a lost cause, after all. Maybe Heachan could get used to it – them – and yeah, maybe things would be nice, after all. 

Once they got at the reception area, Jaehyun turned around and glanced at Ten, who looked pleased with himself at the end of day.

“Would you like to come with us?”

Ten looked surprised by the question, or maybe just distracted, but Jaehyun thought that maybe he did push too far, as one thing was teaching Haechan through dance, other thing was both of them actually being comfortable enough to eat around each other. Jaehyun hadn’t thought about that when he asked.

“Uh? What? Me?” Ten jabbered a bit and yeah, maybe he did push a little bit too far. “I- I don’t want to bother. It’s alright.”

“You won’t.”

Haechan’s answer actually took him by surprise, and so took Ten. Jaehyun turned to his brother but the younger didn’t even bother looking at them, eyes fixed on his phone, and Jaehyun looked back at Ten, rising up his eyebrows. That had been unexpected, but yeah, maybe things were already getting alright.

Ten looked really flustered this time by the teenager’s reply and it took him a bit to react, and when he pointed at hallway, where the lockers were located, Jaehyun kind of knew he had actually agreed.

“I need a shower real quick first.”

Jaehyun smiled and yeah, he kind of saw that coming.

“We’ll be waiting outside.”

\--

The ride to Gino’s – Jaehyun’s and Johnny’s favorite pizza place in Chicago – was filled with Haechan going on and on about both Taeyong’s class and the later practice with Ten. He told them he actually always liked dancing, but his dad didn’t like it, so he would practice some choreography from groups he watched with their mom on the TV. He went on about how ChenLe, his classmate, started talking about dancing too after Haechan told them about his first classes – but he wouldn’t do it if Jisung didn’t do it too, which Jisung refused – and Ten suggested Haechan to invite them someday to the studio, what he quickly agreed to.

The talking didn’t change much on the topic of dancing once they got to the restaurant, Ten filling up the boy’s curiosity over tons of questions he tossed in between bites, and Jaehyun was truly relieved as he watched his brother chew happily on his large slice of pizza. That was when he remembered his earlier conversation with Johnny.

“Haechannie,” he called. “Johnny is getting us tickets for the match on Sunday and he said you better make it this time.”

Haechan’s eyes down casted to the table for a bit and Jaehyun had already started to feel anxious when he noticed that the smile on his brother's face also vanished. Ten noticed the change on the teenager's demeanor, and probably on Jaehyun’s too, as he knocked their knees under the table catching the attention of the man on his side. He nodded with his smile pressed on a tight smile as he chewed on his last bite in encouragement and Jaehyun took a deep breath.

“Take it as a lesson game before the real one.” Jaehyun nodded and pulled up a hopeful smile when Haechan looked back at him, even if his eyes were still unsure.

“What real one?”

“We have a match against Johnny and Mark next Saturday, after Halloween.” That seemed to catch Haechan’s attention and Jaehyun brought back a full smile then. “You better get to watch some real game beforehand, tho. We’re out of practice and Johnny has some good tricks up his sleeve, so you better pay attention. We don’t wanna lose to them, right?”

“Really?” Haechan slowly looked like he got riled up again, eyes widening as he spoke with his mouth full of pizza. “Just us? Like when you went for summer? Really?”

“Yeah. Almost like the old times, but better. It’s a real match.”

“Wait! ChenLe invited us to sleep at his place on the Halloween. He said he already got some real scary movies for the night.”

“You can do both. I’ll pick you up in the morning as long as you don’t call me in the middle of the night to pick your scary ass earlier than that.”

Jaehyun caught up on giggling by his side, part of Ten’s face hidden behind his hands as he leaned his elbows on the table, but Jaehyun could still take sight of Ten’s full smile.

“What are you gonna be for the Halloween? If you’re going to Trick or Treat you must choose wisely.” Ten asked, his cheek resting on the back of his hand.

“We’re not doing Trick or Treat. We’re not kids anymore.” Haechan rolled his eyes and Ten bluntly snorted at that. “We’re going to a party at this guy from school, I think Mark is going too, and we’re going to ChenLe’s after that.”

“You still need a costume.”

“Hyung said we would look for it tomorrow.” He shrugged, biting on his pizza. “But I’m between Jack Skellington and a prisoner. I think I’ll go for Jack.”

“So, stripes. I get it. Can we use real cuffs on you if you pick the prisoner one?” Ten asked, head tilted sideways in fake innocence.

“Ha-ha. Very funny.”

Jaehyun couldn’t hide the laugh at Ten picking on Haechan, who made a face and mocked at them both while licked on his fingers before cleaning them on an actual napkin.

“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” He pushed on and Haechan only made another face at them. Jaehyun chuckled, before turning to Ten. “What are you wearing for the party?“

“I told you, it’s a secret.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes to that. “I’m not telling you mine, then.”

“I tell his if you tell me yours.” Haechan offered and Jaehyun glared at his brother as he rested against the back of the booth.

“Deal.”

“You wouldn’t.” Jaehyun challenged, receiving a side glance from Ten as he pulled out his phone and hided the screen while he typed closed up to his face, so Jaehyun couldn’t see it. 

“You say it first.” Ten said.

“He’s Dracula.”

“That’s not fair!” Jaehyun complained, feeling his ears getting hotter and he couldn’t believe how easily his brother told Ten about his costume. He tried taking the phone from Ten then, but the older pushed him aside and held an arm between them, while corned himself at the end of booth.

“Do you know what it is?” Ten asked with a large grin, still using his free hand to keep Jaehyun as far away as possible and he stretched his other arm, holding up his phone to Haechan.

Jaehyun changed his tactics and hold on Ten’s hand and tried pulling him close instead, Ten actually followed in suit, leaning closer to Jaehyun, but still managed to held the phone away while Haechan was trying really hard to see the screen as Ten kept moving his hand away from Jaehyun until the teenager simply took it from his hand, smiling brightly as he shook his head.

“Never heard of it. But it suits you.”

It was an obvious lie and Ten's smile grew larger and proud as he laughed when Haechan locked the screen before returning the cellphone to its owner and only then Jaehyun finally gave up with a sigh. Ten didn’t move back, resting his shoulder on Jaehyun as he mocked him, showing the black screen at his face, so Jaehyun pushed him back lightly.

“I hate you both.” Jaehyun muttered, lips pressed in a straight face that made the other two laugh loudly.

Johnny and Ten were probably right when they said to just give Haechan some time.

At that right moment, while he watched his brother smiling at Ten, who snorted, but smiled softly back at the teenager, Jaehyun felt his heart jump just a little, but completely at ease for the first time in a long while.

He ended cracking up a smile when Ten glanced back towards him, his smile lighting up his whole face, and then turned back to his phone, still making sure Jaehyun couldn’t see anything before it was casually placed at the table.

Yeah, his friends were probably right.

“Hyung, can we go now? I still have five episodes of Stranger Things to watch before Mark and Jisung start giving me spoilers during lunch. Again.”

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered about a lot of things in life. Like, why did his mother had to die at such young age – and he had to stop himself from thinking about the times he missed her, but didn’t called her; about the times he opened Google Flights to check over the prices so he could visit her, but he didn’t, because of Haechan’s father; like the times she called him in the middle of the morning, sometimes at lunch, when it was already one day forward in Korea, just to make sure that he was feeling alright; like, what could have been visiting her, holding her, just one more time. He had to stop himself from crying every time he thought about that.

He always wanted to bring her to Chicago and Jaehyun wondered how she would love spending a day at the aquarium or at the pier – she would have loved the Navy Pier. And Bubba Gump Shrimp, she would have loved that too. He would have to remember asking Haechan later of how many times she made him watch Forest Gump with her - Jaehyun could remember clearly at least six times he watched that with her, all that ever since he left for college.

He should probably take his brother there too.

That night, after Jaehyun checked at his brother's room, where the boy was already sound asleep on his bed with the lights still on and his Gameboy in hand, he noticed two more toys from Haechan's old collection on the shelves and finally out of the teenager's bag.

Yeah, eventually, everything would be alright.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update because I decided to split this chapter in two parts. Thank you for all the kudos and comments ^^

The Bulls lost the match on Sunday when the Celtics' center scored a three points shot only five minutes before the end. It had been a great game anyway, with a tight score and a handful of really nice moves that got the whole crowd wowing – and Haechan cheering loudly through most of the game. They really had a good time.

Haechan even agreed on having dinner at Johnny’s house without much trouble – Miss Seo’s homemade kimchi probably had something to do to with that – and they ended the night with a (still) very energetic Mark recounting the whole game to Mister Seo and Haechan making sure to fill in any missed details. It had really been a great day after all, and the closest to home both Jaehyun and Haechan have had those last couple of months in Chicago.

When Mark insisted on showing Haechan his new Spider-Man game, both Jaehyun and Johnny excused themselves to Johnny’s room and Jaehyun sprawled himself on the bed, his arms crossed behind his head while he stared at Johnny with a lopsided grin.

“Spill it.”

Johnny glared at him, but closed the door behind him anyway and took a seat at the spinning chair in front of his small desk, where he carelessly tossed his socked feet. “Why do you even think I have something to tell you? We’ve spent the whole evening together, what’s there to tell you that you don’t already know?”

“Unfortunately, I know you like the back of my hands, Johnny Seo, and you kept giving me that same look you did when you got hired but didn’t want Dean to know, so spill it.”

“How was I supposed to tell my boyfriend I was happy I was moving after the finals, right before the finals? That would have been really mean and you know that.”

“Whatever. Just spill it.”

“Well, I think it is you who have things to spill here, Sir Jung. How was dinner with Ten?”

Jaehyun frowned, truly confused and not believing Johnny was really trying to avoid his question with something like that. – Like, really?

“What dinner? If you’re talking about pizza with Ten and Haechan, then it was nice.” Jaehyun eyebrows relaxed and his lips twisted in a smooth smile as he ignored Johnny's large and proud one. “It was really nice, actually. I think Haechan’s is starting to be cool with the fact that gay people exist and can be good people, so yeah. It was nice.”

“Not what I meant, but I’m glad to hear that.”

Jaehyun frowned again, but only for a second, before Johnny continued.

“It looked like Haechan had fun today too, so I’m really happy he’s happy. And that you’re happy. I want to see everybody happy.”

Jaehyun watched closely at his best friend rambling and squinted is eyes, his eyebrows coming closer with that. “Okay, you’re really acting weird now. Just say it already.”

Johnny sighed and rolled his eyes as he put his feet back on the floor and twisted around on the chair before pushing it closer to the bed. They stared silent at each other and Jaehyun wished his phone wasn’t in his back pocket so he could show Johnny that yeah, he had that same guilty look on his face and then Johnny’s face lifted up with the largest of the smiles, just like that time in College.

“Me and Taeyong are getting married.”

“What!” That totally took Jaehyun by surprise and his head even spun as he lifted up too fast to sit in shock.

“I proposed. Yesterday. He said yes. He said yes, Jaehyun!”

‘Wait-“ Johnny pulled him in a tight hug before Jaehyun could even process the whole information, but he was happily hugging his friend back and laughing together with the other man. “Oh my God, man! That’s-“

“Shhh!”

“That’s great!” Jaehyun whispered-yelled after Johnny shushed him, pulling the chair closer so they could speak without anyone outside listening.

“It’s still a secret. My parents and Mark don’t know yet and we were supposed to tell you together on a dinner, but- oh man, I’m so happy. I couldn’t wait.”

“I knew you were giving me that look.” Jaehyun stated, shaking his head on his friend, but with a smile that mirrored his. “How was that?”

“To be honest, it was thanks to you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.” Johnny nodded, but scratched the back of his head and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink as he spoke. “I slept at Tae’s on Friday and after what you told me, about your bother, you know, I kind of couldn’t sleep, so I kept thinking I have nothing to hide, Jay. I love him. Like crazy.”

They both snorted at Johnny’s cheekiness, and the smile they shared this time was small, if not a little bit tight with a mixture of sadness and understanding.

“I love him, Jaehyun. I want to spend the rest of my life with Taeyong and I don’t want to hide it. I mean, why should I? I – I totally understand why Haechan has a problem with us, because of his father and all, but I – We have nothing to hide. So I did it. I told him all that and, well… He said yes.” Johnny chuckled, his smile rising up in volumes.

“Wow.” Jaehyun muttered, smiling proudly at Johnny and he would never admit – blame it on his red ears giving him up – but his eyes watered a bit before he gave his friend another quick hug, patting on his back. “I am really happy for you guys.”

“You better. You and Ten are gonna be our best men.”

“Does Ten knows already?”

“No one else knows. It’s a secret. We’re making a dinner on Wednesday so we can tell him and my family. Haechan is invited too, if you think he’s gonna be alright.”

Jaehyun nodded, but sighed and finally shook his head. “It might be pushing it a little too much for now.”

“Sorry, man.”

“It’s alright.” Jaehyun smiled and light punched on Johnny’s arm. “I’m really happy for you guys. I think it took you long enough, tho.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I think it did too, right?”

That whole weekend had been the best Jaehyun had in over two months, ever since his mother died. Actually, everything had been pretty much of a mess recently and there had been more dreamless nights of restless sleep than actual full nights of comfort and energy filling sleep. Last Friday, after pizza with Ten and Haechan, and a Stranger Things marathon with Haechan – of episodes Jaehyun had actually seen before – Jaehyun had dreamed for the first time in months. He didn’t remember what it was about, but it felt nice. He had woken up from it sometime before the sun was out and despite not feeling completely rested, it had been a good change for sure.

The same thing happened on Saturday, but that time he did remember his dream about playing basketball with Johnny and Mark, but this time Haechan and Ten were there too and Jaehyun wondered if maybe Ten would actually join them when they played with Yuta – Taeyong always joined them for their usual pizza after the match, but unlike Taeyong, and Hansol, Ten actually liked watching NBL games with them, so yeah, maybe he could join them once.

That Sunday night, when Jaehyun was already in bed and about to sleep, he wished he could dream again, even if he still woke up somewhat tired, like he had been getting used to.

Sleep didn’t come easy, though, like it hadn’t been recently, and after about half an hour of turning sideways over the mattress and recalling too many stories from when both he and Johnny met Taeyong and Yuta, and Ten and Hansol, and all the other dancers, Jaehyun eventually gave up on sleeping.

It was ironic how it had been Haechan's homophobic thoughts that actually motivated Johnny to propose to Taeyong. While his best friend was openly gay and had a lovely and supportive family, Taeyong had to run away from home at the age of seventeen, after been constantly beaten up by his father so he could “fix him”. Jaehyun still remembered when Taeyong told him about it one night when it was just the three of them – the third person being Johnny, of course – at Taeyong’s apartment. He still remembered how Johnny had held Taeyong tight on his arms, but Jaehyun still could see him shaking, even if just slightly, as he spoke. It had been around a year ago and Jaehyun remembers that it had been that same night when he was sure that Johnny and Taeyong were really meant for each other. Jaehyun remembered that he and Hansol had actually fought that same night – it was rare, but it happened – and it had been because Jaehyun didn’t want to spend another weekend locked up inside a room with Hansol, like they had done for the last couple of weeks and Johnny and Taeyong had invited them both for dinner, but Jaehyun ended up going alone.

One year after that, here he was; more than happy to see his best friends (finally) getting married, and mostly because of his brother, that he hadn't seen in years, but now lived with him, and only him, but held too much homophobic thoughts he learned from a man Jaehyun had always despised. Oh, the irony.

Jaehyun sighed at the thought and turned around once more until he found his phone on the nightstand, in the darkness of him room. There were a few messages from Yuta, complaining he wasn’t invited to the game; a message from Taeil, asking if he had any plans for lunch on Thursday – Jaehyun actually answered to that, as it had been months, probably, ever since he hanged out with Doyoung’s boyfriend; there were a few from Johnny, imploring him (again) to not let Taeyong know that he knew about the great news and actually a few others from Taeyong himself, demanding his presence for a dinner on Wednesday at the Seo’s.

_ **TY:** _   
  
_ You better make it this time  
or _ _I’ll believe what Johnny  
said :(_   
  
_ You’re replacing me with Ten :(_

_ **Jaehyunnie:** _   
  
_ Never_   
  
_ Lol_   
  
_ Johnny is liar, don’t listen to_   
_ him_   
  
_ I’ll make it this time_   
  
_ :)_

_ **TY:** _   
  
_ You better >(_   
  
_ Make it_   
  
_ I’m cooking too_   
  
_ And don’t replace me_

_ **Jaehyunnie:** _   
  
_ You’re still my favorite  
hyung_   
  
_ Ten doesn’t know how to_   
_ cook_

_ **TY:** _   
  
_ LOL_   
  
_ You’re only going on wed_   
_ because of the food >(_

_ **Jaehyunnie:** _   
  
_ Can’t miss dinner by my _ _two  
fav chefs right?_

_ **TY:**  
_   
_ Mrs. Seo will be happy to hear_   
_ that :) :) :)_

Yeah, Jaehyun was really happy for his friends.

When he slipped through Instagram there was nothing interesting, except for a few photos from the match posted by Johnny. There was even one of the four of them and it was nice to see his brother smiling like that – he should ask Johnny to send him that one later – and himself also. There was a video from Yuta dancing and two sets of different dishes on Doyoung’s most recent post. Taeil wasn’t marked, but the view from Doyoung’s apartment was on Taeil’s stories (13h ago). 

There were too many videos from the match on Mark’s stories and a few puppies on Taeyong’s (6h ago), but Jaehyun couldn’t help a cracked laugh at two pictures of Ten’s notebook, both of them displaying that same Netflix menu, each one of a different movie, and a poll on a third post: My Best Friend’s Wedding versus Two Weddings And a Funeral (31min ago).

** _Jaehyun:_ **   
  
_Please tell me you’re not_   
_in love with Taeyong_

** _Ten10:_ **   
  
_Ew_

Jaehyun snorted of the throwing up sticker attached to the text.

** _Jaehyun:_ **   
  
_ Johnny is going to kill TY_   
  
_ And it’s your fault_

_ **Ten10:** _   
  
_ OMG_   
  
_ I can’t believe Johnny told_   
_ you!!!_   
  
_ It was supposed to be a_   
_ secret!!!_

_ **Jaehyun:** _   
  
_ Taeyong told you_   
  
_ They’re even_   
  
_ :)_

** _Ten10:_ **   
  
_ They’re disgusting_

_ **Jaehyun:** _   
  
_ They are_   
  
_ Lol_   
  
_ Which one did you choose?_   
  
_ I vote for 2 weddings_

_ **Ten10:** _   
  
_ None_   
  
_ I’ll save the crying for the real_   
_ wedding_   
  
_ <image attached>_   
_ I think you would like this one_

The picture was actually from a paused frame of some series instead: The Assassination of Gianni Versace; and by the way the whole scene was flipped, Ten was probably laying on his side on his bed when he took it, much like Jaehyun was right now. Jaehyun let out a small chuckle.

_ **Jaehyun:** _   
  
_ Seems interesting_   
  
_ :)_   
  
_ I’ll give it a try later_

** _Ten10:_ **   
  
_ It is_   
  
_ So far_   
  
_ Can’t believe those two_   
_ dumbasses told us_

_ **Jaehyun:** _   
  
_ Can’t believe you posted two _   
_ movies about weddings and_   
_ don’t expect Johnny to notice_

** _Ten10:_ **   
  
_ Ops?_   
  
_ I won’t tell if you don’t?_

_ **Jaehyun:** _   
  
_ Deal_   
  
_ :)_   
  
_ They are dumbasses tho_

_ **Ten10:** _   
  
_ They are!!!_   
  
_ It took them so long!_

_ ** Jaehyun:** _

_Said the same thing to  
Johnny_

Jaehyun ended up talking to Ten about Johnny and Taeyong and relationships in general until one something in the morning, when sleep finally looked like something tangible and Ten said he would actually try to finish that one episode before sleeping.

That night Jaehyun had dreamed again. He still woke up tired and he couldn’t exactly remember what the dream was about, but it was absolutely better than not dreaming at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Wednesday came faster than a bullet and soon Jaehyun was parked in front of the dance studio in the already freezing fall wind – oh, Chicago – while he waited for both Haechan and Ten. Johnny told him earlier that day that since Taeyong was helping his mother on the kitchen, Taeyong had had asked one of the other teachers to cover up for him in his last class (Haechan’s class, to be precise).

Haechan wasn’t going to the dinner, of course, and Jaehyun didn’t make it clear what it was about, but Haechan concluded it was “boring adult stuff” when Jaehyun said that he would probably not like it anyway, and didn’t make any further questions. He would go to Jisung’s house then, so they could work on some science project for school and since it was just a quick stop on the way to Johnny’s, Jaehyun had offered Ten a ride. They were supposed to be there at 7:30 pm, but it was already five past seven so yeah, they would be late.

Jaehyun checked on his watch and then on his phones for any message from either one of the two boys for the n-th time, before deciding to walk in and ask for them and was halfway to the door when he spotted Hansol walking out of the building.

“Life is funny, isn’t it?” Hansol grinned as he approached, his dark blue backpack hanging from one of his shoulders, like usual, a hat hiding half of his blond locks and water bottle in hand, like usual. It was almost like those many times Jaehyun had actually been right there waiting for Hansol, but the smile he was usually greeted with had been a completely different one. “How once upon a time you used to be here all the time, but I can’t really remember when it had been the last time you actually came here to see me. I don’t know.” Hansol tilted his head to the side, thoughtfully. “Maybe February? March, at most? But now that we broke up I get to see you here almost on daily basis…”

Jaehyun licked on the bitterness of his dry mouth and put his hands inside his black jeans pockets, trying to keep it straight and as peaceful as always. “Hansol, I’m just coming here for my brother.”

“Right. Taeyong and Ten’s new favorite.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help the smug smile on his face at the comment, as bitter as it sounded, as he tried not to mind any other implications from the harsh remark. “They said he’s good.”

Hansol had nothing to add to that, or so it seemed at first as they stayed silent, but Hansol approached him in slow steps. Life was indeed funny, Jaehyun had to agree on that, as he never thought he’d be in this situation again: outside of Hansol’s work, waiting in the cold as he patiently watched Hansol to come closer.

“Tell me.” Jaehyun asked, low voice sounding huskier than intended in the cold wind. “If you weren’t happy, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“You weren’t happy either.”

“And yet I tried.”

“Did you? Really?” Hansol stepped even closer and Jaehyun could see the anger in his eyes as he nodded. “For the sex, maybe.”

“Oh, c’mon.” Jaehyun frowned, having a really hard time not to roll his eyes, but shook his head anyway. “Hansol, you were the one who only called me if you wanted sex, mind me reminding you.”

“Oh was I? Are you sure? Because from what I can remember you didn’t complain and all you really wanted was to hang out with your friends, mind if I tell you.” Hansol spitted on his words and Jaehyun had to take a step back. “Did you forget how many times you left me hanging alone at home so you could play your stupid basketball games with Johnny? Or how you’d rather hang out at Taeyong’s, or at Yuta’s, or whenever the hell with the guys on a Saturday night instead of being home with me? Even at home, Jae! You were always in the living room with Ten instead of the bedroom with me!”

“What about you? Hansol, you never left that place. You never wanted to talk unless it was about your dance. You never wanted to leave your room and you complained even if it was for us to go to my place. If it was for you to choose, we wouldn’t even have any other friend and it would always be us, locked inside your room and away from everyone else in the world!” Jaehyun haven’t noticed he had raised his voice a bit – they both had – neither that both Ten and Haechan had walked outside the doubled glass doors.

“I just wanted to spend time alone with you. Because I loved you!” Hansol was almost shouting now. “I really loved you, Jaehyun. Do you know how hard it is to love someone that doesn’t love you back? To have to fight for your attention whenever it wasn’t just the two of us?”

“Hansol, you _always_ wanted it to be just the two of us. No exception.”

“Because I loved you!”

“It’s not healthy! Hansol, it couldn’t be just us all the time. It’s not how a relationship works! “

“It could have been if you loved me. I always knew you didn’t like me the same way I liked you! You never really liked me, Jaehyun.”

“What are you even talking about? Of course I’ve liked you!”

“Yeah, liked. But you never loved me.” Hansol shook his head and Jaehyun saw Hansol gulping on his tears, his eyes bloodshot.

Jaehyun had never seen Hansol cry before. They didn’t talk much about things so deep that would eventually lead anyone of them to cry, that was one point, of course. But not even when Hansol hurt his ankle right before a very important competition that let the whole crew out of it – and Jaehyun had never seen Hansol so sad, even mad, as that day. Except for now.

“I thought you loved me once, maybe when we met, but you didn’t, Jaehyun. You never really did. You never loved me!”

Jaehyun was speechless, partially shocked at Hansol's outburst and the hurt in Hansol’s eyes; at the same time he couldn’t find the words, neither the guts, to respond to that.

It was Hansol's snicker when he turned around that caught his attention again and made him look past the dancer where his brother and his friend stared frozen in front of the door.

“Well isn’t it Jaehyun’s favorite person?” Hansol mocked and Ten frowned as he approached them, the dancer’s hand protectively on Haechan’s shoulder as Hansol continued. “Are you making personal delivery of your golden kids now, Ten?”

“Just quit it, Hansol.” Ten answered short, before smiling guilty at Jaehyun. “I’m sorry we’re late. I had some papers to work on and had to pick some for Taeyong too.”

“It’s okay. Are we good to go?”

“Sure.” Ten nodded and glanced quickly at Hansol while letting go of Haechan, who went straight to the car after hearing Jaehyun had set off the alarm.

“Wait- are you leaving together now?”

“Jaehyun is just giving me a ride to Johnny’s house, Hansol. Just give it a break, all right? Bye-bye.” Ten said almost in between teeth and quickly followed Haechan to the Rover, but it took a few seconds for Jaehyun to follow, Hansol shaking his head as he watched them in disbelief.

The first half of the ride had been awkward, to say the least, with Haechan silent unless directly spoken to and Ten rambling on stuff about how Haechan was doing great in classes – he was the one covering up for Taeyong in the end – and how he picked fast on the choreos. It was only small talk to fill in the silence, Jaehyun knew, at least until Haechan finally spoke, when Jaehyun parked outside of Jisung’s house.

“I’m glad you’re not dating him anymore.” Haechan said, as in matter of fact. “He does sounds like a jerk.” And just like that he jumped out of the car, leaving both Ten and Jaehyun in shock.

“Jay.” Ten called, his small hand resting on Jaehyun’s arm as he was about to start the car again. “I’m sorry, I tried to push him back inside, but I couldn’t. I’m really sorry that he heard it- I’m sorry about- I didn’t mean-”

Ten didn’t finish so Jaehyun turned towards him, but couldn’t quite read what was in the other's eyes as they stared at each other in silence. It wasn’t pity and Jaehyun was glad he never found that in Ten’s eyes, not even once whenever he stared. As Jaehyun said nothing – and he didn’t even know what to say or if there was anything to say at all – and they simply stared at each other, Jaehyun could only hear echoes of what Haechan said; of what Hansol said; until it all silenced out and it was all calm again in his head. Until it was just Ten staring at him and the warm touch of Ten’s hand on his arm.

“It’s alright, Ten. It’s not your fault.” He muttered, but kept his eyes on Ten as his hand cupped Ten’s small one and it suddenly felt too familiar, oddly homey, and his chest wasn’t as heavy as it just had been a minute before, and Jaehyun managed a small smile. “It’s alright.”

Jaehyun noticed how Ten let out a very small sigh, but still said nothing, and as Jaehyun stared into Ten’s eyes, there was something different in them; something Jaehyun couldn’t quite read.

“Let’s go before they kill us, uh?”

Ten nodded in silence, before twisting the corner of his lips in a small smile and rolled his eyes. “I still can’t believe Johnny told you.”

Jaehyun did let out a loud laugh this time as he slowly drove back on the road, Ten’s laugh joining him shortly. “Hey! Taeyong have told you too.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise!”

“You do realize who are we talking about, don’t you?”

\--

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered what love really is. Not love in a generic meaning, because that kind of love, he knew what it was. He loved his mother and he knew his mother had loved him - enough to accept him in ways she didn’t really agree with, and that was probably what unconditional love meant – and Jaehyun thought that the love he has for his brother was as close to it as possible, since despite all the frustration and anger whenever Haechan talked or acted the way he did recently, even after all the things Haechan said to him lately, he still loved his brother deeply and probably Haechan loved him the same, if what he said earlier in the car about Hansol was any sign of it.

No, Jaehyun wasn’t happy about his brother thinking his ex-boyfriend was a jerk – that was a subject for another time – but the fact that after all those things Haechan said and in spite of whatever misconceptions and prejudice he still held against homosexuality, Haechan had been able to speak about in a way that sounded quite natural. Yeah, the fact that Haechan was able to stand by his side, no matter what he really thought of a gay realationship, that did make him a bit happy, though.

Anyway.

What Jaehyun really wondered about love was the kind of love people felt towards each other, romantically speaking.

Despite of what Hansol have said, Jaehyun thought he had really loved him, in a way. He had always cared about Hansol, he liked spending time with him, he liked talking to him – when they actually talked – he liked the sex – yes, that part had always been a forte – but maybe Hansol was right. Maybe Jaehyun haven’t really loved him that way that actual lovers do; the way Johnny loved Taeyong and Taeyong loved Johnny, as they stared at each other like they had the moon in their eyes; the way Mr. Seo loved Miss Seo, as he held his wife’s hand like it was the most precious thing, and she rested her head on his shoulder as if nowhere in the word could be safer. No, he liked being with Hansol, but Jaehyun never felt any of this. He liked him, of course, but in fact, it had always felt like there was something missing between them.

“Have you chosen on a date yet?” Ten asked with his chin resting on his hand and eyes shining like he was the one getting married.

Taeyong and Ten had been best friends for as long as Johnny had been Jaehyun’s, but the difference was that the dancers had actually tried dating once, before realizing they were better off as friends, while he could never picture himself with Johnny – not even when they drunk kissed once. Nope. That was one of the grossest things Jaehyun had ever done. – Jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder what made them realize they weren’t meant to be, not like that, anyway, but that they were supposed to be in each other’s life forever, only as friends. Jaehyun wondered if he and Hansol could have ever been good friends, instead.

“I want to wait until the New Year’s,” Taeyong explained while Johnny hugged him on the couch after dinner. “But Johnny wants to marry before Christmas, so we don’t know yet. We don’t want anything fancy, but I still want to have time to prepare for everything.”

“Why don’t you wait until spring so we can make it on the backyard?”

“Mom,” Mark intruded. “You’re only saying that because you don’t want Johnny to leave home yet. By the way, can I have your bed when you leave? It's bigger than mine.”

“And you already want me to leave! What kind of brother are you?” Johnny joked around, faking hurt with a hand on his chest and all.

“Hey. I’m only stepping up for your wellbeing. You already have half of your stuff at hyung’s place anyway.”

“Mark!” it was Mr. Seo this time.

“What? Oh my God, I’m just saying.”

“You really know you’re damned when this kid is right.” Ten simply shrugged, pointing at Mark while he actually looked at the newly engaged couple, making everyone laugh but Taeyong, who shoved Ten a red cushion from the couch that matched perfectly the color on his own face. “What? He’s right!”

Jaehyun remembered the night he met Ten at Taeyong’s party. He remembered clearly when both him and Hansol entered the room together, looking like a beautiful couple. They were both beautiful back then – and they were both even prettier nowadays, if you asked him – and Jaehyun really though they were together, but he could never been more wrong.

On those last years he nearly spent much time around Ten as he did around Taeyong, and managed to learn a lot about him. Like, while both Hansol and Ten were indeed shy, Hansol were more on the expansive side at first meeting someone – as he had been the one who asked for Jaehyun’s phone number – but he actually liked spending all of his free time inside his bedroom; while Ten, who Jaehyun later found was more of an introvert – as he would usually watch, instead of talk, whenever their group of friends hang out together – he was the one that would actually always hang out with them, even when it wasn’t at Taeyong or Yuta’s place. 

Yeah, Hansol never really liked going out with them, and that was a fact. And if Jaehyun was to be completely honest, a large part of their relationship – meaning their intimacy – was mostly revolving around sex. They never really had deep conversations about life in general or even their own lives on sharing important parts of their own histories. Well, Jaehyun actually did try, and Hansol did try listening at first, but he would soon look too bored and never really engaged in that kind of conversation, so they would just skip it to the sex – and yet now Hansol complained Jaehyun didn’t paid attention to him. Jaehyun scoffed quietly when he remembered being scolded, more than once, by a very angry Hansol because he had lost track time while talking with Ten about so many different things in their shared living room. Jaehyun had always liked talking to Ten.

“Earth to Jaehyun.” Ten mocked, knocking oh so lightly on Jaehyun’s forehead with his knuckles. “Anyone there?”

Jaehyun blinked a few times, not realizing he had zoned out, but no one else seemed to notice as the Seo’s and Taeyong, chatted loudly, probably still making plans for the wedding. Jaehyun stared back at Ten, only then he realized that in fact Ten’s eyes had always shined brightly, like when he stared at Johnny and Taeyong together, and how his smile almost always suited his eyes, just like they did now.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Jaehyun muttered and Ten pressed his lips together on a light chuckle before turning to his friends and shaking his head. Ten stared back at Jaehyun for a while and then looked outside before standing up towards the porch. Jaehyun noticed, then, the back door left ajar from where a soft breeze entered the room.

He didn’t have to make an excuse for himself before following Ten outside, closing the door after he passed.

“Are you alright?” Ten asked in a low voice, even though Jaehyun knew no one else inside could heard them and they probably wouldn’t even try. “You’re thinking about what Hansol said, aren’t you? Or is it Haechan?”

Jaehyun chuckled and rested against the rail beside Ten, except he was facing the yard, while Ten was turned towards the living room.

“Both.”

Ten leaned a bit on his back and from his side Jaehyun could see the dancer staring at his feet. “Even if what he said is true, it doesn’t give him the right to act like that, you know?”

“Haechan or Hansol?”

Ten smiled. “Both.”

They chuckled together at the short answer, but they still stared in opposite directions when Jaehyun finally spoke again.

“I think that maybe he was right.”

Ten turned towards him and blinked a few times, his head tilted slightly to the side and he seemed genuinely confused. “Ok, you’re gonna have to tell me which one are talking about right now.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head as he stared at his own feet for a while, his hands hiding inside his pockets, and Ten laughed with him too, but they soon returned to silence. “Hansol.”

“It doesn’t give him the right to cheat.” Despite being straight forward in his answer, Ten's voice was soft and low. “Neither to act like a jerk, Haechan is right.”

Jaehyun sighed as he stared at the bunch of yellow and orange leaves under a tree and he thought what would have been different if he hadn’t dated Hansol from the start. He turned silently towards Ten as he thought of that and that, in fact, he wasn’t that mad because Hansol had cheated on him. He was probably more pissed, disappointed actually, with the way the person he thought he once loved had managed it at the end; how Hansol broke up with him just hours before that flight; about how Hansol dealt with things in a moment like that of his life; how Hansol said those things he just said and Jaehyun didn’t have anything to fight back. Then again, they never really talked about life – or anything else.

He wasn’t blaming Hansol for anything, really. They didn’t talk much and didn’t fight much, but when they did it was usually about this; about Hansol wanting to spend days in a row locked up inside his room and how he wanted Jaehyun to stay there – even if there wasn’t much to talk about; about how Jaehyun liked spending time alone with his boyfriend, just not _all_ of their free time; about how Jaehyun liked being around people, liked talking about life and Hansol would rather stay quiet and far from anyone else but Jaehyun or some friends he never bothered to introduce Jaehyun to them – while Hansol probably knew all of Jaehyun’s friends. Even then, even when they had the worst of their fights, even that day when they broke up, Jaehyun had never seen Hansol like that, on the verge of crying.

“Maybe he’s just hurt.” Jaehyun said, his voice somewhat hoarse, and Ten shook his head with eyes still firm on his.

“Jaehyun,” He muttered, but Jaehyun continued.

“What he said, it was right. I didn’t love him. I mean- Not the way he wanted. And maybe he didn’t love me the way I wanted. We are so different I don’t even know how we stayed together for so long. Maybe-” Jaehyun was calm as he said that, slowly understanding that, maybe, that was just how their relationship had worked. “I think we just weren’t meant to be.”

Jaehyun realized, and for the second time that night he couldn’t read what was there in Ten's eyes as he stared, them both remaining silent as they simply stared at each other and Jaehyun thought about his friends inside and how deeply they loved each other; and about his brother and how they would be able to make things right – like Ten said, he just had to give him time; and about Ten, who was right there, like he had been all the time.

How Ten have had all the right to turn his back on him after meeting his brother, but he stood still and listened – Ten always have listened and Jaehyun have always liked listening to Ten's thoughts back in return – didn’t matter if back inside that living room when it was just the two of them, or when they were around their friends, or now at their late night text messages. How he had always felt comfortable around Ten and how Ten had always something to share, something to make everyone around him feel better.

And how Ten always smiled like he had the sun in his eyes, with that same sparkle Jaehyun had seen inside Johnny’s living room. Like how the lights coming from inside the house reflected on his dark brown eyes, making them just a little bit brighter. Like how his lips slowly parted, just slightly, and his neck was a light shade of pink, and then the corner of his lips twisted in a oh-so-timid smile when Jaehyun chuckled a silence laugh as he realized that his own ears were probably red now. And like right now, while Jaehyun stared back into Ten’s eyes he could swear there was something different there, just waiting for him to read it.

“Hey, guys!” It was Johnny’s voice he heard from the living room and then Ten was blinking and turning back to the living room. Jaehyun felt his mouth dry and he tried licking his lips wet, but it was useless, just like the gulp that only made his throat worse.

“Let’s go back inside.” Ten muttered and Jaehyun nodded, running his hand through his hair before following him close behind.

That night, after driving Ten home in a very pleasant ride as they talked about whatever came into their minds – just like they would, back in Ten’s living room – and after picking up Haechan at his friend's house – Haechan didn’t mention what happened earlier and neither did he – when Jaehyun finally rested his head in his pillow, he couldn’t help but spend hours awake, wondering about what he saw in Ten’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spoiler alert]  
Hmmm... are you guys in the Halloween mood yet? ^^'


	9. Chapter 9

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered how did you know a storm was about to end.

It was actually pouring outside and the dark grey sky fitted too perfectly all the purple and orange of Halloween decorations on the wall. Every year, since he moved to America, Halloween had become his favorite season – spooky season – and every corner and every house and every building, didn’t matter if back in Michigan or here in Chicago, everywhere Jaehyun went, was draped with pumpkins and spiders and smiling skulls. It was always a nice change on everyday scenario, even better than Christmas, and he always found himself eager for the costumes parties.

This year even his office was decorated in set with the theme and he couldn’t help but chuckle at a very annoyed Doyoung by his side, who tried to concentrate on work while a very annoying Johnny kept interrupting him with “trick or treats” questions that usually ended up with throwing paper balls and fake spiders, or popping paper bags, or chairs being pushed, while Doyoung tried really hard to type something on his computer, since he refused to give the taller man one of the (many) candies Doyoung had actually bought for the kids in his neighborhood, and had them hidden inside one of his drawers.

Jaehyun looked at the window when a thunder crossed the air behind them and he really hoped it would stop before the party that night. They soon would leave work, a little earlier than usual as no one wanted to miss the fun, even the always workaholic Doyoung. Since the party they were all going to attend later was actually at his friends' dance academy, Haechan wouldn’t have his dance class that day so he would give the teenager a ride home from school. With all that, raining, plus the usual traffic for a Halloween evening, wasn’t something Jaehyun was eager to face with.

Jaehyun and Haechan had went out together last Saturday to pick up their costumes and Haechan had indeed chosen a Jack Skellington one and Jaehyun did pick up a Dracula one – despite considering changing this after Haechan spoiled it to Ten. 

Jaehyun still didn’t know what Ten's costume was. He did try to convince him – or more like tried blackmailing him with old stories from tipsy Ten at Yuta’s last birthday party – while they talked over the phone last night, but it was useless, as Ten insisted it should be a surprise.

Much to everyone's surprise, though, Haechan had actually agreed on going to Johnny and Mark’s house that evening, as Miss Seo had offered to help them with their makeup during the dinner on Sunday, when they all discussed what they had planned for the party.

“Oh man,” Johnny frowned staring outside when another thunder reflected on the window right beside him. “I really hope it stops raining before the party tonight.”

“It will. Look.” Doyoung said as pushed his chair backwards, sliding behind Johnny and pointed somewhere outside.

Jaehyun frowned, not seeing it at first, so he stood up and made his way towards the window and squinted his eyes and only then he saw it. Behind the whole line of skyscrapers and above the park, a ray of sunlight crossed the sky creating a rainbow beneath it. Jaehyun looked up and somewhere between the grey clouds the sun shined brightly and beautifully; its golden light brightened up in contrast with the darkness of the rest of the sky.

It was like his own life, Jaehyun wondered. Most of the times Jaehyun felt like he was still in the middle of a storm; he knew it. He still hurt at the thought of his mother; Haechan would still lock himself inside him room some nights after school; the teenager still had a large amount of his collection toys inside his bag; his brother still didn’t want to be around Johnny and Taeyong – his best friends – at the same time. But just like the sunlight shining between the clouds, he found comfort within his friends, like the time they went for pizza with Ten; like food and games at Taeyong’s apartment; like basketball match on Sunday; like midnight texts with Ten; like the fondness in Ten’s smile and the softness of his touches; like that something he saw in Ten’s eyes at Johnny’s porch.

Jaehyun trumbled at the thought and bumped his ankle in the lockers behind Johnny’s desk, making a loud thud echo through the office that turned a few heads at him. His ears were slightly red, he knew it as they burned in his head and Johnny snorted, always ready to make fun of him; only this time, he didn’t.

“Do you think we still could use it as an excuse to leave earlier? Traffic will probably be like hell in about an hour, I mean.” Johnny said instead.

“I guess so. Everybody is probably preparing to leave anyway.” Doyoung shrugged and the trio quickly focused back on their work so they could leave as soon as possible and just around thirty minutes later they parted ways on the parking lot, making promises on seeing each other later.

\--

Jaehyun was ready in his Dracula costume: black social shoes, black pants, black tuxedo with a large red collar that matched the collar of his long black and red cape, over an old washed, some kind of off-white, loose, button up shirt. He styled his hair back with some kind of silver colored hair mousse that tinted slightly a few strands and Miss Seo added some eyeliner upon Johnny’s request, “for impact”, and something to make his eyes look somewhat bloodshot. She had also made wonders at Haechan and his Jack Skellington looked just perfect. Mark was there too, dressed up as Spider-Man and his friend Jeno, that sometimes would join them to watch the NBL games, was dressed in an awesome Slenderman costume.

Johnny and Jaehyun dropped the three teenagers at ChenLe’s house sometime around eight – from where they would leave together for a party at another kid’s house from their school – and after stopping at Gino’s for some pizza, they finally made it to the dance studio.

As soon as they left Johnny’s car they were promptly greeted by Yuta, dressed as some cheap version of Gandalf, The Grey, and some of his friends from his own dance studio that Jaehyun had actually met before like Kun, dressed up as Waldo, and Lucas, in a hilarious version of Thor – fake muscles and all – and a new guy named Hendery, dressed up as Harry Potter.

“Dracula, my old friend!” Yuta opened his arms, holding a staff that looked too much like a used broomstick, but lowered them as he frowned, staring at Johnny. “Why are you dressed like a retired pirate?”

Jaehyun bended in laugh and Johnny – who was dressed in black and red stripped pants that rose up to his waist, a white t-shirt pulled inside it, and a Hawaiian style, short sleeved shirt that had a stuffed, ugly, red, parrot glued to its shoulder, not to mention his hair pulled up in a forelock – rolled his eyes before putting his hand on his waist and striking a pose. “I’m Ace Ventura, you uncultured creature.”

“Why would you dress up as a character that no one will recognize?”

Soon enough, even before Johnny could actually reply to that, Doyoung joined them dressed as a priest, walking hand in hand with a pilot Taeil – a sight that made Jaehyun smile at the rare PDA from the couple – and they both stared confused at Johnny’s outfit.

“What the hell are you?” Doyoung frowned and both Jaehyun and Yuta bursted out laughing.

“I told you!” Jaehyun snorted. “No one will recognize you.”

“You all are poor uncultured souls and I pity you.” Johnny bragged at them as they walked towards the building, from where the sound blasted loudly.

The whole studio was decorated with fake spider webs; cauldrons that burned with fake lava could be seen around every corner and every other surface; crucifixes and signs that looked like some ancient rune were lighted under black lights and were displayed around every wall, while the already red bricks walls were highlighted by red colored lights, making the whole place look like a damned dungeon.

Like every year, one of the rooms was transformed into an improvised bar while a second one worked as a huge makeup room for those who wanted to boost their costumes; the two larger ones – that were usually separated by some kind of soundproof mobile wall – were now merged into a huge dancefloor with a DJ booth between them, near a wall, and lounge tables were placed both on the back of the large room and near the double door. The mirrors were now mostly covered with huge amounts of fabric that reassembled red velvet curtains, also lighted up with red lights, while colored lights were seen everywhere from the ceiling, around the dancefloor area in the middle. The studio really outstood itself this year.

The place wasn’t filled yet so the group managed to push two of the lounge tables and some chairs together so they could fit everyone once Taeyong and Ten joined them and soon Jaehyun, Yuta and Taeil left to bring them all some drinks.

It didn’t take long for Taeyong to join them with his hair bleached white in a Jack Frost costume that fitted him perfectly. Taeil was actually the first to notice the matching silver band rings on the newly engaged couple hands and after some details from them, they brought in more drinks so they could make a proper toast. Ten was the only one missing.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun turned around at the mention of his name and he blinked a few times, not recognizing Hwasa at first, who was only dressed in black with some dark makeup. Hwasa had been a dancer at Yuta’s academy once and they met maybe a month before Jaehyun met Hansol. They had actually slept together a few times back in time, before him and Hansol decided on going exclusive, and haven’t seen each other since then.

“Hwasa?” Jaehyun stood up so he could properly greet the long haired girl with a hug. “Hey! How are you?”

Hwasa was beautiful – as gorgeous as Jaehyun remembered – and the large smile on the woman’s face reflected perfectly her always funny personality. They have had some great times together.

“I’m great! It’s so good to see you!” She added with another hug that pressed on his back – as touchy as Jaehyun remembered, not that he has ever complained when it came from her. “How are you?”

“I’m good too, haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, I moved to California. It’s been almost a year actually” she chuckled. “But tell me about you! Still dating Hansol?”

“Uh- “ Jaehyun giggled, running his hand through his hair and his smile was probably enough for the girl to get the scenario.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Hwasa didn’t seem so sorry, but didn’t pushed on the topic and pulled up a guy up that stood by just behind her and just like the woman, he wasn’t wearing a costume either. The young man was all dressed in black, like Hwasa, with leather black pants, tight black tank top and a black leather jacket that sure fitted the black eyeliner on the man’s pretty face. “Let me introduce you two. Jungwoo, this is Jaehyun. Jaehyun, this is Jungwoo. We dance together in California and Jungwoo here accompanied me for a workshop, but rumor has it that he’s abandoning me for some Chicago boys.”

“Oh. Really?” Jaehyun asked, tilting his head out of curiosity and he couldn’t help his smile at Hwasa choice of words – the girl had a taste of humor of her own that never failed to amuse him.

“Ah- No. It’s. It’s not that. It’s nothing sealed. It’s just- Hwasa! Why should you say that? Please don’t listen to what she said. I’m sorry.” The boy sounded as pretty as he looked and smiled sheepishly when he extended a hand to Jaehyun. “It’s nice to meet you, Jaehyun.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

Jaehyun barely had time to return the gesture when Yuta approached them, arm circling around Hwasa’s small waist. “Hey, Jay. Have you met our future crew member?” he said, smiling proudly at Jungwoo.

“Yuta, please. I didn’t sign anything yet.”

“But you will.” Hwasa nodded and Jaehyun noticed how her fingers tangled with Yuta’s, his hand still around her waist. “We both know how you liked the studio. And the pretty boys.”

Yuta’s loud laugh probably made Jungwoo blush even harder than he already was, as Hwasa had actually blinked at Jaehyun’s direction, not trying to be discrete for even a bit – to which Jaehyun could only shake his head and openly smile. Hwasa was really something else.

“Hwasa!” Jungwoo complained.

The guy still looked very embarrassed when Yuta asked them both to join the rest of their firends at the table, but actually left with the girl after that, leaving Jaehyun to introduce a Jungwoo to everyone else. It was no surprise that he and Taeyong already knew each other so after some small talking on where Jungwoo would really move to Chicago and what places he have visited so far and about the workshop itself, the dancers kept talking mostly between themselves.

Jaehyun looked around and there was still no sight of Ten. He didn’t know how the dancer was dressed up as, so he didn’t knew exactly what to look for between so many different costumes. He found himself dumbly searching anyway and caught glance of Taeyong checking the time on his watch every now and them.

As time passed by the place became packed and there were no more empty seats, but only a few people danced timidly to the songs that, despite being really good, didn’t look like were meant for dancing at a party. Some group on a corner – where Jaehyun spotted Hansol dressed as some anime character he didn’t recognize – actually tried on some advanced moves and other groups gathered up together chatting at every other corner. People kept coming in and out of the room holding glasses filled with drinks in all different colors, but Ten was still nowhere to be seen.

Jaehyun kept looking around anyway, as he chatted to his friends and once again, Johnny and Ten were right; he did need to allow himself some fun sometimes. It was when the bass dropped and the music got even louder and all the lights dimmed, except for the ones in the middle of the room, that Taeyong hurried them all from their seats.

“Just leave your phones here.” Taeyong added when Doyoung worried about letting go of their table. “Trust me, you don’t want to miss this!”

The dancer pushed them all forward until they were all in front of a circle made of people wearing red velvet capes with hoods and suddenly, the loud bang of a bell echoed through the speakers a few times, catching on everyone attention as a white smoke covered the floor.

The crowd went silent and the bell chimed one more time. The person in the middle of the circle pulled down his hood and a black haired guy stood with his head downcast, hands joined together in a sign of pray. His face was hidden in the dark and his wet fringe made the persons’ silhouette look even more obscure, but Jaehyun recognized him immediately: it was Ten.

The bell ringed again and Ten stated moving under the dimmed light to the sound of some Christian chant, probably sung in Latin. Ten’s whole body moved as if on his own will to the solemn voices and the soft piano, his movements smooth and precise under the red lights, and the scene he created himself was already alluring enough. Jaehyun quickly looked around and the mainly red decoration, from the brick walls lighten red in the main hall, the red lava, the old runes-like writings, to the red curtains around them, they all seemed to complete the whole experience, as if ever since the beginning they’ve entered a stage to this very one performance. 

It was like watching a secret and sacred ritual, from the way Ten and the other dancers moved to some beat Jaehyun couldn’t actually listen, and Ten’s body moved like he craved and fought, at the same time, to some invisible force that crawled up to his fingers, before the hymn subdued and he fell, kneeled down on the floor. Ten lifted his face as some white light was added to the scene, lighting up mostly his face and Jaehyun could see the dark makeup around his eyes and the long line of silver rings contouring the dancer ear. Ten had his eyes closed and whispered, shadow-like voices echoed in the room as they crackled from the speakers to no music, and when a single note of a deep, dark piano reverbed inside the place, Ten curved his lips in a devilish, satisfied grin – before he started pulling open the collar of his cape.

The whole crowd of students and guest started cheering like a bunch of crazy when Ten revealed another outfit beneath the red one. His black pants were stylishly ripped on his knees and on his thighs, a black silk blazer with embroidered red flowers near the lapel that almost fell from his shoulder as he bended sideways, and a silk vest, the piece of clothing only buttoned around his waist. Ten wore it in a way that looked simultaneously fancy and sinful, making him look like some kind of super star. A black spiked leash wrapped around his neck and other silvery jewelry sliped down from his shoulder to his almost naked torso. Ten was stunning and Jaehyun was completely mesmerized.

Ten started moving again to echoed sounds, as his fingers looked like they moved on their own on his body and his head turned first, then his waist in what looked like an inner fight as another song started in a slow crescendo, darker than the previous one as it mixed a choir with some electronic beats that marked the tempo and the other dancers started crawling on the floor towards Ten, they all dressed in red and clothes Jaehyun couldn’t really pay any attention as his eyes was fixed on Ten.

Jaehyun didn’t take his eyes off of Ten not even when the other dancers circled around him, like a cage that the man then tried to escape. Ten escaped, and then the bass dropped and they all started dancing in a perfect sync to the deep, intense beat of the music in the creepiest choreography Jaehyun had ever seen in his life. It was amazing how even Ten's fingers curled and he moved as if his whole body was being possessed by something that was not from this word, between twists and twirls and turns and perfectly practiced dance movements.

The dancers gathered up together again and in a blink Ten disappeared before his eyes, only to appear in a powerful jump from behind them, landing perfectly on the floor. The whole dance routine looked damned as the crew twisted on the air and Ten moved his body in ways that looked very unhuman, and if it weren’t for the strength on each of his moves, Jaehyun could swear the man had no bones in his body at all. The crowd went completely crazy when he lowered himself on the floor and impersonated, between the dance moves, one particular scene from the movie The Exorcist, mouth hanging open and all, before he stood still on a back flip on the next step and before they all moved together in a final pose.

It all went silent for a full second before the crowd erupted in cheers and the loud beat that resembled some kind of horn of some foreign music filled the room, officially opening the dance floor.

Jaehyun was still feeling awestruck, hypnotized even, from the dance when he finally found himself face to face with a breathless and flushed Ten that tried to move away from a whole bunch of people who came to greet him, as well as the other dancers – their group of friends included. – Jaehyun couldn’t help the huge smile on his face as Ten gaze found him with a shy smile and looking very flustered from both the dance and all the compliments.

“Oh God, I really need some water.” The whole performance didn’t last for whole three minutes but it was so intense that Ten looked like he had danced for hours, covered in a thin line of sweat when he supported himself on Jaehyun’s arm.

“The Devil himself asking God for water?” Jaehyun said playfully, and Ten squinted his eyes in a small glare that made Jaehyun smile grow even wider before he looked at his glass, filled with some greenish drink that he didn’t bother saving the name when Yuta handed it to him just a little bit earlier, but extend it to the dancer anyway. “I think this one suits the Devil better.”

Without giving it a spare glance, Ten took the liquor from Jaehyun’s hand and drank a large portion of it, making a face soon after. “What the hell is this?” Apart from the protest, Ten finished the rest of the drink in one gulp and Jaehyun roared with laughter.

“You really look like the Devil drinking like that, you know?”

“Just for you to know, Count Dracula, the Devil is in fact a fallen angel.”

“Oh, is he?” Jaehyun tilted his head and pressed his lips in a mocking smile that still made his dimples stand out and won another glare from Ten, before being pulled by him towards the door.

“Yes. Now let’s go get you something drinkable because this thing you gave me tasted like garbage.”

A few hours and rounds of drinks later and they were all on the dance floor. Doyoung and Taeil danced side by side on their small circle near the DJ booth, followed by Jungwoo. Yuta, who seemed glued by the hips to Hwasa, cheered along them anyway. Taeyong and Johnny were just by Jaehyun’s side but danced mostly together and Jaehyun could see Taeyong embarrassed at some stupid dance move Johnny had just pulled off. Ten was dancing in front of him, beside Junwgoo and Taeyong, and if he performed as the Devil earlier, he really looked devilish as he danced now, his hips moving along the loud beat, eyes closed and a loose smile on his face while he just let himself feel the music, his arms swinging smoothly in the air.

Jaehyun always liked watching his dancer friends dancing out of the stage, especially when they were slightly drunk, like they all were right now – except for Taeyong, who was really drunk as the light weight of their team. It was like they all let themselves relax and really feel the rhythm without worries on how they looked and how well they executed their movements. It was just them, their bodies and the music. Of course they knew exactly how to move and they all usually danced better than everyone else on the room, no matter where they were, but still, there was something that had always fascinated Jaehyun about watching them dancing so casually.

If anything, the soft grin on Ten’s face was a large indication the shorter was indeed having a good time and Jaehyun felt his own movements too stiff as he watched him, shoulders and waist rolling up smoothly to the rhythm. Their eyes locked briefly a few times while they danced and every time Jaehyun could swear that Ten smiled just a little bit brighter at him, before turning, sometimes to their friends, sometimes in a twist, sometimes closing his eyes, but when Jungwoo excused himself to get himself another drink – offering Jaehyun another one that he gladly accepted – they were somehow left alone between the other couples and their eyes remained sealed.

The music had once again dropped to a deeper beat, darker and somewhat even more sensual than the previous Latin like one. Jaehyun quickly looked sideways when he actually saw Taeil pulling Doyoung close. Yuta and Hwasa were long lost in their own dance, much like Johnny and Taeyong, and Jaehyun felt as if his own feet dragged him closer to Ten. The dancer also moved closer, not missing a beat as his steps looked like choreographed perfectly to the song. The lyrics, that actually meant nothing at all, were mute-singed by his lips and Jaehyun couldn’t help a small laugh, and Ten followed him at that, before signing for Jaehyun to follow his movements. Jaehyun was far from being a dancer, but there was something about the way that Ten moved his body that made it too easy to sync in with him.

Jaehyun had let his own cape by their table along his cellphone and had already loosen up a few buttons of his shirt, but he felt the room get warmer as they danced, their bodies almost touching, and Jaehyun would say that it was like the heat came from Ten’s body himself. Their faces were close, just like their chests, and Jaehyun could see the reflection of colored lights on Ten’s necklaces, shining on his pale torso and around his neck. Just like that night on Johnny’s porch, Ten's lips were slightly parted as they stared into each other, but if he were to use Ten’s words, Jaehyun could say that what he saw that night was an Angel, while Ten did look like the Devil right now, when his eyes lightened up with everything Jaehyun couldn’t read that day and something more; something that Jaehyun knew could be seen reflected in his owns eyes. They moved even closer, their bodies brushing oh-so-slightly and just when Jaehyun leaned in, Ten turned around not losing a single beat with his back turned towards him.

Jaehyun’s hands immediately found their way to Ten’s hips and if they danced in sync earlier, they moved as one now, with Ten resting his back against his chest and for a moment Jaehyun couldn’t tell if he was inebriated by the drinks or by Ten’s perfume, sharp in his lungs, as Jaehyun let his nose slide down the shorter’s neck, his own breath hot against the warmth of Ten skin and Jaehyun felt the whole room on fire. Ten tilted his head sideways and Jaehyun saw him closing his eyes and he leaned in again, daringly hovering his mouth right behind Ten’s ear. The silver rings were all cold on his flushed face as his parted lips pressed against the hot skin, briefly.

“Ten.”

His voice sounded huskier and almost cracked on his throat when Jaehyun called for the other man and he swore he have heard Ten gasp when he pressed closer, but soon – way too soon – he felt Ten freeze between his hands.

Ten’s whole body stiffed and when Jaehyun looked up, in the same direction as him, he found Hansol standing still, right in front of them. The other dancer didn’t say anything, but the look in his face as he stared at them was worse than if Jaehyun had been shouted at. Jaehyun has seen that same look the last time they talked, in front of the dance studio.

Jaehyun didn’t know if it was instinct or not but his fingers pressed on Ten body at the smallest sign that he would walk away and Hansol seemed to catch on that, as he simply shook his head before leaving from their sights.

Ten let out a deep breath and when he turned towards Jaehyun his eyebrows were slightly pressed together, but not in a frown. He opened his mouth, but nothing came of it as he shook his head to Jaehyun and Jaehyun could see the hurt in Ten's eyes when he slowly pushed Jaehyun's hands from his body and left.

“Ten, wait!” He tried calling, but before he could do anything else, he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and it was Johnny. Jaehyun wasn’t sure, but he thought he had seen Taeyong moving in the same direction that Ten have left.

Jaehyun was stuck and all the noises seemed too loud and the room seemed too stuffy and Jaehyun wasn’t quite sure of what have just happened. Of what haven’t happened.

“You alright there, buddy?” Johnny was still beside him, his hand heavy on his shoulder at the same time his voice looked too distant.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink.” Jaehyun simply said, not daring to glance at his friend as he turned around, his hand messing on his styled hair.

Jaehyun remembered only a few things after that.

He remembered meeting Jungwoo halfway and the younger following him to the bar area – Jaehyun remembered that the boy was younger then him, but not exactly how much younger, not even when he told him how old he was exactly and it was probably while they shared a few more drinks at the bar, drinks that probably tasted like garbage.

After that, all he remembered was the hot feeling of plush lips against his neck and on his skin and then Jaehyun was turning them around as he hooved above Jungwoo’s body against his own mattress – Jaehyun didn’t remember how they got there. – Jungwoo was hot and as beautiful shirtless as Jaehyun have imagined and he pressed his lips down the boy’s neck and then his chest and he wished the man beneath was wearing necklaces.

He remembered having trouble pulling down the rest of his pants that already hanged open around his thighs and he didn’t remember why they were like that – but then he did, when he kissed the saltiness in Jungwoo’s mouth.

He remembered turning Jungwoo around beneath him and onto his knees and walking around naked in his own bedroom – he didn’t remember why, but that one wasn’t hard to guess.

He remembered his own body moving against Jungwoo’s body – hot and tight and oh God, he missed that – and he remembered Jungwoo moaning underneath him, like a pleading mess.

He remembered feeling himself embarrassed and burying his face in Jungwoo’s neck, pretending he didn’t just moaned someone else’s name as he came – but he wished he didn’t remember that.

The other thing Jaehyun didn’t remember was having turned on the TV on the previous night, before falling sleep with Jungwoo wrapped around his waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note01: For those who didn't recognized Ten's solo (Devil) described on the chapter, and for those who haven't watched it yet, here are both links to the [Hit The Stage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdVxYyE65Oo) performance and the [Dance Practice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCFEULwz_Mc). As you can see, it has nothing original on what I write, except (maybe) from the clothes (that are inspired by both the HTS performance and [ WayV - See The V ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAiqhaBXQqc)).
> 
> Note02: Just to make it clear, Lucas and Hendery are both older in this (22yo/23yo or smt ).
> 
> Note03: I've said about recommending a few songs that I think that suit the characters and some scenarios/chapters and I'm still not sure about that, but I had indeed a few songs in mind while I wrote this chapter so I'll link those here. You don't have to listen to them if you don't want to ruin your own mood to the dancing parts. It's up to you, in case you're interested to know what I had in mind while I wrote it. (I'm thinking about creating a playlist with all the songs later, idk).
> 
> Dance floor opening – after Devil’s performance : [ Tropkillaz, J. Balvin, Anitta - Bola Rebola ft. MC Zaac](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xcWbUu5Pu4)  
[I just think the whole vibe of this song fits it and it’s quite sinful, so I couldn’t think of any better song for a party at the Devil’s dungeon. Here’s the link for the actual video, in case you’re curious, BUT I don’t recommend opening this in public spaces and IT IS a NSFW video. Click on your own risk. [ Here. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lby6qH2WYXY) ^^’ ] – There are a lot of great choreographies for this song, like the Chachi and Matt Steffanina one or the 1Million, so check them too if you’d like.
> 
> Latin song: [ Dj Snake, J. Balvin & Tyga - Loco Contigo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vXL20HSBSU)  
[Oh, the lyrics to this song just screams Jaehyun staring at Ten dancing, at least for me. Here’s the [ official video ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNl00mOSnJI).] 
> 
> Jaeten dancing together: [ Nicki Minaj ft. Foxy Brown - Coco Chanel ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCct5a1E9p0)  
[This song simply started playing while wrote it and it was CRAZY how well it fit with what I had in mind, meaning the tempo and whole sexy vibe, even tho it’s not a song meant to be sexy. The fact that [ Ten actually danced to it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2cOkphn5Mg) is definitely a plus.]
> 
> Note04: Happy spooky season y'all ^^


	10. Chapter 10

Ten woke up to the endless sound of his phone ringing somewhere he couldn’t care less, as his head throbbed at every high pitched sound. He didn’t dare opening his eyes, but the sound echoed for what looked like the third time and closer at every second, before he felt a large, yet soft hand running down the skin on his shoulder. He frowned.

“I think you should pick up. It’s the fourth time Johnny is calling you.”

Ten grunted and reached his hand out, reaching blindly for the phone until it was actually put into his hand and before he answered the call, he felt Lucas's full lips pressing on his temple.

“I’ll make us some coffee.” The man muttered.

Lucas was a dancer at Yuta’s academy and aside from Taeyong, the closest person in Ten’s life. It was hard to describe what they had, sometimes. Sometimes they would just chill and hang out for a whole weekend like the best bro’s in the world; sometimes they would go out for drinks and Ten would match Lucas with the hottest girl (or boy) of the party; and sometimes they would wake up like this: naked and curled up together on Lucas mattress. Those sometimes were rare, but they happened from time to time, when they both felt too lonely to wake up on a bed too stranger – or with a stranger on their bed. Ten didn’t even consider them as friends with benefits, although that was probably the closest words to what they had when those rare nights occurred.

Lucas was also the sweetest person Ten have ever met, Taeyong included. Sometimes Ten wished he had fallen for Lucas instead, but just like he have not, not even the slightest, Lucas was also in love with someone else and that’s how things worked.

Everyone on their usual group knew Lucas – probably everybody in the whole city of Chicago knew Lucas, as he was also the most outgoing person Ten have ever met – and everybody just likes Lucas. He wes usually glued to the hips with either Kun or Hendery and the four of them made quite a squad, much to Kun’s despair and Lucas’s delight, but it was usually just the two of them when they hanged out.

Lucas was also the first person Ten had actually talked about Jaehyun, even before Taeyong started tossing weird remarks around him about Jaehyun; like how he and Jaehyun seemed to talk a lot, like how he and Jaehyun seemed to always watch the same series, or listen to the same music, or how Jaehyun looked good that day as he stared at Ten with the corner of his eyes just to see any reaction from Ten – Taeyong never knew how to be subtle – and Ten was the first to notice how Lucas stared just a little bit longer at one of the girls from his team. Ten used to say they were doomed, to like someone who didn’t like them back and yet they couldn’t get over them, no matter how hard they tried.

It was no secret that almost every dancer from both their studios have had a thing for either Johnny or Jaehyun after meeting the handsome publicity-duo that were responsible for their first International Workshop – having dancing together for years, Yunho and Junsu, the owners of the studios' decided they should gather up every year and bring a few dancers worldwide to exchange ideas and experiment on different styles. It was Ten’s favorite part of the year ever since and both Johnny and Jaehyun were still responsible for the whole media part, so now they knew pretty much everyone from both crews.

Ten was no exception when it came for crushing over the single portion of the duo, but Jaehyun started dating Hansol pretty quickly so he soon gave up on his infatuation with the man. The thing was: it turned out not as just some sort of infatuation and Ten found himself more and more enchanted with Jaehyun as they got to know each other.

Jaehyun was someone who was always too easy to be around. He was always gentle, had a somewhat silly sense of humor that Ten actually really liked and it have always been too easy to talk with Jaehyun about the most mundane things as much as it was to talk about things so deep like the meaning of life, didn’t matter if they were at one of their friend’s house, or his own shared apartment with Hansol, while they’ve waited for the other dancer to wake up or come out from a bath. Being around Jaehyun was just easy, too easy, at the same times it wasn’t.

One thing was to have a crush on your roommate’s boyfriend; another one was to nourish it, and as much as Ten did try to not let himself go whenever Jaehyun was around, it proved itself a very hard task whenever Jaehyun smiled at him in the living room and asked about what music was he listening to in his headphones, or the book Ten was reading, or whatever thing was displaying on the TV. And if they first started with small talks, they soon found themselves talking for hours about their own lives and whatever thing that came up to their minds, if Hansol didn’t bloomed out of his room to fish Jaehyun back.

Taeyong noticed, of course, but even with Ten always denying it, his best friend wasn’t his best friend for nothing and Taeyong knew that Ten knew that he knew about it, but speaking out loud with Lucas was enough nerve-wracking. Speaking about it to Taeyong, who was too close to both him, Jaehyun and Hansol, and always around them would only have made it worse. Would make it too real.

There was only this one time when they were slightly drunk on Taeyong’s floor, about a year after Jaehyun was dating Hansol. _“I wish it was me instead.” _Was what Ten have said. A few days later, when Taeyong questioned him about it again while they were both sober at Ten’s bedroom – and Jaehyun probably fucked Hansol on the next room – he denied everything. _“You were way too drunk that night, TY.”_

Lucas used to tell him: _“give in or give up”_. Ten wasn’t really sure of what he had chosen.

The thing was: as time passed by, Ten had actually thought that he had indeed moved on on his “crush” on Jaehyun and started thinking about it as some kind of platonic relationship. He cared deeply for Jaehyun and eventually managed to not think about him any other way but as a friend, most of the times. Jaehyun was dating his roommate, but they too were good friends and good friends talked over everything and helped each other’s out, right?

That was the main reason Ten have gotten so mad when he found out about Hansol cheating on Jaehyun that they actually got into a fight, and if him and Hansol were never the closest of friends, sharing the same apartment became a daily practice of patience ever since.

It was also true that he let himself get even closer to Jaehyun after his friend lost his mother and Haechan came in the scene, especially after the whole episode with Haechan when they met. But in spite of everything else, Jaehyun was his friend and he truly cared about him. That’s exactly why last night was a mistake.

After the whole awkward encounter with Hansol on Wednesday, once he got home after Taeyong and Johnny’s engagement dinner, Hansol came to face him on their living room. Taeyong was right and Hansol had always been jealous of him and Jaehyun, as Hansol made it pretty clear that night, and being pointed out by Hansol on how loose he let himself go whenever Jaehyun was around was a like getting a punch in the guts. That night, he have sworn to Hansol that there was nothing going on between them – while he tried not to think about the way Jaehyun stared at him at Johnny’s porch.

Dancing with Jaehyun at the party was one of the many mistakes Ten have made that night. Despite of what he told Hansol, Ten knew there was something different going on around them lately and he would be a hypocrite to deny he wanted that; even if it was just a slight bit of that something that made his chest fluster whenever he noticed Jaehyun's eyes shining brightly, directly at him.

Jaehyun's eyes always shined and Ten felt he could get himself lost in their brightness, especially when directed at him. But that sight alone had become something rare on those last few months and It was so good to see Jaehyun smiling again, with his too cute dimples and all, especially after Ten had seen so much pain in the man’s eyes after that night when he met Haechan.

It was probably because of the mixture of the overwhelm of his earlier performance and the lightness caused by the drinks that he let himself be pulled so close to Jaehyun, to let himself get lost in Jaehyun's orbs and actually feel the heat from Jaehyun’s body against his own last night, but it was all a mistake.

He and Hansol had never been close friends and Jaehyun had never been a reason for that as it has been like that ever since they met. Ten didn’t really know why, but they never really clicked and conversation between them would soon fade unless they were talking about dance, but even that, they have different tastes and different inspirations most of the time. Taeyong once told him that he thought Hansol saw him as competition. A kind of competition Ten have found out haven’t always been just about dance, after all, even if Ten never considered himself a threat, none ways.

Despite all that, Ten truly cared about Hansol and in spite all the tension going on around them ever since that night Ten saw Chris and Hansol kissing on their living room, while Hansol was still dating Jaehyun, Ten never wanted to hurt Hansol. They might have never managed to become great friends over those years they lived together, but they were friends, somehow, and Hansol was probably one of the best dance partners Ten have ever had. 

To see the hurt in Hansol’s eyes when he stared at him and Jaehyun dancing and to know that he was the one who caused it was unbearable. Everything about it was a huge mistake.

After the whole mess that night, Ten left the dancing area followed by Taeyong. He have told Taeyong about Hansol's outburst – at Jaehyun first and later at him – just earlier that day, while he helped his friend dye his hair to the party. Even then, when Taeyong questioned him about his feelings, he couldn’t talk about them. He should never say them out loud, but as Taeyong have said to him, it didn’t matter if he wouldn’t say it, as it had never been so obvious.

Ten have found Lucas a few minutes later after Taeyong ran after him at the party and after assuring Taeyong he would be fine and deciding on spending the rest of the night at their improvised makeup room for the guests. He met Lucas, Hendery and Kun there and they only left when the party was over and even then, Ten wasn’t ready to go home. That’s how he ended up in Lucas’ place, and in Lucas’ bed, this time.

_“Ten? Ten, are you there? Hello?”_ Johnny’s voice echoed through the phone and he simply groaned in response.

“What.”

_“Is Jaehyun with you?”_ Johnny's straight to the point question was what made Ten fully up and tense too early in the morning, didn’t matter what time it really was.

“Why would he be?” his voice was hoarse, which only made him sound guiltier than he should.

_“I’m sorry Ten, I asked him not to call you.”_ Taeyong didn’t sound pleased, at all.

_“I needed to try, okay?”_

_“But I told you Ten would not be with Jay.”_

_“And we need to talk to Jay.” _Both Taeyong and Johnny ‘s voices were a little muffed as they clearly spoke to each other, instead of with Ten even if they were probably on speakers and Ten couldn’t help but feel bad about hearing the couple arguing about them.

“Uh-” Ten cleared his throat, frowning as he rolled on the sheets and some kind of worry ran through him. “No, he’s not with me. What’s wrong?”

_“Oh. Man!”_ It was Johnny. _“Jay simply vanished from the party yesterday and he was supposed to pick Haechan at his friend’s house about an hour ago but he didn’t show up.”_

“Yeah, I remember that.” Ten sat up on the bed and Johnny had his full attention by now, but he still rumbled through his words. “He said- He said he would bring Haechan to the Navy before your game. Something about their mother.”

_“Right.”_ Johnny paused. _“He didn’t show up so Haechan texted Mark, because we were supposed to meet them for lunch, before the game, and we all tried calling him, but he just doesn’t pick up.”_

Ten sighed and his head throbbed like hell at this point when he stared at his backpack in the corner of Lucas’ room. “He forgot his phone at the party. I helped closing so it’s with me. He forgot his cape too.”

_“Oh, man!”_

“Have you tried calling him at home?”

_“Jay doesn’t have a home number. I’ve **always** told him to get a home number!”_ Johnny groaned as he complained, but continued soon after. _“Anyway. I’m on my way to pick Haechan at his friend’s house right now and I told Mark to tell him we had a change of plans and Jaehyun was waiting for us at home so would you please, please, please go to Jaehyun’s and try to wake him up? Like, **please**? We need to get him functioning before we arrive with Haechan. I don’t have a good feeling about this.”_

“I- I’m not sure, Johnny. I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

_“Because it’s **not** a good idea.”_ Taeyong added in the background.

“Johnny, shouldn’t we try to find Jaehyun first?”

_“Please, Ten. Haechan is gonna be so mad if Jaehyun cancel on him like that. Mark said he’s already thinking his brother forgot about him.”_

“One more reason Jaehyun should be the one to pick up his brother.”

_“I already told Mark to tell him that Jay had a problem with his car so he asked me to pick him up instead.”_

Ten grunted, and not because he didn’t want to be around Jaehyun right now – well, maybe a little – but they were doing so much progress with Haechan lately, he couldn’t believe Jaehyun would simply forget about something like this; especially not after Jaehyun himself sounded so excited when he told Ten over phone about his plan on bringing Haechan to the Navy and how he have always wanted to take his mother to the place and how much she loved Forest Gump so he would bring Haechan to have lunch at Buba Gump before going their game. _“It would be the best way to end the best season. There’s no way Haechan will want to leave Chicago after that.”_ As Jaehyun have said.

“Alright. Fine. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Ten hanged up the phone the moment Lucas walked in just in his boxers briefs and holding two cups of smoking hot coffee.

“Everything alright, babe?”

Ten picked up on the cup, taking a sip before he shook his head and sighed, smiling guiltily at his friend. “Can you give me a ride? Please?”

\--

Ten didn’t even have time to shower, and neither did Lucas, before they headed out to Jaehyun’s apartment. He had to be sure he would make it before Johnny, but an accident inside the tunnel made it a really hard target to fulfill. Impossible, as it seemed, when Lucas parked outside Jaehyun’s three stored building and Ten promptly recognized Taeyong’s car.

“Fuck!” Ten muttered under his breath as he jumped out of Lucas’ old Ford and hurried into the building, his backpack with Jaehyun’s phone and cape in hand, but when he finally made it up to the second floor it was already too late.

“You forgot.” Haechan’s voice was small, as the teenager stood in the middle of their somewhat large entrance. Ten could see Taeyong behind him and they quickly exchanged glances when his presence was noticed by his friend. Johnny did the same as he emerged from the living room to stand by Taeyong’s side and when Ten stepped inside the crowded space, it was when he finally saw a shirtless Jaehyun, hair too messed to pretended he didn’t just got out of the bed, if his trousers from the previous night hanging loose from his hips wasn’t proof enough. Jaehyun had a look of both shock and shame on his face and before he had any time to recover from the Haechan’s accusation, the sound of a door opening behind him cut the silence and a very confused and sleepy Jungwoo appeared before them.

It was only then that Ten noticed the shoes sprawled carelessly on the carpet floor and a piece of clothing that looked too much like the shirt Jaehyun wore on the previous night. He needed to get out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve finished editing a few chapters this weekend so you can expect a few updates during the week. ^^ 
> 
> Thank you everyone for the kudos and the lovely comments <3 I really love to know of what you’re thinking about this.


	11. Chapter 11

Jaehyun woke up to the sound of voices coming from his living room – not from his TV. – His head pounded like a whole drum set was playing inside it for a feast and the voices echoed like trumpets on his ears. Jaehyun grunted and turned on his back. He felt the warmth of someone else’s arm circling on his chest and he opened his eyes in surprise, but regretted immediately, as the light coming from between the blind sheets burned through then.

Jaehyun almost jumped when a tall shadow appeared on the frame of his bedroom door, left ajar, and Johnny head poked inside.

“Oh, man…”

It took Jaehyun a few seconds to understand half of what was going on. He was naked in his bed with his body only partially covered by the sheets and a very asleep Jungwoo half hugged him while he run his hand through his already messed hair. Johnny, his best friend, was staring at them with a look Jaehyun whished he didn’t know, but he did, and he immediately knew he was in trouble. He knew Johnny had a spare key – not even Hansol had one when they dated – but there were other voices coming from the apartment and it was when he recognized Haechan’s voice that it hit him.

“Fuck!” He whispered yelled under his breath as he jumped out of the bed, waking up Jungwoo in the process, but that was something he could deal with later. “What time is it? Where’s my phone?” He tried asking Johnny, but only received a shake of his head in response.

Jaehyun looked around and stared at the clock on his nightstand blinking 11:18 in white neon, bright at his face – _fuck!_ He was supposed to have picked up Haechan almost two hours ago. _Where the hell was his phone? _– Jaehyun didn’t even bother to put on his boxers as he jumped into his pants from the previous night that he found careless tossed on the floor.

_“Haechannie, please.”_ Jaehyun heard Taeyong’s voice from afar and despite didn’t understanding what his brother was saying, he could hear the anger from the younger’s voice.

“I think we have a problem.” Johnny said still from his doorframe Jaehyun wished he hadn’t seen the scrutinizing glance Johnny sent him.

“Haechan?” Jaehyun called even before storming out of the room and his brother stood there in the middle of their hall with Taeyong right behind him and he wished he could open a hole in the middle of his living room at the disappointment he saw in Haechan’s eyes.

“You forgot.” The teenager almost muttered and Jaehyun knew he had screwed things up. 

From all the yelling and silence treatment he received before from his brother, nothing compared to that. He had told Haechan they would go play basket with Mark and Johnny on the day after the Halloween party, but he had promised that before that he would take him to somewhere really special to him, especial because it was somewhere he always wanted to take their mother and he would think about her every time he went there. Haechan was so excited about the whole plan he considered skipping horror movie night with his friends and that’s why Jaehyun promised he would be there 9:30 in the morning so they could go together. Ever since moving to Chicago, nothing, not even the dance classes had made Haechan so excited as to go somewhere that could link him to their mother and Jaehyun had ruined it.

Jaehyun gulped and he didn’t know if the bitterness on his dry mouth were because of alcohol or the fact that didn’t even have the guts to reply to that.

“Jaehyun? Taeyong? What’s wrong?” Jungwoo confused voice by his left served as a heavy anchor bringing him even deeper to the whole mess he created and it was when he noticed Ten small figure standing by the door. Jaehyun felt like throwing up.

“You forgot!” Haechan yelled this time and Ten closed the door behind him and Jaehyun quickly glanced an apologetic look at Jungwoo– the poor guy looked completely lost in the middle of the whole situation, but he would definitely have to deal with it later.

“Haechan.” He tried calling brother, slowly taking a step closer.

“You forgot! You forgot about me! You have promised!”

“Haechannie,” he tried again, but his brothers stepped backwards, only stopping when he bumped into Taeyong and turned around, his whole face contorting in both anger and frustration.

“You said he was waiting! It was a lie! You’re all liars!” Haechan’s voice only grew lauder and Jaehyun saw Johnny put his arms protectively around Taeyong while Ten kept staring at them. “You lied to me and you knew it! They all knew you had forgotten about me!” Haechan turned again towards Jaehyun and the teenager face was covered in tears.

Jaehyun tried approaching him again, but he moved back once more, towards his bedroom next to the main door. “I’m so sorry, Haechan. I didn’t mean it, I’m so, so sorry, please-“

“No!” Haechan yelled. “That’s exactly why dad told me not to trust you. Any of you! You’re all liars! I hate you!”

“Haechan,” Ten called him, his voice as soft as ever as he tried to get closer to the boy, but he too was pushed aside.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Haechan, please, just talk to you brother. I’m sure he didn’t forget.” Ten insisted, sparing Jaehyun a quick glance, but Haechan shook his head a few times. “Just listen to him, please?”

“No, I can’t trust him! He’s a liar! Dad was right, I can’t- “Haechan sobbed and run him hand without any grace at his nose before glancing at Jaehyun, but he lowered his voice again as he stared at his brother. “I will never trust you again. I hate you.” He muttered, before turning inside his room.

“Haechan!”

The loud bang of the door and the sound of it being locked from inside echoed heavy at the silent hall before Jaehyun had time to run to it, knocking on it a few times. Jaehyun had screwed up really bad this time.

“Haechan, please!” He knocked again. “Please, just listen to me, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please, Haechannie! Please!”

“Jay.”

It was the second time Jaehyun felt the heaviness of Johnny’s hand on his shoulder in less than twenty for hours and he closed his eyes this time, his own tears burning behind his eyelashes.

“Just give him some time. You can talk to him later.”

“I’ve ruined it. I’ve fucking ruined it, Johnny.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Johnny muttered as he felt his friend’s arms embrace him in a hug and he just allowed himself between them as he rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. “He called Mark asking for you so I went with Tae to pick him up. It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I didn’t know...”

Johnny didn’t have to finish his sentence for Jaehyun to know exactly that he was talking about Jungwoo. Both Johnny and Ten knew about his plans for the day with Haechan. He even invited Johnny and Mark to have lunch with them so they could talk about the game, so yeah, Johnny was definitely talking about Jungwoo – who seemed to catch on that too.

“I- I think I should go. I’ll just- grab my stuff.” Jaehyun heard Jungwoo small voice coming from the living room and soon the sound of his bedroom door closing echoed in the silence of the apartment.

Jaehyun heard a few sound on the background from both his kitchen and his bathroom, but he felt that he would throw up if he even dared opening his eyes while still in Johnny’s embrace, so he just stayed there, trying to calm on his breath. He had fucked up. Worse than that, probably and no, it wasn’t Johnny’s fault. Haechan was his brother, his responsibility. He should have never forgotten. He should have never brought someone else home. He should have never allowed any of this to happen. He really felt like throwing up.

“C’mon, Jay.” Johnny said and Jaehyun felt a soft, yet cold hand on his shoulder, and that was probably Taeyong. “Take this before you pass out.”

Taking a deep breath and with his guts still turning inside him, Jaehyun first lifted his head, taking another breath before opening his eyes to grab the pills and the glass of water Taeyong offered him. His throat burned as he wallowed in the medicine and he wasn’t completely recovered when Jungwoo stepped out of the bedroom.

“Jungwoo, I’m sorry- I-”

“It’s alright.” The dancer cut him with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry too.”

“Jungwoo,” Ten’s voice made Jaehyun turn his head too quickly for his own sake and everything around spun for a bit, but he managed to stand still on his feet to see Ten corned up beside the hall’s wardrobe. “You know Lucas, right? He’s downstairs. He said he can give you a ride.” Ten nodded and pocked his phone.

They all waited in silence until Jungwoo left so Jaehyun finally managed his way to the living room, where he tossed himself on the couch, eyes closing immediately as he rested his head on the back of cushion in a groan.

“I’m really sorry for it, man. I thought you were alone. I should have listen- I- Fuck! I’m so sorry.” Johnny was the first one to break the silence and Jaehyun could hear the guilty in his friend’s voice, even tripping on his words. Jaehyun also felt Taeyong’s hand running smoothly through his hair, so he opened up his eyes and his friend was sitting right by his side with concerned eyes.

“Haechan is good boy. He’s angry now, but I’m sure he’ll listen. We’re really sorry, Jay.”

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have brought Jungwoo here, I couldn’t have forgotten.”

Jaehyun muttered, but didn’t miss on the stare Taeyong sent towards Ten and his eyes quickly followed. Ten was standing by the wall in front of them, right beside Jaehyun’s bedroom door as he stared back at Taeyong and Jaehyun was sure a silent conversation happened there before Ten sighed and only then looked to Jaehyun and Jaehyun wanted to vanish from the world right now if he could..

Ten pressed his lips together in a thin line before pointing his head in the direction of the hall. “You forgot your phone at the party.” He said simply and only them Jaehyun noticed a black and red fabric carefully folded up on his dining table, where Ten have actually pointed. “It’s on silent mode, I didn’t hear it. I’m sorry.” Ten then turned towards Johnny and sighed before speaking directly to him. “I’m sorry. We came as quickly as we could but the tunnel was blocked.”

Johnny nodded and smiled softly at the other dancer before turning his attention back to Jaehyun. “Are you gonna be alright?”

Jaehyun felt like being left out of something, but his mind would probably not process half of it if they tried to explain, so he just nodded before his friends started making their way to the door.

Jaehyun had screwed up thing so bad he didn’t even knew where to start. He slept over the promise he made to his brother, something really important and that he knew Haechan cared about, a lot. It was the most he could offer, as in something related to their mother and yet he had managed to screw it at the same time he probably ruined it for Jungwoo, whom had been nothing but a nice guy to all of them for the whole night at the party – as if moaning someone else’s name wasn’t awkward enough, this morning certainly was – and he for sure screwed up things up with Ten, whatever they were.

“Ten.” Jaehyun couldn’t let it. He had to explain, so he jumped of out of the couch as quickly as he could and regretted it as the whole room spun under his feet but he couldn’t just let Ten leave this time. “Ten, wait.”

He called again and Ten did stop by the hall, turning towards him and Jaehyun was either drunk or going crazy as he saw that same thing on Ten’s eyes that kept him awake after the dinner; that same thing that captured his soul when they danced together on the party last night. But as quickly as he saw it, it was gone as Ten shook his head.

“Later.” He muttered, before turning around and closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update, but next chapter is also on the way. ^^'


	12. Chapter 12

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered why certain things happen to certain people and why things happened the way they did in his life. Yet, sometimes Jaehyun wondered, “why not”?

Jaehyun wasn’t special – no, he was far from it. – He was just an average guy, with a complicate family, yes, but he have had a mother who loved him, a brother whom he loved, and that was it; he had had to study hard for his grades back in school, with a very typical routine, and a few friends, and he have dated a few people, just like any average student in the university; he didn’t graduated with an outstanding diploma, neither had any outstanding skills, no, he just worked hard, like any other average person would; he had a nice job at a nice company in Chicago, well maybe he was lucky on that, but still, nothing about him was really special.

Jaehyun was no saint and screwed things up in his life more times than he liked to remember, but who didn’t? He didn’t thought himself as a bad person for that either; he never wished bad things on anyone, neither did hurt anyone on purpose, except for this time both he and Johnny got into a fight back in campus party, but in their defense, they was just helping another friend from some frat jerks; he had probably hurt people feelings a few times before, like Hansol, but it haven’t been on purpose. Yeah, he did a lot of mistakes in life, but then again, who didn’t?

He knew he had hurt his mother’s feelings every time he made an excuse so he would not visit her and he probably hurt his brother’s feelings with that too, but he couldn’t stand facing Mr. Lee and being somewhere where his presence was more of a trouble than anything else.

In his eyes, his mother was indeed special and his brother was special too and didn’t deserve any of what happed, of what was happening, in Heachan’s case – but that was probably because he loved them. In reality, they were just average people as any other person with both qualities and flaws. That didn’t mean he was anyhow okay with seeing them suffering, of course not, and he could say the same about Hansol and Ten.

Jaehyun sighed and turned off the stove, mixing the vegetables and the noodles a few more times, out of the heat from the pan, before serving it on a plate and then on a tray.

Haechan had locked himself inside his room for the rest of weekend. Jaehyun have heard him going out to use the bathroom and into the kitchen to grab some water, but only when he thought Jaehyun was sleeping or couldn’t see him. He refused to eat anything, though, so Jaehyun tried to cook one of his favorite noodles and set them in front of his door.

“Haechan,” he knocked, but still had no answer. “I made thai noodles. Please, eat at least a little bit, okay? Please?”

Nothing.

It was only about half an hour later, when Jaehyun left the bathroom after a long bath on Sunday night that he noticed that the tray was still in front of the teenager’s room, but the bowl of food was actually empty. At least his brother wouldn’t starve himself to death.

No, Jaehyun never considered himself special, but that night when Ten stepped closer to him as they danced, with a smile that could rule world and his eyes shining so bright, that time, Jaehyun had felt special. Like when Ten smiled at him at Gino’s; like when they texted each other all night long for whatever reason; like when he cared about Haechan when he had all the right not to; like when he showed up with that box full of his stuff that night, so he didn’t have to deal with Hansol; like when they talked without counting on time, back in Ten and Hansol’s living room; like when Ten helped him in the kitchen even if he didn’t know how to cook; like whenever Ten recommended him a new song or a new series or a new book and it fitted perfectly to his taste. All those times Jaehyun had felt really special.

There was a difference between being special and feeling special, Jaehyun thought, and sometimes, when he thought about why all those things were happening to him, to Haechan; why things happened to his mother; Jaehyun knew they happened neither because they were or weren’t special, after all. None of them, like no one else in the world, were really special, except for each others – so then why not?

All Jaehyun wanted right now was for Haechan to feel special. He wanted Ten to feel special too.

\--

“Haechan is really not leaving his room?” Johnny asked from the floor on Jaehyun’s bedroom, near the closed window, while Jaehyun rested on his bed with his legs hanging from the mattress.

Jaehyun had called in sick that Monday as Haechan refused to come out of the room and didn’t eft even to go to school. Jaehyun was worried to the bones when Johnny showed up at his apartment later that evening, right after work.

“He’s not answering. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve already begged for his forgiveness, but I don’t even have an excuse to myself.”

“Tell him the truth.”

“That I drunk myself at the party because of a guy until I ended with another guy on my bed so I could pretend it was someone else and that’s why I couldn’t even wake up in the morning to pick him like I’ve promised?” Jaehyun gulped the bitterness of his tongue and run his hands a few times through his hair – he didn’t mean to be rude, but having Heachan locked up inside his room for days in a row was probably getting to his nerves.

Johnny had explained him the whole events on that Saturday morning earlier, through text. About how Haechan have texted Mark, who then called him and so he went to pick the teenager saying Jaehyun had a problem with the car and asked him for it and was waiting for them at home. Then on how he called Ten, much to Taeyong’s protest, and why Ten couldn’t arrive in time as he was at Luca’s and they got stuck in traffic. Jaehyun still wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that Ten didn’t make it in time while Jungwoo was sleeping on his bed, so yeah, he definitely should talk to Ten. As for his brother… He wasn’t sure if Johnny’s plan would work anyway, even if Jaehyun was awake when they got there.

“I’m really sorry, Jay. I didn’t know you had someone here. Tae and Ten told me it wasn’t a good idea. That you should be the one to pick up Haechan, I’m so sorry! ”

“I already told you it’s not your fault, Johnny. I am his brother, I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one who made a promise and didn’t wake up.”

“Still-“

“It’s fine. Not your fault.” He insisted. “I shouldn’t have brought Jungwoo here, anyway.”

The two of them stayed in silence while staring at the ceiling for a while and Jaehyun sighed. It wasn’t Johnny’s or anyone else fault as his friend only did what he did because he thought he would help, like always, and if it was the other way around it’s almost 100% sure Jaehyun would have done just the same – stupid idea or not – as they have always covered up for each other, ever since College. This time it was Jaehyun alone that screwed things over; with Haechan and probably with Ten too.

“So, you and Jungwoo…” Johnny hesitated at his word, but Jaehyun could what was point behind it.

“A mistake.”

“Taeyong told me he’s moving to Chicago.”

“So I’ve heard, but it’s still a mistake. You know why.” Of course Johnny would know exactly why. Johnny was there at the party and he absolutely saw what happened as Johnny was the one who held him from going after Ten – and the fact that Taeyong didn’t want Johnny to call Ten probably meant more than Jaehyun could currently understand, that was for sure. – Johnny and Taeyong had probably seen it before Jaehyun himself noticed that was something different going between him and Ten as it had been more than once they tossed weird questions about Ten recently. So yeah, Johnny definitely knew why.

“It wasn’t a surprise, you know?” Johnny said from his spot on the floor. “You and Ten. We kind of saw that coming.”

Jaehyun turned to his friend, but didn’t dare say word and pressed his lips, biting on the inner side of his mouth.

“I mean, you have always been close and all, but now you’re _too close_, you know? Also, Tae thinks that Ten always had this kind of crush on you – don’t tell him I told you that!” Johnny actually pointed a finger at him, but they both chuckled and Jaehyun felt his ears warming up a little. “It’s too bad Hansol saw it. And that Ten saw Jungwoo. You would have made a cute couple.”

Jaehyun frowned at his friend’s choice of words before pulling one pillow above his head and he covered his face with it, taking a deep breath as he grunted beneath it, his voice muffled as he spoke. “I fucked up real bad, didn’t I?”

“Not sure if you asked if you fucked up things real bad or if you fucked on this bed, but – hey!” Johnny protested when Jaehyun threw that same pillow into him. “Yeah, sorry man, I think so.”

Jaehyun pushed himself up so he was siting as he run both his hands again over his hair, pulling them backwards.

“I think you should try talking to Ten, tho.” Johnny added, so Jaehyun turned towards him. “Ten and Hansol had a pretty bad argument because of what happened at the party.”

“Is Ten alright?”

Johnny gave him sheepish smile. “He’s staying at Taeyong’s house for a while.”

“Fuck.” Jaehyun sighed, tossing himself back on the bed. “I met Hansol the other night, before your engagement dinner, you know?”

“I didn’t. How was it?”

“Pretty bad.” He shrugged. “Hansol said I’ve never loved him the same way he did and now that I think of it, I think that he’s right.”

“Oh, man. C’mon! You know you liked him, you cared about him. It’s unfair!”

“I know, I did, but-“Jaehyun licked on his dry lips before pressing then together. He did care about Hansol, he did like being with him and they did have fun many times together, but he also knew that they always had something missing. “I don’t know, Johnny. I never really loved him like _that_\- you know what I’m talking about. Let’s be honest. Me and Hansol only started dating because of the sex and we only kept seeing each other because you were dating Taeyong and then it was just convenient because I was always around. If it wasn’t for that, we’d probably already drifted apart earlier than that because we never really _talked_.”

Johnny pressed his lips tight together, but the look in his friend’s eyes was enough to know that he understood exactly what Jaehyun meant with all that. Johnny knew him for so long to know whenever something was wrong and it had been more than once Johnny had asked him about how were things between them– Jaehyun and Hansol didn’t even need to argue or fight or anything at all for Johnny to know. – Only Jaehyun didn’t know – or have chosen not to.

“It sucks to admit that, it really sucks. But I think I’ve hurt him a lot and I didn’t even notice. That’s pretty mean, man. Of course he’s pissed off with me.”

“What about you? Aren’t you hurt? Aren’t you pissed off?”

“With Hansol?” Jaehyun asked with a frown and after Johnny noded, Jaehyun shrugged. “Not really. No.”

“Still, Jay.” Johnny pushed himself back from the wall and crossed his legs as he came closer to the bed. “It doesn’t give him any right to do what he did or to treat you or Ten like that. If he wasn’t happy he should have just told you. He’s been acting as a jerk to everyone else ever since you broke up and if what you’re saying is true, now I think it only looks like he’s doing all this on purpose. To pay it back. ”

“Maybe. I don’t know, man. But- really. Now I’m worried about Ten because they work together and- fuck, Johnny. They live together!” Jaehyun took another deep breath as he pondered; he was more worried about Ten, and Hansol, than he felt somewhat hurt or even bad for himself in this whole situation. “Hansol is probably just hurt because of me, and now Ten is the one paying for this shit.”

“Okay, so he probably is hurt. But now Hansol is dating someone else and it shouldn’t be any of his business if you date Ten or anyone else.”

“I might have messed up the whole thing for him back when we were dating, Johnny,” Jaehyun stated. “He has all the right to be mad because he saw me dancing with his roommate and you’re only saying that because you’re my friend.”

“No, he doesn’t! He cheated on you and he’s dating someone else. He can be hurt all he wants, if you ask me, but he doesn’t have any right to be angry at you or at Ten. And I’m saying this because I don’t think he’s being fair and also because I care about you, and it’s pretty clear that Ten cares about you too, and I want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy.” Johnny paused, but still look seriously at Jaehyun as he spoke again. “Do you like Ten? I mean, for real?”

Jaehyun haven’t felt the need to stop to think about a name to what he actually felt towards Ten. All this time, even with brother locked up inside his room, his mind couldn’t stop wondering back to Ten, to what happened at the party; to what happened at Johnny’s porch; to what was indeed going on between them for a while, now that Jaehyun could clearly see it.

He wasn’t sure if it had been at Johnny’s house, or at Gino‘s, or anywhere else. Maybe it had been back there in their living room while they talked about some random book or whenever Ten tossed some random joke on them at Taeyong’s. Maybe it had been all that; maybe it had always been there, but he didn’t see it; maybe Hansol even had reasons to be jealous, Jaehyun still didn’t know for sure. But when he thought about Ten smiling at him, his eyes sparkling like they have always been, or the gentleness on his voice whenever they talked, or the softness of his small touches, Jaehyun couldn’t help his own smile, his ears feeling slightly hot as he messed up with his hair once more.

Johnny snorted.

“Talk to Ten. Work things out, he’s worth it.”

Jaehyun bit on lip as his chest bumped just a little faster and he felt just a little warmer, and Jaehyun knew for sure he felt that before, around Ten. Jaehyun also knew that Johnny was right, and he have already tried.

“He’s not answering to my texts. I called him and he didn’t pick up either.”

“Then try again.” Was Johnny last advice before they moved their conversation to the kitchen – and the tray that Jaehyun have left there earlier, with rice and kimchi, made by Miss Seo, was gone. Haechan have at least eaten something.

Of course Jaehyun would try talking to Ten again – Johnny didn’t even to ask as he have actually tried calling Ten again earlier, but just like the messages, Ten didn’t answer.

He would have to figure this out, eventually, on how to get Ten talking to him again, but for now, he really needed to get Haechan out of that bedroom first.

Johnny left about an hour later after updating Jaehyun with work for a project they were assigned together and that Jaehyun should start A.S.A.P. It was good to have something other them his personal life problems to think about for a bit, but once Johnny was gone he was back to Haechan locked door.

\--

Jaehyun didn’t know what to do and still had no clue of what to say, so he just sit on the floor with his back against the white painted frame.

“Haechan?” He had his voice low and knocked a few times, “Haechan, just give me a sign so I know you didn’t die in there.” He knocked again, but still heard nothing. “Are you drinking water? Please don’t die in there.”

Nothing.

“It would suck to clean it up if you die in there.” Jaehyun’s voice was almost flat and lack of the necessary humor to that, but Jaehyun was just too tired. He heard the dump sound of something inside the room and a few steps muffed steps on the carpet after that. Haechan was awake.

“Hey, Haechan.” Jaehyun raised up the volume of his voice just a tight bit so he was sure Haechan would listen – well, if he wasn’t wearing headphones, of course. But he would try it.

“I’m sorry about Saturday. I didn’t forget about you, you know. I-” he sighed. “I got too drunk on the party because I think I messed up something else, because I- needed to figure out some stuff so I kinda needed it. But it wasn’t right, okay? Please don’t this when you’re older. You will understand that one day, jut- Wait until you have the right age for that, okay?” Jaehyun rumbled as he stared at his feet and then the edge of his long sleeved shirt. “Anyway. I didn’t mean to oversleep. But I did. And when I was drunk I forgot my phone at the party. People sometimes do stupid things when they’re drunk.” He almost muttered that and paused – that was probably not the right way to talk about getting drunk to a teenager, Jaehyun wondered, so he just moved on. “Ten was here to bring me back my phone. He didn’t- He didn’t know.”

Jaehyun smiled sadly at the thought, but the mere thought of Ten would make the corner of his lips turn on their own, even it was just a sad smile. He snorted. Ten wasn’t talking to him since Saturday even and yet Jaehyun was here, standing up for him to his brother as he didn’t want Haechan to be mad at Ten either. Jaehyun’s head was probably too messed up.

“So, yeah, I forgot my phone and that’s why I didn’t pick up your calls. I’m so sorry I messed this. I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you.” Jaehyun muttered on the last sentence and stayed quiet after that, playing with a loose thread on the white fabric. “Johnny and TY didn’t mean to lie either. They just didn’t want you to be sad.”

Jaehyun chuckled.

“You know.” His voice went up again and he smiled a bit, staring at ceiling. “When you were a kid – I think you were around six or something. Mom promised to take you the aquarium one day, but once we got there it was closed so we took you to the zoo instead .You were so angry and so sad because you wanted to see the whales that you didn’t pay attention to any of the animals until she bought you a whale balloon.” He paused. “It wouldn’t help buying you a whale balloon this time, would it? I could find one, tho.”

The thread from his shirt actually felt on Jaehyun’s fingers and simply discarded it on the carped before tossing back his head and closing his eyes.

“Mom loved the aquarium. I think you got it from her.” He stated and then he thought he heard a few steps again inside the room, but he wasn’t sure anymore, so he sighed and continued.

“Do you remember how she would always stop to see the fish at the pet shop on the mall? I think she always wanted one.”

Jaehyun catch on a small thud coming from inside the room, close to the door.

“Did you know the first clothe she bought you was an overall full of small whales? I think you do, right? She put it on a frame on the wall of your old baby room, do you remember that? I was together with her when she bought it and it was either that or a clown fish so she let me choose. Thanks to me you didn’t end up with a Nemo clothe on your wall.” Jaehyun chuckled.

The silence stretched for a while and Jaehyun actually lost himself in his own memories of their mothers, some of them when it was just the two of them and she would take Jaehyun everywhere she went. They would do everything together, from supermarket to help her picking on her makeup. Jaehyun always chose the ones with the most unique boxing.

He was actually surprised when he heard the sound of the lock of the door being turned with caution and in the same fashion, if not more restrain, the door was left ajar by no more than a couple of inches. When Jaehyun opened his eyes he could see his brother silhouette siting across the door by the wall, in a very similar position like his own. The room lights were dimmed to only a side lamp coming from Haechan’s desk.

“I think I’ve never seen mom as happy as the day you were born.” Jaehyun lowered on his voice a bit, now he knew his brother could listen to him properly. “We both were. I’ve always wanted a baby brother and I still remember her smile when the nurse let me inside the room and she was holding you in her arms like you were the most precious thing on Earth. You were sleeping and I think I don’t remember ever seeing her look so happy like that day.”

Jaehyun smiled and let out a breathed chuckle. “I miss her, you know.” His voice trembled, so he swallowed on that, but continued anyway. “I missed her every day after I’ve moved out. I miss her even more now.”

A small sniff came from the bedroom and soon Jaehyun caught himself following the gesture and used the back of his sleeve covered hand to wipe on his own cheek. “I am really sorry I wasn’t there when it happened. I wished I was there.”

A sob.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you both for a while. I-” Jaehyun took a deep breath and hesitated a bit before letting it out. “Me and your dad, we never really clicked, you know? I‘ve tried, really hard, I know I did. I bought him gifts with my saves on father’s day. I’ve wrote about him for school. I even tried on chess team because of him. He just never… I would never be his son.”

Haechan moved a bit as the sound of the carpet echoed on the room, but that had been it.

“I know he probably said a lot of things about me to you, but I always loved you. And I have always missed you. You and our mother.”

“He said-“ Haechan cleared his throat and his voice was too husky for a teenager after days without any use, but Jaehyun didn’t comment on that. “I asked them why you didn’t show up for summer. I always liked summer the most because you were home.”

Jaehyun closed his eyes again and bit hard on his lips, but it was now his time to listen.

“Dad said you wouldn’t come back because you were doing something bad. That you were a liar and that I shouldn’t trust you. He said you were gay, when asked what you did that was so bad you couldn’t come back home and mom got really angry at him But he said she only got mad because she knew that he was right. I didn’t know what it meant back them.”

They both sighed, probably for whole different reasons and soon Haechan spoke again. “Our mom never liked when dad spoke like that. She said you had your own reasons, but he always said I shouldn’t trust you anyway.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t show up on Saturday.” Jaehyun said after a few moments of silence and wiped his nose, much like Haechan did later. “I am really sorry I broke my promise and I’m really sorry I messed up and that I’m not the brother you probably deserve, Haechan, but I care for you. All this,” he gestured vaguely as he watched his brother’s profile on the shadows. “It’s as much as new to me as it is to you. I – I won’t promise I won’t screw things over again, but I’ll try not to. I only want you to be happy.”

This time Haechan pushed the door open and the lights coming from the hallway reflected on his face, where Jaehyun could see the trace of heavy tears and the red on his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He whispered and just like the last time they’ve argued, Haechan pushed himself into Jaehyun embrace and so he held the younger closer as they cried together.

They stayed like that, with Haechan tossed between Jaehyun arms and they hugged each other while letting all those tears run down their faces. Jaehyun never thought it would be easy. Jaehyun never thought it would be this hard either. Sometimes he wished he should just turn back in time and start this all over. Sometimes he wished he could turn back in time and save his mother. He sighed. He couldn’t. So he would just have to make thing right this time.

“I don’t want to go back to the dance classes.” Haechan said a few minutes later, finally breaking the embrace as he wiped his tears on the sleeve of his hoodies.

“Haechan, please.” Jaehyun whispered, already getting more tired from all this.

“They lied. They all lied.”

“Because they didn’t want to see you sad.”

“I don’t care!” Haechan snapped. “They’re liars and I can’t trust liars.”

“What about the school show? Are you gonna miss it?”

“I’ll quit.”

And so he did. Haechan hadn’t showed up to the dance class for the rest of the week and spite not locking himself in the bedroom, Jaehyun would either come home from work to find the boy asleep or buried into his Gameboy, or his homework. Some days, like on Friday night, Haechan didn’t even wake up for dinner.

Ten still wasn’t answering any of his messages either, and the only news he heard about him was actually from Johnny and that he was still sleeping on Taeyong’s couch. Jaehyun thought about going to his friend’s house more than once during those weeks, but he couldn’t leave his brother alone, not right now. He wondered on waiting for Ten at the studio, but on Johnny’s advie he didn’t – as Hansol would be there and things wasn’t exactly smooth between them. – Jaehyun would had left work as soon as he could every day without getting in trouble and drove straight home so he could cook them dinner and just make Haechan company, even on those nights when Haechan refused to eat or to leave his room.

It had been a surprise waking on a Sunday, two weeks after the Halloween, to the loud sound of the mixer coming from the kitchen as Haechan, still on his pajamas, added something to the glass bottle.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asked in pure curiosity, trying really hard not to make a big deal out of the simple fact that his brother looked somewhat fully functioning so early on a weekend. His hair still pointed awkwardly on every other direction, but probably did his, and Jaehyun run his hand through it a few times to settle the strands down before taking a seat at one of the stools, facing the counter.

“Pancakes. Mom always cooked pancakes on Sunday.”

Jaehyun pressed his lips tight and he noticed how Haechan looked focused on his task that he even had his tongue out between his pressed lips.

“Do you want any help?” Jaehyun was a little hesitant on whether he should push things on and around his brother, so it was better just asking first.

Haechan shook his head and added a few other ingredients to the mixture before taking his time opening and closing the cabinets until he found a pan. Jaehyun watched as he added on the butter and he couldn’t help the smile on his face as his brothers eyes brighten up a little.

“I’ll set up the table.”

Jaehyun barely had time for setting up two plates, two cups and a bottle of milk on their dinner table and when he came back inside the kitchen he froze up his feet to the sound of Haechan muttered sobs. The younger had his back towards him as he carefully turned the pancake and Jaehyun approached him smoothly and rested his hands on the boys shoulder, but didn’t say anything, and neither did the Haechan, until the first disk was set onto a another plate.

“I couldn’t find the choco chips. Mom always used choco chips.”

It was Jaehyun who pulled his brother closer this time and crossed his arms around the shorter shoulders. They found themselves crying together for probably the third time that week.

“I miss her.” Haechan sobbed and his hand held tight on Jaehyun arms as Jaehyun rested his head on his brother’s head.

“It’s okay.” He muttered. “I miss her too.”

Sometimes, when Jaehyun wondered about life, he thought that Hansol was indeed right: Life was funny. On a day you would wake up to a perfectly sunny day, fresh wind blowing of the windows and everyone was happy. Some days, you would wake to that very same blue sky, no clouds and no worries, but deep inside, everything was hurting. It was funny how some would say “it’s okay”, and move on with their days, but others would let themselves sink to that feeling and that no, “today it’s not okay”.

Jaehyun always considered himself the “it’s okay” kind of person, but after losing his mother, sometimes, Jaehyun had a really hard time to think that it would be okay and just wanted to allow himself to say that no, “today is not okay”. Today, he thought, he would have to make it be okay.

Jaehyun sniffed before kissing the top of Haechan’s head and slowly released the younger from the embrace so he could face him, wiping on both of their tears “What do you say we create our own recipe?”

“What do you mean?” Haechan’s voice was snuffled from the crying and he frowned at Jaehyun, who tried on a small smile.

“I mean we don’t have choco chips, but!” he pointed out before turning around and opening on the food cabinet. “We have Oreo’s.” Jaehyun chuckled as he picked up the candy and shake the package a bit before handing it to Haechan.

“And we have Fudge Stripes.” Jaehyun twisted on the corners of his lips as he continued to pass on the items, some of them he had actually brought for Haechan once he moved in, but Haechan paid them no mind “And Snow Flakes, and Froot Loops.”

“Those are for kids.” Haechan said, but picked everything up anyway.

“Well, they will spoil if you don’t eat them, and I’d rather try them somewhere.” Jaehyun shrugged, turning back to his brother. “If it sucks I can bring what’s left for Johnny.”

Haechan frowned, but he was already turning on the oven again. “Does he like this kind of stuff?”

“Let me tell you a secret: the guy only grew up on his height.”

When Haechan actually had let out a small laugh, Jaehyun knew it was worth trying. It was okay if the day outside wasn’t actually sunny, and that they would spend more time quiet around each other and that sleep was hard most of the nights, and that today was a “today is not okay” kind of day; but it was always worth trying to make it a “it will be okay” kind of day, even if they cried in the end of that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is also on the way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first of all I want to thank you for the all the kudos and comments and everything. I don't have enough words to express how touched I've felt to some of your words. <3 it’s inspiring and really means a lot to me. 
> 
> Second, but not any less important, is that I want to thank @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this chapter for me. You're an angel!

It had been over two weeks since Halloween and besides hearing from Johnny that Ten was still sleeping at Taeyong’s place most of the days, and would probably continue doing that until Hansol left in mid December, that was pretty much everything all that he have heard from Ten recently.

Except for the one message Ten sent him the Saturday after the Halloween, and that Jaehyun kept reading on his phone, back and forth.

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ I hope you Haechan are getting_  
_ better._  
  
_ I’m sorry._

Haechan had been out of his room more often, but he was still more quiet than his usual self, so Jaehyun made sure to spend as much as time as he could around his brother. Sometimes they would just stay in silence, watching something on Netflix, sometimes Haechan would play alone in his room, and a few other times, Haechan would let himself cry around Jaehyun and it had been more than once he woke up to a crying Haechan by the door of his bedroom. On those nights Jaehyun mostly didn’t sleep as they just laid there side by side on Jaehyun’s bed, crying between old stories about their mother. All of those times Jaehyun would make sure he would just be there for his brother. Johnny said it was probably a good sign that Haechan was letting his emotions out and slowly opening up to him, and Jaehyun thought that Johnny was probably right.

Johnny and Taeyong hadn’t picked a date for the wedding yet, but Taeyong had convinced Johnny to wait until after the New Year’s without much protest – and Jaehyun suspected it had a lot to do with the whole chaos going around their small group.

“It is our wedding, but we want to see everybody happy.” Johnny said when Jaehyun talked about his concerns about messing up their plans on that Thursday afternoon.

“But it’s not fair you’re postponing it because of us.” Jaehyun argued over a sip on his coffee in the lounge area of their office.

“You and Ten are our best friends and our best men. If you need time to work things out, it won’t hurt us to wait a little.”

Things like this were what made Jaehyun the most glad he had people like Johnny, and Taeyong – and Ten – in his life. He didn’t meet his father, neither ever really had a father-like figure, he barely remembered his grandmother, – his grandfather passed away before he was born – and he missed his mother like crazy most of the time, but he probably had the best friends he could ever have asked for.

“And Taeyong is using the time to plan things like he wanted, so…” Johnny shrugged and the smile on his friend’s face by just mentioning his boyfriend was enough to make Jaehyun smile a little. “We’re going out to taste some cakes later. Any suggestions?”

Jaehyun snorted, shaking his head. “Please don’t get diabetes.”

“Ten suggested chocolate cake.”

“Of course he did.” And for that Jaehyun could only shake his head – Ten hated everything with fruit.

“You know what else Ten said?”

Knowing Johnny for so long had its perks, like knowing that whenever Johnny smirked like that it could only mean he knew something Jaehyun didn’t, but mostly it meant trouble. – Oh, god – Jaehyun pressed his lips tight, trying to hide a smile, and just sighed. “No. What did he say?”

“For us to _‘take our time’_, out of Taeyong’s apartment. Can you believe that?” Johnny frowned in fake annoyance and Jaehyun snorted again. His friends were really something that deserved a case study of their own. “Oh! You know who else I know will be out tonight?”

Jaehyun frowned. That glint on Johnny’s face would always mean no good. “Who?”

“Didn’t you tell me our boy Haechan had some work to do at his friend’s house?” Jaehyun couldn’t believe that. “Oh, wow! What a coincidence.”

“Johnny…” Jaehyun rolled his eyes when his friend actually turned his back to leave the small room.

“See you later, lover boy.”

\--

The sky was pouring heavily again and Jaehyun’s hair and jacket were completely wet simply from the walk from where he parked the car to Taeyong’s apartment. He wasn’t sure if Ten would close the door in his face, but he had to try – if not for their friendship, if not for that thing that had been going on between them and the fact that on those almost three weeks they hadn’t talked there hadn’t been a single day Jaehyun haven’t thought of Ten, that he hadn’t missed him; then at least for the sake of their friends’ wedding.

“Jaehyun?” Ten looked really surprised in his golden round glasses and a black hoodie that looked too big on him, but the sight of Ten alone already made Jaehyun’s pulse run at least two times faster as he run his hand nervously through his wet bangs.

“Uh- Hi.” He smiled sheepishly. “May I come in?”

Ten nodded and stepped out of the door, making room for Jaehyun to step inside and so Jaehyun did, taking off his jacket and leaving it in the hanger near the entrance before following the dancer to the living room. There were a few books tossed around on the floor and that was 100% Ten’s doing because nothing was never out of place at Taeyong’s apartment.

“TY is out with Johnny.” Ten said casually as he stepped around the books and cornered himself on one end of the couch.

“I know. I came here to talk you.”

Jaehyun took a seat where his feet were surrounded by books and leaned down, resting his elbows on his knees so he could pick one of them from the floor. “A Grieving Teen?”

Ten pushed up his knees on the couch as he looked everywhere in the room first, before finally meeting Jaehyun’s eyes and even then he took some time to reply. “I’ve been reading. Anger is part of the grief process and I think Haechan might be turning it to the whole homophobic stuff, you know.”

Jaehyun licked softly on his lips as he stared at the book in his hands and he couldn’t help the small smile on his face as he read the title of three other books on the floor, all of them about the same subject – so that was where all those Johnny’s advices and sudden knowledge on how to deal with grief had been coming from. – Jaehyun remained silent as he carefully pulled the books together and piled them so he could properly read the titles. His mind wandered back to his brother and all the things he had said on that Saturday morning and after that and before that, and how Ten had been there, ever since the beginning, and how he have always listened, and talked to him, until Jaehyun screwed things up – and even then cared.

Jaehyun let go of the book and when turned his head to look at Ten, the dancer was watching him with worried eyes, but they sparkled under the yellow lights from the apartment – and oh, God, Jaehyun had truly missed just looking at them.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Then why aren’t you replying to any of my messages?”

Ten quickly looked down, biting down on his lips and Jaehyun saw him swallow, but didn’t respond.

“I am really sorry, Ten. Johnny told me that you and Hansol had an argument.”

Ten took a deep breath and turned around so he was facing Jaehyun with one knee bended over the couch, while his other foot planted on the cushion. Ten seemed cautious as he stared at him, but spoke soon after. “Hansol is mad. He’s furious.” he sighed. “He thinks we cheated on him while you were together and keeps accusing me of-” Ten bit his lip again and Jaehyun could see the pain in his eyes before it straightened again. “I’m staying here until he leaves.”

“We didn’t do that.” Jaehyun frowned. “Ten, we did nothing like that, you did nothing wrong, you know that. That night we were just dancing and I- I messed up. You shouldn’t have to leave your own home because of this. It’s not fair.”

Jaehyun shook his head and Ten stared at him in silence for some time with his eyebrows knit together and his shoulders tensed, until he took a deep breath and finally let go.

“I’m just done with all these arguments with Hansol, you know? He’s been turning his temper on everyone since you broke up, Jay, and I’m done. I already have to deal with it at the studio, I don’t want to deal with all the time at home too.” Despite the clearly annoyed tone in his voice, Ten still had a small pout on his lips as he spoke.

“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s my fault he’s mad, he shouldn’t be turning this towards you.”

“It’s not your fault, Jay.” Ten sighed, shaking his head and Jaehyun didn’t miss the way his hand grabbed the air before landing loosely on the couch and he leaned just a bit forward, resting his weigh on it and a bit closer to Jaehyun.

“You heard him that night.” Jaehyun dropped down the tone on his voice as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear what they were saying without whispering, even if they were alone. “I’ve hurt him, so it’s my fault he’s acting like that.”

“No, it’s not!” Ten voice was soft and Jaehyun wondered how did he do that, like being so gentle and caring at the same time he looked so brave and strong in a way that made Jaehyun feel so safe, if not braver himself. “I’ve hurt him too.” Ten whispered then, and Jaehyun wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw some kind of guilt in Ten’s eyes, and Jaehyun was confused at first but he remembered what Johnny have told him, about Taeyong saying things about Ten’s feelings and Jaehyun’s heart jumped and his mouth went dry and he didn’t trust himself to answer.

The silence between then stretched as they stared at each other and there it was; that sparkle in Ten’s eyes that made Jaehyun get himself lost into.

“Even if we both hurt him,” Ten continued. “he’s the one choosing to act like that to everyone else when all we did was just care for you. You’ve just lost your mother, for God’s sake! He could have not expected us to be alright with what he did to you, with the way he did it. He could have not expected me to-” Ten gulped, before he whispered. “To turn my back on you. Oh my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your messages!” Ten fumbled his words.

“Ten,” Jaehyun muttered this time and this time Jaehyun could see all the guilt and fear reflected in Ten’s eyes, but there was more than that and Jaehyun knew it, as he recognized that same thing that captured him, entranced him while they danced at that party. He had to take a deep breath before sliding on the couch and got closer to the other man, facing him.

“Jaehyun.” Ten warned at the change, but didn’t step back, so Jaehyun continued.

“About the party.”

“Jay, please, don’t. There’s nothing for us to talk about the party.”

“Jungwoo-“

“Jungwoo is not my concern. You can sleep with whoever you want, it’s none of my business.”

“Then why aren’t you talking to me anymore?”

Jaehyun sighed, truly confused, and there was so much more in Ten’s eyes and so much more he wanted to talk about as Ten stared back at him in silence. Jaehyun slowly moved on the couch, getting himself even closer to Ten so he could stare deeply into his eyes.

“How could I have been so blind?” Jaehyun whispered as his hand slowly cupped on Ten’s cheek and on his neck, his skin hot and soft under his touch, and just like that night at Johnny’s house, Jaehyun felt like drowning in the intensity of Ten’s eyes. “You have always been here. It has always been you.”

“Jay.” Ten’s lips were slightly parted, just like that same night, but this time Jaehyun felt the warmth of his breath against his skin as he leaned closer and he thought of the warmth of Ten’s skin against his mouth at the party. “We can’t do this.”

“Tell me you don’t want it and I’ll stop,” Jaehyun’s voice was barely a whisper against Ten’s cheek and the tip of his lips brushed against the corner of Ten’s lips, their heavy breath mixing into each other’s, hot, like the skin on Ten’s neck, just like he remembered.

“We can’t.”

“Tell me.” Jaehyun’s voice sounded huskier than he intended and Ten glanced back at him and Jaehyun saw it, so close while holding Ten so close to him. Ten was still frowning lightly, but his eyes had that same shine that left Jaehyun mesmerized every time. Ten’s neck tinted pink, just like the tip of cheek and he looked deeply into Jaehyun’s eyes, searching, questioning, until they softened and Jaehyun saw it again; the same thing he saw that night at the porch, the same thing he saw inside his car and on the dance floor and Jaehyun knew he had seen it before, maybe at Ten’s kitchen or as they talked in the living room. And Jaehyun finally understood exactly what had been there for him to read, all those times in Ten’s eyes.

Jaehyun slowly closed their distance as Ten closed his eyes, and Ten’s lips were soft between his own, just like his hand against his neck, fingertips burning hot on his cold skin before they pressed and then suddenly they both gasped for the same air between their mouths at the same time Jaehyun searched for Ten’s waist and pulled him closer, longing for every touch he could get with their mouths pressed back together. Jaehyun felt his whole body burning, but it wasn't just desire as their lips moved against each other, their tongues soon following in in an easy sync, as easy as it had been that night when they danced. But every touch of Ten’s hands and his mouth let Jaehyun craving for something else, something he never really knew he wished for and somehow, it felt like it has always been there for him to take; something he had just found he needed.

Sometimes Jaehyun wondered a lot of things. His mind would play tricks on him and he would catch himself thinking about the most random things at the most random times. Sometimes those things were deep like the unique ways of life, sometimes useless, like the new whatever thing he saw on the TV.

This time, Jaehyun wasn’t wondering. This time Ten was the only thing left in his mind; Ten and his mouth, and how his lips felt so soft while they kissed and the hot feeling of the touch of his fingers, holding on tight when he pulled Jaehyun closer, and how Jaehyun could get drunk on his scent so close to him. On how Ten fitted so perfectly between his arms and how Ten captured his lips between their own and hold them still for a moment that had Jaehyun holding his breath, before Ten slowly pushed them apart but still let their faces touch, and how Ten’s eyes were still closed when Jaehyun stared.

“Jay,” Ten’s voice was low and he almost sounded like a moan – and Jaehyun mind would really play tricks on him later, that was for sure, as he watched Ten so close to him, his lips red and parted.

“Jaehyun, please” Ten slowly opened his eyes when Jaehyun tried kissing his lips again and his whole face was flushed and suddenly Jaehyun felt his own ears burning at the intensity under Ten stare. “We can’t do this.”

“We can.” Jaehyun protested, his voice huskier than before and he could see it in Ten’s eyes that he wanted it; he wanted it just as bad as him and Jaehyun wondered why had took him so long to see it.

Ever since they met, Ten had always been beautiful and Jaehyun had never denied it if someone asked, but there was something else about him, about the way Ten smiled, about the way he moved as he danced, about the way they could talk so easily about anything and everything, about how it had always been natural to have Ten around, it didn’t matter if it was at a friend’s house or while Jaehyun cooked in Ten’s kitchen, about how easy it was to just be himself around Ten; not easy like being around Johnny or Doyoung and Taeyong or even Yuta, but it had always been easier to forget about time when Ten was around and just let things be.

Sharing the last months of his life with Ten had seemed so right, it had been so easy, just like it was following him to the porch that night, like it had been dancing with him on the party, like it had been kissing him just now and Jaehyun felt like he could do it forever because being with Ten felt just right.

“No, we can’t.” Ten muttered still close to him and Jaehyun took a deep breath as he nuzzled on Ten’s cheek before moving back a little so he could face him. “Not right now, you know it.”

“Then when? Why?”

Ten took a deep breath and Jaehyun closed his eyes to the soft touch on his cheeks as he leaned backwards, putting more distance between himself and Jaehyun, who still refused to let go of his waist.

“Jay,” Jaehyun opened his eyes and despite shining bright, there was some sadness in Ten’s eyes. “It’s not just Hansol. I can’t stand between you and Haechan.”

“They don’t have to know.” Jaehyun blurted, frustrated, without thinking a word before he said that and he regretted it, as soon as he said it, while Ten simply shook his head.

He knew what he said wasn’t right. He pressed his lips together and slowly let go of Ten, running his hand through his still damp hair. He knew what Ten meant and that somehow, he was right, so Jaehyun tossed his hair back again before letting out a loud exhale and resting his back against the couch. He couldn’t just hide something like this from his own brother, he needed to be there for him and he wouldn’t let anybody stand between them at this point. But it was not the same thing regarding Hansol.

“Hansol is leaving.” Jaehyun stated, not glancing at Ten as he himself tried to figure out how; when all he wanted was to be with Ten, now. “I understand he’s hurt, but Johnny’s right. It’s none of his business who I date anymore. I will talk to him and make things clear.”

“Please, Jay, don’t. I’m staying here with Taeyong until he leaves, but I can’t stand any more fighting. We have the final concert in a couple of weeks and if things get worse than they already are it will screw things over for everyone else.”

“This is fucked up. He cheated on me, now he accuses us on cheating on him and plays the victim while we did nothing? I must have been stupid, blind, all this time, but we did nothing wrong, Ten.” Jaehyun shook his head before turning back to Ten, who was biting his lip. “We didn’t.”

“That night you talked outside the studio, Hansol questioned me about, some things, when I got home.” Ten talked slowly as his eyes drifted a bit around the room and Jaehyun noticed how his neck slowly turned into a light shade of pink. “He asked what was going on between us.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help the light puff of air that escaped from his lips, but didn’t say a word. He had been just too stupid, too blind for way too long – that was for sure – and he couldn’t even blame Hansol for noticing it first.

“I swore to him that there was nothing.” Ten stated. “But there was, wasn’t it? I wasn’t reading it all wrong, was I?”

Jaehyun actually silently chuckled at that and his red ears burned under the coldness of his damp hair. He pressed his lips into a thin line, but even that didn’t hold his sheepish smile as he searched for Ten’s hand, his eyes following the movement as he tangled their fingers together. Ten’s hand was so small between his and as warm and soft as Jaehyun always remembered from his always there, but slight, small touches. And he nodded.

“You weren’t. Let’s say I’m a slow person.” Was Jaehyun’s answer instead and Ten was actually rolling his eyes as he scoffed, but Jaehyun quickly added. “That’s why you left, at the party.” And this time, Ten nodded.

“And that’s why I’m staying here.”

Jaehyun sighed, and nodded back, not letting go of his hand yet as he stared back at Ten. “Still, Hansol is leaving."

“He is. But what about your brother? You know he won’t like it and we can’t just hide from him. Look at everything he said about trust, Jay.” Ten added and Jaehyun stared at the small pile of book near his feet. “He needs you.”

Jaehyun stayed silent for a bit and he knew that Ten was indeed right. His brother was hurting, of course – and he was still hurting over his mother death, of course, but if you asked him now, how did you know when a storm would end, Jaehyun thought he knew the answer and he saw it as he turned back to Ten and the dancer smiled softly at him, the corner of his lips barely moving as his lips pressed tight together. Even then, his eyes sparkled on his own and Jaehyun’s lips moved on his own, following Ten’s sad smile.

“I know.” He whispered. “I don’t want to leave him alone, that’s why I didn’t come here before.”

“I know.” Ten nodded, still smiling softly at him. “Johnny told me about how things are going with Haechan. And that’s why I say we can’t do this.”

“Would you wait?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper and his free hand found their way back to Ten’s face as he caressed his cheek with the back of his fingers. Ten soon closed his eyes and his lips relaxed on a reminiscent smile before they formed a small pout when he tilted his head a bit, wiling on the touch. Jaehyun ghosted his fingers over Ten’s smooth skin his hand cupped the younger face once more before pulling him in, and this time Ten let him and lowered down until his lips pressed against Jaehyun’s lips in a soft and slow kiss.

Just like when talking to Ten, Jaehyun lost track of time as they kissed again, only their lips and the tip of their tongues touching ever so slightly and it was wonderful how amazing, how special it was, just to feel Ten so close to him and to have him just like that, as if nothing else mattered in the world, but them. And Jaehyun could swear he felt the corner of Ten’s lips turn in a soft smile – or maybe it was his own, or maybe them both – and Jaehyun was sure he could do this forever.

Until the sound of the alarm on Jaehyun’s phone echoed loud in the living room.

Jaehyun took another breath with his mouth still close to Ten’s before he pushed away as slow as he could, not willing to let go of him yet. “I have to go.” He muttered, pressing some button on the phone to silence it. “I’ve promised to pick Haechan at his friend’s house.”

“You set an alarm?” Ten asked with an amused smile as he sit back on the corner of the couch.

“Can’t risk messing up things again.”

They chuckled until they ended up laughing together and Ten shook his head before standing up so Jaehyun wouldn’t be late. They went back to the door in comfortable silence and Ten was probably lost in his own thoughts, much like Jaehyun, as he wondered about the question Ten didn’t really answer – a question Jaehyun wasn’t even sure he had any right to ask.

His jacket was still soaking wet, but the rain only grew heavier outside, so it was better than nothing and he put on the piece of clothing again by the door once Ten opened it.

“Haechan is not coming back to the studio this time, is he?” Ten looked downwards when he asked, holding on the door for Jaehyun, who shook his head in response.

“I don’t want to push him.”

“You did right. I still think it would be good for him, but it’s better to give him some time.” Ten nodded, pressing his lips into a sad smile. “He’s really good and we can see he likes it. Our door will be open once he’s ready.”

Jaehyun smiled a small smile, but at the moment he felt truly glad for the people he had in his life, Ten being one of them, as they were still there and had so much patience with him and Haechan at a moment like this, when probably they did nothing to actually deserve that. Still, he knew his friends were just like this, or he should know, and he wouldn’t do any different had the tables been turned.

“Thanks.”

Ten pushed on the corner of his lips as his smile also grew a bit larger and Jaehyun’s mind threw him back to just a few minutes ago, to the feeling of having Ten so close to him and the taste of his lips on his mouth. He wanted to feel it all again, and again, and again, but before he even leaned closer, Ten hands stopped him, pressing on his chest as if he had sensed it.

“Don’t.”

Jaehyun actually groaned to being denied one last kiss and run a hand on his hair as his lips pressed into a small pout. “Will you reply to my messages now?”

Ten’s lips turned into a soft smile, as he leaned back on the door. “Yes.”

Jaehyun smiled. “Can I call you?”

“Yes.”

“Will I see you again?”

Ten snorted and rolled his eyes, but his smile had gone larger and right back at him. “Unless you intend on going hermit with Haechan like I know you’ve been doing, of course you’re seeing me again.” And Jaehyun snorted – yeah, Ten and Johnny had definitely been talking about it. “You’re doing good, tho. Just be sure you’re there for your brother first. We’ll talk about- this… when the right time comes.”

“So, friends until then?” It was probably the most childish thing Jaehyun had done in years, but he actually lifted his hand between then with his pinky finger standing in the air.

“Oh my god, how old are you? Leave me alone.” Ten was frowning, but there was laugh in his voice as he pushed Jaehyun outside of the apartment with an amused smile and Jaehyun ended up laughing with him as he walked backwards to the elevator, so he could look at Ten’s smiling face just a little bit more.

Yeah. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if Ten would wait, but Ten was totally worth waiting for.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this chapter!  
<3

It was Friday night and after getting soaked again in the rain that morning on his way between a meeting and work, Jaehyun was feeling like shit as he laid on his couch under a blanket, Haechan tossed on the armchair beside him, while they watched the latest season of Busted and waited for their pizza.

Jaehyun had actually cooked them dinner every night, as in a way to both distract himself on the nights Haechan was too silent, or hidden in his room, and as a way to make sure Haechan would feel a little bit more at home. Their mother was one of the best cooks Jaehyun had ever met and he learned a lot from the things he knew from her, since he used to help her on the kitchen when it was the two of them at home. He did help her sometimes after Mr. Lee moved in, but the old man would always complain whenever Jaehyun was in the kitchen – or in the living room, or anywhere else that wasn’t his own room and out of the man’s sight – so Jaehyun eventually stop helping his mother and now he usually clung to the old memories of his mother as Miss Jung, Instead of Mrs. Lee.

His mother never married his father and Jaehyun never actually met him. Once, when Jaehyun was already in college, his mother told him she had met his father at a party when she studied abroad, just like Jaehyun, but only found out that she was pregnant when she was back in Korea. Before that, she had never really talked about it – and Jaehyun had never really asked, except for when he was a really small kid. That night, when she had openly spoken about Jaehyun’s father, his mother begged him to be careful at college parties as she actually wanted to _see_ her grandsons and granddaughters (in plural) grow up. They had laughed together back then, but Jaehyun would only sigh at the memory now, the episode running on the TV been long forgotten.

When the doorbell rang, Haechan promptly stood up to answer it and Jaehyun tried to catch up on whatever was going on in the show, but the voice coming from their apartment entrance sounded too familiar, making Jaehyun almost jump to his feet.

“Ten?”

Ten’s head poked out from the hall before he came fully into view beside the kitchen, followed by a very uncomfortable Haechan, but Jaehyun had a hard time fighting the smile that insisted on showing up on the corner of his lips.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” Jaehyun was actually surprised at Ten visiting, especially after their meeting just the previous night and the dancer stared at him with some concern and smiled sheepishly, before turning back to Haechan.

“Actually, I just came to bring you this.” He said and patiently waited for the teenager to accept the brown paper bag from his hands, before turning back to Jaehyun. “But Haechan just said you’re feeling sick.”

“What’s this?” Haechan asked and Jaehyun stared them both with the same curiosity while his brother looked inside the bag without actually taking anything from it, while he walked back to his previous spot on the living room.

Ten followed him and quickly glanced between Haechan and Jaehyun before stopping within a few steps of him, but turned to the teenager once again as he finally fished out some clothes from the bag that fell carelessly on the floor.

“It’s our Studio uniform. Kind of.” Ten shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets as he explained and Jaehyun noticed how he was wearing both sweatpants and a hoodie under his leather jacket that had the same dark blue color of the clothes Haechan held. “We give them every year to our team and I know you quit but, we requested yours anyway.”

When Haechan turned the hoodie around to check it fully, Jaehyun noticed his brother’s name written on its back side. Haechan turned the piece around in his hands a couple more times before staring back at Ten and curved his lips in a full, yet shy, smile. “T-thanks. It’s really cool.” He managed and staring back down to the clothing in his hands, he let out a chuckle. “Can I really keep it? I’m not part of the team anymore.”

“Once a citizen, always a citizen.” Ten had tilted his head as he shrugged once more with his free shoulder, the other one still holding the weight of his backpack and Haechan’s eyes were actually shining when he glanced back at Ten, just like that time with the whale balloon at the Zoo.

“Thanks, hyung.”

The doorbell chimed again and Haechan quickly exited the room, taking his new clothes with him. “I’ll get it!” He exclaimed excitedly and they listened the sound of his wardrobe opening and then closing again before he made it to the door.

“Are you feeling alright?” Ten took a step closer to Jaehyun while they listened to the other boy and Jaehyun couldn’t help his own large smile as he stared when the dancer actually stepped even closer.

“Yeah. Couldn’t be better now.”

His voice was maybe a little hoarse from the coughing or maybe Jaehyun actually looked really sick because Ten frowned at him and brought the back of his hand to Jaehyun’s forehead and then to his cheek, and lastly to his neck and Jaehyun had to fight not leaning to the touch when Haechan approached the dining table across the room with a large box of pizza in hand.

“You’re feverish.” Ten stated.

“I told him that an hour ago but hyung won’t listen. Mom always complained he wouldn’t take his medicine when he was sick and I get that feeling now.” Haechan added already from the kitchen and then came back holding three plates on his hands, instead of two. “Such a baby.”

Jaehyun rose one of his eyebrows while he listened to his brother talking like that about him and so casually about their mother, as it had been a tough topic these days – not to mention that the fact that he had automatically added Ten to their dinner, on his own – but instead of taking offense to being called a baby like that, it was almost a relief to see his brother acting like the usual brat Jaehyun was used talking to on the phone.

“Yeah. Such a grown up baby.” Ten mocked and that actually made him frown at them both.

“Hey! I do take my medicine, okay? I just-” he shrugged, but averted their eyes and then scratched his neck soon after. “Okay. I take my medicine, sometimes, but I’m not even that sick.”

Ten rolled his eyes and let go of his back pack and his jacket on a chair. “You’re feverish. Of course you’re _that_ sick. And you can’t have pizza for dinner when you’re sick, you know that.”

“You do it too.” Jaehyun retorted, earning another eye roll from Ten.

“I’m cooking you some soup.” Jaehyun had to actually bite on the inner corner of his mouth not to give Ten a cheeky remark. “And I’m having your pizza. Now go take your medicine.”

“You don’t know how to cook.”

“It’s soup. Everyone knows how to cook soup.”

Haechan cracked up with his mouth already full of pizza and he quickly followed Ten to the kitchen carrying a plate with two other slices of pizza in his hand.

When Jaehyun made his way back to the kitchen a few minutes later he was greeted with the sight of Ten and Haechan chopping on some vegetables in a comfortable silence, only broken when Haechan spoke, or Ten asked, as Haechan was actually the one giving the instructions because just as he thought, Ten didn’t actually know how to cook soup.

Jaehyun grinned, leaning on the wall behind him as he watched them unnoticed. The whole scene was too domestic and he thought back to those times when Ten would join him in the kitchen while he cooked for himself and Hansol, and for Ten too, of course – even when the older wasn’t around, as Jaehyun always made sure there was enough for Ten to eat later. And while he and Hansol usually ate in silence while watching TV, he and Ten would mostly chat while cooking and sometime ago Jaehyun had made Ten his favorite tester, as he would mostly compliment him, but it wasn’t rare for the dancer to comment on what he thought that was missing or suggesting something. Most of the times Hansol wouldn’t even bother to leave his room while Jaehyun prepared the food and that’s how he and Ten sometimes would talk inside the kitchen, instead of the living room, and despite not really knowing how to cook, Ten’s add-ons were usually 100% effective. Jaehyun had always enjoyed cooking in Ten’s company.

“What are you doing here?” Ten’s voice cut him from his wonderings and Jaehyun didn’t miss the way his eyes shined at him. He smirked before being pushed out of the corridor and to the living room while ordered to wait on the couch and get some rest.

And so he did, and he fell asleep until Haechan woke him up sometime later, when the soup was ready. Ten and Haechan had already finished the whole pizza and finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher together before joining Jaehyun at the table.

“Hm.” Jaehyun moaned happily as he took another spoon of his homemade dinner, but his eyes and body were feeling heavy, probably from the medicine and the cold. “This is good.” He added, using the spoon to point at the bowl and earning proud smiles from both the boys.

“It’s mom’s recipe. She always cooked this for us, but Ten hyung added a few things in the end, so it’s kind of his recipe too.”

“Hmmm.” He moaned again and shared with Ten a quick knowing glance that made the dancer slightly embarrassed as he poked on his own nape and averted his eyes. ”It’s really good.”

“Oh!” Ten recovered quickly from his moment of shyness and stared at the other two with a grin. “We’re having the Holiday’s Concert in two weeks! You both are going, right?”

Jaehyun looked at his brother and Haechan’s smile actually faded and he looked down at the table, clearly averting Ten’s eyes, but tried to look cool as he spoke. “I don’t know. I’m not feeling very inspired. You know?”

“Maybe,” Ten’s voice lowered a bit, but the dancer held on to the excitement as he smiled at the teenager, allowing himself to run a hand softly though Haechan’s hair. “Maybe if you go watch it you can find your inspiration back. It works for me sometimes. You know? To watch someone else and get inspired by them.”

“That’s called stalking.”

Ten glared. “I’m serious.”

“Really?” Haechan glanced back at him and Jaehyun only watched them silently, finishing his soup.

“Really. Also, Renjun and Jaemin had been asking about you. They will be happy to see you there.”

Haechan eyes widened a bit at the mention of two of his dance mates back in the studio. “Aren’t they mad because I quit?”

“Actually,” Ten paused, sharing a quick look with Jaehyun as he crossed his arms over the wooden table. “I think they’re hoping you’ll join us again next season.”

Haechan went silent after that and pulled his long time forgotten phone from the table, busying himself with it.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Jaehyun stated, noticing his brother’s silence. “But I’ve been watching their performances over the last years and I’ll warn you: they’re amazing.”

“You’re biased.” Ten added, smiling proudly as he stared at Jaehyun, but his smile was soft when he looked back at Haechan. “But we’re cool.”

“Technically, I’m not. Not anymore.”

Ten rolled his eyes at Jaehyun’s blunt remarked and gave him a light kick on his ankle, not caring to be discreet, much to Jaehyun’s amusement. “Ouch!”

“Hyung,” Haechan asked Ten, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. “Where do you get your inspiration from? I mean, besides stalking other people.”

They both snorted at the teenager and Jaehyun watched again as Ten hummed and his eyes stared around the room, not really looking anywhere as he considered the question.

“It depends. Sometimes it’s just about telling a story, sometimes it’s about creating forms and challenging my body, but mostly it’s about what I’m feeling.” Ten paused, staring back at Haechan, who also watched him intensely. “I like dancing to what I’m feeling and feeling what I’m dancing. It depends on the music.”

“And what are you feeling?” Haechan question had taken them by surprise and Ten tensed a bit. “I mean, I saw you practicing by yourself on the studio before and Taeyong hyung told me it was for your solo. What is that about?”

Ten chuckled and closed his eyes for a bit and Jaehyun saw how his neck turned pink, but he didn’t look embarrassed – a little shy, maybe. And when Ten looked back to Jaehyun’s eyes for a bit, there was so much else in his stare that Jaehyun actually became embarrassed himself, like he was staring at something too private, too intimate.

“I guess you’ll have to watch it again and feel it for yourself.” Ten said, looking back at Haechan, and Haechan blinked, his eyes browns frowning in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“What I feel while dancing doesn’t have to be the same you will feel while watching it. Two people can dance to the same song while feeling different things, you know? Just like people can feel things differently. Like, for example, you and your brother. I’m sure you both miss your mother.” Haechan’s eyes widened, but despite of that he didn’t seem taken aback by the topic, but still, Jaehyun watched them with concern. “But I’m sure if you both had to dance to this feeling it would probably be completely different, you would probably even choose different songs to dance to, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that one of you misses her more than the other, or that one is right and other is not. It just means you’re different, and people feel things differently, and they express it differently, in different forms. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Like love?”

“Like love.” Ten tilted his head and smiled softly at Haechan, who turned quiet again. “And anger, and pain, and happiness. It’s alright to feel it, all of it, in different ways.”

Haechan blinked, but nodded and then pressed his lips in a tight smile, much like Jaehyun did sometimes. “We’re going.”

“Good.” Ten muttered, his own smile rising on the corner of his lips. And just like that, Ten leaned on his seat and stared at Jaehyun. “I’ll be waiting.”

Jaehyun didn’t know if it had any hidden message to it, but the words itself and the way Ten looked at him as he said it, it caught on Jaehyun’s breath and he felt his ears turning red and suddenly made him cough.

Ten’s hand was quickly back on his face, checking on his temperature and he frowned a little. “Did you really take your medicine?”

“I- I did.” Jaehyun still coughed and frowned too when replying to the accusation, but Ten ignored him and checked on his phone before turning back to Haechan.

“I really have to go now, but you can call me if you need anything, alright? Please take care of this giant baby for me, will you?”

“Deal.”

Haechan nodded, but Jaehyun’s frown deepened. “Hey!”

\--

Sometimes Jaehyun thought that he should start getting used to waking up to weird sounds coming from his living room. This time, though, he could clearly hear the sound of the TV mixing with real people’s voices and then the sound of multiple doors opening and closing. He probably didn’t have this many doors in his house. His head was heavy, but at least, unlike some other time, he didn’t feel the whole world spinning and banging loudly inside his head. Still, he could use a few more hours of sleep.

He took a deep breath and sleep was slowly crawling back to him when he heard the door of his room opening and closing and suddenly his bed shook with a thud and the weight of something heavy jumping on it, right beside him. Jaehyun groaned as he dared opening one of his eyes to the sight of Johnny leaning on his side, with his head on a hand that rested on his elbow and a stare like he was posing for some picture. Jaehyun closed his eye again and grabbed on his pillow, turning his back to his friend.

“What do you want.” he grumped on his pillow.

“Wow. I came all the way here to check up on you and this is how you treat me? How rude.” Johnny sounded amused, if anything, but probably only to mock Jaehyun, like usual.

“Why.”

“Because you’re sick.” Jaehyun actually opened his eyes to the obvious statement and waited. “And because-!” There it was. “A very worried Ten called me earlier, because your baby brother called him earlier, also very worried – let me tell you – that you haven’t waken up yet. And yet, this is how you treat me.”

“What time is it?” His voice was both sore and muffled by the pillow, but Jaehyun didn’t dare moving just yet, still feeling like sleeping a couple more hours.

“Almost five. P. M.”

Jaehyun groaned, but this time he turned around, bringing his pillow to cover half of his face as he forced himself to keep his eyes open and stare at Johnny.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I want to sleep and you’re not letting me, so like punching you in the face with this pillow.”

Johnny snorted at the empty threat and pulled another pillow to himself. “Ten just left with Taeyong.”

Jaehyun stared, still a bit confused, but it might have been the sleep. “Thought you said he called you.”

“He did. I just happened to see it an hour later, so he was already here with Tae when I arrived.” Now that caught on Jaehyun’s attention, making his almost fully awake as he pulled down his pillow, hugging it, so he was fully facing Johnny. “They were on a break from the rehearsal, so they have to leave real fast.”

Johnny remained silent, looking just a little too pensive after that and after almost a full decade on hanging around his best friend, Jaehyun knew it would hardly lead them to something good.

“Now, I was wondering.” Oh, boy. “How did Ten know there was soup in your fridge, if you don’t mind me asking? Hmmm. And why do I have the feeling I’m being left out of something, because the last news from our small network here-” And for that Johnny actually pointed his finger between the two of them. “Our boy Ten wasn’t really into talking to you lately.”

“Why are you so annoying?”

Jaehyun grumped again and covered his head with his pillow, again, only this time for a solely different reason as he felt his ears burning red, but just as usual, Johnny had caught that quickly, and Jaehyun could hear him smirking as he spoke.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Ten knew you had soup.”

“He came here yesterday to bring Haechan’s uniform.”

“Still.”

“I had soup for dinner.”

“Still.”

“There was too much soup.”

Johnny snorted. “You never told me if you went there on Thursday.”

“Why are you so being loud?”

“You did, didn’t you?”

“Not your business.”

“Did you talk?”

“Nope.”

“So you did.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“So, you’re together?”

“No.”

“But you will be?”

“I hate you.”

“You will.” Johnny stated.

Jaehyun pulled down the pillow to glare at his friend, but Johnny didn’t look a single bit affected so they kept up their staring game before Jaehyun growled and rolled on his back. It was usually useless to try hiding something from Johnny. His friend either knew him to way too well or was just too stubborn, so he would always end up getting whatever info he needed from Jaehyun. But just this time, Jaehyun really felt the need to keep it to himself.

Much for his sake – and thank god – he heard a knock on the door before it was being opened and Mark’s head peeked inside. “Hey, hyung?” He kind of whispered, before noticing Jaehyun was awake and smiling brightly. “Oh, hi hyung! How are you feeling?”

“I’d be better if your brother wasn’t disturbing me.” Jaehyun grumped.

“Sorry, man. I get that feeling a lot.” The other teenager giggled, much to his brother protest, and added soon. “Haechan is worried that your soup is getting cold.”

“Thanks, Mark. We’re going.”

Without another word, Mark left the room, closing the door again and Jaehyun glanced at Johnny with an inquiring eyebrow.

“Mark is keeping Haechan company while I babysit you. Thought it would be less awkward for him than just dealing with me alone, you know.”

“You do a terrible job as a babysitter.” Jaehyun stated, but he was actually glad and with a small groan he was out of the bed. “Remind me to never let you babysit my child if I ever have one.”

\--

The next time Jaehyun had woken up, it was to the feeling of hands running down face. He frowned a bit and groaned at the thought of Johnny mocking him, again, and again disturbing him in his sleep. But the touch was soft, caressing, and he was actually feeling better now, and not like he needed a whole year of sleep so he turned around, very ungracefully on the mattress and making a mess of the sheets while he stretched before yawning and finally opening his eyes. Ten was sitting right beside him and watching him with a very amused smile on his face.

“Feeling better?” Ten sounded just as soft as his touch had been and Jaehyun curved his lips in a sleepy smile.

“I am now.”

“Oh my god. You’re so corny.” Ten pulled up a face and rolled his eyes in disgust, but his neck grew a pale shade of pink, like Jaehyun had noticed he would, whenever he felt shy or embarrassed.

Jaehyun grinned and stretched his arms again before turning back on his side and run his hands a few times through his hair, a bit self-conscious of the mess going on with his bangs. “Yeah, I’m feeling better, yes.”

Ten studied his face for a bit and Jaehyun could see he was only checking on his health, but he couldn’t help but stare back. Only a few days back and Ten wasn’t talking to him and Jaehyun knew they still had a lot to talk about, maybe a long time to wait, but now here was Ten, sitting by his side on his bed, taking care of him when he was sick; not to mention the way he quietly spoke to Haechan the other night and Jaehyun still didn’t know if he had somehow imagined the whole thing due to the fever, but when he stared deeply into Ten’s eyes, so caring and so full of meaning, he was sure it all really had happened.

“Where’s Haechan?” He muttered, conscious of the silence around the house.

“He’s out with Mark. I’ve sent them together to get some lunch and bring you some real food.”

Jaehyun nodded and moved on the mattress so he could sit, his body still stiff and a little bit heavier than usual, but he did felt way better than before. “You won’t cook for me again?”

“You know I can’t cook. But Johnny said his mother made kimchi and chicken soup for you. He’s bringing it later, so your dinner is granted.” Ten pressed his lips together and moved closer as he pressed his hands to Jaehyun’s face, checking on his temperature. “You’re too spoiled, do you know that?”

Jaehyun chuckled and a soft smile rested on his face as Ten’s gaze longed on him for a bit, before he cupped his cheeks in a smooth caress and Jaehyun closed his eyes, relaxing as he leaned to the touch.

“The fever has gone.”

Ten muttered and Jaehyun actually hummed to the touch and cupped Ten’s hands with his own so Ten wouldn’t let go of him just yet as he murmured, his eyes still closed.

“You’re lucky I don’t want to risk you getting sick before your concert or I’d kiss you right now. Morning breath and all.”

“You really are disgusting!” Ten groaned and tried pulling his hands, but Jaehyun didn’t let him go completely as he hold them down together and smirked at the dancer before actually pulling him closer.

“Jay, please, we can’t. I told you we would talk about this later. Now don’t make me regret having coming here.”

Jaehyun took a deep breath and slowly let go of Tens hands.

He knew Ten was right – he swore that he knew – and it wasn’t like he was racing against some time they have possibly had missed together, no. It wasn’t like Jaehyun suddenly woke up and realized he had always liked Ten – none of that. It was just that now he had his feelings sorted – and probably Ten’s too – he just wanted to let this happen.

Ten had always been there in his life, at least for the last few years and their relationship evolved pretty slowly, as friends, of course. They would make small talk in the living room, at first, but Jaehyun had never been a fan of small talks and he found out Ten wasn’t much keen on it either as he would always vent and speak passionately of the smallest things that he took pleasure in. It didn’t matter if it was a song – yes, sometimes their long chats would start as small talks too – or a book Ten was reading back in his apartment, music usually blasting from his earphones, as Jaehyun found out as then keep Ten company for a while or when he cooked for them.

Ten slowly grew on him, as a friend first, as the months passed and their talks no longer needed random small talks to start, and just as anything would become a subject, sometimes they would go on about their own lives outside their small group or simply about something really exciting they had seen on TV that they had actually reminded of each other, as they slowly got to know the other’s taste.

Jaehyun had noticed that somehow Ten had always kept some distance between them, as he would never talk about relationships or what happened on their own dance studio, between Ten and Hansol, so that’s exactly why Jaehyun knew a lot about Ten’s frequent collaborations at Yuta’s academy instead – their style was a bit different from what they usually dance on their own studio and Ten liked experimenting with different things, as Ten had told him before and more than once.

Jaehyun had always knew that things between Ten and Hansol weren’t so smooth, as his ex-boyfriend had actually complained about a few things, but Jaehyun always assumed that it was just some sort of competition between them as dancers and the flaws of living with someone you barely knew and had little in common with except for your work. Competition wasn’t unusual in any field, Jaehyun knew that, but having so many dancers around him over the last years he had seen some pretty ugly shit going on within some of them, and he wondered if anything bad had actually ever happened between them, but Hansol never filled him on the topic. Neither did Ten.

“How are things with Hansol? You’re having rehearsals, right?” Jaehyun asked, then.

Final rehearsals were always a tiring period. Jaehyun had seen all of them, especially Hansol and Taeyong, put on a lot of stress at those, sometimes more than when they went for real competitions, as they had no more than a month after their Halloween party to prepare for a two hours long concert all by themselves, with dozens of different choreographies and costumings, students included. And judging by Ten’s expression, things were especially tough this season. The dancer opened his mouth and closed it again a few times seeming a bit too hesitant on the topic and Jaehyun smiled sympathetically at him and nudged his arm in encouragement.

“Do you remember how the fixed crew sometimes has a solo or goes as soloists for some acts, right?”

“Haechan said you’re having a solo this time.” He nodded as he spoke.

“I’m just a soloist. I’m not really into doing full solos. Well, anyway-“Ten sighed, frowning as he was still cautious on the matter. “Hansol… he replaced me in his act.”

“Now?”

“Yesterday.”

“But the stage is in two weeks. That’s what I call a dick move.” Jaehyun’s frown deepened and he sounded a bit hesitant himself, as he never felt truly comfortable whenever his friends spoke the same way about his ex-boyfriend, but it really didn’t sound like Hansol was being fair, again.

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. If Yunho hears about it we’re all gonna listen for hours and no one is in the mood for that right now, but-“ Ten sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, before shaking his head, muttering in a weak voice. “That’s why we can’t, Jay. We really can’t do this.”

“Hansol is leaving, Ten.” Jaehyun insisted, like he did yesterday, as he moved closer so he could caress on Ten’s face, who shook his head again. “Please, I know you want this just as bad I want you.”

Jaehyun let out a deep breath as he leaned closer until their faces almost touched and Jaehyun could feel Ten’s perfume and he whispered. “I want you so much, Ten. I-” his throat was dry as he watched Ten lick his lips in apprehension and close his eyes, his deep breath hot on his now cold skin. “I don’t know how to explain this, but, being with you is… It feels so right! Like- God, you’re so amazing! Did you know that?”

Ten let out a breathy laugh and opened his eyes and Jaehyun’s lips curved in an easy smile when Ten met his eyes and he continued. “It’s just… so easy being with you, being around you, and talking to you, and listening to you.” Jaehyun rambled on as he caressed his cheeks. “And touching you. And kissing you. I just wanna be with you, Ten.” His voice was barely over a whisper and Ten’s eyes were almost too much to handle, as it was to stare at his parted lips, so Jaehyun leaned in a bit more, letting their noses touch briefly. “Let me be with you, please? I know we can make it. Haechan already likes you. All he needs is just some time.” Ten was breathing heavily against Jaehyun’s face, and he let out a small sigh as he hands moved back to his face, caressing him with his thumbs. “Please.”

“Jay.” Ten whispered as his hands moved to Jaehyun’s nape, pressing slightly, but he took another deep breath before he parted, his eyes opening as he created a distance between them. “Not now.”

Jaehyun closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. And that’s when he heard the front door opening from afar, Haechan and Mark’s voices echoing inside the house.

“Not now.” Ten breathed and Jaehyun felt him pulling away and, this time, he let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I did add another chapter as weekend have been inspiring, mostly by your sweet words, so thank you all for the kudos and comments. <3 
> 
> I don’t know if you still remember that I mentioned about a few songs that I thought would fit chapters/characters/scenes?  
[Here](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2019/07/exo-sc-borderline) is one of those songs, and just think it suits the mood and Jaehyun and Ten’s current situation. I hope you like it too. ^^  
I’m a very musically-driven person (?) so it’s hard for me to associate things with deep emotions or feelings with music, and that’s why I decided (finally) on sharing them.
> 
> Thank you for keeping up with this work and I hope it won’t disappoint you.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this chapter! <3 You really are a blessing.
> 
> Now, I’m not if I should be doing this, but if you can, try listening to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzvVGP5Ge9s)  
before/during/after you read this chapter. I’ll explain about it end notes. It’s totally ok if you don’t want to or if you can’t, so no worries about that. Just… author’s recommendations ^^’

A few times Jaehyun had questioned his choices in life, like, not coming back to Seoul. That night, when Mr. Lee slapped him in the face – without saying a single word beforehand – he had actually thought about leaving; about packing his bags and going straight to the airport, back to his shared room with Johnny and where he could truly be himself.

Kissing that guy from his Sociology class at a party, back in in his first year of college, had actually been an easy choice. He wasn’t (that) drunk and he never had a problem admitting when he thought that a guy was actually hot and he also had been with a few girls before, mind you – and he would usually think that most of girls were hot – but when the guy approached him that night with full lips and meaningful smirks, Jaehyun never really thought on why not give it try. It had totally worth it in the end. He remembered telling Johnny about it on the following day and Johnny, who at that point had already became his best friend – and who had always been openly gay – only asked him if he was fine with that, before dragging him out of their dorm for some pizza.

Liking people, regardless of the gender, was something natural in his life – easy, actually, as he had seen a lot of people freak out after “trying it.” He knew, of course, that if one day he actually chose to spend his whole life with another guy things would probably get a little tough and he wasn’t blind to the still close-minded perspective of most parts of society on the matter, both in Korea and in America, but that wasn’t really a problem because Jaehyun had never really thought about settling down. Not because he had a problem with that, but, call him romantic, he had always though that once the right person came into his life, he would know it. Only then, he thought, would this be a matter he should actually care about; and until then, he would just go with flow.

Being around Ten was just natural. Not natural in his usual “go with flow” way – it just felt natural. Kissing Ten hadn’t been like seeing sparks or anything – although his skin really felt like burning from Ten’s touch – but after just one taste of his skin, of his lips, Jaehyun felt like he had never craved something so much in his life. Even before that, while he stared at the intensity he would see in Ten’s eyes, Jaehyun felt like drowning and actually being able to breath; like looking deep into Ten’s eyes had opened his own eyes to this kind of feeling he had never felt before.

It wasn’t like filling holes, because he still missed his mother, he still worried (lots) about his brother, and sometimes, now that he actually thought about it, it would still hurt when he thought the outcome of his relationship with Hansol – meaning how things ended, not the fact that it ended. Being with Ten was like actually feeling fulfilled, despite having all those empty spaces inside him.

When Jaehyun thought back on his choice of not coming back to Seoul because he couldn’t bear being somewhere he wasn’t welcomed for what he was, he couldn’t help but wonder about the times he might have actually been wanted. Like those random calls from his mother; like when his brother would tell him – ever so enthusiastically – about this new trick of magic he had just learned or how he had won that medal with his school team – it didn’t matter if it was a bronze – Haechan had always said how he wished Jaehyun could be there to see it.

He wouldn’t say he couldn’t blame Mr. Lee for talking bad about him to his own brother because, in fact, he should blame him. As days went by, Jaehyun actually started to understand how much of his brother’s life he had actually missed. Like how he didn’t know his favorite color anymore, or his favorite fruit; he didn’t even knew his brother had such a talent for dancing, let alone that he liked to dance so much; or that back in Korea, Haechan wouldn’t do something that made him happy just because of his father’s misconceptions. – Of course he knew a lot of gay dancers, but Yuta was probably the worst womanizer he have ever met, including frat boys back in college and that alone was saying something.

Anyway. It had been his choice: not coming back home. And sometimes Jaehyun wondered that if he could turn back time he could have done things differently. But he didn’t, nor neither could he. And now here he was, not only having to learn how to actually take care of someone, but actually being responsible for Haechan’s wellbeing, not only as in obligations and stuff, but as his older brother and only family. Besides that, there was Ten, and this feeling that slowly grew inside him, day by day.

Jaehyun still wasn’t sure of how, but he really had to do this – everything – right this time.

They were still in November, and the wind was already starting to burn on his cheek after having rained all day, as Jaehyun leaned against his car in front of Haechan’s school on that Thursday afternoon, the smell of wet grass and cement still strong in the air as the sun slowly started to set. He didn’t call his brother about that, as it was kind of a surprise, so he just waited there until Haechan walked out of the main building, about ten minutes later, along with ChenLe and Jisung,

“Hyung? What are you doing here?”

“A client cancelled a meeting last minute and since I was already out of the office-” Jaehyun knew he should look at least a little bit concerned by that, especially in front of the kids, so he could at least look like a responsible adult, but it had granted him freedom for the rest of the day – in which two hours probably meant a lot of work, at the same time it didn’t when it came to his life. Besides, he could use the fresh air and do something actually useful with this time. – He was actually smiling when he paused and turned to the opened window of the car behind him where he grabbed a basketball that he spun with his hand on the tip of a finger, before turning back to the teenagers. “Do you think we can use the school gym?”

They ended up sharing the court with a group of kids that were playing something that looked like volleyball, without a net, but not even thirty minutes later a few other kids from Haechan’s year joined them in a friendly match. Jaehyun teamed up with his brother and ChenLe, while Jisung joined the other two in an actual tight match and Jaehyun learned that Jisung was indeed good at this – and part of the school team. They played like that for about another half hour before the other two boys had to leave and Jaehyun tossed himself on one of the benches around the court, feeling way too tired.

“Ah… I think I’m getting too old for this.” He joked and in fact felt a bit more tired than he usually would by a small game, but so were the kids as they laughed over Haechan trying to spin the ball on his finger, like Jaehyun did earlier, but failed miserably. “I can teach you this when we get home. What do you guys say to pizza?”

“Yeah! Can we go to that place where we went with Ten hyung? I think it was the pizza I’ve ever had!”

Jaehyun couldn’t help the proud smile he felt that, slowly, Haechan was indeed making good memories in Chicago. Memories he hoped would make him feel at home, eventually. But what got his attention next was hearing the teenagers talk among themselves.

“Wait.” Jisung said. “Isn’t this Ten guy your dance teacher?”

“No, that’s Taeyong hyung. He’s dope! Ten hyung is the one who was helping me with the talent show and he’s really cool too!”

“Ahh.” Jisung murmured as he put back on his jacket, ChenLe and Haechan following soon. “I still think you shouldn’t have quit.”

“The Talent Show?” Haechan asked.

“Yeah. I agreed with Jisung, but maybe you can do it next year?” ChenLe suggested.

“I’ll only do it if you two do it too.” Haechan challenged.

“You mean dance with you on the next school show?”

“Uh-uh. No way, man.” The teenagers said almost in unison, while Heachan nodded.

“Oh Come on, ChenLe! Jisung!”

“No way, Haechan. I can’t dance to save my life!”

“You don’t know that. You haven’t even tried and I bet that if you see what they can do, you would want to dance like that too.”

Jaehyun had quietly listened until then, but once they were all ready to leave and he actually had to stand up, only then he suggested – not caring to put back on his jacket as they make their way to the car. “Why don’t you invite your friends to the concert next week?”

“What concert?”

“Their studio is doing a concert next week and you’re definitely going with me, but I was thinking about something else. Hyung.” Haechan turned back to him as he walked backwards and despite the excitement from the whole game and, surprisingly, from a possible comeback to his dance classes, Jaehyun could sense some concern in his brother’s stare. “Do you remember when Ten hyung said I could bring my friends to the studio once? Do you think it would be fine if we stopped by before the pizza? I mean, after... You know. I just really want to show them the classes, so do you think we could?”

Jaehyun was definitely taken by surprise by that and had a really hard time not showing too much of his own concern – and excitement – as he didn’t want to either discourage or push his brother to go back to dancing and also being around Taeyong and other people who were dear to him. Jaehyun glanced at his watch and he knew, after years of practice, that Hansol was teaching around that time, so probably there were other classes going on too and it wouldn’t hurt to have a few teenagers watching them, right?

“Yeah. Sure. Let’s do this.”

When they finally arrived at the dance studio, the three boys went inside by themselves, while Jaehyun decided to wait outside with the excuse of making a few calls, but in fact he just waited there, leaning against his car for the second time that day as he checked on his phone. The breeze was just as cold as it had been earlier, but it was a nice feeling after the game, as the sun hadn’t complexly fade yet, and somehow helped him keep his mind at ease, knowing he should avoid any further problems, especially any that could involve Hansol.

In fact, and if he had to be completely honest, he was indeed avoiding his ex-boyfriend after the party, but only because he didn’t want to add to Ten’s burdens, so waiting outside was probably for the best. And since he’s being honest, he was probably avoiding meeting Ten too. Not that he didn’t want to be around him – and they did have talked every day through text messages or phone calls since last weekend – but the problem here was the precisely the opposite, as he really wanted to be with and around Ten right now, so yeah. Probably it was for the best.

That was until he glanced up from his phone as he heard the sound of the main door and there was Ten, looking around and flustered, probably from dancing, before he stared right into Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun pocketed his phone and as Ten approached him, he couldn’t help his smile.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here? I thought I was hallucinating when I saw Haechan inside, but then he told me you were outside and-” Ten let out a surprised laugh, shaking his head. “I can’t really believe Haechan is here.”

Jaehyun snorted, looking at his feet for a bit, but nodded. “I think he might be back to dancing earlier than we thought.”

Ten simply raised an eyebrow at Jaehyun’s short answer and silently waited for further information.

“I went to play basketball with them and after the game his friends were insisting that he should try the school show again next year, and I think Haechan is trying to bring them in, so, yeah. I think he’ll be back sooner than we thought.” He told him with a smile, and just like Ten, part of him was still incredulous that going to the studio was indeed Haechan’s idea; that they were actually here. “And knowing what they’re about to see, and also because I’m a good fanboy, I would bet that his friends are gonna like it too. Should we warn TY those two are a handful?”

Ten snorted, before mocked him with a grin. “So you’re a fanboy now?”

“Always had been. Not biased, though.” Jaehyun shot back quickly in reply. “To put it in Haechan’s words: you guys are dope.”

Ten let out a loud laugh that made him spin a little before turning back to Jaehyun, his hands clasped together and pressed tight against his own body to protect himself from the cold wind, since he left the building without any coat.

“Although I might say-” Jaehyun paused and for the second time that day he turned back to his car, opening one of the back doors this time so he could crab his own jacket “-that I might be getting a little biased.”

“Oh, so _now_ you’re getting biased?” Ten snorted in disbelief. “Are you implying you weren’t biased before?”

“Well, not really. No. I try to be fair about these kinds of things, but-” Jaehyun had the decency to look flustered this time and his ears were indeed red, but not only from the cold, as he stepped closer to Ten while twisting the jacket in his hands, before adjusting the brown leather around Ten’s shoulders. “I think I might be getting really biased now.”

Ten laughed again, a lot quieter this time, but not any less amused as he shook his head, but didn’t protest at Jaehyun’s gesture, not even when he didn’t let go of the jacket collar.

“Where’s Haechan?” Jaehyun’s voice dropped over a tone as he asked and his eyes were glued to Ten’s stare and now that he could read what he saw there, now that he knew what had been there all this this time, he wanted to drown in that feeling to never come back.

“Yunho is taking them on a tour. It will take a while.” Ten’s voice wasn’t any different from his own as Jaehyun slowly stepped forward slowly, while pulling Ten towards him by the collar of the jacket.

“Good.” He muttered, barely above a whisper as his face hovered near Ten’s and he waited for any kind of protest, for any sign that Ten would stop him again. But he didn’t, so Jaehyun leaned in until their lips met in a soft kiss and, this time, Ten gave in, as he parted his lips, capturing Jaehyun’s mouth with his own.

Jaehyun pulled Ten a bit closer, wrapping him between the warmth of his own body and the jacket he held tight against the dancer as they tilted their heads and their lips moved in a slow rhythm, soon followed by their tongues, like a private dance. Kissing Ten was intense in the smoothest way Jaehyun could have ever imagined and just like talking to him for hours, it was both easy and endearing; like he had always been supposed to do this, and he would, if Ten would let him, for the rest of his life. And just like talking to Ten, he lost track of time as they kissed in a way Jaehyun thought he would still have months to wait for, but now that he did, he shouldn’t be left waiting never again.

A few minutes later Ten slowly pulled away, but didn’t let go of his hold on Jaehyun’s shirt, and he didn’t push them apart like he did before and Jaehyun let out a breathy laugh at the small sight of Ten’s lips curving into a smile of his own.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Ten muttered, but there wasn’t any sign of regret in his voice, so Jaehyun licked on his own lips and they tasted just like Ten’s. He opened his eyes and there it was, the same spark he would never get tired of watching in Ten’s eyes, but they actually shined brighter and Jaehyun pulled them even closer this time and he felt Ten’s hands pressing hot on his chest over the shirt as he kissed him back. Jaehyun could definitely drown while still breathing in Ten’s kiss.

It was Jaehyun who parted the kiss the next time, probably another few minutes later, slowly pulling their lips apart and between small kisses before their laughs mixed together, both in content and maybe, just maybe, slight embarrassment.

“You’re unbearable, Jung Jaehyun.” Ten said with a smile as he pulled back and let go of Jaehyun’s shirt so he could hold the jacket on his own and properly wear it this time.

“I’d rather say I’m unstoppable and you’re irresistible, but that works too.”

Ten bent his head back in a loud laugh and Jaehyun thought that, like everything about Ten, he would never get tired of that sound and he remembered hearing it before back in the kitchen, or around their friends as he noticed the small pitch Ten would make sometimes, before actually letting the sound fully out. This time Jaehyun wondered how many different laughs he have heard from Ten, and how many he was still about to uncover.

“You’re horrible and I’ll go back inside catch those lovely teenagers for you before you actually pull us into trouble.”

“One hour around them and I bet you won’t find them so lovely.”

Ten turned around in laughter before he left and Jaehyun just watched him, with his hands in his pockets and the silliest grin on his face as Ten stopped in front of the glass door and checked his own reflection in the new piece of clothing.

“I’m borrowing this.” Ten announced before disappearing inside the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this kind of feeling while I wrote this chapter and Sunflower popped into my head somewhere in the processes. I think it brings you exactly this kind of feeling and it suits so well Jaehyun's emotions (meaning both the instrumental part and depending on how you decide to interpret the lyrics) that if I had to pick one single chapter to transcript in a music video it would be this one, and Sunflower would be the song.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it ^^
> 
> Thank you all again for keeping up with this, and for the kudos and for lovely comments. <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Immaunreliablenarrator proofread this chapter too and I don't have words to thank her enough for helping me with this. Truly an angel! <3

Jaehyun was in love. That was a fact.

He still had no idea of how to deal with this and the fact that Haechan still wasn’t comfortable being around most of Jaehyun’s homosexual friends, especially if they were a couple, but Jaehyun had realized he was completely in love with Ten and there was nothing he could do to change it. There was nothing he wanted to change about it but the fact that he couldn’t really be with Ten. Well, not that he couldn’t, but they probably shouldn’t – Ten was probably right about that – or should at least be a little cautious.

_**John-d:  
**_  
_ Are we talking about the fact _  
_ that Ten is wearing your jacket?_

_** Jae-d:**_  
  
_ Nope_

_** John-d:**_  
  
_ SO IT IS YOUR JACKET!_

_** Jae-d:**_  
  
_ <image attached>_

Johnny texted him that same night, while he was eating pizza with Haechan, ChenLe and Jisung at Gino’s – and he made sure to share a picture of the largest slice with Johnny.

**_John-d:_**  
  
_ Why I wasn’t invited?_  
  
_ :(_

Jaehyun snorted and took another picture, this time from Haechan and Chen Le competing on who could fit the largest amount of pizza inside their mouth – Jisung had lost in the first bite

_**Jae-d:**  
  
_ _<image attached>_

** _John-d:_ **

_Never mind_

Jaehyun was whipped – in Johnny’s words. And the whole thing about how they couldn’t or how they shouldn’t was turned into bullshit in the back of Jaehyun’s mind the moment he saw Ten turning around that corner, two blocks down from the dance studio on the next Monday.

Jaehyun had sent a message to Ten a little before noon, as he had made reservations for lunch at a small sushi house near the dance studio. The place was actually cozy, instead of fancy, and the owner was this sweet old lady that really liked Jaehyun and would always find him a space in one of their private booths even when they had a full house. The place was really small with just a few tables near the entrance and was surrounded by six private booths – Japanese style. Most of its customers were regulars, but despite having been there for dinner every once in a while – most of those times with Yuta, instead of Hansol – Jaehyun wasn’t really a regular; Mrs. Morita, the owner, was just fond of the “handsome boys” that reminded her of her grandsons back in Japan.

“I can’t believe I agreed to this. This is crazy.” Ten glanced back on the streets to make sure there wasn’t any one around that would recognize them and Jaehyun grinned at the sight of Ten wearing his jacket, the same one he borrowed the last time they met, and pulled Ten closer as soon the shorter was within arm’s reach so he could kiss him. Yeah, scratch being cautious too.

“Jaehyun, not here.” Ten protested in a groan, pushing him with an elbow as he rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips betrayed him when they turned into a smug smile.

Jaehyun let out a small laugh and had to put his hands inside the pockets of his own coat so he could keep them off of Ten as they walked towards the restaurant another two block down. “It looks good on you.” He didn’t look at Ten when he said it, but he didn’t try to hide his content, if not proud, smile.

Ten snorted. “Of course it looks good on me. I am good looking.”

Ten was confident, Jaehyun knew that. But Jaehyun also knew that all this cockiness was actually more of a façade, a way Ten had found to stand on his feet and on his beliefs, as Jaehyun had witnessed more than once. In fact, it worked pretty much the opposite as Ten had always been humble, didn’t matter if it was about his actions, his looks or his dancing skills, he was never one to brag.

“Can’t argue with that.”

Jaehyun smiled widely as Ten rolled his eyes, again, and again, his own smile deceived him, before he turned to glance at Jaehyun and Jaehyun didn’t need to turn back to know that Ten was actually checking on him as they walked with their shoulder bumping together on the sidewalk. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Jaehyun didn’t hold his laugh and Ten followed him and before Jaehyun could hold his breath again, they approached the double oak door that led them inside the restaurant to be greeted by a smiling Mrs. Morita, who opened her arms and tiptoed to pull Jaehyun down while holding on his face so she could kiss his temple. It was a lot less embarrassing when she did that to Yuta too, but now Jaehyun could feel his ears burning as Ten chuckled behind his hand.

“Oh, I can’t believe my dimple-boy is finally here! Where have you been? I’ve only seen Yuta-chan around here lately. Why have you abandoned me? I miss having my two handsome boys around. It’s not the same if it’s just one of you.”

“Ah- I’m sorry for that, Morita-san. I had some family things to deal with.” Jaehyun bowed slightly, still holding his embarrassed, and quickly stepped aside, so she could see Ten. “Please, meet my friend, Ten. He’s friends with Yuta too.”

“Well, look at him. Isn’t he gorgeous?” Mrs. Morita, who was also shorter than Ten, didn’t need to tiptoe as she held on Ten’s chin like she did to Jaehyun and moved him around so she could properly check on his face. “How come all of you are so handsome? It’s too bad I only have grandsons, tsk. You’d give me perfect great-grandchildren.”

Jaehyun was the one holding his chuckle at Ten’s flustered face but Mrs. Morita soon let go of him and led them to one of the booths near the door, closing the old, yellowish curtains that gave them privacy on the tatami area before she left, with the promise of bringing them some warm tea.

“So, dimple-boy, uh?” Ten grinned as Jaehyun took a sit beside him, his coat occupying the opposite side of the table instead and Jaehyun tried to act like his ears weren’t red again and pressed his lips in a way that he knew would show off his dimples, making Ten laugh.

“Just wait until she notices you have more piercings than Yuta.”

“How do you know I have more piercings than Yuta?”

Jaehyun turned his head from the short menu and his lips twisted in a smirk as he stared back at Ten. “The same way I know we’re not ordering anything with fruit on it. Not that they have any on the menu, anyway.”

Ten lowered his eyes in a sheepish smile and he snickered. “Not fair. Everyone knows that I hate fruit.”

“Hm.” Jaehyun pressed his lips in a small pout as he murmured, still looking at Ten. “I also know that you’re more of a dog person, than a cat person, but you still want to have a cat one day. I know that La La Land is your favorite movie and that you’d actually watch any movie with Robert De Niro or Kate Winslet in the cast. I know that you think ants are boring and that people who won’t question the ways of the world are living their lives like worker ants themselves. Hmmm. I know that you had a crush on Zac Efron when you were a teenager.” Ten actually snorted and closed his eyes for a bit and Jaehyun watched him, wishing he could just watch him all day long. “I also know that your neck gets pink when you’re embarrassed, like you are right now, and that you have the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen.”

Ten quickly turned to him, mouth agape in surprise and the next moment the curtains were pulled open by Mrs. Morita caring on a tray with tea for both of them.

“Have you decided on anything, my dears?”

“Hm.” Jaehyun murmured, but this time glancing back on the menu and after some time Ten actually suggested the one combo with squid in it– Jaehyun’s favorite.

When they were finally alone again, Ten moved a bit closer, turning a bit to his side so he could face Jaehyun and his neck was indeed pink when he looked into Jaehyun’s eyes. “You’ve paid attention.”

Jaehyun smiled and he knew what Ten was talking about, as he remembered them talking in Ten’s living room, sometimes in the kitchen, just the way he looked flustered when they met only a few minutes ago. “I’ve always paid attention.” He muttered.

Ten’s hand was soft on his cheek and Jaehyun’s smile matched his as they stared into each other’s eyes, but Ten’s skin was even smoother under his touch as he ran the back of his fingers from Ten’s chin to his cheek, and his mouth parted slightly when Jaehyun’s thumb traced on the contour of his lips. “You’re so beautiful.” Jaehyun whispered as he leaned closer and Ten’s neck was warm when he pulled him, pushing their lips together in a heated kiss, full of lips and teeth and tongues and hot breaths that mixed together.

Johnny was indeed right when he said Jaehyun was whipped. He had grinned all day at work last Friday and even Doyoung made fun of his silly face whenever either he or Johnny caught him off-guard as his mind wondered about Ten’s kisses. They would probably mock him later that day too, but every time he kissed Ten, Jaehyun caught himself wanting more; more of his lips, more of his skin, more of his touch and more of anything that simply involved Ten. He wanted to actually feel Ten’s arms around him and at night he couldn’t help but wonder about how would it be to have Ten’s body pressed against his own and between his arms.

Ten pressed his fingers on Jaehyun’s nape when they kissed, when Jaehyun captured Ten’s lips between his teeth, and the feeling of Ten grasping on his hair was almost too much already – and oh god, it had only been a kiss.

“Jay.” Ten breathed against his lips as Jaehyun put his free hand around Ten’s waist, under the leather jacket – his leather jacket – pulling them a bit closer. “Jaehyun.” He muttered and Jaehyun pressed their lips tight together on a long kiss before letting go of his mouth, but not of him. “You know we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“No one can see us here.”

“We should wait. We agreed we would wait.”

“We shouldn’t have to wait. I don’t want to wait.”

Ten pressed his lips together as he frowned a bit, but his mouth twisted in a small smile anyway and Jaehyun felt him gulp under his hand, as he was still caressing onto Ten’s neck. “What do we do then?”

“Hansol is about to leave. I don’t want things to get worse between you two, so I don’t think we should show up together in front of him, but-“ Jaehyun actually sighed and moved his hand back to Ten’s face, letting the embrace go by just a little as he heard a few sounds closer to the their booth. “I can’t stop my life waiting for Haechan to be okay with who I am.”

“You know he won’t be okay with this.” Ten shook his head and took a deep breath before loosening his hand on Jaehyun’s hair so he could take a sip of the tea and Jaehyun watched him with concern.

“We actually don’t know, Ten, but it’s not fair. I know that he’s suffering. I know that there are a lot of things going on right now, but it’s not fair to us.”

“So what are we gonna do? Hide, like Taeil and Doyoung? Pretend we’re not together when your brother is around?”

“Ten.” Jaehyun whimpered. “It’s just for a while. I’ll talk to him and we’ll deal with this. Together.”

“He won’t have it.”

“He’s sixteen, not six. I can’t pretend to be something I’m not just to please him while he lives with me.” Jaehyun insisted and tugged a little on Ten’s waist, pulling him closer. “Let’s wait for Hansol to leave, first, okay? After the concert I’ll talk to Haechan and we already know that he likes you, that must count for something in our favor. He trusts you.” Ten simply glared at him, but didn’t protest when Jaehyun nuzzled closer and dip his head on his neck, letting the tip of his nose and his lips brush on the skin. “Everyone likes you, you know? But I like you the most.”

Ten snorted. “Why are you always so cheesy?”

“Only when I’m with you.” They both giggled at the playful retort, with Ten rolling his eyes but tilting his head so he could give Jaehyun more space and Jaehyun smiled against his skin, before placing small kisses from his neck up to his cheek. “Let’s just see where life leads us. Let me be with you while we found out.” He muttered near his ear, but parted a little and the small glimpse of the brightness in Ten’s eyes was enough to make the corner of his lips turn into a smile. “I mean it when I say I like you. I really wanna be with you.”

Ten watched him and there was concern in his eyes, Jaehyun could see it, but Ten wanted it too, as much as he would see it and from what he saw, Ten wanted it as much as he did as his eyes lighted up a smile and his hand was back on Jaehyun face. “You know, your dimples are really cute though. I think can see why Mrs. Morita likes you so much.”

“Only Mrs. Morita?” Jaehyun smile couldn’t be wider, and neither could his dimples, almost making his eyes disappear.

“I don’t know.” Ten muttered. “Maybe I’m getting a bit biased too.” Ten still chuckled when he closed the distance between them, pressing their lips in small, chaste kisses as they laughed together.

\--

_**Ten10:**_  
  
_ Omg_

_We really need to stop doing_  
_ this_  
  
_ I just weighed and you’re_  
_ ruining my diet_

It wasn’t planned, but Ten and Jaehyun had lunch together almost every day that week, except for Friday and today was only Thursday. They had to stick to less private places, so Jaehyun could behave himself, as per Ten’s conditions. Even Johnny and Taeyong joined them at a McDonald’s on Wednesday, but it was Ten who made things pretty hard for Jaehyun whenever he placed his hands on Jaehyun’s thigh under the table, or kissed him too close to the corner of his lips, or sometimes on his ear before he left, or simply by exposing some of his neck whenever he cracked up over a joke Jaehyun would tell him with the brightest smiles Jaehyun had ever seen. Jaehyun had never made so many silly jokes in his life.

_**Just Jay:**_  
  
_ Not sure about that_  
  
_ I think I have to check it_  
_ personally_  
  
_ ;)_

_**Ten10:**_  
  
_ Ha-ha_  
  
_ No way Jose_

_**Just Jay:**  
  
:(_  
  
_ I really wanna see you_  
_ tomorrow_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ You’ll see me on Saturday_  
  
_ Besides_  
  
_ I really need to practice with_  
_ Sicheng_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Who’s Sicheng?_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ It’s Winwin_  
  
_ We haven’t finished our choreo_  
_ and it’s this saturday!_  
  
_ Omg!!!_  
  
_ I’m gonna freak out!!!!!_  
  
_ !!!!!!!!!!_

_!!!_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Wait_  
  
_ Is he dancing on Saturday?_  
  
_ Didn’t he get here this_  
_ Sunday?_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ Omg_  
  
_ We talked about this on lunch_  
_ with TY_  
  
_ We’re doing a duo_  
  
_ So we can introduce him as the_  
_ new member of the crew ?_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Did we?_  
  
_ I thought your duo was with TY_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ Thought you said you always_  
_ listened_  
  
_ >(_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ I do!_  
  
_ Got a bit distracted that day_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ >(_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ I’m sorry_  
  
_ ♡ ?_  
  
_ It’s hard to focus with your hand_  
_ on my crotch, u know_  
  
_ ;D_

**_Ten10:_**  
  
_ OMG_  
  
_ It was not!!_  
  
_ It was on your thigh!_  
  
_ Linch is totally cancelled_  
_ tomorrow_  
  
_ Lunch!*_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Ok_  
  
_ It wasn’t_  
  
_ But it was close_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Maybe not that close_  
  
_ But tempting_  
  
_ ;)_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ I promise I will pay more_  
_ attention next time_

**_Just Jay:_**  
  
_ Ten?_

Yeah, Johnny was right: Jaehyun was totally whipped and he couldn’t even deny it when he stared at his own reflection grinning back at him like an idiot. He had to take a long shower after indulging Ten in a not so innocent talk over the phone – since Ten had actually stopped replying to his texts – and after Ten explaining him some more about his dance with WinWin – well, Sicheng – most of their talk hovered about either Jaehyun’s crotch or him trying to figure if Ten would actually touch him like that in public, ever. All that while Taeyong (hopefully) slept in the next room – and Jaehyun had never been so glad his brother’s room was on the opposite side of their house.

It had been a while since Jaehyun had had any sex – five weeks, if he was counting – and even longer before that – which he wasn’t counting. Anyway, it wasn’t about the sex. It was about having Ten so close all this time and not being allowed not even a single kiss ever since that Monday. It was having tasted Ten’s kisses and being denied touching, holding him, and being denied all that, and oh, how much he wanted to do all that. He had meant it when he said that he liked Ten. He had meant that he really liked him, that wanted to be with him, and he had meant it in every single way.

Yeah, Johnny probably had never been so right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, since I started doing this, [here's](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/01/nct-127-baby-don-t-like-nabbeun-jis) another song I can't listen to anymore without thinking about JaeTen in this. ^^' It just suits them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @Immaunreliablenarrator for being my angel and proofreeding this chapter. <3

Saturday came faster than Jaehyun expected. Despite the preparations for the concert, on Friday the whole team from Ten and Taeyong’s studio, plus a few others from Yuta’s, met at some bar later at night after practice for a small welcome to Sicheng, but Jaehyun didn’t make it, since he had promised earlier to take Haechan to Navy.

It had been a nice evening. Maybe a little more emotional than Jaehyun expected, as the brothers spent most of the night sharing memories of their mother. It varied from memories of before Haechan was born, to those after Jaehyun had left home and even some from those years they all lived together.

There wasn’t a single day Jaehyun wouldn’t think about or miss his mother. It was not the same kind of longing he felt during those years he didn’t visit her, or when he knew he would see her the upcoming summer, no; it was a kind of missing that hurt like nothing he could possibly describe, but sometimes it was so sharp, so cruel, that would make everything feel painful. It was knowing he could never call her again, never hug her again, never feel his mother’s hands on his hair again, and it hurt too much.

There were days where it didn’t hurt so much, though, despite always missing her dearly. There were times, like that Friday, that despite talking for hours with his brother about their mom, it didn’t hurt as it had hurt before, even though his eyes burned more than once, and not from the cold wind as they walked. Haechan tried to look tough – maybe it hadn’t hurt that much that day for his brother too, Jaehyun thought – but when they stopped to watch the Christmas carolers on the pier, Jaehyun saw how hard Haechan fought to hide his tears.

Their home back in Korea was always decorated for Christmas, probably the only one in the whole neighborhood. Korea didn’t have a tradition of celebrating Christmas, but having lived in Europe for a few years, their mother was always excited for the season and she would always make them help her decorate their house with lights and multicolored crystal balls. Jaehyun liked Halloween better, as he always thought Christmas started much too early in America, but the sight of the streets all decorated with lights and all the ho-ho-hos and Merry Christmases everywhere always brought him somehow closer to home.

That night, before going to their actual home, they stopped by a Target on their way and bought stockings and lights for their electric fireplace. They decided they should buy their tree the next weekend.

“Hyung, do you think mom would like to see me dancing?” Haechan’s question caught Jaehyun by surprise – they were already on their way to the new hall where the academy would hold the concert this year, as the last one was already too small for their always growing public. Jaehyun quickly turned his eyes from the road and Haechan was staring at the busy streets.

“Of course she would.”

“Even if dad wouldn’t approve?”

Jaehyun pressed his lips and when he looked to his side, Haechan was biting on his lips anxiously and his round eyes were directed at him.

“Does dancing make you happy?” His question was sincere, as he quickly glanced between Haechan and the road. The traffic was a bit heavy, but they had left home early, so they would be fine.

“Yeah.” Haechan murmured. “I kind of wish I didn’t quit.”

“You can always come back, you know that. Ten said they’re expecting you to, remember?”

Haechan didn’t reply to that and fidgeted in his seat, so Jaehyun continued.

“Mom once told me that she would be fine with whatever made me happy, even if she didn’t approve of it completely, you know? She said that seeing us happy was what mattered the most. So yeah, I’m sure she would be happy, because it makes you happy. Even if your dad wouldn’t approve of it.”

Haechan eyes were intense, but this time Jaehyun didn’t turn to him and for the long silence inside the car it was easy to figure out Haechan understood exactly in what context she had told him that. And that silence stretched for minutes, until the concert hall was already by the corner.

“Are you happy, hyung?”

That was a tricky question. Being happy, that is. Yes, Jaehyun had always considered himself as a happy person. No, Jaehyun wasn’t completely happy nowadays. 

Jaehyun missed his mother; at least half of his life was still a mess as he was still trying to figure out how to properly take care of his baby brother, that wasn’t in fact a baby anymore, but a teenager, full of so many different emotions that would change from moment to the next, full of misconceptions and conceptions of the person he was trying to be in a place so distant and so different from his old home; there was the whole thing with Hansol; but there was Ten, and hiding, and Jaehyun hated hiding.

Jaehyun never liked hiding things, and not just because he was horrible at it as his ears would always give him up, but because Jaehyun never saw a purpose in it. Despite considering himself average, Jaehyun actually had always considered himself happy, proud even, about the outcomes of his life, ever since he was a kid. He had been good in sports; he had good grades; he was kind of a goof sometimes, but that was just fine; he didn’t meet his father, but he had the best mother, so he was really fine. It had been like that too when he moved to America; to a whole new and completely different culture, but even then it had been fine. He never thought he had to prove himself to anyone except from himself and maybe that was one of the reasons he didn’t want to go back to Seoul. He didn’t what to hide himself, who he really was – from anyone. So yeah, hiding definitely wasn’t his thing. 

This time he wasn’t exactly hiding who he was, but he had to hide his feelings and he really sucked at that. Especially when all he wanted was to hold Ten and kiss him full on the lips for the world to see. There was absolutely nothing wrong with what they felt for each other, so Jaehyun really didn’t like the idea of hiding.

Even so, Jaehyun was happy.

Jaehyun silently laughed at the simple thought of Ten giggling on the phone, or when he rolled his eyes in fake annoyance at Jaehyun’s attempt at kissing him – despite the imposed rules when they would meet for lunch – and when he looked sideways his brother was staring curiously at him and he couldn’t help but think of much they went through together, and how Haechan had been slowly opening up to him and allowing himself to have fun. Maybe things weren’t quite like what he wanted them to be, but they would get there.

“Yeah. I think so.” He answered with a soft smile before taking a turn into the parking lot. “What about you? Are you happy, Heachannie?”

Haechan went silent again and Jaehyun thought he wouldn’t reply, until he did, right before Jaehyun unclicked his seatbelt, the car already parked in one of the last available spots – they would have a full house that night.

“I don’t know.” Haechan muttered, biting on his lips. “Sometimes I think I’m happy, but then I’m not anymore. Sometimes things make me really angry, even when I know I shouldn’t be. I miss them, most of the time, but- Sometimes I don’t and I feel bad because I really wanted her to be here.”

Jaehyun’s throat went tight at his brother’s voice cracking a bit, so he carefully pulled him closer by the nape and Haechan promptly hugged him sideways from his seat. “It’s all right to not think about them sometimes, you know? You will never forget them, I can promise you that. And it’s okay to miss them too, but I’m sure that wherever mom is, she just wants you to be happy.”

“Even if I do something I know they wouldn’t be happy about?”

Jaehyun pressed his lips together and frowned at the question and this time he really wondered what his mother would say to that. “I guess it depends. If you’re not hurting yourself, or causing anybody else any harm, and if it makes you truly happy, then it’s okay, I guess.”

Haechan nodded against his chest and they stayed like that for a while, each one of the brothers lost in their own thoughts, until Jaehyun broke the silence.

“Are you ready to go inside? We need to find your friends.”

Johnny had saved seats in the very middle of the fifth row – Taeyong’s tip – and when the show started, with Johnny sitting on his left and Haechan on his right, followed by Jisung and then ChenLe, it was easy to see they had the best spot. Doyoung and Taeil were also there, sitting right in front of them and beside Mark and Jeno, that were in front of the other teenagers and they talked enthusiastically. Jaehyun found out later that night that Jeno and Jisung played together for their school basketball team and that two kids from Haechan’s dance class, Renjun and Jaemin, were actually from Mark’s same class at school.

The lights were all dimmed except for the ones that pointed to a group of dancers, of both students and teachers, that moved smoothly to a strong, steady tune, in sync, that made them look like one big mass , instead of a bunch of different people. They started at the back of the stage and gradually moved forward without missing a beat and when the music grew louder they the whole group spread across the stage, like they suddenly bloomed. If they looked like one before, it felt like they had multiplied and Taeyong stood in the middle, right in front of them.

It had already been amazing for an opening act and Jaehyun smiled proudly as Haechan and his friends looked like they could barely contain their excitement – but Johnny didn’t, actually cheering loudly to his boyfriend’s name - and then they also didn’t. The third group consisted of only girls on stage with powerful rock music, and an even more powerful dance where they climbed on each other, the dance full of both groundwork and sassiness. People who said girls could only do ballet had absolutely never seen something like this.

Hansol’s solo followed soon after, but had actually been a trio for most of it. Taeyong was one the dancers alongside one of their students Jaehyun recognized from the studio. Jaehyun had seemed them all dancing more times them he could actually count, either during practices, contests or concerts like this. He considered himself a dance enthusiast and had never really been biased when it came to watching their performances, as he would always pay attention to everyone, and after dating a dancer for years and being surrounded by them for even longer amount of time, yeah, Jaehyun probably knew a little more than the general public. Hansol had chosen on a low tempo R&B song, full of long and sinuous moves. It fitted him.

“Hyung,” Haechan muttered by his side, their shoulder touching so they could keep their voices as as low as possible. “That’s Hansol hyung, right? Your…” Heachan didn’t finish the question, but when Jaehyun looked at him, it wasn’t judgment what he saw in them.

Jaehyun nodded and Haechan focused back on the stage for a while, before leaning close to him again.

“I think he’s sad.”

Jaehyun frowned and glanced a few times between the stage and his brother in confusion, but Haechan quickly explained. “Don’t you remember what Ten hyung said, about people feeling different things to a song? Hansol hyung looks sad, but this song isn’t sad.”

Jaehyun chuckled silently and couldn’t help a small smile as how serious Haechan had taken on Ten’s insight. It was nice, thought, so he indulged. “He’s moving to another city in one week. Maybe he’s just feeling nostalgic.”

Haechan frowned, but nodded, not looking completely convinced, and moved back on his seat.

Ten first appearances were actually a two stage performances with their current crew members. Only a few students were actually part of their main crew, but all of the teachers were part of it and at least half of them, including Ten, stepped on the stage to a Kendrick Lamar song that immediately made the whole audience cheer loudly – Haechan and his friends probably being the loudest part.

If Jaehyun wasn’t biased before, he was not joking when he said that he might be at least a little bit now as he had a really hard time not following Ten’s every move. Johnny even nudged him once and he snorted, not the slightest bit guilty.

“You’re awful.” Johnny had actually said it, not caring to whisper as the crowd went nuts when the dancers aligned onstage and formed a human seesaw. It had been impressive when Jaehyun saw it for the first time and wasn’t any less this time, and he joined both Johnny and the teenagers in a loud cheer. Jaehyun had actually seen that stage before during a contest earlier that year. It was needless to say they had won. It was one of their best performances of all time.

When it ended, the lights dimmed a bit for the dancers to move around, but Ten didn’t leave the stage while other dancers joined the stage for a brief intro, so they could position themselves on the floor and around Ten. The lights went off for a brief moment and the song started, but when the stage was lit up with a red backlight, all they could see were the silhouettes of the dancers moving slowly to the low, deep beat. They popped and then slid on the floor and among themselves, to the beat and to the silence between it creating another beat of their own: sometimes in sync, sometimes like a domino effect. The song itself was deep and the audience was almost completely silent except for a few wows and excited whisperings, but as the song progressed and their moves became more powerful as they twisted and turned and popped, sometimes in what looked like an slow motion, sometimes like they didn’t have any bones – gosh, it was hard to believe someone as skinny as Taeyong could actually look like that – and the viewers couldn’t contain their excitement; the whole theater was filled in a frantic wowing and, this time, Johnny was certainly the loudest. 

Jaehyun got to see Ten a lot more after the small break. Haechan and the other boys almost missed the beginning of the second part when they went outside to buy something to drink and the lights were already dimmed when they finally took their seats.

The whole stage was tinted pink when the chime of soft chords slowly filled the room in an electronic version of some typical Korean instrument Jaehyun didn’t know the name of, and there, right in the center, with four other dancers surrounding him, stood Ten, dressed in black, satin clothes. The sweet sound of the ancient instruments were mixed to a low tempo beat that filled the melody as Ten and the others moved to them, and Jaehyun didn’t need to be biased this time as his eyes were immediately glued to the soloist.

Ten moved as he floated, shifting between some kind of dream and reality to the ethereal sounds that matched in a perfect contrast with the roughness of the electronic bass beats, and just like the song, he moved his whole body, from the tip of his fingers the that moved oh so gracefully one second to sharp steady steps, but never looking rough.

From his spot, Jaehyun could see Ten’s features almost perfectly, and Jaehyun had never seen his face like this before, so suave and almost dreamlike, as he moved his head with closed eyes as if his body, and solely his body, controlled him. Some of his movements, along with the other dancers made it seem as if the whole word had stopped for him, and only for him, so he could slide across the stage as he was diving, in perfectly polished movements, searching for something only he could see; and if sometimes it looked like he had control of it, sometimes it looked as if he was being pulled by some invisible force, something stronger than him. Like the force that pulled Jaehyun towards Ten every time he saw him. Like the thing he saw every time he stared into Ten’s eyes and made Jaehyun want to sink in them too.

The song barely had any lyrics to it and Jaehyun hadn’t paid any attention to them as he watched Ten, like he was the one who had been transported to some kind of alternative reality when Ten bended backwards on a slow twist, his arms swinging graciously in the air, and suddenly Jaehyun felt mesmerized by the simplicity of the movements of Ten’s fingers again. Jaehyun wondered how was that possible, to someone to have so much control of his whole body, from fingers, to hips, and legs, and shoulders and arms to where he looked, and how he looked, and sometimes, it was like even Ten’s eyes danced on their own.

Jaehyun haven’t even noticed when a female dancer joined him and the others left, and then it was like Ten was being pulled by an invisible string towards her, and if at first it looked like he was trying to escape, his movements looking like some kind of opposite to hers until they sit with their backs against each other’s, and in the next moment they were dancing to a perfect sync in matched moves and steps, before they almost fell apart only to meet again in the center of the stage, with their arms tangled, but never facing one another.

Ten was alone in the center of the stage again, but surrounded by so many dancers Jaehyun couldn’t count – as if he ever let his eyes wonder from Ten – and they moved like the world had stopped again, and only then, Jaehyun finally heard the lyrics. 

_I'm staying up_  
_I don't wanna come down from your love_  
_We'll get lost together_  
_Let me flow_  
_Don't ever let me come down from your love_  
_From your love  
_ _From your love._

Jaehyun’s mouth went dry when Ten started dancing again and Jaehyun’s body was glued to the chair and his heart beat forcefully inside his chest, and he never wanted so, so much to hold Ten as in that moment. He had never wanted anything, anything, with so much power in his life, but to feel Ten between his arms and to kiss him and just be with him, no matter where, and he couldn’t care less who would see them or what they would think.

If he had to be completely honest, his mind couldn’t focus on the dance anymore, only on Ten, and that Ten moved like he floated above the floor for a moment, and then look like he was swimming on the other, and Jaehyun simply couldn’t help when own his lips curved into a small smile and his whole body felt warm while he watched Ten be pulled by the other dancers, across and off of the stage.

The crowd, who had been silent for the whole stage, exploded in cheers and he did catch the look Johnny gave when he quickly nudged him, before Haechan leaned against him.

“I think Ten hyung is in love.”

Jaehyun had barely concentrated on any of the following performances after that and there were only a few left when Ten returned to the stage, his feet bare. The lights dimmed to a soft yellow that almost made it look like the Sun, and Ten’s clothes, all pale, contrasted with the darker tones that the taller dancer in front of him wore.

“That’s Winwin.” Johnny muttered beside him. “This guy is so cool! I saw them practicing yesterday and Tae said that he’s the best addition they could have ever had.”

“Shh!” That was Haechan.

Jaehyun lifted an eyebrow in amusement and smiled just the same before he focused back on the stage as a melodious piano echoed in the hall and Ten and Winwin started moving, as if they stared into a mirror; as if they were the same person and it was impressive how much in sync they could be considering the fact they had just met and had only practiced it for less than a week.

The performance was completely different than anything Jaehyun had ever seen their academy do before. It was contemporary – he thought, if he recalled the dancers, probably Hansol, commenting on some dance stage program over the TV – and Jaehyun didn’t even know Ten could dance to that, although it didn’t surprise him. To be honest, Jaehyun didn’t even have enough vocabulary to describe what he had seen, in terms of moves as they danced too gracefully, too smoothly, but at the same time it looked like their bodies exploded at every jump, every twist, and every pulling and pushing, whenever they moved across the floor or on in the air, with both arms and legs spread wide and each one of their steps seemed that they were made to be photographed. 

Jaehyun had been so mesmerized by their performance that just like the rest of the audience, he couldn’t believe when Winwin pulled Ten against his chest – in a way much similar to the way Jaehyun had pulled his brother, just right there in the parking lot – and the song subdued to an end.

“Wow.” Jaehyun had been the first in their group to say it, before they all erupted into claps and cheers, some people around them actually standing on their feet.

“Wow!” Johnny copied and soon did Haechan and the other teenagers.

“That was unexpected.” Jaehyun added, but when he looked to his brother, he was a lot quieter than he had been for all the other performances, so he waited until the next one to start and the loudness of the crowd to muffle a bit their talking.

“Are you all right? Didn’t you like it?”

“I did, it was amazing.” Haechan’s answer was quick but he looked straight ahead, his eyes unfocused for a bit before he blinked and turned to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. “They were the same person, right?” Jaehyun nodded, letting Haechan continue. “But they don’t know if they’re angry or if they’re sad.”

“That’s what you felt?” And this time Haechan only nodded, so Jaehyun smiled softly. “For me, it was like they’re having this internal conflict, like, they don’t know if they’re doing right or wrong. But they’re trying.”

“No, no, no, no.” Johnny almost laid his torso on him as he didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t listening. “For me, it’s like good and bad and how a person can be both.”

“I thought they were fighting.” Jisung added, nonchalant, before ChenLe hovered over him, much like Johnny.

“I thought they would kiss!” The Chinese teenager seemed really surprised when Johnny busted out laughing – and Jaehyun swore he heard Doyoung and Taeil snorting from their seats – followed soon by Jisung’s protests.

“They wouldn’t kiss. Haven’t you seen it? He’s the same guy dancing with the girl. He’s dating the girl.”

“He’s not. That’s Ten hyung.” Haechan added.

“So what?”

“He’s gay.”

“Oh!”

“See, he’s dating the other guy.” Chenle insisted and Haechan disagreed.

“He’s not.”

“How do you even know that?”

“I just know and he’s not. Now you two shut up and let me watch it. You’re disturbing the audience.” Haechan mocked in fake annoyance as he pointed to Mark and Jeno in front of them, who were actually making more noise them all of them together as they cheered for the group of girls on the stage.

Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he was more amused by how his brother had actually talked about Ten’s sexuality in a way that sounded almost too casual, or by the fact that Haechan had acted like he actually knew something about Ten’s private life. Johnny seemed to catch on to that, too, and they exchanged a quick knowing glance, but remained quiet for the last performances.

The last stage actually followed soon after and it got the audience riled up even before it started as they mounted up together, and much like their intro, they looked like one huge mass, almost like an odd breathing creature. But if in their intro performance they looked they they’ve bloomed, this time they exploded and a smaller grouped started dancing to the deep bass beat, before they exchanged with others and soon all of them were dancing, in different groups, but in a way all their moves fitted perfectly to the beat and complemented each other.

The whole thing was already mesmerizing, but when no one expected, a group of other dancers joined them from both sides of the stage and gradually more and more would come until all the dancers were on stage, it didn’t matter if they were part of the official crew or not, but everyone from their academy was on the stage and the stage floor trembled under them as they stomped their feet in powerful works. 

The whole night had been amazing, but watching so many dancers dancing into sync as they twisted and jumped and even climbed onto each other’s backs had definitely been the icing on the cake and the crowd wouldn’t stop cheering even after the dancers left the stage, twice, after bowing together to their public.

\--

Jaehyun was used to the rush of the backstage after the performance, where kids run around to their parents and in and out of the changing rooms with bags and clothes and shoes everywhere. The whole place actually smelled like shoes, with so many people running around and dancing for hours. Most of them, especially those who were part of the dance crew, had been there probably since morning. It had been like that when Jaehyun dated Hansol and it was the same now, as he, Johnny and the teenagers walked their way through the dancers. Doyoung and Taeil waited outside while Mark and Jeno joined them and the younger ones were really excited to meet backstage.

As soon as they stepped in, a group of kids in the corner started shouting in their direction and Jaehyun was relieved to see the enthusiasm in Haechan when he joined his previous classmates. Jisung and ChenLe followed him, along with Mark and Jeno, and they all were greeted with cheers when Haechan told them his classmates would join him once he’s back for the next term.

Jaehyun and Johnny turned around in search of Ten and Taeyong, but it was Hansol who meet them first, stopping them halfway.

“Well, looks like some things will never change.” Instead of the unusual cheerfulness they would meet on these occasions, the bitterness in Hansol words was clear, much like the time they met in front of the studio. “If you’re looking for your new boyfriend, he’s in the last room with Taeyong and the new guy.”

Jaehyun tensed and quickly looked around to make sure Haechan wasn’t anywhere ears close, but the gesture probably seemed like something else, as Hansol quickly continued, sounding a lot more annoyed this time. ”What? You thought I wouldn’t notice Ten wearing your favorite jacket for a whole week?”

“Hansol, it’s not that.” Jaehyun almost muttered, making sure they wouldn’t garner themselves any kind of attention with the room so crowded and where Haechan could possibly listen.

“No? So what about seeing you kissing right in front of the studio, what about that? It that enough or are you going chicken out and hide like Ten did?”

“Oh, boy.” Johnny stepped in closer to Jaehyun and he looked like he gained a few inches. “It has been such a pleasure to meet you lately, Hansol.”

“Too bad I can’t say the same.” Hansol retorted and Jaehyun had felt Johnny grab ahold of his elbow tightly, but it looked like his friend was actually trying to get ahold of himself.

Johnny was usually very hard to get riled up, but Jaehyun had heard from both Ten and his other friends that Johnny and Hansol almost got into a fist fight when he wasn’t in the country. Johnny had avoided the topic when he asked, but Yuta told him later that Hansol might have said a few bad things about Jaehyun when he showed up once with his new boyfriend, and Johnny, who already had a few drinks by the time, almost jumped at Hansol’s throat.

“Hansol, please. Can we talk somewhere else? Just please, not _here_.” Jaehyun glanced backwards and was glad that Haechan looked distracted enough.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about, Jaehyun. It’s over. I’m moving out, you clearly moved on. I’m just done with people treating you like you are so very special, when you’re not. You’re just like the others. Maybe Ten will have better luck and step out while he can.”

This time Jaehyun really had to step in front of Johnny before his friend did or said anything stupid; or maybe it was so he wouldn’t say anything stupid himself. He pressed his lips tightly together, glancing quickly at the group of teenagers near them, before Johnny stepped backwards.

“I’m gonna go find Taeyong.” Johnny said before he exited through the hallway and left Hansol and Jaehyun staring at each other, the silent tension so thick you could actually cut it with a knife.

Maybe Haechan was right. Maybe Hansol did look sad while he danced, but what he saw and didn’t tell his brother was the bitterness he could feel in Hansol’s moves, so unusual for him.

“Hansol, I’m sorry, but can we please talk about it later?”

“I already told you I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well, maybe I do.”

Hansol’s smile didn’t reach his eyes as he watched Jaehyun with his round big eyes and slowly shook his head. “It’s too late. I’m taking the last flight tonight. I’m really moving.”

“Tonight? I heard you would only be moving on the next weekend’”

“Change of plans.”

Hansol shrugged and Jaehyun was somewhat shocked by it. Somewhere inside him Jaehyun really thought he owed Hansol an apology, somehow. Not for not loving him the way Hansol expected, because he couldn’t control his feelings like that and he never did that on purpose, and he actually really liked Hansol; but for making him hurt. Worse than that: for making Hansol hurt without knowing it.

Maybe Jaehyun deserved all that – the harsh treatment, that is – and maybe Hansol was right, about him not being special. Well, Hansol was right about that and Jaehyun had figured it out in his head long ago, as no one was really special, unless someone made them special to them. So yeah, maybe Hansol was right. Maybe Jaehyun had been special to Hansol once but not anymore, and vice versa, and he realized that as Hansol walked around him and turned a few feet away.

“I really hope you and Ten are happy.” Hansol said before turning back again and walking out of the waiting room and much to Jaehyun surprise, he didn’t sound bitter this time.

When Jaehyun turned around, his eyes met Haechan’s, still surrounded by his friends, but the teenager had certainly heard Hansol last words. And just as quickly as their eyes met, Haechan was soon being pulled away by a few other kids. Jaehyun hadn’t noticed he was holding his breath until Haechan let out a loud laugh and then he sighed in relief. Yeah. He would definitely have to deal with that sooner than later.

When Jaehyun finally reached the correct changing room, Yuta, Sicheng, Lucas and Kun were also there and the new dancer chatted cheerfully with the group in broken English.

“Jaehyun, my man!”

It was actually Yuta who greeted him first and after exchanging a few greetings and introductions, Jaehyun easily found his way to Ten, who was leaning both against the counter and a bit on Lucas’s side too.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” Sicheng said, “They all talk a lot about you.”

“Please don’t listen to anything Johnny said.” Jaehyun’s serious tone was enough to have his best friend mocking him while the rest of them laughed, before Jaehyun added with an actual smile. “Your performance was amazing. You guys did really great.” He turned to Ten, his smile softening just a little bit.

“That was sick!” Yuta exclaimed. “I can’t believe you did that in less than a week. We should have added you to our team.”

“I know, right?! Let’s trade Kun for Sicheng!” Lucas deep voice echoed in the small room.

“Oh, no. I’d rather deal with you and Hendery at the same time than with just Ten every day. Sicheng can stay with you.” Kun turned then to the new guy. “Sorry, no offence.”

“Hey!” Ten glared at Kun with a frown that made Jaehyun smiled even wider. “Stop trying to make me look bad in front of my new roommate, okay? I need this one to like me. Yuta, tell him how wonderful I am as a roommate.”

Ten’s comment actually made Jaehyun frown – while everyone else laughed as Yuta took the opportunity to also mock Ten for a bit – as he thought about the quick encounter with Hansol, just minutes ago. Hansol was just being bitter, Jaehyun knew that, but what really bugged him was the fact that Haechan had heard Hansol’s last words before he left. Haechan had already voiced out loud that he thought that Ten was in love, and then all those comments after Ten and Sicheng’s performance; Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel a bit worried. At the same time, for the brief moment their eyes met, Jaehyun hadn’t seemed any angrier in Haechan’s eyes. And now that Hansol had left – and he already knew about him and Ten, so it wasn’t much of a problem anymore – it was definitely the time to talk to Haechan about that.

Jaehyun was lost in thought until he felt a soft touch on his arm and when he looked, Ten sent him a quick glance, his eyes just as caring as usual and Jaehyun could read the question in them, but it was Taeyong who voiced it.

“What’s wrong, Jay? Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.” Taeyong asked in concern while he carefully folded his clothes into a bag, and all eyes turned to Jaehyun.

“No, it’s just- Did you guys know that Hansol is leaving tonight?”

“Tonight?” Johnny and Yuta echoed in unison, seeming to be the only ones actually surprised by the news.

“Yeah, he told us today before the concert. He said he didn’t want any farewells, so… It actually took everyone by surprise.” Taeyong explained, still occupied with separating the dirty clothes from the clean ones as awkward silence filled the room as they all exchanged glances, especially Sicheng, who probably didn’t understand the details of the situation until Ten broke in.

“I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but-” He paused, pulling his fists close together to his chest and he didn’t try to hide his relief as he spoke. “Oh my god! I can’t believe I’m finally sleeping in my own bed again! Tonight!” He added in a slightly high pitched voice as he looked up to the ceiling and the whole pose made he look like he was actually preaching, making everyone laugh.

“Wait, wait.” Johnny cut in. “Wait. Does this mean you won’t be sleeping at Taeyong’s place tonight?”

Ten nodded. “Tonight.”

“So the apartment is ours alone tonight?” Johnny turned to Taeyong for a bit, before joining Ten for a quick hug. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re sleeping in your bed tonight!”

Everyone, but Sicheng – who looked slightly confused – roared with laughter at the shirt being tossed by Taeyong at Johnny’s head and, much like Jaehyun, they all wished they didn’t understand the dirty joke Johnny added to that – Sicheng included this time.

“Wait. Is Sicheng also moving to your apartment tonight, or are you staying at Yuta‘s until next week?” Kun asked and the Chinese turned to Yuta, who just shrugged.

“It’s up to you.”

“Is it okay if I move tomorrow?” Sicheng then turned to Ten. “We are going out tonight and I need to pack my stuff first.”

“Oh, please, take your time.” Ten’s blunt reply made everyone else laugh. No matter how well he seemed to actually match with Sicheng, he was in no hurry to have a new roommate after being away from home for a month – and Jaehyun was sure his friends weren’t judging him.

It didn’t take long for Yuta, Sicheng, Kun and Lucas to leave, as they were supposed to meet Doyoung and Taeil outside, and when the doors finally closed behind them, Jaehyun wasted no time and pulled Ten close by the hand, not really caring to hide anything from their best friends anymore – especially after what Johnny heard from Hansol just now – but he was actually surprised that Ten let him. Ten was standing right in front of him as Jaehyun pulled him closer until their bodies pressed together and Jaehyun encircled Ten in his arms. It was incredible how easy it was to have him like that; like how Ten smoothly put his arms around his shoulder, like they had been doing this for years; like how they were supposed to have always been doing this.

“Are you really moving back tonight?”

“Can you believe that? I know I sounded super mean, but I really miss sleeping in my own bed. In an actual bed, to be honest.”

“Hey!” Taeyong protested from the other counter where Johnny more slowed him down than actually helped with his things. “Don’t diss my couch. It saved your ass for a month.”

“Yeah. Thanks, TY. I’ll thank your couch later in person.” Ten rolled his eyes and Jaehyun snorted.

“I could have offered you another bed for the night, you know? Haechan is going to sleep at his friend’s house.”

Ten frowned, tilting his head and looked really pensive as he stared at Jaehyun, but the actual implication of sleeping in Jaehyun’s bed – instead of Haechan’s – only hit him a few seconds later, making him roll his eyes again. “I’m not sleeping in your house, Jay. I don’t want Haechan to get mad at us when he comes home tomorrow.”

“Ten has a point.” Johnny added from somewhere behind them and Jaehyun actually glanced at his friend, but pouted at the remark – that morning after the Halloween party would probably haunt him for some time and he couldn’t help but hope that Jungwoo was fine, after what had happened. Jaehyun was the one who made a mistake, after all, while Jungwoo was a nice guy and probably didn’t deserve any of that.

“He won’t show up. They’re having lunch at some fancy restaurant with ChenLe’s parents tomorrow.”

Jaehyun murmured and Ten slowly curved his lips in a soft, yet amused smile and when Jaehyun noticed that Ten’s gaze was actually on his mouth, the pout slowly turned into a light grin. He then pressed his hands on Ten’s lower back, pulling him even closer, and Jaehyun thought he would never get bored with the intensity of Ten’s stares and how fast it would suddenly change his soft eyes to this kind of stare that made Jaehyun feel a shiver run down his spine. Ten was amazing in too many ways, and watching him like this was like watching him on stage; at how ethereal he could be in one dance and in the other it was like he could rule the entire world, like when all the dancers stopped so he could dance by himself in the middle of the stage during their last act.

Of course, it had all been too good to be true; holding Ten in his arms and having him so close, he could feel all the warmth radiating from his body as their faces leaned closer and closer when Ten ran his hands down his arms and held both his wrists to the sides of their bodies.

“Haechan is outside.” He warned and Jaehyun more felt than heard it against his lips.

Jaehyun growled in frustration after having Ten so close, after been denied a kiss, again – it had been almost a week – and he really wanted to kick Johnny in the shin when he heard him snort. Right on time, Jaehyun sighed and Ten stepped back as the teenagers’ voices echoed through the corridor.

“Told ya.” He lifted an eyebrow and grinned, letting go of Jaehyun just a little before the door was pulled open.

Haechan had been so excited by the whole concert that when both Ten and Taeyong asked him for his thoughts about the performance, he started talking nonstop with comments every now and then from both of his friends as well as Mark and Jeno. Jaehyun watched them with a smile; even Johnny added on and they went like that for a good fifteen minutes and they only stopped when both Ten and Taeyong had finished grabbing all of their belongings.

All of their friends would be meeting soon at a bar, but Johnny, Taeyong and Ten were actually going back to Taeyong’s place, so Ten could get his stuff – and Johnny had made it pretty clear the couple could use some alone time, after Ten’s spending weeks at Taeyong’s house.

Mark and Jeno would join their other friends from the crew somewhere else, while Haechan and Jisung would both sleep at ChenLe’s. But Jaehyun had actually promised to take them to Gino’s first, for some pizza after the concert, and he would keep his word. He was indeed trying to spend more quality time with his brother and he wouldn’t step back now.

It had been worth it, as Haechan had been really joyful for the rest of the evening and there were no mentions of Ten, or Hansol, except in reference to their dancing or the performance itself.

On his way home Jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder if things were actually becoming easier, and if Haechan actually understood what was going on around him, and most importantly, if he was okay with that. If he did, he didn’t sound angry this time, which was a good start, and Jaehyun remembered their talk earlier in the car. Maybe Haechan didn’t know what was exactly happening, and if he did, maybe Haechan still wasn’t okay with that, but Jaehyun could see that his brother was really trying to understand his own emotions, and that was definitely a good start. Haechan was a good boy, he always knew that, and nothing would make him happier them to see his brother happy – especially if he could be happy with Ten at the same time too.

He chuckled, and as he stared at the light above him, he thought of Ten in the backroom and how happy he was just to go back home. And he thought of the way Ten danced with Sicheng and how it had been so beautiful, so emotional. The light turned green and his mind went back to Ten dancing by himself in the middle of the stage, to the soft chimes of the song, with his eyes closed and completely immersed into it. He danced as in a trance, but it was Jaehyun who felt pulled by Ten’s every movement, like suddenly it had been no one else but them in the entire hall. Jaehyun’s mouth went dry again at the thoughts of the lyrics and then at Ten’s body against his in their changing room.

Someone actually honked from behind as his mind tried to pull him back to the thought of Ten’s lips. Jaehyun glared at the rear mirror and looked right, where he was supposed to turn next on his way home, but he thought of Ten looking so happy just because he would be back to his own bed, and the way he smiled and his hands on his arms. Sometimes, after having Ten so close to him at that party, Jaehyun wondered what it would be to have Ten even closer, to have Ten against him, on his own bed, smiling just for him. Someone honked for the second time behind him and this time Jaehyun did move – forward, instead of right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ^^'
> 
> There were a few stages describe on this chapter that were either inspired or translated from actual choreos, so I'll link them here, for credits and just in case you want to see them or didn't recognize a few. ^^
> 
> First/opening stage was highly inspired by [NCT 127 – 7th Sense reverse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNyeMk85vT4&list=LLSvwc2qkqjEsS3JBoS43iJA&index=100&t=0s) choreo.
> 
> The Kendrick Lamar song (with the seesaw part) would actually be [Kinjaz stage for Humble](https://youtu.be/lAwqPWYN2UU?t=102) since I’d LOVE to see some kpop dancers do something like that (specially Ten and Taeyong) and Kinjaz are one of my favorite dance groups. Here is the link for Kinjaz [oficial video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0seWNSEAbo).  
The performance after Kandrick Lamar’s song is inspired by [NCT U – 7th Sense](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTmR-ogUXqo). 
> 
> Ten’s first solo is, of course, Dream in a Dream and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKDKDuDPgls) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZVQWVrVYfY) are the links for both his practice videos, as Ten’s stage on this chapter had elements from both. 
> 
> Ten and WinWin’s performance is their performance for their [ Rainbow V project ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ovHSQwp1n0). I actually wrote this chapter a long time ago, before they performed it live, so when did I almost freak out because I never imagined they would perform it live, like, never. Since I think there’s a lot of difference from watching a choreography from a single angle in comparison to watching it thought multiple cuts, I recommend watching [this fancam](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg4JSezAlDs). It was the best one I could find that showed both Ten and Winwin’s movements. ^^
> 
> Last stage would be something like [NCT 2018 – Back On Black at SBS Gayo Daejeon](https://youtu.be/6Nu9o_fL0Lg?t=216). 
> 
> I’m still unsure if I should have described so many choreographies and stages, but hope you enjoyed this anyway. ^^’


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading another chapter. <3

Sometimes, Jaehyun really thought on how much life could change, without really changing. He had read once that sometimes you get this strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, but not just because you’d miss the people, but the person you know as yourself at this moment, as this is the one you’ll really leave behind – or something like that.

Jaehyun had felt this strange feeling before, more than once. He felt it when he left his home for college; he felt it when he left college for Chicago; he felt it when he left Seoul to never come back again.

This time, he wasn’t leaving anywhere and it was pretty much the opposite as he stared at Ten’s apartment door – Hansol’s (now) old apartment door – and he had been there so many times, but never like this. He didn’t know if he would miss his old memories with Hansol in there. Maybe he would, as he already had a few times before, except that it happened when he was inside the place instead, and somehow Jaehyun knew he and Hansol were done before they actually were. He had a lot of memories with Ten inside that place too, and to think about that now made him feel it was a little bit awkward, but at the same time, it wasn’t.

This time, while Jaehyun waited for Ten to open that door, there was this feeling that he would never be the same person again. He didn’t want to be the same again. And all those memories would always be part of him – of them – but there were so many other memories left to create and he wanted them. He wanted all of them, and all of this, and all that Ten would give him.

Ten opened the door a few seconds later with an eyebrow hidden by his wet fringe, as if he actually doubted Jaehyun was there. Most of the lights from the apartment were dimmed and some mellow indie song played somewhere inside, but Jaehyun didn’t recognize it – and he remembered that he barely ever recognized any song Ten listened to on his earphones in the living room, but he usually liked them; mostly liked them and it was funny to think most of his favorite playlist had had a good portion of Ten’s recommended songs.

“You said you wouldn’t sleep at my place, but you never said anything about me sleeping at yours.” Jaehyun said simply, one hand in the pocket of his coat as the other one ran through his hair, like he did whenever he didn’t know what to do with them, and Ten’s eyes sparkled just like that time on Johnny’s porch, a little brighter than its usual self by some light that reflected on his orbs as he shook his head, but his lips betrayed him, curving in a not-really-amused smile and Jaehyun thought he really liked whenever they did that.

“You’re truly unbearable, Jung Jaehyun.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Ten snorted and his mouth showed a full smile as he stepped aside so Jaehyun could enter.

It was strange, how Jaehyun knew exactly where to place his shoes and in which chair to put his coat, because no one never used it, but then he turned back to Ten, that checked his wet hair in the small mirror on the wall, and everything felt at ease again – like he was coming back home, but not because of the place itself. Ten glanced at him through the round mirror and if Doyoung was there Jaehyun would definitely hear about his stupid smile, but Ten simply smiled back and giggled, closing his eyes.

“Come here.” Jaehyun called him from where he leaned against his slightly damp from the snow coat and Ten did turn around. “You’ve been denying me something I can’t stop thinking about, you know?”

“Did I?”

Jaehyun nodded and he didn’t even wait for Ten to reach him as he pulled him closer by his hands, much like he did earlier in the changing room backstage, and just like back then, Ten smoothly put his arms around Jaehyun’s neck and yeah, Jaehyun was sure they were definitely supposed to be doing this for a long time.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Oops?”

And this time Jaehyun chuckled at Ten’s faked innocence and Jaehyun had his eyes so glued to the brightness in Ten’s eyes that he almost missed the way Ten lightly brushed his teeth over his lower lip in a barely-there bite, it had been so subtle, but it was just enough to make Jaehyun’s body heat up.

“You have no idea how much I wanted to hold you like this.” He muttered and let one of his hands run all the way up Ten’s back to his neck, pulling him closer with both of his hands and Ten’s skin was warm under them, on his nape and on his back, even through his clothes. “You have no idea how much I want you, Ten.” He whispered and their breaths mixed, too hot, as Jaehyun stared into his eyes, and at how perfectly pointed his nose was, and how his lips looked so beautiful and full from up close, and how it wasn’t only his neck that tinted pink sometimes, but also his cheeks, whenever he felt too flustered or too shy.

They were so close that their noses touched as just the tips of their lips brushed and Jaehyun could smell the fresh mint from his breath and he felt close to drowning – and oh god, he wanted to drown in Ten’s lips forever.

“Please.” He whispered and this time he heard Ten’s deep breath even before he felt his lips close to him and Jaehyun craved his mouth like a starving man being offered his favorite food as they finally kissed.

Jaehyun was addicted. It hadn’t been long since he first kissed Ten, but it was a fact was that he was addicted and the more Ten kissed him, the more he wanted it, and so he pulled Ten tight against him and he never wanted this to stop.

If Ten’s skin was hot under his touch, his own skin was set on fire by the press of Ten fingers on his nape and the slight scratch of his nails through his hair as Ten kissed him with the same passion, his tongue pressing to Jaehyun’s. It wasn’t rushed, but in fact there was so much more to the kiss than just passion and there were so many things Jaehyun couldn’t put into words about what he felt and how he felt whenever Ten simply looked at him, let alone when he touched him.

It was amazing having Ten so close like this, without a fear of what anyone would think and about what they did; just them, while all the worries were left behind outside that door, and those were the memories Jaehyun wanted to create with Ten, didn’t matter if it was inside this apartment or anywhere else in the world.

Ten pulled him even closer, molding their lips perfectly into each other and let his teeth brush Jaehyun’s lower lip before capturing the upper one between them, while Jaehyun’s hand traveled across his back. Making a mess of his shirt had been unintentional, crumpling the cloth between his fingers, at first, until his fingers brushed on the skin beneath them, and Ten broke their kiss and stared back at him with hooded eyes, he let his hands savor on the feeling of his skin under his touch, warm and soft, despite the smoothly toned dancer-muscles.

Jaehyun felt Ten shiver under his fingertips as they traced the lines on Ten’s back, their eyes locked together and soon Jaehyun pressed his hand on his waist and from there to his lower back.

“Tell me when to stop.” Jaehyun whispered against Ten’s lips and it sounded more like a warning than anything else, and when Ten didn’t stop him, he pressed their lips back together and let his hands wander even lower on Ten’s body, before his lips did the same from Ten’s mouth to his chin, then his jaw and down to his neck. Ten held tight to his hair and around his neck and then their hips were pressing, their legs rubbing together and Ten rolled his head to the side, giving Jaehyun more access to his skin.

Ten smelled like body wash and Ten; just like he remembered from when they danced at the party; just like Ten himself, and it reminded Jaehyun of awkward morning coffees and random talking on Saturday afternoons in this same living room, and Jaehyun realized that Ten actually smelled like home. He chuckled, the hot breath making Ten shiver again.

“What?” Ten sounded dazzled and a bit annoyed by being pulled out from his trance and Jaehyun smiled as he bit on the already swollen skin.

“Nothing. Everything.” He murmured as he left a trail of soft kisses until he reached Ten’s ear. “You.”

Ten let out a breathy laugh that turned into a gasp as the warmth from Jaehyun’s mouth traced the coldness of his piercings along his earlobe and Jaehyun could actually count them like that.

It was really in hand how easily Jaehyun could actually lead them through the apartment with his eyes closed and their mouths moving in a kiss full of tongue and teeth and wet lips, and with Ten hands too distracting at the hem of his sweater, the piece of clothing too warm for the heat of Ten’s fingertips.

They actually managed it all the way to the small corridor that led to both bedrooms and the bathroom before Ten stopped him and Jaehyun felt Ten’s lips curving on a smile between their kiss. “Wrong way, lover boy.”

When Jaehyun opened his eyes and looked around, he realized he had passed the door to Ten’s bedroom by maybe a few steps. He giggled, lowering his head again so he could rest his forehead on Ten’s and he closed his eyes to the softness of Ten’s fingers caressing on his cheeks – and Jaehyun realized that despite having been in the apartment so many times before, from this time on, just like him, the place would never be the same as it was before and he really liked that.

“This way.” Ten smiled brightly as he whispered and his hand grabbed on Jaehyun’s as he led them towards the right door.

Jaehyun had only been in Ten’s room a few times before. Most of them had actually been so quick he never had enough time to pay attention and notice how much it reflected Ten’s personality. A yellow night lamp was lit on the only nightstand by a four post bed in one corner of the room – who the hell actually had four post beds this days. Instead of wood, the bed was made of some thin, black iron, that perfectly framed the window between the posts and despite being turned off, Jaehyun knew there were Christmas lights twisted around them that Jaehyun wondered if Ten had actually ever lit them up since he saw him put them up last Christmas. The wardrobe had one mirrored door that exactly reflected the almost empty part of the room where a few weights piled up together along a rolled yoga mat and beside a small desk, in front of the bed, that Jaehyun had seen Ten using a lot of times whenever he passed through the corridor and his door wasn’t closed.

The music sounded a bit louder this time, blasting from a small red box above the table and Ten let go of Jaehyun’s hand as he grabbed his phone on the same desk, turning the volume down a bit. This time Jaehyun recognized the addicting mellow beat of a Troye Sivan song when Ten turned back to him, and his mouth went dry from the way Ten stared at him, his swollen lips parted slightly, his neck tinted pink from more than just shyness where Jaehyun had worked on the skin just minutes before, and eyes so intense that Jaehyun felt his whole body shiver.

It snowed outside, from what Jaehyun could see through the sheer curtains behind Ten and Jaehyun knew from experience that the heater would never make it actually hot inside the apartment, but it felt summer hot inside Ten’s room and it grew even warmer once he got rid of his sweater, soon followed by his shirt, under Ten’s intense stare.

Ten’s lips twisted in a lopsided grin as he shamelessly checked him out and Jaehyun let out a chuckle. Yes, he was proud of the body he had carefully built, but having Ten staring at him like that was something else and his ears were probably a little red right now. He let out another chuckle when their eyes met again and Ten walked closer, his fingers brushing over Jaehyun’s torso while Jaehyun reached for Ten’s shirt and slowly pulled it up, letting his own hands hover over the soft skin before they kissed again, this time with skin against skin.

Jaehyun slowly led them to the bed and Ten pulled Jaehyun down with him as he laid on the mattress without letting go of his lips and soon Jaehyun found himself pressing his own body over Ten’s, their legs tangled together. Ten let out a muffled moan as their lengths rubbed under their pants and Jaehyun did it again, just so he could hear Ten again, and when he did, Jaehyun wondered how many sounds like this he wanted to hear from between Ten’s lips – and he would made sure to hear all of them, one by one, as he would learn exactly how to get them.

He found himself gasping for air when Ten brushed over his nipples and Jaehyun found his way back to Ten’s neck and up to his ears. He had counted five piercing on one side and found another five, making him chuckle as he pulled them between his teeth.

“Can’t believe you really have ten piercings.”

“Can’t believe you’re doing math.” Ten half moaned as Jaehyun’s hand travelled between them and palmed over Ten’s clothed crotch, Ten hips immediately looking for more of the friction and Jaehyun wasn’t that surprised to find out that Ten’s wasn’t wearing anything beneath his sweatpants, being home alone and just out of the bath. “Eleven. I lost a jewel.”

Jaehyun snickered and bit one more time on Ten’s earlobe before making his way again down his neck and lower at every bite in between kisses until he actually sucked on a nipple and Ten actually groaned under his breath, his length pulsing under Jaehyun’s firm hand. “Jay.”

Jaehyun brushed his teeth over the hardened nipple before he pulled back, hovering above Ten as his hands grasped on the waist of his pants and pulled them down, his hands brushing his toned legs as he let his eyes follow the movement until Ten was left naked beneath him. Ten was beautiful. From the way his collarbones pointed to his shoulders, to the way his torso would rise with his deep breaths, and how his smooth abs tensed under Jaehyun’s fingers, how his toned legs brushed against Jaehyun’s hip as he spread them just enough so Jaehyun could fit between them and his cock pulsed just from Jaehyun’s gaze.

“Second drawer.” Ten’s voice was barely a whisper before he licked his lips and Jaehyun lost himself for a moment at the sight in front of him before he slowly moved backwards and off the bed.

It was easy to find both the bottle of lube and a condom inside the drawer, way easier than stripping off the rest of his clothes while Ten watched him with a light smirk on the corner of his lips and Jaehyun mirrored it on his own face as he crawled back atop him. They both held on their breaths as their groins touched with nothing but skin and Jaehyun claimed Ten’s mouth with his own in a wet kiss where their tongues tangled and theirs lips brushed and molded together and between their teeth, as their bodies craved each other’s touch.

When Jaehyun actually searched for the bottle beside them, Ten took it from his hands.

“Just kiss me.”

Jaehyun’s lips were wet from saliva, but his throat went dry with only the idea of Ten preparing himself, fingering himself, right beneath him and he gulped, before nodding against Ten’s lips. He moved his hips so Ten could reach between them and Jaehyun felt his legs widening at both his sides when he kissed him again with such passion, capturing Ten’s low gasps with his mouth, while he held on to Ten’s waist.

It didn’t take long for Ten to actually muffle a moan and Jaehyun hold tighter to him, before letting his hands explore Ten’s body, tracing the prominent ribs with his thumb and then his nipple, still hard, before he ran his hand back down and the dancer shuddered beneath him when his hand brushed his cock and this time, Jaehyun did more them palm it, grabbing Ten’s length with just the right amount of pressure to make Ten moan beneath him.

Jaehyun let go of his lips so he could kiss Ten’s neck and when he looked down, he felt his own cock pulse at the sight of Ten spread under him, his hands nowhere to be seen as Jaehyun’s hand pumped on Ten’s dick, slowly. “God, you’re so beautiful.” Jaehyun muttered against his skin and soon Ten was biting his lips as he suppressed his moans and Jaehyun felt him moving his hips for more friction against his hand.

The sight itself was already overwhelming and Jaehyun swore he could come just from watching Ten one day, but when he felt Ten hold tight to his arm, he knew that Ten was ready and so he let go of Ten’s dick so he could hold him again on his waist and kiss him full on the lips. Ten groaned again when their groins rubbed together and Jaehyun muttered again between their kisses.

“So beautiful.”

“Jaehyun.” Ten breathed under him and when Jaehyun pulled apart, all the things Jaehyun saw in Ten’s eyes from before were mixed with want and Jaehyun wanted Ten so bad right now.

It was silly, he knew that, but he couldn’t help his smile as he watched Ten grab a hold of the condom, ripping the package open with teeth, but changed from pure lust to giggling flustered on the mattress. “What?” Ten did sound a bit annoyed as they both laughed and Jaehyun shook his head. He was just happy.

“You’re amazing. And beautiful.” Jaehyun said with a large smile that made Ten roll his eyes, and he grabbed on Ten’s waist, pulling him up with him as he adjusted them both across bed so Jaehyun had part of his back against the wall under the window. Ten adjusted himself, kneeling on the mattress with his legs on Jaehyun sides.

“You’re not bad yourself, you know?” Ten continued their inside joke, making Jaehyun lough loudly, but the sound turned into a groan when Ten held his untouched cock, slowly sliding down the condom. “Not bad at all.” He muttered and Jaehyun hadn’t realized he had closed his eyes until he found Ten’s dark eyes hovering over his body and Jaehyun pulled him against his chest, one arm tight around his waist while he cupped Ten’s neck with his free hand and they just kissed for a while, before their hips stated moving on their own.

Only then Jaehyun let go of Ten’s neck, but without breaking their kiss he held him as he guided his own cock to Ten’s entrance and his mind went blank as Ten’s slowly slid down on him, only Ten’s low moan against his mouth reaching his ears. Their breaths mixed, hot and unsteady as he let Ten adjust to the stretch and waited for him to start moving, his hips slowly rising up and then down again, his body hot and tight around his length. Ten pressed his hands on Jaehyun’s chest for balance and their lips brushed before they were back at kissing as Ten slowly rode him, and just like dancing with Ten had been easy, they soon found a pace as Jaehyun pushed his hips up and into Ten’s body.

“Fuck.” Ten gasped when Jaehyun’s grab of his hand on his waist intensified, holding him still so he could actually push with force – as much as their position let him – into Ten’s body, slightly changing the angle when Jaehyun repeated it and Ten actually moaned against his mouth and the sound was more beautiful than any other sound he got from Ten before.

Their hips rolled together, faster and faster, move by move, as Ten rode down his own orgasm, but his moans were still muffled and Jaehyun wanted more, always more, so he let his hands slide down to Ten’s hips and hold him down, again, close and strong and preventing him to move. Ten groaned , opening his eyes, but before he could make any protest, Jaehyun pushed back against him as he sat on the bed, bringing Ten with him and they kissed again.

He first reached for Ten’s arms, pulling them around his neck, and then to his legs, wrapping himself between them, and they moaned together as the position made Jaehyun go even deeper inside Ten. They stayed like that for some time, their movements as slow and short as possible so they wouldn’t fall apart and remain the same when Jaehyun maneuvered them again, so he could lay Ten down over the sheets.

“I wanna hear you.” Jaehyun whispered with his mouth glued to Ten’s lips and Ten held tight to his shoulders and to his neck. All the changes had Jaehyun rubbing deep inside of him and they were both breathless when Jaehyun almost pulled out of him, only to push back in, deep and slow against his body and Ten let out a loud breath.

“I wanna hear you moan, Ten. There’s no one else here.” He whispered, pulling almost entirely out again, but this time he pushed in harder, faster and Ten closed his eyes, his head rolling back as Jaehyun’s still held on his waist. “Just us.” Again, Jaehyun thrusted against him and, again. “Only us.” And again. “Moan for me, Ten.”

And then Ten finally let go, letting out a full moan as Jaehyun pressed inside him and just like that, turned into a mess of gasps and moans, his lips parted, his hair messed, his skin flushed and covered in sweat, and Jaehyun thought that it was one of the most beautiful, gorgeous sights he’d ever seen.

Ten’s hands pressed tight, scratching Jaehyun’s skin and pulled onto his hair as the moved like that, hips and chests rubbing close as their moans and the sound of their bodies filled the beats of the longtime forgotten music playing on the background, and they worked together for their orgasms and Jaehyun thought he could stay like this forever, with Ten moaning his name underneath him and he buried himself inside Ten. And just like that, Jaehyun felt Ten clenching around him, his hands pulling Jaehyun even closer as he came untouched between them, his whole body trembling with pleasure as he let out a long moan. And it didn’t take more than a few more thrusts and Jaehyun followed him, burying his face as he groaned in Ten’s neck.

Their breaths came out in puffs as they held onto each other until Jaehyun heard Ten let out a sigh, his body finally relaxing under him, and Jaehyun chuckled at the small noise Ten made when he tried to move, pulling down his legs from Jaehyun’s waist, his body probably sore from all the dancing and the sex.

Jaehyun pressed his lips on his neck in soft kisses and, slowly, he pulled out from Ten and they both groaned between their breaths. When he pressed their mouths together, he could feel Ten’s lips curved into a satisfied grin and he opened his eyes to the sight of Ten’s hooded eyes, looking completely spent beneath him. They kissed again, slowly and fully and if Jaehyun was addicted before, he didn’t even have words to describe how he felt at that moment.

He tried not to beak the kiss and he slowly rolled to the side at the same time he got rid of the filled condom, tying its tip before tossing it on the floor and finally pulling Ten back to him.

“Gross.” Ten said, his voice muffled against his lips, but didn’t let go of Jaehyun so he could properly throw it off or clean their messed abs – honestly, Jaehyun couldn’t care less.

“You need a bin near your bed for things like this, you know.” He mocked and they laughed together, Ten’s leg coming around his waist and Jaehyun let his hand rest there, while Ten rested his head on his chest.

“Hm. Maybe next time.” Ten whispered and Jaehyun smile grew larger at the simple thought that, yes, there would be a next time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, pretty much every single song from Troye Sivan could fit this chapter, but I heard [My My My!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5TqNsr6YuQ) in the car just before writing this chapter and this happened. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zfyc-Kn1K0) is a link for the lyrics. I think it fits all the tenseon between them just right.
> 
> <strike>This was my first time writing smut, so i hope it's good enough x.x</strike>


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note01: @Immaunreliablenarrator thank you so much for proofreading this chapter and the encouragement! You're amazing and I want you to know that <3 
> 
> Note 02: Of course I also had a song in mind when I wrote the first part of this chapter and I'm posting it here instead of end notes in case you want to listen to it while you read. As always, you don't have and I don't expect you to, but it adds a bit to it this time. [Here it is.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh1XYZl_H8k)

Jaehyun woke up to the brightness coming from the window hitting his eyes. He tried to hide from it, pulling the warm body beside him, his face hiding in Ten’s neck and, slowly, the scent of the man hit him, making him turn his lips into a lazy smile.

Ten slept peacefully, partly underneath him as Jaehyun’s chest was pressing against Ten’s back and their legs entwined around their shins and Jaehyun didn’t remember the last time he woke up feeling so well rested, feeling so good, like this. Memories from last night occupied his mind as he lips traced smooth patterns on Ten’s neck – from Ten dancing at the concert, to Ten moaning beneath him and the feeling of having Ten so close to him, around him. He didn’t remember feeling this good, this happy, with anyone else before.

He felt Ten moving slightly under him and Jaehyun simply couldn’t hold his smile at having Ten waking up in his arms as he pressed soft kisses to his neck, slowing down to his shoulders and on his back, Ten’s smooth skin feeling hot against Jaehyun’s. Ten hummed and inhaled deeply, and Jaehyun didn’t stop the kisses as he watched Ten’s hand searching blindly in front of him until he grabbed hold of a second curtain layer and pulled it lazily, covering only half of the window but enough to make the room slightly darker.

“You have a mole on your back.” Jaehyun pointed out between kisses, his voice deep and husky from having just woke up, and he found himself fascinated with every little new thing he learned about Ten, every little detail, like every smile, every sound, every new thing he uncovered from just being like this with Ten.

“And you’re poking me.” Ten murmured, making Jaehyun chuckle with his mouth still pressed to Ten’s back, as the first thing Ten would say was about his morning hard-on.

Maybe Jaehyun was still sleepy; maybe Jaehyun was shameless; maybe Jaehyun was just feeling good; and maybe it wasn’t even just a usual morning wood, but the feeling of having Ten so close to him. Or even – maybe – it was all that when Jaehyun pressed their bodies even closer, his cock rubbing on Ten’s ass and making the shorter suppress a moan. Jaehyun let his hand travel Ten’s body, from his tensed abs, to the soft curve of his waist, to the sharpness of his hips, down the length of his thigh and the inner soft skin until he grabbed the fullness of Ten’s own morning wood.

Ten granted him a low moan and a gasp as he moved his hips against Jaehyun’s hand and Jaehyun sucked on his neck. It was lustful, and although Jaehyun would have never denied Ten was hot if someone had ever asked him before – as most of their friends were indeed hot, Jaehyun thought – he never really imagined that Ten could look this sinful.

Jaehyun rolled his hips, making their bodies rub harder and he didn’t suppress his own moan at the feeling of his cock nudging Ten. He let go of Ten’s length, and with his mouth still attached to Ten’s neck he fumbled through the sheets for the bottle of lube until it was pressed into his hand, Ten having found it first. He opened it with one hand, his other arm trapped beneath Ten’s head, but soon enough Ten grabbed the bottle again so he could squish it on Jaehyun’s fingers for him, so they didn’t have to move, and Jaehyun smirked against his skin.

He parted their bodies slightly so he could fit his hand between them and Ten hissed at the coldness of the lube as Jaehyun circled his rim with his fingers, before he slowly pressed in. Ten gasped again, sucking for air, but he soon adjusted to the intrusion as Jaehyun worked him open, just as slowly. Jaehyun traced sloppy kisses on Ten’s back and on his neck as he started pushing in, and then out, adding more fingers one by one until he felt Ten clenching around them and gasping into the sheets to hide a moan. Ten’s body was probably still relaxed from sleep and spent from the previous night, as the task was somewhat easy, but Jaehyun still kept the movements as slow and careful as possible, even when Ten grinded down on his hand. Jaehyun had to muffle a groan on Ten’s neck and unhurriedly fucked him with his fingers for a while, before carefully sliding them out.

“Don’t move.” he murmured in Ten’s ears, his lips brushing on the cold piercings, but before Jaehyun could actually move to find another condom, Ten grasped his arm, holding him in place.

“Forget about it.” Ten groaned, his voice low and huskier than usual, and then whispered, making a shiver run down Jaehyun’s spine. “I want to feel you.”

Jaehyun’s breaths come out heavier, not really trusting his ears, nor his mind – maybe it was his mind playing tricks, maybe he was still sleeping - and he waited for a while to steady them, but it was useless when his body moved on his own, his bare length rubbing against the wetness around Ten’s lubed rim. “Are you sure?”

Ten pressed back against him as he nodded and Jaehyun’s mouth went completely dry when Ten chuckled. “I want you.”

Jaehyun sucked for air with his mouth before he sucked on Ten’s skin around his neck and held firmly onto his hips, grinding their bodies together as he searched for the bottle again. He didn’t even know how much he wanted to hear it until he heard it, and oh, god, he wanted to hear that again. Jaehyun found the bottle easier this time and he actually managed to smear some of the lube in his hand by his own again before he coated it along the length of his hard cock and nudged it against Ten’s entrance.

“Say it again.”

“I want you.” Ten whispered, pressing against him. “I want you, Jaehyun. Please.”

Jaehyun groaned and didn’t wait for Ten to ask again before he pushed in, slowly, with his arm circled around Ten as he slid in and the pleasured moan that escaped Ten’s lips was enough to make his head dizzy and everything about it was just amazing; overwhelming and, yeah, his mind was probably playing tricks.

Once fully in, he waited a bit for Ten’s body to adjust, and before he expected, Ten moved his hips a little, clenching around Jaehyun. He let out a moan at the feeling of Ten’s heat around him as he pulled out a little and then in again in short, slow movements and Ten rolled his hips against his. It was like dancing with Ten all over again as their bodies found their own tempo as they moved against each other. It was slow, almost lazy when their hips met, Jaehyun hands around Ten’s waist holding them together and Ten clenching his fingers in the sheets.

“Moan for me.” Jaehyun whispered in Ten’s neck as he left small bites there, his tongue traveling from Ten’s nape to his ear, sucking on his lobe before he whispered. “Moan for me, Ten.” And Ten did.

Jaehyun searched for his hand and entwined their fingers together before holding his waist like that, their moans echoing in the room mixed with their breathing and it felt too good and it was actually happening, again, and Jaehyun would probably never feel as good as with his arms around Ten and Ten hot around him, and he felt like drowning and drowning should never be this good.

Ten let out a loud moan and it almost wrecked him and their bodies pressed completely against each other, their hips rolling and Jaehyun barely pulled out, buried deep inside Ten.

“Jae- Jaehyun.” Ten whimpered, almost begging beneath him and Jaehyun let go of his hand so he could grab on Ten’s hard cock, his hand sliding easily around it, slick with precome and soon Ten was pushing on his hand. His moans became longer, when he moved on Jaehyun’s dick, rubbing inside him, and on Jaehyun’s hand, clenched around him.

Jaehyun pushed up his hips with a little more force and felt Ten’s body tremble once. He did it again and Ten shook twice, and on the next thrust Ten let out a loud moan as he came in Jaehyun’s hand, his head pressing on Jaehyun’s shoulder and he tightened around Jaehyun, and suddenly it was too much and Jaehyun groaned on Ten’s neck, his hips thrusting until he emptied himself inside Ten’s body and – _fuck._

They stayed like that, catching their breaths for a while with Jaehyun still buried inside Ten, his body and mind still in awe as he gradually, and finally seemed to completely wake up, before he slowly pulled off and they both groaned at the loss.

Jaehyun had always liked sex and maybe Hansol was right when he complained after their break up that their relationship had been mostly physical. But having sex with Ten was something else. It was good, of course, because sex was supposed to be good, but that was not it. Being with Ten, feeling his touches, tasting his skin, hearing his moans; there was something else about all of this, and everything about it was different than it have ever been. Everything he felt was different just because it had been with Ten.

Jaehyun inhaled deeply and Ten’s scent inebriated him. He pressed his lips and his tongue to Ten’s neck in a lazy kiss and the taste of his skin drowned him like poison, because it was Ten, and sweat. He traced the back of his fingers on Ten’s hips and on his legs – its tips still slightly sleek with Ten’s come – and his skin burned because Ten’s skin was always too hot for his touch. Only then he turned on his back and when he opened his eyes to the sight of Ten stretching, cat-like on the bed beside him, he just couldn’t help his own smile because it was Ten by his side.

He let out a chuckle and turned around, searching for any piece of clothing, but there was none to his reach, so he turned back and placed a longing kiss to Ten’s lips. “Be right back.”

Jaehyun didn’t even bother pulling on his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom, making sure to get the used condom from the floor. It oddly felt too familiar as he started at the white titles behind him in the mirror. He stared at himself and he grinned. He was sure he had done this same thing too many times before, inside this same bathroom, but this time, it felt completely different because he couldn’t wait to get back to Ten. It was different because Jaehyun felt different, because it was Ten.

When he got back to the bedroom, Ten was sprawled across the bed and Jaehyun noticed that light on the nightstand was finally off – the music must have turned off on itself somewhere during the night. He climbed back in bed with a smile as Ten lifted the sheet that covered his body from the slight coldness of the room so Jaehyun could fit in there too.

“Morning.” Ten mumbled, his own smile lazy as he wrapped an arm and a leg around Jaehyun.

“Morning.” Jaehyun murmured back, pressing their lips together in a long, soft kiss as he pulled them close and their mouths curved into smiles.

“I’m not really sure if it all happened or if I just dreamed it.” Ten’s voice was low and there was no need for them to be any louder at their closeness, their lips brushing when Ten talked, and Jaehyun kissed him again. “Maybe I’m still dreaming.”

Jaehyun chuckled and lightly pinched Ten on his arm.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“Now you know you’re not dreaming.”

Ten opened his eyes and actually glared at Jaehyun. “Asshole.”

Jaehyun snorted and captured Ten’s lips between his teeth and they were kissing again, not fully, but their tongues tasted their lips that moved lazily, molding into each other until Ten let out a low moan and Jaehyun tightened their embrace.

“What happens next?” Ten asked, barely above a whisper and Jaehyun pulled apart so he could face him and Ten’s eyes were now his new favorite view in the morning, even when reflected with concern.

Jaehyun hummed, looking sideways as he thought about the possibilities. “Breakfast and shower sex?”

Ten glared back at him in disbelief and Jaehyun bit his inner cheek to not laugh. Of course he knew exactly what Ten meant with the question, but he’d rather enjoy their moment for now, with Ten both around him and between his arms, their bodies naked and close together, skin against skin, and even that felt just right about being with Ten.

“Jay.”

“No? It doesn’t have to be in this order.”

Ten actually chuckled at that and Jaehyun’s lips curved in a smile. That grew larger as Ten’s fingertips brushed his face and his dimple.

“I’m going to talk to Haechan.” He whispered, staring straight into Ten’s eyes and he saw them tense up a little. “I don’t want to hide it. I want you, Ten. I want to be with you and I’m not hiding it, from anyone.”

Ten let out a deep breath and he presses his lips on a thin line, but said nothing, as he resumed the caress on Jaehyun’s face.

“I want to do this the right way, so I’ll talk to him when I get home.”

Ten slowly nodded, looking a bit apprehensive. “Do you think he will be alright?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.” There was no use pretending he wasn’t nervous about it, so he sighed, along with Ten. But just like that, he remembered Haechan’s comment about Ten’s performance and how his brother did hear Hansol last night and how he didn’t look mad, or angry at that, so yeah. Jaehyun could only hope. “But the kid is smart, you know? I’m not sure, but I think that maybe he has some things figured out on his own.”

Ten frowned, but before he could say anything, Jaehyun twisted his mouth in a lopsided grin as he added. “He already knows you’re in love.”

“What?” Ten huffed, in shock, but his cheek immediately tinted pink, like his neck, and Jaehyun let his smile grow at the sight.

“After your performance- I mean, the one you danced with the girl?” Ten nodded in acknowledgement. “Haechan said that he thinks that you’re in love.” Jaehyun grinned widely and proudly as Ten rolled his eyes and tried to let go of his grip, but Jaehyun held him tighter and closer against him. “Smart kid, isn’t he?”

“I can’t believe he said that.” Ten grunted and Jaehyun let out a laugh, and then, when he caught the brightness of Ten’s eyes staring at him, he knew Haechan was right.

“He did. And you know what?”

“Hm?” Ten murmured, but let his arm circle around Jaehyun again, melting in the embrace.

Jaehyun slowly brought his hands to Ten’s face, feeling him shiver as his fingers ghosted over his back and his neck and Jaehyun caressed his cheeks with the back of his hands. Ten wasn’t only beautiful as he stared at Jaehyun, his mouth parted, relaxed, and eyes dark and bright and his features soft and strong at the same time as he watched him. Ten always knew what he wanted and would fight for what he thought that was right, especially for his friends. He had always had shown so much strength and despite having a sharp tongue, Jaehyun had never seen him being rude to anybody. It was like when he danced, with precise, yet soft moves, balancing through them whenever needed. It was this person – beautiful and hot indeed – but the person he slowly get to know as Ten that he found himself in love with, like he had never felt before.

“I’m in love too.” He muttered and Ten’s eyes brightened in the dim lit room, his lips turning into a soft smile before he leaned in, kissing Jaehyun with such passion, and Jaehyun was sure, he would never want to let Ten go away. 

\--

They only left the bed around thirty minutes later, and it was almost noon already, when Ten’s stomach actually growled and Jaehyun went for a shower first, alone, but only because Ten insisted – and it was probably wise or they would take another hour in there.

Jaehyun found out that cooking _for_ Ten wasn’t much different than cooking _with_ Ten.

Jaehyun had always liked having Ten around whenever he cooked, even when Hansol was around. Hansol knew how to cook, but only because he needed to and not because he liked it, so he never indulged Jaehyun’s kitchen experiences, while Ten, who didn’t know how to cook, was certainly a food enthusiast and ended up being more than helpful whenever Jaehyun needed it. Whenever Hansol was around he would just mostly watch in silence, if he ever bothered to join him in the kitchen in first place, that was.

Having Ten actually choose what they would eat was a nice change, for starters, and the menu itself was already challenging, as Jaehyun had to be really creative with the really small number of ingredients he had on hand, but he handled it. Well, not really, as he almost burned the sauce for their pasta as he lost track of time between one of the many stolen kisses he managed to get from Ten.

“May I ask you something?” Ten asked from where he leaned against the counter.

“Sure.”

“Have you ever walked around naked in here before?”

Jaehyun let out a loud laugh at the question and turned down the fire so the meat would finish cooking in its sauce, and washed his hands before he finally turned around and leaned between Ten’s legs.

“Only when you weren’t around.” His dimples actually stood out from the tight smile, his ears burning a little, while Ten wrapped his arms around his neck at the same time he checked out his naked torso, as he hadn’t bothered putting on a shirt after the shower – and Ten had set the heater just a bit warmer than the usual.

Ten actually chuckled, shaking his head before finally looking back at Jaehyun’s eyes with a smirk on his face. “Can’t believe I missed that.”

Jaehyun cracked up with another loud laugh. “I came into the kitchen shirtless once and Hansol almost killed me because you were at home. It’s not like you had many opportunities.”

Ten rolled his eyes with a playful grunt, but frowned. “I’m not sure if I’m glad or mad about it.”

They ended up laughing together between small kisses and Jaehyun smirked, cocking up an eyebrow. “Will you let me walk around like this when Sicheng moves in?”

“Hm.” Ten pondered, pressing his lips in a slight pout. “I don’t mind, really. But yeah, I wouldn’t like having my roommate’s boyfriend walking around naked in my living room if I was him, tho. He’s straight.”

The smile on Jaehyun’s lips grew wide as he stared at Ten and it was funny, how he actually felt inside. “That’s the one reason I think he shouldn’t mind it at all, but-” Jaehyun pressed his lips tight and even like that he couldn’t suppress his smile, not even the slightest. “Boyfriend, uh?”

Ten’s eyes widened a bit in surprise as he realized what he just have said and his mouth open wide, but nothing came out of it while his neck tint a shade above pink this time. Jaehyun let out a silent as he cupped Ten’s face with his hands and lowered down a bit so their mouths were temptingly close, but their eyes were fixed into each other’s gaze.

“Be my boyfriend, Ten.”

Jaehyun whispered-asked and Ten let out a small chuckle, his cheeks flushed as he slowly nodded and closed his eyes. They kissed even slower this time, lips brushing together in small, chaste kisses while Jaehyun held Ten’s face and Ten’s fingers ghosted along his nape. Jaehyun could feel his heart beating fast inside its ribcage and he swear he could feel Ten’s too.

They were both smiling when they parted, minutes later, and Jaehyun let out a chuckle before he kissed Ten again, pressing their lips as he murmured. “May I ask you something too?”

“Hn.” Ten murmured with eyes still closed.

“This shirt isn’t yours, is it?”

Ten’s eyes widened before he pushed back a little so he could take a look at his own shirt: a really oversized – even for Ten’s usually large clothes – long sleeved hockey jersey that felt loose around his shoulder, exposing quite a bit of his collar. Ten growled in annoyance and Jaehyun could actually see him trying to roll his eyes, even if he closed them again. Jaehyun kissed him again and let him go so he could check on their late breakfast, slash lunch.

“It is. I don’t really like hockey, but Lucas drags me with him sometimes and this one is nice.” Ten answered some time later, making Jaehyun snort, and crossed his arms as he tried to sneak on what Jaehyun was cooking. “It’s Lucas’s rival team.”

Well, of course it was – Jaehyun snorted.

Jaehyun noticed as Ten leaned on his shoulder a bit, so he spooned up some of the sauce, blowing on it a little before offering it to Ten, who simply opened his mouth so he could taste it, and Jaehyun couldn’t help his smile at that. They had done this before, but having Ten actually leaning against him and knowing he have actually prepared this for them both, and only the two of them, was enough to make his heart race a little.

“Hm! This is good.” Ten murmured and Jaehyun chuckled. This was definitely good.

Jaehyun turned off the stove and took his time to finish their meal, but leaned back on the counter once it was ready to be set on the table. “So, what’s the thing between you two?” Jaehyun asked instead, really curious, as he was not that blind and despite never really talking with Ten about this, he had picked up on some hints and small comments from their friends before.

“Me and Lucas?” Ten asked a bit confused, glancing sideways as he thought about the answer. “He’s one of my best friends. We slept together, sometimes, but there’s nothing more to it. We’re just friends, really.”

Jaehyun pressed his lips together again as he watched Ten and his mouth twisted a bit. He wasn’t jealous – well, not really – and in fact he liked Lucas, for the few times they met he had always been nice, but there was this something, he didn’t know what exactly, that bothered him.

“I’m not into sharing, you know?”

And this time Ten did roll his eyes, but smiled wide and fondly as he stepped closer claiming his spot between Jaehyun’s arms as he pulled them around his own waist.

“You won’t.” Ten muttered against his lips and everything about it felt good. “He always knew I liked you.” Ten pointed between their kiss. “And I know who he likes too.””

“Who?” Jaehyun asked, now really curious this time.

“Not my secret to share.” Ten smiled softly, knowing, and as Jaehyun stared at Ten’s eyes, shining so brightly, so mesmerizing, exactly like how he did at Johnny’s living room as he stared at his friends; exactly like Jaehyun remembered seeing so many times before, and Jaehyun really wondered how he could have been so blind all this time.

When they finally made it to the table, after sharing a few other kisses that made Jaehyun want to drown in them – and push Ten back to the bedroom – they took seats across each other as they talked, Ten filling him up with details from the backstage of the performance last night. Like how easily Sicheng clicked with everyone from their group, especially Yuta, since he had been staying at the his place for the time being, and how refreshing it had been to try something completely new in his dancing – Sicheng was indeed trained in contemporary and Ten had always wanted to try it; like how Hansol had surprised everyone with his early departure, but how Hansol himself looked more at ease for the whole day after that; like how both he and Taeyong were already planning on their next duo and maybe a new collab with Yuta’s team.

Jaehyun also carefully told him about his whole encounter with Hansol and how he thought Hansol had actually been honest when he said he hoped they were happy – and that Haechan heard it. He told him about how Haechan took seriously Ten’s insight about people feeling and thinking different things and differently thought music; how much Haechan loved the whole performance and his own thoughts on the stages. He told Ten about the talk he had with Haechan in the car and they both smiled proudly at the outcome.

“This is nice.” Had been Ten’s words sometime during their meal, as he pointed between them with his free hand, and Jaehyun agreed with probably the cheekiest smile as he chewed on the food.

Yeah, Jaehyun thought, it hasn’t been easy – things in life recently – but this was nice. He would probably have a long talk with his brother waiting for him once he got home, but this, what he and Ten had right now, it was more than nice and Jaehyun would definitely fight for it. He would just have to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm so, I kind of feel the need to point out that there are a lot of small details about their personalities in those last two chapters that I hope you guys could catch on them. I just want to make sure that the sex scenes/sexual innuendos (in previous chapters too) aren't there because of fanservice, specially this chapter. I know it had a different pace, but there's a lot between the lines in this, more than what’s exactly written.  
This is mainly a story for adults, so sexual related stuff are there because it is part of their lives as much as everything else. It may have looked like sometimes, but there’s no fanservice (at all) in this whole work and I really hope I have been able to translate that. 
> 
> Anyway ^^ What I basically mean is that I believe that you can learn a lot about someone if you look at their sexual life and the way they deal with sex, as it is one of the most intimate things about oneself and inside a relationship, even if it’s a one night stand. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this anyway and next update is coming real soon this time! (probably tomorrow) 
> 
> Thank you so much for keeping up with this! <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Immaunreliablenarrator proofread this chapter so quickly that I can't <3 you're absolutely the best! Thank you so much!

Jaehyun got home earlier than Haechan and he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not. He wanted to make things clear with Haechan, he didn’t want to hide anything from his brother and since trust had been a serious issue with them, the sooner they got things clear, the better. The thing was: Jaehyun didn’t want to break his brother’s trust, but he also had no idea of how to tell him without having his brother freak out – or if he would actually freak out. Since yesterday, he didn’t know what to expect anymore.

Spending all this time with Ten the way they just did, had been amazing. They talked about Hansol and Haechan, of course, as they still worried about both of them, but because it had been just the two of them like that for the first time, actually allowing themselves to do this; to be together and in love after everything that happened and were still happening, even those problems seemed something they could actually handle, together.

It was surprising how domestic their morning had been at the same time it wasn’t, as there was so many things about Ten that Jaehyun found out in so little time and Jaehyun loved it, each and every thing about it. He loved finding them and what he found in Ten as it only added to that person he met years ago and god, he wanted so much more of that.

Waiting for Haechan to come home was like drifting from the bliss of the memories from the time he spent with Ten just earlier, to the anxious feeling of trying to figure how his brother would actually take this.

He knew talking to Haechan wouldn’t be easy. There was no way Haechan would be absolutely fine with it and he knew it; but it wasn’t fair to hide it, to any of them. Two weeks ago and Jaehyun knew for sure that Haechan would freak out. Now, after everything they talked, after watching Haechan being so comfortable around Ten, after not finding anything hateful in Haechan’s eyes after Hansol’s words, he simply didn’t know anymore. Haechan really liked Ten and despite what he said about not trusting someone who was gay, Jaehyun could tell Haechan did trust them both and he couldn’t help but hope it was a good sign. It should be a good sign.

Jaehyun sighed, adjusting the pillow behind his back on the couch and the movement always made his bowl of popcorn fall on the floor, but he caught it in time and adjusted it against his body before he grabbed his phone. There were tons of unread messages and none from his brother, so that meant he was fine. Most of them were from the newly created group chat that included pretty much all the dancers from their close group of friends, minus Hansol and plus Sicheng now – he supposed, from the awkward number – and Johnny, Doyoung, Taeil and himself. He snorted as he quickly scanned through the messages and beside some pictures from both stage and backstage, and from the night before that, most of it was just his friends being their usual loud selves, but through text and too many stickers for their own good. Yuta was the admin of the group so Jaehyun wasn’t surprised to find Lucas and Kun there too, but he was when he spotted Jungwoo’s name among theirs and it sent him right back to his thoughts and, oh god, he really hoped Haechan wouldn’t freak out.

There were a couple of messages from Taeyong from this morning, asking if he was with Ten and Jaehyun smiled, his free hand lazily playing with the strands of his hair, pulling them backwards so they would fall on his face, only so he could pull them back again. Old habits.

There were actually a couple messages from Ten that made him grin and quickly reply.

_ **Ten10:** _

_Thankz for the lunch_

_And for the night_

_♥_

_ **Ten10:** _

_let me know how it goes_

_ **Just Jay:** _

_He’s not home yet_

_Miss you already_

_ **Ten10:** _

_Corny_

** _Jay _ ** _ **♥:** _

_:(_

_ **Ten10:** _

_♥_

_Miss u too_

** _Jay _ ** _ **♥:** _

_:)_

_♡_

Pretty much the whole rest of them were actually from Johnny, also from this morning.

** _John-d:_ **

_Hey_

_Mom’s making jajangmyeon_

_Ten’s coming too_

_;) ;) ;) ;)_

** _John-d:_ **

_Bring beer_

** _John-d:_ **

_You r coming, right?_

** _John-d:_ **

_Mark asked if you can bring  
_ _ice cream_

** _John-d:_ **

_Jay?_

** _John-d:_ **

_Helloooooooo_

** _John-d:_ **

_Ok_

_Tae said Ten isn’t replying to  
him _ _either_

** _John-d:_ **

_omg_

_You r together arent you_

_:o :o :o :o :o :o_

** _John-d:_ **

_Tae is worried u might be  
_ _arguing???_

** _John-d:_ **

_Oh god_

_You so not fighting!_

_ :o :o :o :o :o :o_

_Go get it lover boy!!!!!!_

_;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)_

** _John-d:_ **

_Okay _

_Just to make sure_

_Neither of you r coming for  
_ _lunch right_

_?_

** _John-d:_ **

_Screw u_

** _ John-d:_ **

_Call me later_

Jaehyun probably had the worst friends (and boyfriend) ever. Boyfriend. It felt really good to actually think that Ten was now his boyfriend, and not just a friend. Everything had been so quick, at the same time it wasn’t, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but think that life would really play tricks sometimes.

For over two years he dated Ten’s roommate. For over two years he started to get to know Ten and for over two years he gradually started to fall in love with his ex-boyfriends roommate without noticing it. He hated that he sounded like a jerk whenever he thought like that because he had always, truly cared for Hansol. He liked Hansol. It just wasn’t that kind of love. But Ten…

He didn’t know, until now, why it took him so long to see it. Not to see the person that Ten is, because that he had known that for a while and he had always admired him in lots of different ways. What he actually meant was actually understanding how Ten made him feel – to know what he, Jaehyun, actually felt, and somehow It was like that saying: you don't know what you've got until it's gone. But in Jaehyun’s case he had to lose something else; to let other things in his life go so he could actually find what he always had there, right beside him, all that time. Like letting go of a veil so he could see things clearly and he never expected to like it, to want it so much, what he had found.

His phone buzzed in his hand and it was Johnny, again, so instead of replying he decided it was better to just call him back.

_“Finally!”_ Johnny groaned at the other side of the line.

“Why do you love me so much? Geez.”

_“F.Y.I., Ten had replied to Taeyong like, ages ago so yeah, I don’t know why I love you when you don’t even reply to my messages. And! The fact that I keep hearing news from other people? That’s insulting.”_

Jaehyun almost choked when he snorted with his mouth full of popcorn.

“By other people you mean Hansol or your fiancée?”

_“Both. Taeyong.”_ Johnny added quickly, making Jaehyun chuckle.

“So, TY knows?”

_“Of course he knows! They are best friends and that’s what best friends do, you inconsiderate brat.”_

To say that Jaehyun was pleased was an understatement. He had wanted this for some time: to let the word know that Ten was his and that he was Ten’s. That they were together, and not just as friends, as Ten still tried to frame them, somehow, during the last week. But in fact, at least for Jaehyun, they were more than that ever since the first time they kissed and he was so madly in love with Ten right now he really wanted the whole world to know; at the same time, he didn’t. He couldn’t care less who knew – except for his brother, of course – as long as Ten knew that he loved him and let Jaehyun love him freely.

“I was going to tell you, all right? I just wanted to talk to Haechan first.”

Johnny went silent for a bit and Jaehyun heard some static at the other side of the line. _“Do you think he’ll be fine?”_

“I have no idea.”

_“Oh, man.”_

“Yeah.” He sighed. He really had no idea.

_“Well, he seemed just fine around me and Taeyong yesterday.”_

“I know.” Jaehyun smiled, letting some of the popcorn back inside the bowl. “He was so excited about the concert that I bet he didn’t even notice.”

_“That’s a good thing. If it didn’t bother him, then it probably means he’ll be fine. I mean, maybe not completely fine, but better than before. You know what I mean.”_

“Yeah, I know. I hope that’s how it goes.”

And just like that Jaehyun heard the sound of the front door and his brother calling him from the hall.

“Hey.” Jaehyun called out to his brother and the younger soon appeared in the corner of the living room, leaving his coat and his bag on a dining room chair. “I gotta go now.” He told Johnny.

_“Okay. We’re having breakfast tomorrow with Doyoung. And, Jay!”_

“Hm?”

_“I’m happy for you, man. Good luck.”_

Jaehyun smiled on the phone, passing out the bowl of popcorn for Haechan as he took the remaining space on the couch. “Thanks, man. See you tomorrow.”

“What are you doing?” Haechan was frowning as he stared at the TV and Jaehyun followed him, frowning at the screen too. Sunday TV really sucked.

“Nothing, really. How were things at ChenLe’s?” He asked, staring back at his brother.

“It was cool. His parents took us to lunch at some fancy rooftop restaurant. It’s snowing, so we couldn’t see much, but the food. Hmmm!” Haechan even closed his eyes as he spoke of the food, even if he was munching on the popcorn. “Delicious.”

Jaehyun chuckled and let his legs out of the couch so he could reach the snack, grabbing a handful. “Did your friends like the show yesterday?”

“They loved it! They said they also want to join the team the next term.” Haechan nodded, looking pretty excited himself. “Can you ask Ten hyung when it starts?”

“Sure.” Jaehyun couldn’t help his smile at the whole scenario: his brother talking so casually about getting back to his dance classes and Ten being his first call for the subject. “So you’re really up for dancing this time?”

Haechan stared at him in silence for a bit before nodding and letting a small smile light up his face. “Dancing makes me happy.”

Jaehyun smiled openly at this. They really have passed thought so much recently and in a span of almost three months his brother has come from this reclusive, angry teenager to someone who was opening up to his feelings and, slowly, allowing himself to be happy again. They still had a lot to overcome, Jaehyun knew, and probably there would still be stormy days on their way, but yeah, they would definitely deal with it.

“Taeyong hyung’s class?” He asked, just to be sure, and Haechan nodded, a bit timidly. “Nice.”

Haechan frowned again at the TV, but before he could reach for the remote control Jaehyun cleared his throat, suddenly dry. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, but he avoided looking at Haechan to start. “I, hm- I want to talk to you about something. That’s important.”

“O-kay?” Haechan sounded a bit unsure and Jaehyun went for the remote control himself, switching the TV off before he would look at his brother. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

Jaehyun snort, shaking his head. “Not that I know about. No. It’s something else.”

Haechan bit on his lip, raising both his eyebrows as he waited, and almost in slow motion, as if he didn’t want to interrupt, he went for the popcorn again.

“It’s about Ten. Actually, about me-” Jaehyun stopped and he frowned before letting out a heavy breath. He could feel his jaw clenched and he was almost sweating even if the heater wasn’t set to actually make it hot inside the house. He needed to calm down so he took another deep breath and when he closed his eyes for a second, the quick thought of Ten’s bright smile was enough to set him down a little

Jaehyun pressed his lips tight and when he glanced back to his side, his brother was staring at him with curious, round eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Jaehyun chuckled, nodding, and in fact he was more than alright. He leaned back on the couch, but his hands were clasped together between his legs when he finally spoke, calmer, this time.

“Uhm. Actually, what I wanted to tell you is that…” Okay, maybe Jaehyun wasn’t that alright, but he couldn’t help the small smile, even if it was a tad nervous, as he finally said it, looking at his brother. “Me and Ten, we’re together. As in, we’re dating.”

Heachan went silent, mouth hanging slight open as he held a handful of popcorn and face almost blank, and Jaehyun laugh mostly nervously this time.

“It’s new, you know. I mean- It happened recently, but I wanted to tell you first, before you knew any other way.”

Jaehyun really didn’t know what to expect and as the time passed by, Haechan remained silent, just staring at him. Jaehyun wasn’t sure he Haechan’s expression was actually that blank or if it was his own anxiety that didn’t let him see straight, but Haechan was being really hard to read. Jaehyun didn’t see any anger or disgust nor nothing like that, he thought, so that was probably good, but the teenager suddenly turned his face, leaving the almost empty bowl on the couch before he stood up without saying a single world.

“Haechan?” Jaehyun watched his brother walk through the living room and grab his stuff on the table and Jaehyun felt his spine shiver. “Haechan, please, come here? Let’s talk.” He asked already on his feet and following his brother to the hall and Jaehyun didn’t notice he was holding on his breath until Haechan exited to his bedroom, locking the door from inside.

“Fuck.” Jaehyun whispered between a loud breath.

Out of all of Heachan’s possible reactions that was probably one of the worst. That meant he was back to not talking about what he felt and Jaehyun, again, was left in the dark. He closed his eyes and leaned on the wall as he rubbed his hands on his face and through his hair before cursing again, a few times.

Everything about this was so frustrating Jaehyun thought he couldn’t stand it anymore.

One second his brother was fine, happily talking about his friends, or his classes, or about dancing or whatever new game he wanted, the other he would be throwing tantrums and locking himself in his room and refusing to talk. Jaehyun knew it was hard for his brother; losing both his parents, moving to another country, living with a brother he hadn’t seen for years, but why was it so hard for him, a young man actually born in the 21srt century to accept that, yes, he had a non-straight brother that, yes, had gay friends that, yes, some of them dated each other and that, yes, he was dating another man now.

Despite everything he was told, Haechan actually trusted Jaehyun, Jaehyun could feel that. If not completely, Haechan was at least trying to and Jaehyun could tell that, gradually, they were indeed building on their trust issues.

Apart from all that and even in spite of that, Jaehyun just knew Haechan liked Ten. Haechan had been rude to Ten on the first time they met, but Ten had never held any grudge against his brother for any of that and Haechan knew it. Ten had actually saved Haechan from a few embarrassing moments since they met and was, ever since Ten showed him that he could dance, his number one supporter. More than that: Haechan actually liked Ten enough to trust him despite all that prejudice, even when he wouldn’t usually stand being around Jaehyun’s other friends. He have allowed Ten in his life and had fun in his company the same way he allowed Ten to see when he was scared, like those times they talked over pizzas.

Everything about this was really frustrating, infuriating even, and Jaehyun really thought he couldn’t stand it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually decided to split this chapter in two parts, that's why we're going until chapter 25 now. I already have the seccond part (since I've sent it as a whole to @Immaunreliablenarrator), but I've re-read this for the Nth time so, yeah. ^^'  
But no worries. Next update will be tomorrow or the day after, at most.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Immaunreliablenarrator, thank you so much for proofreading this til the end and always being so suportive <3 you're the best!

The next morning Haechan did left for school, but he pretty much refused talking to Jaehyun to the point of rejecting his usual morning ride to school. Yeah, it was infuriating.

Jaehyun went straight to the coffee on the corner of their work building and ordered a double espresso before joining his friends in a booth near the window. He didn’t even notice the glance Johnny shot at him the whole time before he tossed himself beside Doyoung with a loud thud.

“Uh-oh.” Johnny said. “He didn’t take it, did he?”

“What does it looks like?” Jaehyun sighed, not even staring at his friend as he took a large sip from his cup, almost burning himself with the hot beverage.

“Oh, man.”

“Okay, why does it feel I’m being left out of something?” Doyoung protest by his side and Johnny opened his mouth, but quickly closed them again as he stared at Jaehyun with expectant eyes.

Johnny was indeed happy for him, despite all the rest. Jaehyun barely had any sleep that night, thinking about everything that happened and about his brother, over and over and over again and his mind only calmed down a little when he let his thoughts wander to Ten. Not just about what have happened on the weekend, but about how Ten had been so supportive and how cautious he was about Haechan’s reaction. Jaehyun let his mind travel even further, to when they were still friends and Ten had always been a great friend, and he had always been there, and they were always so comfortable around each other, no matter what, and all those long talks and small touches and really, how could have him been so blind?

Despite all that, Jaehyun hadn’t called Ten that night to tell him about what had happened, but he texted him, saying he would meet him at Ten’s home after work as he wanted to talk to him personally – and just be with Ten for a bit, after everything. And just how last night he had fallen asleep thinking about Ten, thinking about Ten now was just enough to make him curve his lips in a small smile.

“Go on. Tell him. I know you want to.”

Jaehyun nodded to Johnny and his friend’s smile was large and very child-like when he turned to Doyoung.

“Jaehyun and Ten are dating. Officially.”

Yeah, Jaehyun definitely liked how that sounded and he was actually grinning when he looked at Doyoung with a side glance and saw his friend smiling back, much like how Johnny did.

“Really?”

Jaehyun nodded.

“Finally! I need to tell Taeil. He and Yuta almost made a bet once that you liked each other, but then you started dating Hansol and it was really confusing.”

Jaehyun actually choked on his coffee, making him sit up straight, to the amusement of a very happy Johnny.

“I know, right? Taeyong used to get really mad at me when I asked him about Ten before, because of Hansol.” Johnny responded, way too enthusiastic. “But he told me just recently that he always thought that Ten had a crush on Jaehyun, but Ten never admitted it.”

Jaehyun glanced at both his friends as they talked to each other, both already on their cellphones and he huffed, rolling his eyes. “How old are you? Fifth grade?”

“I told you about this already, don’t you remember?” Johnny asked with eyes still glued on his phone.

“No you didn’t. All you said was that you weren’t surprised.”

“Because you and Ten always had this… thing,” Johnny shrugged.

“Taeil and Yuta used to say the same. Everyone started rooting back on you two after the Halloween party.”

“You’re all shitty friends, you know that? How come I never knew about any of this?”

“Hey! I didn’t let them go on with the bet! I’m the best friend you never asked for.” Doyoung added, finally letting go of his phone.

“We already talked about it, Jay. I know that you liked Hansol. It’s just that there was always something odd between you, and you know damn well what I’m talking about.” Johnny paused, only then putting his phone on the table and they silently stared at each other for a few seconds, before Johnny continued. “You and Ten… I dunno man, you two just fit, you know? Always had.”

Jaehyun snorted and yes, he knew exactly what Johnny was talking about – about both Ten and Hansol – and seriously, how come he never noticed any of this before?

Jaehyun always knew there was this something missing between him and Hansol – all the time, but that hadn’t meant he didn’t like Hansol. But then, when he thought about Ten and just the thought of him made Jaehyun just a little bit more at ease than he was before, just enough to make his lips turn into a slight smile; that was when he realized that there was no way he could have known what was missing, as he didn’t know what that thing was. But now, as his smile grew just enough that he had to press his lips tight so he could keep his thoughts to himself – his thoughts of Ten’s smile – now, he was sure, he knew what was missing, as he had found it in Ten’s eyes.

“Hm.” Jaehyun murmured, instead, before sipping on his coffee and his silence was probably enough for his friends as Johnny quickly moved on.

“Now tell us, what happened?”

Jaehyun told them. He told everything about Haechan’s reaction – or lack of it – and had to tell Doyoung about his problem of his brother having grown up with a very homophobic father that pushed on a lot of prejudice into the kid’s head, and about everything that happened from the first time Ten and Haechan met until now. He even shared all his frustrations and thoughts about how he believed that Haechan actually likes Ten, so that’s why he hoped that things could have been alright, and the three of them went silent for a few minutes until Doyoung spoke.

“Have you ever thought about that the problem might actually be the fact that Haechan trusts Ten?”

“What do you mean?” No. In Jaehyun’s head that didn’t make any sense at all.

“I mean,” Doyoung cleared his throat and adjusted himself on the booth, much like what he did whenever he had to explain something to a client or on a meeting. “You said that his father told him to not trust anyone who’s gay, right? But you’re his brother, and now his only family, so he naturally trusts you.” He paused, waiting for a reaction so Jaehyun nodded for him to continue. “Well, he didn’t like Ten at first and the only reason for that was because he thought you were dating or that Ten was gay, right?” Doyoung let out a small sigh and Jaehyun actually felt bad for putting his friend through this.

Doyoung and Taeil have been together since forever. They were already dating when Jaehyun met Doyoung at work and they would probably grow old together, but the problem was: none of them were actually open about it. Doyoung didn’t mind telling people he was gay, once he made friends with them, but his family back in Korea didn’t accept him, and most likely, never would. That’s why he moved out to America in the first place and Jaehyun, somehow, could relate to that. Taeil, on the other hand, would never open up about being gay unless it was to their close group of friends. He and Johnny had actually been the first to know about their relationship, and that was after years of dating.

Taeil’s family was a wealthy family from Korea that had business in Chicago and both his parents would often come to visit. Taeil also worked in their family headquarters and was their only heir, so he had a “reputation to uphold.”

Their situation was not uncommon – maybe was the most common when it came to being gay and even more as a gay Korean – and Jaehyun knew that. The whole situation already put a lot of stress on both Doyoung and Taeil and that was one of the reasons he had been very taken aback by his brother’s behavior, so yeah, he could feel Doyoung already tensing up as they talked, but he let him go on anyway, as Doyoung was probably the most reasonable person in their group – most of the time – and Jaehyun really had no idea on how to deal with all this anymore.

“Okay.” Doyoung paused, again “So, now Haechan actually likes Ten and trusts him enough to the point of not having an actual problem with the fact that Ten is gay. Much like what he does to you. And now, the only adult-like figures he actually trust in this side of the world are dating. Which means,” another pause, another nod, this time from Johnny too. “He cannot ignore it anymore that _you are_ gay – or bisexual or whatever.”

“So you believe that this means that we broke his confidence because we’re in a gay relationship, together?” It still didn’t make much sense in Jaehyun’s mind.

“Y-Yeah… That’s could be one point.”

“And what’s the other point?”

“He lost both his parents. He’s living in another country. You and Ten are the closest people to him now.” Doyoung sighed again, clearly frustrated. “Jaehyun, you’re the only person he actually has now and his father told him not to like you. He can’t like you. He’s not supposed to trust you, he’s not supposed to like or trust either of you, but he does. And liking you, trusting you, not having a problem with you two dating each other is doing exactly the opposite that his father always told him to do.”

“Maybe Doyoung is right. I don’t even think that Haechan is really a homophobe.” Johnny broke in, and Jaehyun blinked in surprise. “I mean. Taeyong said that there are openly gay students in his class and Haechan knows it and he never showed having any kind of problem with them.”

“That’s because he likes dancing and they are just colleagues.” Jaehyun pointed out.

“Well, maybe. But what Doyoung said makes a lot of sense. Haechan is learning that being gay isn’t a problem or something that makes someone unworthy of trust, or whatever his dad told him. Which means that the person who has actually lied to him, somehow, was his father. He doesn’t want his dad to be a liar, Jay.”

Doyoung nodded in agreement and Jaehyun licked his dry lips before he gulped, hard, as reality set in. This time, Jaehyun didn’t even know what he thought anymore. 

Well, fuck.

\--

When Ten opened the door for him that night, lips curved in a soft smile that showed just the tip of his teeth and eyes sparkling under the dim lights from the apartment, Jaehyun felt like entering an alternative reality – and Jaehyun actually wouldn’t mind at all if it happened.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Jaehyun answered in a low voice, not wanting to come back to reality just yet. He stepped in and even before he took off his shoes or his jacket, he cupped Ten’s face and pulled him closer, kissing his boyfriend full on the lips. Ten responded quickly and feeling Ten smiling again against his own mouth was better than anything Jaehyun could have asked for. Jaehyun only let him go after a few more small kisses and watched Ten go straight to the kitchen while he got rid of his things.

“Are you hungry? TY just left some jajangmyeon from Johnny’s mom here. He took Sicheng to get the rest of his things at Yuta’s place and they’re having dinner together.” Ten asked from the fridge, where he took off a somewhat large container of food and waved it at him.

“No, I’m fine. But I can keep you company, if you want.”

“Hn.” Ten actually pouted, but put the food back in the fridge and turned around right in time for Jaehyun to wrap him in his arms. “I’m fine. I can eat later.”

“You sure?”

Ten nodded and passed his arms around Jaehyun neck before pulling him down for another kiss, less chaste then their previous ones when their tongues met, but slow and caring at the same time. “What’s wrong? You’re tense.” He murmured, slowly breaking their kiss.

Jaehyun really wanted to protest and keep Ten’s mouth against his and let his mind busy itself with just their kiss and the taste of Ten’s lips for a while. He really wanted not to have to think about anything else now because he simply didn’t know what to think about all of this yet, except that he was feeling tired.

The whole day had went by as in slow motion. It was like Jaehyun had been put into automatic and despite not having any problem to concentrate in his work, it was just that every time he stopped, his mind would rewind everything Doyoung and Johnny have said earlier, and all the things that happened between him and his brother and he had absolutely no idea how to fix it. He didn’t even know what it was, this time, that needed fixing, as he still wasn’t sure of what that all meant.

He pressed his lips tight together as he stared at Ten with the most puppy-face he could make and let out a small sigh, before it turned into a small laugh when Ten lifted an eyebrow, seeming not affected at all. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”

“Its’s Haechan, isn’t it?”

And for that, Jaehyun could only nod.

Ten released their embrace, but didn’t let go of Jaehyun, as he pulled him by the hand to the living room and it was funny how Jaehyun automatically jumped in the brown Butterfly chair – and Jaehyun’s favorite spot on the living room. And when he didn’t let go of Ten’s hand, the shorter simply made room for himself in Jaehyun’s lap and they fitted just perfectly there, with Ten’s legs between his and his arms around Ten’s waist.

“This is nice.” Jaehyun murmured as he rubbed his nose in the crook of Ten’s neck, his eyes closed, and he smiled when he noticed that Ten was actually wearing perfume, despite the home clothes that looked too much like his dance cloths – and they were probably the same. He placed a few kisses on Ten’s nape, soft, and not really daring.

“You know, it kinda pissed me off that you always stole my spot when you came around.”

“Your spot?”

Ten nodded and pulled up his legs, his feet resting on the thin iron frame of the chair beside Jaehyun, and so Jaehyun held them, leaning back on the seat so he could look at Ten.

“This chair. But I guess we can share now.”

Ten smile was indeed beautiful and just the sight of it was enough to put Jaehyun at ease again. Jaehyun had never paid attention to those things like mindfulness or whatever, that pretty much everyone else was into these days. Of course he had heard (a lot) about it, but then again, who didn’t, these days? And just being there, with Ten, and watching him smile as he talked about things so mundane, so easily, was like just a mindfulness experience of its own – and he didn’t even need a kiss for that.

“Let’s make this our spot them. But first-” And this time Jaehyun didn’t hold a large smirk. “Tell me. Since when?”

Ten frowned and Jaehyun tried not to pay attention to the shiver on his own neck when Ten played with his hair and his fingertips brushed on his nape. “Since when what?”

Jaehyun chuckled, but his smirk grew larger and he lifted his head so he could bite lightly on Ten’s earlobe, pulling one of the rings playfully between his teeth.

“Hmmm.” he murmured, speaking slowly between other few small bites down Ten’s jaw. “Let’s say… that might have been, or that might have not been, a bet going on around within some of our friends that you liked me, _and_ that I liked you too, like, when we met. And. Johnny _might_ have said something about TY knowing things, you know.” It was lame, Jaehyun knew it, but he couldn’t help himself as Ten’s neck grew pinker, and Jaehyun was sure it wasn’t just from all the teasing on his skin.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna kill Taeyong! Right now!”

Jaehyun actually let out a loud laugh and held his arms tight around Ten when he tried to get up from his lap, and for the second time that night – and it was just as amazing as it have been for the first time – he pulled Ten closer by his neck and clasped their mouths together. Ten tried to fight it at first, but Jaehyun didn’t let him go as he chased for his lips until Ten quickly gave in to their kiss, their lips molding together between their teeth and their tongues.

They only stopped when their breathing became heavier and came out in loud puffs against their skin. It was obvious that neither of them wanted it to stop – and Jaehyun wouldn’t let it, if only he could stay longer, but he still didn’t want to leave Haechan waiting alone too long at night – especially after last night – and Ten knew that.

Ten let out a heavy sigh as he pulled away, but they both chuckled while staring at each other. Ten’s lips were red, slightly swollen and his dark brown eyes heavy, and Jaehyun knew he probably wasn’t any different, and oh, how much he wished he could stay.

“So.” Ten said, still smiling, but eyes were curious, careful even.

“Haechan.” Jaehyun knew. He licked on his lips, Ten’s taste still on them, and let the palm of his hand rest on Ten’s bare feet, smoothly caressing the skin there. “I talked to him. About us. And...”

Jaehyun sighed, his eyes wandered around the room and when he met Ten’s eyes again, gentle and waiting, he just told him. He told him that Haechan didn’t say anything – absolutely nothing; he told him that didn’t know what to do; he told him how frustrated he was; he told him what he told Doyoung; he told him what Doyoung said and what Johnny said; and just like always, talking to Ten was just easy.

Ten was frowning, scratching his own neck as he pondered, and probably digested all the information much like Jaehyun was still trying to do. “I didn’t think about this. I mean-” Ten sighed, and they stared at each other. “I kinda expected Haechan to react like this, but, like you said: we couldn’t hide from him, but-“Ten paused, holding his lower lip between his teeth and Jaehyun tensed, and he didn’t want to think of what could come next from his lips. Ten’s mouth twisted and then, slowly, their turned into a small smile. “I know probably I said this a billion times before, but I’m saying it again. Let’s give him time.”

“Baby-”

“I’m not saying for us to stop seeing each other. I’m saying nothing like that.” Ten quickly added and Jaehyun noticed him tensing up a bit, too, and as soon as Jaehyun’s hands soothed his neck, Ten let out a breath – and Jaehyun almost let a smile lift the corner of his own lips at Ten’s words. “I don’t want this to stop.” Ten whispered and Jaehyun actually smiled this time. “All I’m saying is for us not to force things up on him. Let’s wait for him, wait to see what he’s gonna say and then we will figure it out.”

When Ten cupped his face with hands it was Jaehyun who let out a breath, leaning on the touch.

“I don’t know what to do, Ten.”

“Let’s just wait. Together.” Ten muttered and Jaehyun smile grew just a bit wider, but tiredly, as he closed his eyes.

“Okay,” He whispered.

“Go home, take a nice bath, get some rest - you need it. And try talking to him again tomorrow, maybe later. Let him digest all of this first, let him think. Just don’t push him. And don’t push yourself, too. We can figure it out. We can keep meeting for lunch, or you can just come here whenever you can until he’s fine. What matters is for you to be there for him and Haechan needs to know that and that you’re not lying to him.” Ten’s voice was soft all along, just like his finger on Jaehyun’s face and on his neck. “We know that he trusts you, Jay, he just needs time to figure things apart from his father. It will be alright. We’re in this together now, okay? We will figure it out.”

Jaehyun nodded, eyes still closed and he wished he would stay like this all night, listening to Ten’s voice as he talked, and feeling his touch, and the warmth of his skin under his hand, and the closeness of his body against his. Jaehyun felt so tired he could actually sleep right here, just like this, with Ten on his lap, caressing on his face and right on that chair.

“You’re not gonna fall asleep on me, are you?” Ten muttered just as softly as he had spoken before and Jaehyun’s ears were indeed red as he smiled widely, making his dimples outstand more than usual, with his eyes still closed, but not feeling any guilt about it.

“Really, why did I agree to this again?”

“Because you’re in love with me, ever since we met.” Jaehyun didn’t see, but he would bet that Ten rolled his eyes as he huffed, and when he finally opened his eyes – just to prove a point – Ten had that annoyed smile on his face that Jaehyun had grown to like so much.

“You’re really terrible, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun snorted, still sitting down loose on the chair, as he pulled Ten down by his shirt and their lips met in a long, soft kiss. Yeah, Jaehyun would absolutely love to drown in Ten’s kisses one of this days.

But the kiss was shorter than he wanted and not much later, when they broke it, Jaehyun checked on his watch and stood up after Ten. He followed him to the door and managed to nag on his boyfriend all the way there about Taeil and Yuta’s (almost) bet – he wouldn’t let something like this pass off so easily – and when he was just about to leave, it was Ten who pulled him close by his arms.

“Say that again.” Ten muttered against Jaehyun’s lips and their mouths curved in mirrored smiles.

“Say what?”

“What you called me.”

“Hm. Baby?” Jaehyun asked slightly confused, but his smile grew larger at that.

“That.”

Jaehyun chuckled and pulled Ten by his waist against his chest and let their lips meet again on a light kiss before he teased. “Any special kinks I should know about beforehand?”

Ten simply shook his head slightly, and didn’t let their lips fall apart not even when he whispered. “It just feels nice, when you say it.”

Jaehyun pressed their lips again, but this time on a long and soft kiss. “Goodnight, baby.”

“G’night.”

Yeah, Jaehyun thought. They would figure it out.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a lot of tension going on, but there's a song that suits Ten's lovey-dovey mood overall (not only in this chapter) that's kinda cute, so I'll leave it here, just in case. Also, I love this Niki's voice, so [here it is.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmfYdQFUne4)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this chapter and keeping up with me! You're amazing!

Jaehyun honestly still didn’t know what to think anymore. He didn’t know what to do anymore; and after days of the silent treatment from Haechan and barely any sleep, Jaehyun was just tired. He was done. He didn’t regret telling Haechan about his relationship with Ten. Truly, he didn’t want to hide it or pretend that Ten was just a friend in front of his brother. It was exactly why he decided not to comeback to Korea anymore, so no, he would not hide it.

He knew Haechan wouldn’t take it so easily, but he wasn’t asking for any approval. What bothered him the most was that Haechan actually liked Ten. He trusted them both, and even so, he wouldn’t let himself like them, somehow, because of misconceptions forced on him because Mr. Lee, in fact, didn’t like Jaehyun. Ok. Mr. Lee would always be Haechan’s father and there was everything that Doyoung and Johnny had said and Jaehyun really thought they were right, but what was he supposed to do then?

Haechan had been completely quiet for the rest of the week. He didn’t lock himself in the bedroom like the other times, but he would leave it only for the bare minimum, which pretty much only included going out for school – on his own – eventually going to the bathroom or the kitchen, but even those last ones were really rare, and he wouldn’t ever touch anything Jaehyun cooked. Jaehyun was really tired of all this.

“Can we at least talk about it?” Jaehyun asked, straight to the point on that Thursday night when Haechan entered the kitchen while Jaehyun ate alone by the countertop. Haechan didn’t even glance at him and went straight to the fridge instead.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

Jaehyun took a deep breath, pushing his food aside – he had barely touched the food, anyway.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Haechan. I’m not even asking for your approval. I just don’t wanna lie to you. I don’t wanna pretend to be something I’m not, or that I don’t like Ten just to please you because, trust me, it won’t make any of us happy.”

“I don’t trust you.” Haechan declared, matter of fact, as he looked right at Jaehyun and that hurt. That really hurt, and Jaehyun took a deep breath, pressing his lips as he tried to stay calm.

“So you’re not talking to me anymore? You’re not eating my food anymore? That’s how we’re gonna live from now on?”

“I can cook on my own. I could even live on my on with the money mom left for me. I just don’t do it because this goddamn country won’t let me.”

“And you think Korea would let you?” Jaehyun snorted and he couldn’t even look at his brother for a moment, not believing what Haechan have said. “Do you really wanna go back to Korea, is that it? Do you really think that moving back will make things easier?”

“At least there are people I can trust there.”

“Fuck, Haechan!” Jaehyun stood up from the stool and he was really, really tired of hearing this. Of trying to be the cool older brother and getting this kind of treatment in return. “You’re not a kid anymore. Do you really not trust me? Do you not trust Ten? Nor Johnny? Nor Taeyong? What about Mark and your friends?” Jaehyun snapped. “Tell me, what have Ten ever done to you that wasn’t being nice even when you were rude to him? Tell me why the hell you can’t really just trust me, except for what your father told you? I’m your brother! Not a fucking stranger!”

“Uhhh. Do you want me to make a list?” Haechan dared from the kitchen and they both had raised their voices a bit at this point. “We can start with you promising you would come back to visit us, visit me and mom and never showing up again? Like, ever? You just forgot about us because you never liked us. Because people like you can’t like anyone but yourselves, that’s why you can’t be trusted, for a start.”

“Did your father tell you that? Was it what your daddy told you about me? About why I didn’t come back?”

For a few seconds they just stood there, glaring at each other until Jaehyun turned around the counter and stood by the kitchen entrance so he was face to face with Haechan.

“Do you wanna know the truth?” Jaehyun lowered his voice again, but his face only grew stiffer. “Do you wanna know why I didn’t come back? Well let me tell you something about your dear daddy: he hated me.”

“Lies.”

“Not lies. He never liked me, Haechan. I have always been nothing but a burden for him and he only pretended to like me because of mom. He would only be nice to me in front of her, but the truth is that he never liked me.”

“That’s not true! You are the one who never liked him. He said he always did everything for you, but you never accepted it because you didn’t like him. You didn’t like us!”

“I can’t believe he told you that!” Jaehyun almost yelled, running his hand through his hair as he stepped closer to his brother. “Do you know what you father did when he found out that I liked guys too? Oh yeah, because let me tell you something about me, Haechan. I’m not even gay! I’m bisexual. Do you know what that means?” Jaehyun pointed. “Maybe I’m worth half of your trust because of that?”

Jaehyun knew he was being bitter, but at that moment, he was just tired; he didn’t care, even when his brother stared him with wide eyes, but said nothing.

“Do you know what you father did when he saw me kissing a guy once?” Jaehyun waited, but Haechan only stood there, staring at him with disgust. “He fucking slapped me. He hit me in the face, in front of my mother, and all I did was just kiss another guy and for some unholy reason he fucking saw it!”

Silence.

Haechan didn’t say anything, but Jaehyun admitted he felt a little bit satisfied as his brother stared at him in shock – at least it wasn’t disgust anymore.

“You don’t wanna eat my food? Wanna cook for yourself from now on? Fine! I’m used to it and you know why? Do you know why I stopped eating at the table with you? Do you know why I would never be around for dinner anymore? It was because your father didn’t _allow me_ to eat my own mother’s food, in my own fucking house, at the same table as him. A table that was mine even before he even moved in!”

Jaehyun mouth went dry and he licked his lips, gulping. “I can eat outside, if it will make you feel better with yourself. I’m used to it.”

“You’re lying.” Haechan’s voice was shaky and Jaehyun could see his brother’s jaw clenching, pretty much like his own – pretty much like his mother did whenever he saw Jaehyun and Mr. Lee arguing back in those summers, when Haechan wasn’t around. “This is all lies! You’re a liar! I can’t believe- I can’t believe anything you said!”

Jaehyun snorted shaking his head. “Why? Because your father told you not to? Tell me Haechan. Tell me one single time you that remember your father actually being nice to me?”

“You’re lying!” Haechan was actually crying now and Jaehyun already felt his own eyes burn. He really didn’t want to come to this. To say all those things and damage the image Haechan had of his father. But Jaehyun was truly done. “You’re only saying these things because you don’t like him. You never liked him!”

“I am really sorry, Heachan.” Jaehyun shook his head as spoke, his own voice hoarse. “I didn’t want to have to tell you this. I didn’t want any of this to happen, but I just don’t know what to do anymore! You say you can’t trust because I’m dating anther guy, while Ten always tried to help you. I told you as soon as I could, I’m doing everything I can so you know that you can trust me, but you simply stopped talking to me because of some bullshit your father said! You blocked me out and I don’t know what to do anymore. You have to at least talk to me so we can sort things out!”

“No! This is all lies! You’re a liar! You’re a huge liar and I will never trust you again! Never!” Haechan shouted and stomped out of the kitchen, pushing Jaehyun aside before he locked himself in his room again.

“Haechan! Haechan!” Jaehyun tried calling him again but Haechan had already locked up the door, so he turned around, pulling his hair back in a grunt. “Fuck!”

\--

Jaehyun didn’t really think much that night. He went to his bed after the fight with Haechan and just laid there, rethinking everything he said – rethinking everything Haechan said – and if they would ever be in good terms again. Not that they would be enemies or anything like that, no. But he had, after all, just challenged Haechan’s image of his dead father, for real. An image Haechan was trying to keep clean with all his might – and somehow Jaehyun really understood him.

Jaehyun never met his own father, but he had stopped wondering about what he looked like and how he was as a person a long time ago. He preferred not knowing, rather than knowing his father (maybe) was an actual scumbag – or maybe he wasn’t, but like they said, sometimes ignorance was bliss, so he would rather not know than know his father could be like that: like Mr. Lee. Also, Jaehyun had always had his mother and she was amazing. She wasn’t perfect – and nobody was – but she did what she could to make her sons happy. Even when Haechan’s father started treating him like shit after that summer, she still manage to make sure that Jaehyun was feeling the best he could and had always assured him that she’d love him, no matter what.

To say that Jaehyun wasn’t sad at her not really standing up for him, that it didn’t hurt, would be a lie. It did hurt, a lot. But Jaehyun was a young man in his early twenties, living on the other side of the world and actually not having the slightest problem with the fact that, yes, he liked men too, and wouldn’t be home for more than two months a year, at most; while his mother now had Haechan to take care of. Unlike him, Haechan did have a father. And Jaehyun’s mother truly treasured that.

One time Mr. Lee had said to him that he was “like that” only because he didn’t have a father to teach him right. Maybe his mother agreed to that, Jaehyun thought. Perhaps his mother wanted him to be different, to not be “like that”, but she always told him she raised him to be a good a person, and as long he stayed like that, she would always be proud of him.

What Haechan’s father said wasn’t teaching how to be a good person – It was prejudice, and judgment, and dirty – and Jaehyun knew that if their mother ever heard him, she would never have allowed it, or so he hoped.

Jaehyun thought he might have said too much and he probably did – he certainly did. Or maybe not too much, but yeah, there were certainly better ways of saying all of that and telling Haechan the things he did, haven’t Jaehyun been completely out of his mind.

He was tired. He wasn’t prepared for this – for any of this – and he missed his mother like never before. He just wanted to allow himself this bit of happiness, of freedom, that was being with Ten – that was loving Ten. He was in love like he never been before and there was nothing wrong with being in love. Or so he thought.

When Jaehyun woke up to his alarm ringing he felt like he had only slept for ten minutes, at the most, that night. He went straight to the bathroom from the door inside his room and didn’t even bother checking the living room first – Haechan had probably left for school already, like he did during the whole week - so it was not surprising to see the door to Haechan’s room open and the house in complete silence.

Once he walked out of the bathroom – through the door that opened to the hall area, this time – Jaehyun frowned at the sight of some clothes hanging out of their trashcan by the kitchen entrance, right in front of him, and when he stepped closer he recognized Haechan’s dance uniform.

When he finally left for work, only after putting the dance uniform in the washing machine, he felt his head throbbing like a full band of five-year-olds were drumming from inside it.

\--

Jaehyun told Johnny and Doyoung about what had happened during their lunch time – his own appetite at zero – and sometime during the afternoon, after having had more coffee than a normal person should but still feeling dead to the bones, he called Ten from their small lounge, empty as usual at this time of the day.

_“Shouldn’t you be working right now, Mr. Jung?”_ Ten answered bluntly, the playful tone in voice filling Jaehyun’s ears, among the sound of scratching and heavy things being pulled in the background and Jaehyun remembered Ten mentioning something about Sicheng buying a new bed or something on the phone, just last night, before he talked to his brother. _“Does your boss know you’re calling your hot boyfriend in the middle of working hours now?”_ Yeah, that was definitely Sicheng laughing on the background. 

“Just wanted to hear your voice.”

_“Corny.”_

Jaehyun actually let out a breathy laugh at that and yeah, he really needed that.

_“Are you alright?”_ Ten asked then, his voice becoming softer.

“I had a fight with Haechan last night. I did what you told me not to.” He paused. “I told him about his father.”

Ten went silent on the line, but Jaehyun heard some rustling in the background and the sound of a door being closed, before Ten spoke again. _“Is he alright?”_

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” He sighed and when he closed his eyes he could imagine Ten biting his lips when he went silent. He didn’t have the courage to tell Ten about the dance uniform, though.

_“Baby, it will be alright, okay?”_ Yeah, Ten was right, Jaehyun thought; It really felt nice when Ten called him like that too. _“Don’t worry about it for now. You can talk to him again later, when you get home. When you both calm down.”_

Jaehyun nodded, too tired to really talk, but Ten probably guessed it and Jaehyun noticed that all this time, Ten’s voice was even softer than usual.

_“Do you think you can come over for a bit tonight? So we can talk about it.”_

“Yeah, let me just stop by home first, just to be sure that’s he’s fine. I mean-“

_“I got it.”_ Ten whispered. _“Do what you have to do and if you can, I’ll be right here, all right?”_

Yeah. Jaehyun definitely needed that.

\--

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Jaehyun focused on work as hard as he could; he refused pizza with Johnny; he drove home and when he finally got there, Haechan still wasn’t back from school. He would wait.

And so he did.

He called Ten, to let him know he would wait for Haechan, but that he preferred telling him about what happened later, in person. He still wasn’t keen on the idea of leaving Haechan alone at night, but Jaehyun was about to freak out – he did freak out last night – so he could just make sure his stop at Ten’s house would be as quick as possible. Of course, he and Ten had met during the week – and they had lunch together just yesterday, just like Ten had promised, but he just needed to talk to someone right now.

Haechan would usually get home somewhere between four and six in the afternoon, depending on his school schedule for the day. If he went to either Jisung or Chenle’s home, he would always let Jaehyun know in advance and those few times Jaehyun didn’t give him a ride home, he would be in the apartment somewhere between eight and nine. It was already 9:12.

Jaehyun probably shouldn’t be worried, but he was. Haechan was already sixteen, but he still wasn’t that used to the city, so yeah, Jaehyun still tried to keep an eye on him as much as he could, without actually being nosy or just too much, but when he tried calling him for the third time and of instead of being sent to the voicemail after the phone rang a few times, he went straight to it, Jaehyun knew that something wasn’t right.

Jaehyun called Chenle first, but Haechan wasn’t there. He tried Jisung then, but the teenager said he hadn’t seen Haechan since lunch, as they were in different classes Friday afternoons. A cold chill run down his spine when he crossed in front of the small laundry room – where he completely forgot to take care of the clothing Haechan had tossed in the trash – before he went to Haechan’s room and he froze. Their mother’s picture that stood on his desk was gone. And when Jaehyun opened the closet, there were a few more empty hangers than usual – and way too much pieces of clothes gone for just a weekend at a friend’s house.

\--

Jaehyun was desperate.

He tried calling Mark after he found his brother’s stuff missing – Mark, not Johnny – but just like Jisung, Mark hadn’t seen him since lunch. Mark said he would try to call him and maybe a few friends in common, and even tried him on their friend groups, but after a few minutes pretty much everyone had answered, but no one had any sign from Haechan.

Haechan was gone.

Jaehyun didn’t even pick up a coat before he stormed out of the apartment and he only called Johnny once he was already inside the car and driving.

_“What do you mean Haechan is gone?”_

“He’s gone, man. He’s fucking gone!”

_“Where are you?”_

“I’m gonna find him.”

_“Where?”_

“I don’t know.”

He didn’t even have the courage to call Ten because he was afraid he would actually fall apart and he needed to focus on driving. But he had just hung up with Johnny, barely two minutes ago, when Ten called him.

_“Hey. Uh- Johnny called.”_

And Jaehyun did fall apart; his voice cracking ugly as he spoke, tears reaching his mouth even before his voice. “He’s gone, Ten. I’ve fucked up. I screwed up everything and now he’s gone and it’s all my fault.”

_“Jay, calm down, please. We will find him. Where are you?”_

“What if something happens to him? He doesn’t even know half of the city. He’s not used to this. This is not Korea!”

_“Jay, please.”_ Ten insisted and Jaehyun sobbed as he tried to focus on the road, and when a car crossed in front of him, not letting him make it thought the green light in time, he actually honked, a few times. _“Baby, please. You can’t drive like that. Where are you?”_

He sniffed. “I’m going to the airport.”

_“I’ll go with you.”_

“I’m on my way.”

Jaehyun heard Ten sigh and took a deep breath. _“I’ll meet you there. Just be safe, okay?”_

\--

Jaehyun didn’t care about finding a proper parking space once he reached the giant airport – he would probably get a ticket for that – and when he looked around he barely knew where to start. It was a Friday night, second weekend in December and the place was crowded, moreso than usual. He didn’t even know how he made his way to the check-in desk of the same airline he travelled with Haechan from Korea to Chicago – as it was the most logical thing in his mind – and when he finally made it no one had seen Haechan or any sixteen year old, Asian kid trying to catch a flight on his own. Jaehyun tried the next one.

When Ten and Taeyong found him he was already on his way to the third airline he knew would have flights to Seoul or any other place in Korea. Jaehyun’s hair was sticking out in a few different directions as he couldn’t stop messing with it; his skin was cold, despite not actually feeling the almost freezing temperature, his mind too busy to bother with that and his eyes were puffy and red, but when Jaehyun turned to his boyfriend he never wanted anything as much as he wanted to simply disappear inside Ten’s eyes.

Jaehyun shook his head and not even he was sure of what silent question he was actually answering. No, he didn’t find him; no, he wasn’t sure Haechan had actually been there; no, he wasn’t alright. He wasn’t alright at all and Ten didn’t say anything when he pulled him closer in a tight embrace and Jaehyun just stayed there. He didn’t even have strength to cry this time.

Ten small hands were soft and hot against his neck and he caressed him there, just like he had done that time in their chair, and just like that time, the light touch worked like magic to soothe him, even if just slightly, even if just for a second, and just for a moment, breathing was slightly easier.

“We’ll find him.” Ten whispered.

Yeah, Jaehyun thought. They would find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a song for this :/


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was foing to post this tomorrow, but since it's ready, there it is. Thank you @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this. <3

Chicago was a beautiful city at night, Haechan thought. He fished for his phone in the front pocket of his hoodie to check the time, but he had turned it off. – Right. He forgot that.

He looked around from his spot in the park at the city lights, with the dark-blueish, almost sea-like lake in the background made it all really pretty. Almost like looking at the Han. – Almost.

It wasn’t that cold that night from what he had seen on a thermometer a few blocks ago, but the wind was really strong and Haechan now knew why they called it the Windy City. – His mother would probably like it here.

Haechan turned around again and a large display on top of a building blinked 10:30. – He should definitely find a place to stay.

Haechan didn’t have much in his pocket, and would absolutely not rely on his brother’s credit card, but he probably still had enough on his transit card. – So he would make it.

It was probably something past eleven when he reached Chenle’s place. It probably wasn’t the smartest place to stay, but it would have to do it for a night. – Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would figure it out.

He have seen this work before in movies: the throwing a rock at someone’s window at night, without breaking the glass or waking up an entire house, so this really needed to work here too. – It worked.

“What the hell!”

“Shh!!! Open the door.” Haechan whisper-yelled – or yelled-whispered.

It took Chenle another two minutes to finally open the front door and let him in.

“Where were you? Your brother is looking for you. Even Mark is looking for you. What have you done?”

Chenle crossed his arms, very mother-like for someone his age, but Haechan ignored him and looked around, making sure there was no one around before he made his own way to his friend’s bedroom. It was an actual relief to rest his legs as he tossed himself onto Chenle’s bed, his bag tossed somewhere on the floor.

“What’s going on, Haechan? Mark’s been asking for you in all our group chats. Your brother called me looking for you and Jisung told me he had called him, too.”

“I’m moving back to Korea.”

“You are what?!”

“Shhhh!” He quickly sat back on the sheets, pulling Chenle so he could keep their voices low. “I’m moving back. I’ll have to talk to my grandmother, but I’ll move back and until then I kind of a need a place to stay.”

Chenle was frowning deeply at him. “Does your brother know about this?”

“No. He doesn’t have to.” Haechan leaned back, but quickly sat back and stared straight at his friend. “You can’t tell him I’m here. You can’t tell anyone I’m here!”

“What happened?” Chenle’s tone was pretty flat, but Haechan didn’t want to talk about it.

He kicked of his shoes – If Chenle’s mother saw it, she would scold them both – and laid on the mattress, staring at the wall.

“If you’re staying here you have to tell me what happened.”

“I can’t go back home. Jaehyun is a liar.”

Haechan heard Chenle moving behind him and then the door lock clicking. A few steps, and the large mattress of Chenle’s large bed dipped somewhere behind him.

“It’s about what you said, isn’t it? About your brother being gay.”

“He’s not gay. He’s bisexual.” Haechan quickly replied. He never noticed that Chenle had an Ultimecia’s poster on his wall before. Maybe it was new.

“Does it change anything?”

Did it?

“Just F.Y.I.”

“What happened?” Chenle insisted.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his friend to know what Jaehyun told him about his father. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his friend to know that his father lied or that he had actually been a jerk to his brother. It wasn’t that. – It was that saying it would make it truth.

Chenle sighed behind him.

“I don’t know why it bothers you so much. You brother is nice. That Ten guy, he’s his boyfriend now, right?”

Haechan didn’t answer.

“Ten really looked like a nice guy that other day and after everything you said about him, I thought you liked him? Shouldn’t you be happy your brother is dating someone you like?”

“He’s a guy.” Yes. This poster must be new.

“So what? Better a nice guy them an evil step mother, like Kevin’s.”

“Kevin from our biology class?” Haechan almost cracked his neck when he turned around a bit to face Chenle, even if sideways.

“Yeah. Do you remember I shared my lunch with him last week? It was because the woman grounded him without food. Can you believe that? I bet she only did it because his father was out of town.”

Haechan turned back to the wall, but closed his eyes – That poster was annoying him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Chenle. Let me sleep. I have to leave without your parents seeing me.”

“Are you really running away from home?”

“That’s not my home.” Haechan pulled and pushed on one of the many pillows and pulled his hoodie over his head in a way it covered his eyes. – It was better like this.

“Haechan. I won’t tell your brother you’re here tonight, but think about it, okay? Jaehyun is a really great brother. You know that.”

Haechan closed his eyes again. – He really didn’t want to talk about it.

\--

Jaehyun was starting to panic. He, Ten, Johnny and Taeyong had parted ways so they could check all the airline desks, no matter where. He asked security, he went to all stores, he did everything. He called the police, but there was nothing they could do in less than twenty four hours – that was absurd! – so he went to a few hospitals instead, Ten with him all the time, while Johnny and Taeyong went to different hospitals, in different areas.

He probably gave Ten a hard time trying to convince him to go home somewhere around 3am and he didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke up on the couch, wrapped between Ten’s arms and a blanket, his phone tight in his hand and tons of papers and pens where they scribbled phone numbers and hospital names were displayed on his coffee table, and that was the last thing he remembered. Jaehyun felt like shit, to say the least, and his whole body hurt, maybe from the half-sitting position in which they’d fallen asleep, maybe from all the tension and his muscles felt stiff, maybe from Chicago’s cold wind, but mostly because his brother has gone missing, and it was his fault.

Ten’s arms tightened up around him and he didn’t notice he was crying, again.

“We’re gonna find him.” Ten whispered before pressing a kiss on his temple

“It’s all my fault.” Jaehyun’s voice cracked when he spoke. “I shouldn’t have told him about his father. I shouldn’t have told him any of that. What if something happens to him?”

“Nothing will happen to him. We will find him. He can’t go that far without money and if he uses your credit card we will know.”

“What if someone finds him? What if they do something bad to him?”

Jaehyun felt Ten move around him and his hand cupped Jaehyun’s face, making him turn towards him and Jaehyun’s eyes were swollen, from both crying and staring too much without blinking, but when he did, Ten was staring at him with dark eyes and Jaehyun could see he, too, was tired – and maybe he had cried too – but they still held a shine of their own.

“We’re gonna find him first.” Ten said, firmly. “And we’re gonna bring him home. It will be all right.”

Jaehyun nodded and at least for a while, he felt hope.

Half an hour, and a few phone calls later, and Johnny drove him to Navy Pier, while Ten and Taeyong tried the dance studio. They had called Yuta and Doyoung and now them, plus Lucas and Winwin were helping search around Jaehyun’s neighborhood. Taeil had a few connections at the airport so he immediately drove there and there was no chance Haechan would walk around the place unnoticed. Mr. Seo stood guard at Jaehyun’s place, just in case, while Miss Seo and Mark tried reaching some people from school, but still had found nothing.

Ten and Taeyong met Jaehyun and Johnny at Navy Pier sometime later, soon followed by Doyoung and while Doyoung stayed there – and Taeil would join him later so they could keep watch – the other four divided again; the dancers to the aquarium while Johnny and Jaehyun went searching through a few places Jaehyun had also taken Haechan before, but it was already half past noon and Jaehyun started to feel hopeless again.

\--

Haechan woke up before the sunrise and managed to leave Chenle’s house without being noticed. – Thank god his friend was a heavy sleeper.

When he quickly checked his phone there were too many missed phone calls, even from numbers he didn’t know, and it simply wouldn’t stop ringing with incoming messages from the previous night. – He could check them later, eventually.

He scrolled thought his saved contacts and his grandmother’s name was somewhere at the end of his short list. She was his father’s mother and an already very old lady that lived in Busan. He hadn’t seen her in years until his father’s funeral, but he liked her. – When she wasn’t scolding him for pretty much everything he did, he meant.

Haechan turned the phone off and put it back on his pocket and adjusted his bag on his back before he started walking again. – It would probably snow today.

When he reached Navy Pier, the sun was just about to rise and the view from the lake, tinted yellow from the ray lights that shone between the water and the cloudy sky, was definitely beautiful. – His mother would have really loved it.

He grabbed some waffles and some water at a small bakery around the corner, and some Oreos and chips at a Seven Eleven somewhere nearby and he left. – Those would be enough for a day. Until dinner, that is.

Haechan had always thought he had the coolest brother, ever since he was a kid. He remembered all those times Jaehyun had let him sneak into his room at night because he had had a nightmare, but didn’t want to tell his parents, and Jaehyun have never mocked him because of that. He remembered all those times after school, when Jaehyun was locked studying inside his room, but he would always let Haechan play around him, as long he didn’t make much noise. He did, anyway, but Jaehyun never scolded him for that.

He remembered once, when Jaehyun had already left for college and Haechan had snuck into his old room and when Jaehyun came back home, one year later, he had actually laughed after spending an hour searching for a few of his games and stuff, only to find them forgotten somewhere in Haechan’s closet instead. He let Haechan keep them anyway. 

Jaehyun was the one who taught him how to play his favorite video games. Jaehyun was the one who taught him how to ride a bike (without the extra wheels on it). Jaehyun was the one who taught him how to play basketball. Jaehyun was the one who taught him how to unlock his school locker even if he had forgotten his key at home. Jaehyun was the one who taught him it was okay to be himself, even when that kid tried to bully him for his voice.

Jaehyun would always help him at his school projects – even when he moved to America. Jaehyun would always take him to get bubble tea during summers. Jaehyun would always let him have the last slice of their mother’s cakes, even after having stolen a bite first. Jaehyun would always let him talk about his day at school, even when he father wouldn’t.

Haechan remembered that Jaehyun was always smiling, unless his father was at home. Haechan remembered Jaehyun either being around him and their mom, or inside his room, when his father get home. Haechan remembered that time Jaehyun got grounded by his father because he took the blame for something Haechan did. Haechan remembered it happened more than once.

Haechan also remembered the first summer Jaehyun didn’t show up. Haechan had actually won first in class for that science project Jaehyun had helped him with through the phone and he saved it inside a box just so he could show it to his brother. But Jaehyun never saw it because he never came back. Haechan also remembered his brother’s sudden absence whenever it was lunch or dinner time. Haechan also remembered his father saying it was because Jaehyun didn’t care about them. Haechan also remembered his mother saying that he cared, but had this or that to do before going back to America. Haechan also remembered Jaehyun started smiling less.

He hasn’t seen his brother for six years when Jaehyun showed up that afternoon. And just like when he was a child, Jaehyun had let him sleep in his bedroom that night.

He had had the option, of staying with his grandmother in Busan. But when Jaehyun had offered for him to go back with him to Chicago, Haechan hadn’t felt so alone anymore.

Haechan knew Jaehyun was gay – okay, bisexual. Haechan father had told him that once when he was probably a bit drunk. It was the first time he told Haechan not to trust “people like Jaehyun.”

Haechan remembered asking Jaehyun if he would visit during the summer and Jaehyun always said he would try to make it. Jaehyun never made it. – Haechan’s father was probably right.

When Haechan decided to move in with his brother, he thought it would be nice being just them for some time. He missed his mother and missed his father, but he was glad that, at least, he had his brother back.

That was until that night when Ten showed up. Ten was gay, Haechan could tell. Ten and Jaehyun were touching (on the arms, still) but adult men weren’t supposed to do that. Ten was gay. – And Haechan have learned he should not trust gays.

Haechan learned that Ten was actually nice. Ten hadn’t blamed him when he was rude - his mother would never accept that – and even helped him from getting himself into trouble in front of his brother’s friends. Jaehyun’s friends were nice too. – Ten shouldn’t be nice.

Haechan also learned to trust Ten. He kept him company at the dance studio, he helped him through his talent show – that he quit – he made fun of Jaehyun with him, he made them both laugh. Jaehyun wasn’t laughing much lately, Haechan had noticed, and neither was he. – Until he met Ten.

It was Ten who pushed him to take on the dance classes and dancing made him happy. Dancing made him forget, at the same time, it didn’t. Haechan would dance for his mother whenever his father wasn’t around and that would always make her smile. – It always made him smile too.

Jaehyun started laughing more, Haechan had noticed, especially when Ten was around. Ten made his brother happy and Haechan shouldn’t have learned to like Ten – but he did.

Haechan loved his mother. Their mother was simply the best and Jaehyun was right when he said she would always do everything to make her sons happy. – Jaehyun shouldn’t always be right.

Haechan also loved his father. He was nice and would take him to baseball games sometimes, even if Haechan didn’t like baseball that much. He would let Haechan play at the arcades while he waited for him with his friends at the bar. He would even let Haechan pick a movie for them on Friday nights, sometimes. – Jaehyun would always watch Disney channel with him during summers.

It started snowing sometime around noon and Haechan looked around. He was somewhere near the school. It was one week before the talent show and a lot of people were practicing at the theater, so Haechan went to the gym instead.

The place was empty and Haechan wondered if he could stay there just for the night. It wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t snowing inside, either. He had some food and no one showed up there on weekends after Saturday morning’s practices. Jisung would always be there on Saturday mornings, but never after that. The place also had a bathroom, which would come in very handy. – Yeah. It would probably be okay to stay there.

\--

Jaehyun was way too tired – physically tired, as he hadn’t had any more than a couple of hours of sleep a night through the whole week, at the most – and exhausted – mentally exhausted, as he didn’t know what to do or where to search anymore. And after having gone to all the places he could possibly think of at least twice, he couldn’t help but feeling useless.

It was Johnny who took him home this time and Jaehyun was glad that Ten was already there, with Johnny’s father, and Taeyong, and Yuta, and Doyoung and Taeil, and even Lucas and Sicheng. He surrounded himself with Ten’s arms on the couch for a while, while his friends tried to come up with other search plans and recall hospitals they had already covered and which ones were still left to try when his phone rang and it was Mark.

Jaehyun let Johnny pick it up and he closed his eyes. Ten’s hands were soft around him, on his arm and on his neck as he placed small kisses on the top of his head.

“We’re gonna find him.” He repeated it like a mantra between the soft touches. “We’ll bring him back.”

He could have dozed off like this. He was tired, he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s breakfast, and Ten’s voice was the closest thing he had to hope and not let himself sink into sleep right there, to keep him sane. He didn’t know what he would do, what would happen if he didn’t find Haechan, and at this point, he didn’t know where to search at anymore.

Jaehyun was exhausted. From everything. He missed his mother, and now he lost his brother – and Haechan was his responsibility now, but he failed him. He failed Haechan as a brother first, when he didn’t return to Korea for summer. He failed his brother twice when he wasn’t there when it happened; when their mother and Haechan’s father passed away. He failed him for the third time when didn’t know how to be a proper brother and didn’t show up that morning after Halloween, as he had promised. And he failed him again, badly and probably deeper than any other time when he burned down Haechan’s father’s image. Jaehyun sucked as brother. He probably sucked as person too.

Jaehyun was way too tired.

“Mark found him.” Jaehyun heard Johnny say. “He’s bringing him to my mother.”

Jaehyun jumped to his feet but it was like he had forgotten how to breathe. He pulled the air in, and in and in, but it was like it wouldn’t reach his lungs. He tried again. And again. And then Ten’s arms pressed tight around him, before he felt his touch on his face and then it hit him. Air. And Jaehyun cried.

He still felt Ten’s arms tight around him, maybe even tighter than they had been before, and he heard loud voices behind him and the sound of people moving around, but he just stayed there, and he cried. Jaehyun probably cried like a baby, shaking and sobbing and letting it all out, in Ten’s embrace. It was probably ugly, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care at all, because they had found Haechan. They had found his brother, and Jaehyun would make things right this time.

Jaehyun didn’t know how, but they were sitting again when Ten moved around him, but didn’t let go of him as he kneeled on the floor right in front of him and cupped his face, and Jaehyun saw Ten’s eyes sparkling with tears and something else. Something Jaehyun had learned to read and learned to smile, whenever he saw it. Ten was also smiling at him. “We found him, baby. I told you we would find him.”

Jaehyun let out an ugly laugh and when he kissed Ten, right on the lips and this time, Ten tasted like salt.

“Let’s go bring him back.” Ten muttered against his lips and Jaehyun could only nod to that.

\--

Haechan had found a basketball somewhere around the gym. He had placed his things in the lockers and he was getting bored, so he just went for it, trying to practice some tricks. Jaehyun had taught him most of them. He tried them all once, maybe twice, before he got bored again. – Stupid game.

He would have to wait to call his grandmother as it was night in Korea. He had opened the bag of chips, but he wasn’t really hungry, so he ate just a few and saved the rest for later. If he was lucky, maybe he would find somewhere that would sell cheap pancakes tomorrow. Tomorrow would be Sunday and his mother would always make pancakes for him on Sundays. – And so did he and Jaehyun.

Haechan didn’t have an actual problem with his brother being gay, or bisexual, or anything at all. When Jaehyun asked him that night, what difference did it make, Haechan asked himself that later and hadn’t found any, except that his father told him he shouldn’t trust gays. – So he wouldn’t.

When Jaehyun told him he was dating Ten, Haechan wasn’t mad. Haechan kind of expected that. – He wasn’t blind.

Haechan missed his mother so much sometimes it would physically hurt. Those days were the worse. Those days Jaehyun would let him cry in his room and sometimes he would even cry with him. Sometimes Jaehyun tried to act like he wasn’t crying when Haechan found him snuffling on the kitchen or locked inside his own room. – Haechan wasn’t deaf, either.

He would hear Jaehyun laughing some nights too and most of them it was when he was on the phone and it wasn’t too hard to figure out with who. – Haechan wasn’t stupid.

Those nights when he missed his mother the most, Haechan was glad he had moved to Chicago with his brother. He was glad that he wasn’t alone.

Ten wasn’t supposed to be a nice guy, but he was. For a week, he wouldn’t leave Haechan alone at the dance studio, and it was nice. He talked to him about his parents back in Thailand once and how he missed them too. He even told him about this time he actually got into a fight with an old dance friend because the guy had spoken badly of them. He wasn’t comparing, he wasn’t being petty. He was just sharing. Haechan shouldn’t, but he liked that. – It made him feel normal with what he felt.

Haechan actually liked whenever Ten hung around with them. He liked when Ten helped him take care of his brother when Jaehyun was sick. Johnny and Taeyong and Mark had been nice about that, too.

Haechan missed his father too. He thought his das was cool and he even wanted to be like him too, when he grew up. But what he always wanted was to be the coolest, just like his brother.

Haechan wasn’t gay, though. He was sure he liked girls and that was a fact. – He still wanted to be like his brother, apart from that.

He didn’t like to believe when his father told him those things about his brother. Jaehyun would talk to him most of the times Jaehyun called their mother. Jaehyun would ask him about school and about video games and about his friends and whatever he knew Haechan liked. He couldn’t really believe when his father said Jaehyun didn’t care. – But his father wasn’t a liar.

When Jaehyun told him those things about his father, it was not that he couldn’t believe that his father had lied and that he had been a bad person to Jaehyun. He didn’t remember his father being actually nice to Jaehyun, as the Seos had been to him. – Haechan still missed his father.

He had always wanted to make his father proud and his father was happy when Haechan made him proud. He wanted to honor his father and believing Jaehyun, trusting Jaehyun, liking Ten, or Johnny, or Taeyong, wasn’t honoring his father. – He should honor his father.

Haechan grabbed the ball and when back to the lockers and figured that if he pulled some benches together he would almost make a bed. It was probably better them a nap on the floor. – It was.

“Haechan.”

Haechan turned around, covering his face with an arm.

“Haechan.”

He turned around again and opened his eyes to a frowning Mark.

“Oh my god, man! Wake up! I can’t believe you were here all this time!”

“I wasn’t.” Haechan frowned as he muttered and sighed, but covered his face again with an arm. “Why are you at school on a Saturday?”

“Searching for you. You got everybody worried, man! Jaehyun hyung is going nuts!”

“You can’t tell him you saw me.” Haechan stood up with a jump, holding Mark’s sleeve.

“What!? Of course I’m telling him I’ve found you! He and Johnny were up all night searching for you. Everyone is looking for you now!”

“Hyung, please, you can’t! You can’t tell him. You can’t tell anyone. I’m- I’m moving back to Korea. I just have to talk to my grandmother first and when everything’s ready I’ll leave and I’ll tell him where I am, but you can’t tell him until then!”

“Wait, you what?!” Mark glanced at him, looking either mad or very confused. “Oh my God! You can’t be serious! Are you really trying to run away from home?”

Haechan gulped. It sounded a lot different in his head than when Mark said it.

Mark took a deep breath before shoving Haechan’s legs so he could sit.

“C’mon man, you can’t be talking seriously. Tell me what happened.”

“Jaehyun hyung and Ten hyung are dating.” Haechan stated.

“So I’ve heard. It’s nice for them.” Mark nodded. “What’s the problem?”

“Jaehyun is a liar.” Haechan pretty much burped it out and pressed his mouth closed as Mark stared him with round eyes, eyebrows arched and looking very, very confused. – Haechan really didn’t want to explain that. Especially to Mark.

He took a deep breath and pulled his legs close, holding them with his arms as he turned to the wall. – It had a very strange yellow stain near the door.

“May I ask you something?” Haechan tried, and added quickly. “Promise you won’t get mad.”

“I won’t. What is it?”

“Isn’t it strange to, you know, to have a gay brother?”

Mark stayed in silence for a bit, but Haechan didn’t dare looking at him right now, but he noticed Mark fidgeting on the bench beside him.

“I don’t think I remember a time where hyung wasn’t gay.” Mark didn’t sound angry when he said it, so Haechan quickly looked at him. “Like, it never really mattered? Or, like, I never paid attention to it and one day hyung had a boyfriend that would come home to play Donkey Kong with us after school. That’s all I remember, but I guess it never changed anything.” Mark paused. “Is this what’s bothering you? Is this why you’re running away?”

Haechan bit on his lips and shook his head. “My father always said that- that hyung was a liar, and I shouldn’t trust him, because he’s gay. That’s why he never came back to visit us.”

“Oh, man… “

Haechan heard Mark sigh. He lowered his gaze as he rested his chin on his knee.

“I know, I know that you know everything I’m going to tell you, but I happen to know that you two hadn’t kept in touch for a while before you moved, so let me tell you something about Jaehyun hyung.” Mark paused. “You brother is like, my second brother, you know that? And like, he’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. I know that you know that. But what I know, that I think that you don’t know, is that he missed you like, crazy. He would always talk to me about you and I guess that’s why it’s almost like I’ve had already met you, before you actually moved in. Like, a friend from my childhood, because Jaehyun hyung would _always_ have something to say about you. I don’t know what else your father said, but Jaehyun hyung is definitely not a liar.”

“If he’s not a liar, than my dad is.” Haechan muttered. – There was another stain on the floor too.

“I don’t know what your father told you about your brother or like, being gay, but look at the people around you, man. Your brother is so nice! I know that my brother is strange sometimes, but he’s also nice. He’s getting married to Taeyong hyung and Taeyong hyung is dope! He was your teacher right?”

“They’re getting married?” Haechan actually looked at Mark this time, surprised.

“You didn’t know that?”

Haechan shook his head and so did Mark, probably for a whole different reason.

“Well, they are. And I’m glad because he’s going to be family soon too. I’ve heard from hyung that Taeyong doesn’t have a family because his parents don’t accept that he’s gay, so now he will have one. And Jaehyun hyung is your family. And he’s like my family too.”

Haechan lowered his head again, closing his eyes.

“I don’t know much about Ten hyung.” Mark said. “But he’s Taeyong’s best friend and every time I met him he was more than nice, and not only to me. Think about that too.”

“What about my father?”

Haechan muttered and Mark didn’t respond for a while.

“Why don’t we go to my house? I didn’t meet your father and I don’t know what else he said. All I know is that he had a pretty old mind, I’m sorry. But… why don’t you talk about him to my mom instead?”

The walk to Mark’s home wasn’t long, but the snow and the wind didn’t help much and maybe Haechan wasn’t thinking when he let Mark call Jaehyun halfway there, so his brother wouldn’t freak out more than Mark told him he already had. – He hadn’t really thought about this when he left.

Once they stepped inside the warm house, Miss Seo ran towards them from the stairs and hugged Haechan so tight he almost lost his air. – It was almost like his mother.

“Oh my god, my dear! We were so worried about you! Where were you? Come here. Let’s go get you something to eat.”

Miss Seo didn’t let go of him as she walked them to the kitchen until he was sitting at the small table with a bowl of rice in his hand. – It really was like his mom.

Haechan missed her.

A lot.

Haechan didn’t really touch the food, but he let Miss Seo hug him while he cried and he cried a lot, while she just stood there and hugged him back. – He really missed his mother now.

“It’s alright, my dear. It’s alright.” Miss Seo would say. – And so would his mother. 

Mark left them alone sometime later and only then she talked again.

“Tell me, what’s going on?”

“I want to go back to Seoul. I want to go back home.” Haechan sobbed. “I miss my mom.”

Haechan just cried again and, again, Miss Seo let him.

When he calmed down, sniffling and wiping his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie, Miss Seo cleaned his face with a napkin and waited. 

“Miss Seo,” He started. “Why do parents lie?”

It was probably silly, Haechan know that. But he didn’t want his father to be a liar. He only wanted his father back.

Miss Seo stared at him with concerned eyes and held his hands in hers.

“What did your parents say that makes you think it was a lie?” She asked softly.

“My father- He always told me hyung was a liar. He said I shouldn’t trust him, that, he wasn’t worth it.”

Haechan’s voice was low and Miss Seo looked taken aback at the words.

“And did he ever tell you why?”

Haechan nodded. He had to lower his gaze for that. “He said, it was because hyung is gay, that he didn’t like us. And that’s also why hyung lied. And that because he’s gay, that I shouldn’t trust him. That people who are gay are-“

Haechan shook his head. Miss Seo was Johnny’s mother and Haechan mother didn’t like when his father talked like that.

“Has your brother lied to you?” Was Miss Seo’s question instead.

Haechan looked at her and in fact, no. Jaehyun hadn’t really lied to him.

Jaehyun was nice, Haechan knew that. He liked his brother, really. But his brother had hurt him before, like when he said he would take him to Navy Pier, but he didn’t show up. Or when he said he would come home for the summer, but he didn’t. And now Haechan knew why his brother didn’t show up during the summers. – And those weren’t actual lies.

Haechan shook his head.

Miss Seo pressed her lips on a tight smile and her hands were comforting in his hair.

“Let me tell you a small secret, Haechannie.” She sighed. “It’s not easy for all parents to understand and accept that their sons, or daughters, are not like everyone else in society, and some of them might even never understand that.”

Haechan was silent and Miss Seo looked at him warmly as she spoke, still caressing his hair.

“For example, Johnny’s father didn’t take it well at first, but being gay never changed a bit of what our Johnny is, so let me say… He got used to it and now he really likes Taeyongie.”

“Did you got used to it too?”

Miss Seo smiled, warmly. “I’ve always known. I’m very proud of Johnny and I have always been because he’s a good person and that never changed. Being gay won’t change what a person is, Haechannie. Being gay won’t make someone a liar.”

Haechan really thought that Miss Seo had a lot in common with his mother. He could see why Jaehyun liked her so much. – He really liked Miss Seo too.

“What your father told you… how do we say that? It’s called prejudice.”

“Hyung said that my father never liked him. Even before he knew about him being gay.”

This time Miss Seo stared at him in silence for a long time, enough to make Haechan uncomfortable and he fidgeted on the chair.

“I remember once, it was on a Christmas a long time ago, and your brother and our Johnny were really sad. I remember your brother telling me about an argument he had with your father and he was really sad about it.”

Miss Seo smiled at him, but her smile was also sad.

“Let me tell you something, my dear. We parents, we are not perfect, Haechannie. Sometimes we make mistakes too, and some of them are really bad, but this doesn’t mean your father was a bad man. He and Jaehyunnie might have had their problems, and maybe that’s why your father said the things he said about your brother. Not because he really meant them.” Miss Seo smiled again, fondly. “Your brother is a good person. He’s gentle, and caring, and is a good friend to my sons, so I’m sure he’s also a good brother to you too. But that doesn’t mean he is perfect either. He will probably make a lot of mistakes in his life too, but that also doesn’t make him a bad person. He loves you, Haechannie, and he truly cares about you. So, no matter what your father said about him, what really matters now is that you know the truth in your heart.”

“So.” Haechan sniffed. “Is it okay that I’m okay that-…?”

“That he _loves_ another person?”

Haechan lowered his head again, but he nodded.

“Of course it is okay, my dear. It’s more than okay.”

“But father-“ Haechan stopped when he heard a noise coming from the living room and he recognized Jaehyun’s voice, and so did Miss Seo.

“Listen to your heart, Haechannie. What does your heart say about your brother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Haechan's POV. I hope you guys like this and it's not too confusing. Haechan thoughts are very confused, that's why it is a bit awkward indeed. 
> 
> Ps: Only two more chapters to go and I'm already starting to miss sharing this story.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading this chapter and to tell her she's amazing. <3

There were a lot of times when Jaehyun wondered if he could actually do it. Not just this, but pretty much everything in life, like having a step-father, then knowing how to be an older brother, then moving to another country, then moving to another city, then not coming back home; but learning how to take full responsibly for someone else, that was a whole new thing.

Jaehyun barely had much time to actually mourn the loss of his mother and then he was bringing Haechan home with him.

He was at work one morning back in early September and someone called from a hospital in Seoul and that’s when he knew something was really, really wrong. There was a lot of miscommunication, so he only managed to catch a direct flight to Seoul two days later, and just about three or four hours prior to his flight, Hansol showed up at his place, saying he was actually seeing someone else so it was better for them to stop seeing each other “because they didn’t know how long Jaehyun would stay in Seoul.” Yeah, Jaehyun didn’t have much time to think about that, either.

In fact, he did. He had a fourteen-hour long flight to think about it – but he didn’t. It had been the longest flight of his life, actually, and he had gone from the airport straight to the funeral home and right there, standing by their mother’s coffin, was his baby brother – who was no longer a baby.

For everything else in his life, no matter how much Jaehyun might have wondered if he could do it, in the end, he always thought that he could. And he did. He made mistakes, of course – a lot of those, mind you – and there were a lot of stupid choices along the way, but he managed to get through it all and survived all of them. The first time Jaehyun really doubted he could do it was that time when he looked to his side on that airplane and Haechan was sleeping, right there, on the seat right next to his and going back to Chicago with him.

As time passed, with a lot of outbursts and cursing and crying and yelling and laughs and then more crying, Jaehyun learned that just like a storm, things would pass. It didn’t mean there would be tons of storms – or even a hurricane – on their way. It just meant that in the end, they would make it.

Ten had been like sunshine in the middle of a storm in his life. He would make him see things more clearly through the rain, he would guide him through the wind, and would warm him when it felt cold. And just like the sunlight, he had always been there for him. And just like the sunlight in the middle of a storm, you only notice how important it is, how much it had actually always meant, when you suddenly see it but you cannot reach it.

When he told Haechan about him and Ten being together in a relationship, he was expecting another storm, but nothing prepared him for this. In fact, he had never been prepared for any of this.

That night, when Haechan hadn’t shown up, Jaehyun had never felt so lost. Haechan was his brother, he was his responsibility, but more than a responsibility, he was his brother whom he loved nonetheless. He would never forgive himself if anything bad happened to Haechan this time.

Johnny drove the way between their houses, both Ten and Taeyong in the car with them, but none of them said a single world. They all were tired, they all were worried, and they all just wanted to get there. When they did get there, Jaehyun didn’t even wait for Johnny to fully stop the car before he stepped out of it and ran towards the door. Mark was alone in the room with a worried expression and it was enough for all the panic to run through him again, until Mark spoke.

“He’s in the kitchen with mom. He’s fine.”

Jaehyun let out a sigh and soon his friends were following him inside. “I need to see him. I need to talk to him, Mark.”

“Oh, man. Take it easy, okay?” Mark said, already reaching Jaehyun for a half hug. “It will be fine.”

Jaehyun was a little confused by that, but maybe he was just tired, or maybe Haechan had talked to him, he couldn’t tell, and just like that, Miss Seo stepped out of the kitchen with her always-motherly smile and a head-down Haechan in tow.

“C’mon, boys. Let’s give them some privacy.” She said as she waved up them all upstairs, except for Jaehyun and Haechan.

Haechan had been crying, Jaehyun could tell from his puffed eyes. His cheeks were red – the kind you get when you walk too much into the wind – but even before he could say a world, Haechan started crying again – and so did he.

“I’m so sorry.” The words came out of his mouth even before he could fit Haechan in his arms and Jaehyun never thought he could feel pain and relief at the same time. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. I shouldn’t have told you any of that.” He said between Haechan sobbing and his own silent tears. “I’m sorry I yelled, I’m sorry for everything just, please, don’t run out on me like that.”

Haechan was clutching his jacket as they held each other and Jaehyun felt Haechan nod against his chest and on his shoulder, but didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to do this. I’m sorry I don’t know how to be a better brother.” Jaehyun whispered. “I wish I knew how to do it, or what to say, how to- to do the right thing all the time, but I don’t. I don’t, Heachannie, and you gotta talk to me, or I won’t know what to do so I can fix things. So I can make things right. I won’t know how to do it sometimes, but I’ll try. I promise you, I’ll try.”

“I’m sorry too.” Haechan actually hiccupped as he talked and buried his head on his brother’s shoulder. “I am really sorry, hyung.” And so did Jaehyun.

Jaehyun still didn’t know how, but they would work things out. This time, Jaehyun thought, they could really do this.

Haechan was still weeping when he slowly let go of Jaehyun and tried to clean his face with the sleeves of his hoodie and Jaehyun did the same with the back of his hand, but didn’t let go of Haechan completely as he pulled him to one of the couches, suddenly too exhausted to just be standing up.

He let out a puffed laugh as he stared at his brother’s messy hair and swollen cheeks, still tugging on his sleeves. “You look like when you were six and lost your favorite toy in the mall, right now.”

Haechan frowned and quickly glared at him, just like that time, when Jaehyun said they could buy another one even nicer. “It was a gift from Christmas.”

He have given him the same answer that time, and Jaehyun laughed, but pulled Haechan by his shoulder into a quick embrace.

“Why did you try to run away?” He asked softly.

“I wanted to go back to Korea.” Haechan muttered, not meeting his eyes and still too focused on his sleeves. “I- I wanted to make it right for my dad.”

Jaehyun took a deep breath and waited a bit before he asked. “Do you really want to go back?”

Haechan shook his head, despite his reply. “Sometimes I do. But-” He sniffed. “Mom won’t be there.”

Jaehyun pulled him back again, by his nape and Haechan grabbed on his jacket again, letting out a few sobs before he manage to speak again. “I’m scared hyung. I miss them.”

“I know.”

“You haven’t been home for so long. I- I missed you and father said-” Jaehyun closed his eyes when Haechan stopped and his sobs grew in volume and number, Jaehyun had never felt so awful for not being there. For not coming home. “I don’t want be alone.”

“You’re not alone, Haechan.” Jaehyun whispered as he pulled him closer. “I know I’m not the best brother in the world. I know I should have gone back to see you. And that you probably don’t wanna live with me right now, but I won’t let you be alone. I promise you that. I promise you are not alone.” Jaehyun tighten up his arms around Haechan and kissed him in the top of his head.

Jaehyun had his reasons, for not coming back home, for not wanting to be back at his old home or even back in Korea. It had been a long time since Korea had been his home as his home was now – and for a few years now – had been somewhere else. It wasn’t a matter of the place itself, or the city, or country. Being home was anywhere Jaehyun could feel at ease and just be himself. Like he felt whenever he was with Ten.

It was the thought of being safe. Of being allowed to be whatever he wanted to be and actually being it. It was feeling accepted, with all his flaws and not despite of them – but actually learning from them.

All of his reasons, they were genuine, Jaehyun thought. But his brother was just a kid, and Jaehyun had left him, somehow. Jaehyun had found a home in America – a few of them even, as it been at college first, with a brother that didn’t share his blood, but Jaehyun treasured Johnny as if they were brothers, as he treasured Haechan. Then it was Chicago and Jaehyun simply loved that place – he hated the traffic and the wind would ruin doing anything outside in winter, but it had its charms. And now there was Ten and being with Ten was like being home. Jaehyun wasn’t like being home to Haechan, he realized, and for that he had his own share of the blame. He had left his brother behind once and never thought of how much damage it may have caused, but wanted to show Haechan that he would always be home for his brother.

And then it clicked for him.

“I promise I won’t let anyone stand between us, in case that’s what you’re afraid of.”

Haechan pulled back and stared back at him with round, big eyes and they remained in silence for some time. All the things Doyoung told him that time, everything made sense and proved itself right that night when they had that fight – Jaehyun didn’t even need Haechan to confirm that. It was not just trust issues, or misconceptions and prejudice and honoring Haechan’s father. Jaehyun haven’t been Haechan’s home for a while, but now he had to be, somehow, for his brother.

“Hyung.”

“I know I haven’t been there before, but I am here now, Haechannie. And I will always be.” Jaehyun nodded as he assured and his eyes were still blurred, as he looked into his brother’s eyes and they sparkled, just a little bit, but enough for Jaehyun to allow himself a small smile. “I won’t go off on you ever again, I promise.”

Haechan really looked like his father, most of the times, but he smiled just like their mother, small and tight, whenever she didn’t want her sons to see her being too emotional.

“I won’t stop dating Ten, tho.” Jaehyun added softly, because that was not what he meant – not even the slightest. “You know how much he cares about you. I know that you know that. And I know that want to listen to what your father said and I won’t force you to understand things, but if you try, I know we can work things out. But if you don’t, I will still be here. I will always be here.”

When Haechan lowered his gaze, Jaehyun was already expecting the worse.

“I don’t want you to stop dating Ten hyung. I- I like him.”

Jaehyun didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t want to push Haechan again, he didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he could help it, so he waited.

“I-. I also don’t think that you’re a liar. And I don’t think that you’re disgusting. And I don’t hate you, and I-“ This time Haechan did looked at him after he sniffed. “I trust you, hyung.”

Jaehyun was most definitely not expecting this and when he pulled Haechan into another hug, this time he didn’t know if he was crying or laughing himself.

“Ay, Ay. Okay. Don’t get too clingy, You’re being worse than mom.” Haechan complained, but instead of pulling Jaehyun aside, Haechan leaned on his arms and they simply stayed like that for a while.

“Brat.”

He cleaned his face half laughing, half crying and Haechan was also smiling at him. Haechan was a good kid. He had always been a good kid and Jaehyun knew that – even when he threw tantrums at strangers or ran away from home. Haechan was just a kid, going through a lot, but Jaehyun would be there for him, no matter what.

“I’m sorry, for the things I said. I- I just didn’t want dad to be disappointed in me.” Haechan whispered, lowering gaze again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m really sorry for the things I did too.” 

Haechan nodded and when he smiled back at him, Jaehyun could see that child from his own teenage years back in Korea and Jaehyun never felt so relieved.

“Are you okay to go back home now?” Jaehyun asked and Haechan nodded again, but they barely made it to the middle of the room and Miss Seo was turning around the corner.

“You two are not going anywhere without eating something first. Look at you both! You’re so pale!”

“Miss Seo-“

“I completely agree with eomma!” Taeyong’s voice also echoed in the large living room.

Jaehyun turned around and Taeyong came running down the stairs, followed by Johnny and Mark. Even Mr. Seo showed up from a room in the back – Jaehyun haven’t even noticed when he got home – and it seemed like they didn’t have any privacy at all.

“I know that Jaehyunnie hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday and I bet this one is starving, too.”

Jaehyun snorted at Taeyong’s typical habit – maybe even a kink – of feeding everyone around him and he didn’t know how Johnny never gained weight since they’d started dating, with both a mom and a boyfriend like that. His smile grew wider as Haechan smiled guiltily and quickly followed them – or more like was dragged over by Miss Seo without a protest once he heard there was kimchi – but Jaehyun stayed behind as he scanned the room, searching for someone else. 

Ten was right there, staring at him with a soft smile in the middle of the stairs and Jaehyun let out a heavy breath, as soon as their eyes met. He was feeling tired – not exactly hungry – but seeing Ten there felt exactly like finally being home.

He waited for Ten to climb down the stairs and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend at the same time Ten wrapped his arms around him and Jaehyun leaned down, resting their foreheads together and only then, after all this time, he noticed Ten was actually wearing his favorite jacket over a black hoodie – that same brown leather one Ten borrowed for himself in front of the dance studio. Jaehyun chuckled.

“Did you hear it?” He muttered, the loud voices coming from the kitchen seeming to far away right now.

Ten nodded. “He trusts you.”

“And he likes you.”

Ten smiled proudly, but his neck tinted a bit pink, Jaehyun noticed. “Everybody likes me.”

Maybe Jaehyun was biased, but Ten’s smile was the best thing he had ever seen. His lips would part, showing his perfect teeth. His nose would tint just a little and the corner of his eyes would crinckle just slightly. His eyes would lighten up and the dark brown orbs would get a tint of their own and Jaehyun thought – no, he knew – that he would never get tired of staring into Ten’s eyes.

“I love you.”

Ten chuckled, looking a bit surprised and this time his cheeks also painted pink, and his eyes, Jaehyun had never seen them shine this brighter before.

“I love you, Jung Jaehyun.” Ten whispered, and Jaehyun smiled, like he would whenever Ten simply looked at him; like he would, whenever Ten smiled so brightly at him; like he still did, when his lips pressed against Ten’s lips and, this time, Jaehyun thought they never tasted this sweet.

“Hey, you, lover boy.” That was Johnny. “You two. Get your asses in here before Taeyong gets impatience.”

Jaehyun snorted and Ten chuckled, their faces still close to each other when Jaehyun turned to face Johnny, head poking out from the kitchen. When Jaehyun turned back to look at Ten, he was rolling his eyes, but he was still smiling and yeah, Jaehyun definitely loved when Ten did that.

“And he says that I’m whipped.”

Ten let out a loud laugh at that, grabbing into Jaehyun’s hand before he leaned in – or more like tip toed – for another kiss. “Let’s go before TY comes fetch you, lover boy.”

This time, when Jaehyun stared at Ten’s smile as they made their way to the kitchen holding hands, where his brother waited with his friends; when Haechan showed them a shy, but genuine smile, as both he and Ten joined them; when Johnny and Mark actually fought over a bow of kimchi that Miss Seo served them, until Taeyong solved it by adding another one to the table as Mr. Seo’s loud laugh echoed through the room, Jaehyun wondered why life would be like this: sometimes storm, sometimes rainbows, sometimes both.

And when Ten stared back at him with his always bright smile, Jaehyun thought it actually didn’t matter, as long as he could find the sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more to go.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first of all, I REALLY want to thank @Immaunreliablenarrator for proofreading, not only this last chapter, but half of this entire work, and for being so patience and so kind and so open to this and towards my talkative self. Thank you SO much, my dear. I will never have enough words to thank you. This work is so much better because of you. <3
> 
> Now to the main point: last chapter it is...

There was a difference between loving and being in love, Ten thought. And after all this time of loving Jaehyun silently, he could barely believe, sometimes, that he was finally allowed to be in love.

Winter winds were still harsh on the skin and Jaehyun’s usually pale cheeks were still tinted pink from the cold, having gone outside the wedding venue back and forth with Johnny for the last half an hour – doing what, Ten didn’t know. He had been too preoccupied helping a very anxious Taeyong not freak out minutes before the Big Yes, so he would simply watch him from afar.

The couple had found a penthouse venue in the West Loop to have their wedding that looked much more like a contemporary kind of loft than a wedding place itself. The high ceiling, where you see all the structure frames was painted white and light bulbs hung from it all over the ceremony area, near the large double-doors that lead to a small terrace; two long tables were set in the very center of the large, open room, from where the guests would actually watch the whole ceremony, and a third large table served as the buffet, set near the black and white graffiti wall.

The grooms couldn’t have found a place that suited them better, as by that same wall, there were two ceiling-high, built-in wooden cabinets: one was filled with old speakers and music equipment, while the other had all kinds of old photography equipment and a small photo booth. At the opposite side of the room, where you could see the city skyline framed through a long line of windows and behind the small bar, near the entrance, a dj booth was set in the middle and a small lounge area was placed in the corner.

It wasn’t fancy, but you could see the grooms’ efforts in every single detail; from the picture frames of the couple and their friends on both tables, to the fact that neither of the grooms, nor their best men, were wearing dress shoes, but white Converse, instead – not to mention the very fact that they chose Johnny’s birth date for their big day.

All of their friends were there and one of the large tables was mainly filled with dancers, except for Doyoung and Taeil, and Ten had to bite his lips not to laugh when he caught a glimpse of Lucas talking a little bit too enthusiastically to a flushed Jungwoo, his plus one. Yuta and Sicheng were sitting by their side, while Xiaojun and YangYang – Sicheng’s pupils from China that used their Chinese New Year’s holiday to participate in their teacher’s first workshop with the studio, and had been sleeping in Ten’s living room for two weeks – joined Haechan and Jeno by the other table, as the group of teenagers seemed to get along pretty well. Mark had been there earlier, but now stood just behind Jaehyun, with his parents by his side.

One of the main reasons Taeyong had been on the verge of cracking the whole day was the fact that his older sister, whom he hadn’t seen in years, was now standing right behind Ten with her husband, while they all waited for the engaged couple.

It didn’t take long for the grooms to step in together and walk down the aisle between the tables, holding each other’s hands while an extended version of Parachutes played in the background. And if Taeyong seemed a bit stiff as he walked, it only took TY a quick glance to his side, where Johnny walked like the proudest man on Earth, and a squeeze from Johnny to Taeyong’s hand, for Ten to see his best friend exhale and open up a soft smile. Ten didn’t hold his smile at the scene and he couldn’t be happier for his best friend, for both his friends. And when his eyes met Jaehyun’s across the grooms, Ten’s wrist jumped up a little, almost skipping a beat, only to beat harder and more fulfilled the very next moment.

It had been exactly two months since Haechan had run away and things were slowly finding their place in both Haechan and Jaehyun’s life – and so they were in Ten’s life.

Jaehyun had become a little bit over protective of Haechan ever since, and if it actually hadn’t been for both him and Johnny holding Jaehyun back, his boyfriend probably would have had Haechan suffocated by now, as it still took them a lot of talking and hard work sometimes for Jaehyun to let his brother live his own life a little. Or more like, it took some pressure from them both and some blackmail on Johnny’s part, or Haechan wouldn’t go anywhere if Jaehyun wasn’t around, and Jaehyun would not have even gotten back to his weekly gym routine, as it meant leaving Haechan on his own every night after school, until Jaehyun either picked him up at the dance studio, or simply went back home. The good part of that was that their group of friends now would hang around Jaehyun’s place more often and Haechan seemed to get more comfortable around Johnny and Taeyong’s small PDAs, to the point it wasn’t exactly a surprise when he offered to help with some of the last minute stuff for the wedding.

Christmas had been particularly hard on the brothers, and Jaehyun had told him how important it was for them and their mother to celebrate it, and how much effort she had always put into decorations, and how much Jaehyun wanted to make it meaningful for Haechan. Jaehyun had decorated the whole house with small lights and they even brought a real tree, that Ten helped decorate, but the brothers did most of the job by themselves. They did spend the Christmas Eve together at the Seo’s and it had been nice and distracting enough to have both Jaehyun and Haechan having fun for the whole night.

But it have been heartbreaking when Ten showed up the next morning, as Haechan himself had invited Ten for their Christmas’ Morning Pancakes, as Haechan called it – and their new Christmas tradition, as Jaehyun explained later – and a very puffed-eye Jaehyun opened the door still in his sweatpants. Jaehyun’s eyes were red and his face was swollen, and he didn’t hold back his tears when Ten hugged him in the middle of the living room. They usually tried to keep their own PDA as minimal as possible around Haechan, but Haechan didn’t seem to care at all when he stepped out of Jaehyun’s bedroom, also in his PJs, and joined his brother between Ten’s arms.

They had made plans to go Navy Pier later that day, but after eating more pancakes than any of them should have and exchanging gifts – Haechan actually bought him a cap, while Jaehyun gave him a new jewel for his missing ear piercing – the trio had spent the rest of the day watching Netflix, with Haechan sprawled on the couch while Ten laid against Jaehyun’s chest, them both sitting on the carpet floor and Jaehyun’s back resting on the couch. They did go to the Pier together on the following day for dinner at Bubba Gump’s.

Ever since that first time, back in Ten’s apartment, the only time Ten and Jaehyun actually slept together had been after the New Year’s party at Yuta’s place. Haechan had gone to another party with Mark, Jeno and Jisung, and had a sleep over at the Seo’s after that, so Jaehyun went home with Ten that night. Jaehyun still refused to let Haechan sleep alone at home and they both agreed it was still too early for Ten to sleep there, so the few times they had actually been really intimate had been either when Haechan would stay for dinner at a friend’s house, and even then, they had to be lucky enough for Ten to be free of classes or practice at the same time, or those two times Jaehyun actually managed to convince Ten to go to his apartment during lunch time, when they knew Haechan would be at school.

It didn’t mean they weren’t spending time together – not at all.

Now Haechan and Mark would always join Jaehyun and Johnny to watch their weekly game at the United Center and Ten also joined them whenever he wasn’t busy with practice or wasn’t dragged by Taeyong to help him with things for the wedding, or by Lucas, to a either a movie or a hockey game instead. They would always meet for pizza at Gino’s later, though.

Haechan, along ChenLe and Jisung, had indeed made it for the new season at the dance studio soon after the New Year and whenever Jaehyun went there to pick up his brother, he would always sneak inside the building so he could at least steal a kiss or two from Ten in the corridor. Sometimes Jaehyun would give him and SIcheng a ride back home after that, usually on Fridays, since Haechan actually started training with the crew and was taking extra classes for that.

Having lunch together somehow became their thing, and they made sure to do it at least twice a week and not only Johnny and Taeyong would join them sometimes, but it was actually nice whenever Taeil and Doyoung tagged along, too; and when they went together with Yuta to Mrs. Morita restaurant, she was indeed impressed to see that Ten had more piercings than Yuta.

Of course there had been tough days, where Jaehyun worried himself to death whenever Haechan decided to spend the whole day locked inside his bedroom, or when Haechan seemed too quiet whenever Ten spotted him in the studio, only to hear from Jaehyun later that Haechan had refused to eat; or those days that it was Jaehyun who was silent as their friends talked loudly in the living room, or while they watched TV together with Haechan on a Saturday night – and just by the timid way Jaehyun snucked his hand between Ten’s fingers and quickly looked at him, Ten would know that his boyfriend was actually thinking about his mother. Just like he did on those couple of minutes they actually spent together when Ten arrived at the wedding venue, before Johnny came to fetch his best man again.

That’s exactly why having Jaehyun staring at him like that, with the most beautiful smile Ten have ever seen – his eyes shining bright and free of worries, his dimple displayed clear for everyone to see – not only made Ten’s heart beat like that, but made everything about that day even more special. His best friends were (finally) getting married, they had all their friends gathered, happy and together in the same place, while the love of his life smiled like that at him – for him.

No, Ten wasn’t the one getting married, but he was just as happy as he could be and had a hard time keeping in his tears while Taeyong recited his vows to Johnny, but couldn’t hold them when Johnny said his own words to Taeyong, and Ten knew for sure there was a difference to being in love and loving. And it was clear that Johnny loved TY as much as TY loved Johnny, and they had been together for years now, but they were still so clearly in love with each other that Ten couldn’t help but wish the same for himself and Jaehyun.

A few minutes after the short ceremony, when the music had started playing again and all their friends gathered together to properly greet the grooms, and after Ten had helped Johnny to wipe Taeyong’s crying face after talking to his sister, it was when he felt the warm touch of Jaehyun’s hands on his waist and the softness of a kiss on his cheek.

“I don’t think I’ve told you how hot you look in a suit yet, did I?” Jaehyun’s voice had been low in his ear, just for him to hear, and Jaehyun’s voice alone was enough to send shivers down his spine, even moreso when he spoke like that.

Ten’s lips twisted in a grin and he turned between Jaehyun’s arms so he could face him. “No, you didn’t.”

“Well, you do.”

Jaehyun smiled brightly at him, while Ten adjusted the knot in his tie and took the opportunity to shamelessly check out his boyfriend, biting his lip. “You’re not bad yourself, you know?” Despite not being alone, everyone else seemed too distracted by the newly married couple to pay any attention to them.

Jaehyun snorted, but his smirk only grew larger at their little joke, that Ten hoped would never get old between them. Jaehyun’s eyes actually sparkled a bit and Ten knew exactly what his boyfriend was up to, so pressed his hand flat on Jaehyun’s chest, holding him in place before he could lean in.

“Haechan’s watching.” Ten warned as he caught sight of both Haechan and Jeno walking over to Mark, who talked to his brother just a few steps from where they stood.

“It’s fine.” Jaehyun sounded calm and his smile softened a bit, but didn’t lower by any bit. “We talked about that on our way here and he actually said he doesn’t mind.”

Now that took Ten by surprise.

It had been an agreement between them to keep low on their PDA whenever Haechan could be around, as despite Haechan having voiced that he was okay with the fact the two of them were dating, they still didn’t want to push things on the teenager, just in case. So whenever they knew Haechan was around or they knew he could show up, they avoided hugging, unless while watching something on TV – and only after that time on Christmas – and a few light touches that could be read as something friendly for a stranger, most of the time. In fact, the most they usually did was to hold hands, sometimes. There had been a couple of times that Haechan actually saw when they stole a quick peck from each other’s lips, while Jaehyun cooked them lunch or dinner on the weekends, but they never took it any further than that.

“Why were you even talking about that?” Ten asked with a light frown.

“We were just talking about the wedding and Haechan was curious as he has never been to a gay wedding before.”

“Neither have we.” Ten couldn’t help but chuckle at that and Jaehyun joined him, while he let go of Ten’s waist so he fix one lock of Ten’s styled hair that instead on failing on his eye.

“That’s what I told him.”

Jaehyun paused for a bit, seeming too focused on arranging Ten’s fringe, but the caring in his eyes was enough to make Ten’s pulse run just a little bit faster, his neck and cheek feeling warmer at the attention, and even that was more than they allowed themselves with Haechan around.

“Anyway.” Jaehyun chuckled and Ten’s own smile grew a bit at the sight of Jaehyun’s ears turning red. “We were talking about the wedding and, you know, how every wedding has the vows, and then the yes part, and then ends with a kiss.”

Ten quirk up an eyebrow as Jaehyun started mumbling his words and Ten was indeed very curious about how exactly they ended up talking about them kissing, instead of the grooms, but Jaehyun chuckled again and his ears went even darker.

“Oh god, baby, just say it.” Ten had to hold on not to roll his eyes, as he was the one getting anxious.

“Okay, okay! Well, Mark said Haechan could cover his eyes if he wasn’t old enough to watch it and Haechan-” Jaehyun giggled. “I’ll quote him, but can you believe that he said for me to-” Jaehyun chuckled again and licked his lips before pressing them together and Ten could see how hard he was trying to keep a straight face as the spoke. “Chill out and to just kiss you whenever I wanted because he can’t stand us looking like kicked puppies anymore?”

Ten’s face probably went blank for a whole second as he couldn’t quite believe his ears, before Jaehyun turned into a laughing mess, probably to cover up his own embarrassment, as he rested his head on Ten’s shoulder, making Ten laugh along with him and Ten was glad Jaehyun’s tall figure covered his own blushing neck.

“Did he really say that?”

“He did! Haechan is a brat.” Jaehyun’s cheeks were also red, and probably so were Ten’s, when they stared back at each other. “Johnny was also in the car with us and didn’t stop laughing until we got here. It was a good distraction, tho. Johnny had been sick-nervous for the whole day.”

“Yeah, so was TY.” Ten added with a large smile and he wouldn’t mention now, but Jaehyun did look like a kicked puppy sometimes; like whenever Jaehyun first looked at Ten with his usually dark and quiet eyes, glowing with that same dazzling stare – just like they did every time before Jaehyun kissed him – but was actually denied the caress, for whatever reason. “But I still don’t get why you made us get here earlier and then kept going outside like, all the time.”

“Oh, Johnny was just nervous. He wanted to check everything first.” Jaehyun shrugged, but he avoided Ten’s gaze for a brief second and that was enough for him to know – or more like state – that both Johnny and Jaehyun were up to something.

“We checked everything with TY yesterday.” He insisted.

“Never hurts to double check.”

“Jaehyun.” Ten actually glared now. “You and Johnny haven’t stopped for single second ever since Taeyong and I got here. What are you two hiding?”

Jaehyun actually smiled sheepishly at him, but his arms were soon back around Ten’s waist, pulling him closer than before and Ten recognized that same glint in Jaehyun’s eyes that got Ten awestruck and always made it so hard for Ten to deny his boyfriend a kiss. Ten’s hands traveled on their own up to Jaehyun’s chest and shoulders until they locked within Jaehyun’s hair around his nape.

“Kiss me and maybe I’ll tell you.” Jaehyun murmured and Ten’s mouth went dry when Jaehyun’s gaze fell quickly on his lips as he smirked, one of his dimples showing more than the other, before they were back and darker on his eyes.

Ten scoffed, a puff of air leaving loudly between his parted lips and he would probably kiss Jaehyun anyway while he stared at him like that – blackmail or not.

And so he did, stretching his neck, and Ten had actually to tip toe just a little, before Jaehyun’s mouth met his halfway and the taller leaned down so he could be on his feet again. Ten could feel Jaehyun’s lips curved in a soft smile as they molded together, only the tip of their tongues meeting in between as they slowly kissed, and Ten couldn’t help his own smile at the tenderness of their touch.

As much as Ten wasn’t actually bothered by the fact that they did restrain their affection for each other in front of Haechan, being able to actually kiss Jaehyun like that, whenever he wanted – whenever they wanted – was overwhelming. After having to hide and deny his feelings for years, even from himself sometimes, and from slowly getting closer and closer to each other, to knowing that Jaehyun wanted him just the same; the fact that Ten liked Jaehyun, loved him, and had hidden it for some time, it was amazing just being able to hold Jaehyun like that. It was amazing to know they were indeed together, as more than just friends, and just like Jaehyun had put in words, more than once, being with Jaehyun – not only talking to him and being around him, but touching him so freely, kissing him, holding him, was more than Ten had ever imagined.

Sometimes Ten still thought that he was dreaming all of this, but whenever he got home and the scent of Jaehyun’s favorite perfume was still lingering on his own clothes, that was when Ten knew it wasn’t just a dream. Just like at that moment, as he could feel Jaehyun’s scent filling up his senses while they kissed.

“Hey! Lover boy!” Both Ten and Jaehyun chuckled between the kiss, not willing to let go of each other yet when Johnny called Jaehyun. “Family picture.”

Jaehyun held onto Ten’s hand when they broke the kiss and pulled him to where Johnny, Taeyong and the Seos stood together. Ten couldn’t see the look on his boyfriend’s face when he caught the quick glance Jaehyun shared with his brother when they passed each other, but he could only figure, as it had Haechan actually shaking his head at Jaehyun with a slightly amused smile on his face, and Haechan had probably seen them kissing just now.

Ten would ask Johnny for a copy of that set of pictures later. The first picture had Jaehyun standing by his side with a hand around his waist while his other hand held on his brother shoulder; Taeyong stood by Ten’s other side and both he and Johnny had their hands around each other’s waist, while Mr. and Mrs. Seo stood by Johnny’s side, followed by Mark. The second one was very similar, but with Taeyong’s sister instead, and then they took another one with all them together.

They took a bunch of photos with only the grooms, their best men and Mark and Haechan, and a lot of combinations between them, before their other friends spontaneously joined them for a whole set of other pictures. They took some more during the toast and then on the dance floor and Ten wasn’t sure, but he thought he had seen someone taking a picture of him and Jaehyun dancing together and another one while they kissed again in the middle of some slow dance. He would definitely have to check for those with Johnny later.

He hadn’t seen Jaehyun for a while as he talked to Yuta, Sicheng, YangYang and Xiaojun – he would actually miss the two teenagers when they left early the next morning – when he felt Jaehyun’s arm back around his waist. The six of them chatted for a bit before Johnny passed by them, with a tipsy Taeyong by his side and Ten didn’t miss the small nod Jaehyun shared with his best friend.

“Come with me.” Jaehyun whispered in his ear and just like earlier, it gave Ten goosebumps, but he actually frowned at his boyfriend when Jaehyun quickly excused them from their friends and pulled him along in the same direction that Johnny and Taeyong had left.

“Are you gonna tell me what you and Johnny have been up to?” Ten asked as he followed him and Jaehyun chuckled, pulling him closer as they walked outside the venue.

“It’s not me and Johnny. It’s Johnny.” Jaehyun stated, before stealing a quick kiss from Ten’s pouted lips as his frown deepened, and when Ten noticed, he was already being pulled inside the lift and followed by Doyoung and Taeil.

“Ok. What’s going on here?” Ten asked seriously, crossing his arms over his chest, and all three men laughed like they had heard the funniest of jokes.

“Do you remember that play TY wanted to see in New York?” Jaehyun asked while he put back on his suit that Taeil just handed him – Doyoung did the same, but gave Ten his own, who also put the vest back, despite still being confused.

“Yeah. He tried searching for any spare tickets again yesterday, but they are all sold out.”

Taeil and Doyoung shared a sweet smile before Doyoung wrapped his arms around Taeil’s shoulders from behind. “Taeil got two tickets for the premier tomorrow night from a client.”

“So you two are going to New York too?” Ten asked in curiosity, before turning to Jaehyun, even more confused than he was before. “I don’t get it. What does that have to do with you and Johnny and why the hell are we sneaking out of their wedding party?”

“Baby,” Jaehyun chuckled, before cupping Ten’s face between his hands and his touch was as soft as his voice and the look in his eyes, and it had been months now, but Ten’s heart still fluttered whenever Jaehyun called him that. When Lucas started calling him “babe”, years ago, Ten wasn’t quite fond of the pet-name at first, but he slowly got used to it and it was just a Lucas thing, he noticed. It was not just how Jaehyun said it; it was the way he said it and how the tone of his voice changed just barely, and his eyes glinted just this little bit, enough to make Ten feel special. “How much did you drink?”

“I’m not drunk. I just don’t get it.” Ten frowned, staring at Jaehyun who smiled brightly at him.

Both Taeil and Doyoung chuckled from their side.

“Taeil gave them the tickets.” Jaehyun nodded, not letting go of him and Ten actually wanted to melt from his touch and the softness of his stare. Ok, maybe he was a little bit drunk.

“But their flight is only tomorrow night.”

“That’s why I spent the day helping Johnny to rearrange their flight tickets and bookings so they can make it on time, without Taeyong noticing.” Jaehyun nodded one more time and the lift bell ring once, before the doors slid open.

“Oh.”

Johnny and Taeyong were already in the parking lot, where Johnny carefully helped his now-husband to put on his coat, as TY was not only very tipsy but confused, as Ten had been just seconds ago, about being dragged out of his own wedding party. Mark and Haechan were also there and helped move the bags from Taeil’s car to Jaehyun’s Rover and after a quick exchange of hugs and greetings, and Doyoung swearing at them that he wasn’t crying, Ten was indeed leaving the building along with Jaehyun, Taeyong and Johnny.

Jaehyun and Johnny’s escape plan apparently worked just fine and they drove all the way to the airport while only getting one call from Yuta, asking “Where the hell did they vanish to?” and managed to make it right on time for their flight. He and Taeyong couldn’t believe how they were actually dragged earlier than planned to the venue so Doyoung and Taeil could sneak inside Taeyong’s place to grab their stuff and how even Mark and Haechan helped distract Taeyong, but not Ten, from where Jaehyun and Johnny could be. Taeyong still didn’t know about the play.

The four of them couldn’t be happier and it was clear as they laughed all the way there and it was hard not to cry when Ten hugged his best friend at the airport drop, and Ten could see both Johnny and Jaehyun were also a bit emotional when they hugged each other. They would be back in a week – right after Jaehyun’s birthday and they had already made plans for celebrating it with a Korean barbecue at the Seo’s next Sunday – but it was impossible not to be emotional about the fact that his (gay) best friends actually just got married.

It was also impossible not to think about Haechan and how the teenager had improved a lot on that matter. Ten noticed that, sometimes, Haechan’s glance lingered on them when he caught sight of Jaehyun holding his hand, or hugging him on the couch, but it was usually when they mentioned the younger’s father sometime earlier. Maybe Ten just didn’t notice, but Haechan didn’t seem disturbed at all, by anything, during Johnny and TY’s wedding when he, for sure, saw a lot more gay interactions than he probably had ever seen before – as it was a gay wedding, and he and Jaehyun and Taeil and Doyoung weren’t the only other gay couples there. Haechan also seemed just fine when Jaehyun told him to call in case he needed anything, as he and Jeno would sleep over at the Seo’s – since Mrs. Seo insisted she didn’t want to feel the house so empty after the wedding – and so Ten would be sleeping over at Jaehyun’s apartment, and Haechan knew it.

Ten’s heart skipped a beat at the thought, but not as much and didn’t beat as faster than it did later, when they finally stepped inside Jaehyun’s apartment, having not bothered at all to go back to the party that still had some hours to go. He didn’t hold his smile when he saw Jaehyun coming from the kitchen with a bottle of cold champagne in hand and served them two glasses of the drink before he kissed him.

Jaehyun tasted just like the drink, of course, and as sweet as it was, nothing compared to feeling of having Jaehyun’s arm around his waist, pulling him closer, and the warmth of Jaehyun’s body so close to him, drowning him in his scent.

There was indeed a difference between loving and being in love.

Ten was in love, and that was a fact. In love with every new touch of Jaehyun’s hands, of his lips, of his skin; in love with how his voice echoed huskily in his ear; in love with way Jaehyun seemed to know just what to say, or where to touch him, and how to hold him to make his whole existence tremble, in every possible way, and definitely not just when it came to sex. Ten was in love with Jaehyun’s smile and how he actually smiled just for him sometimes, as there was this something different in his eyes whenever he did, Ten had noticed. Ten was in love with everything new he learned about Jaehyun as his lover, and not just his friend.

And Ten loved the fact that they were still best friends, like they had become before actually being lovers. And Ten loved whenever Jaehyun called him just to say goodnight, even when they had been together no more than a few minutes earlier. Ten also loved the way Jaehyun’s hands slipped so easily between his fingers, just like that first time he did it, in Taeyong’s apartment. Ten loved whenever Jaehyun’s ears tinted red when he caught Jaehyun staring at him, either with a fond smile or misty eyes, where then his smile would just grow a little bit larger than it was before.

Ten both loved and was completely in love to staring into Jaehyun’s eyes and seeing them reflect with something it took Ten some time to recognize. Maybe it had been at Jaehyun’s car, maybe he thought he saw it that first time he went to eat pizza with Jaehyun and Haechan; Ten thought that he was going crazy before, but now he knew he absolutely had seen it before in his living room as they talked, just the two of them, and also back inside his kitchen once, when Jaehyun asked him to taste one of his newly created recipes. He was sure the first time he had seen it so clearly, though, was that night when they talked on Johnny’s porch.

Ten was both in love and loved everything about it when he recognized that same thing whenever Jaehyun stared at him like that, just like he did now, with their bodies tangled together and Jaehyun’s skin hot against his skin, as their breaths mixed into each other’s and their mouths craved for each other’s lips, and tongues and teeth; as their bodies rocked with Jaehyun deep inside of him, and his hands held him tight around his waist while Ten’s hand pressed onto Jaehyun’s back and shoulder, and they both moaned, Jaehyun’s name slipping so easily from Ten’s lips; as Jaehyun called him, his voice huskier, and deeper, and caring, as always.

“Ten.” Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled above him and there was so much more than lust, so much more than just want and passion in them and Ten knew it, even without words, that Jaehyun loved him, and he loved Jaehyun back just as much.

Ten wasn’t just in love, but he now could actually be in love, and loving Jaehyun was just easy.

It had always been easy.

It had always been Jaehyun.

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that played while Johnny and Taeyong walked down the aisle together is [ Coldplay’s Parachutes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v77WFwYtUE0). [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEBiH7AO9EM) is the link to a version with the lyrics, and yes, it is that short, sadly. 
> 
> Also, I don’t know it’s the right choice or not, but [Highway to Heaven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFoqGyWhMws) just seems to fit this chapter to me, so… ^^ there it is
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you very much for everyone who left comments or kudos, or not, but followed this story and this characters. <3 
> 
> For the sweeties that shared their thoughts me (and those who still want) I'm really thankful. This work is not about a plot itself, but the characters and their feelings, and reading your thoughts and to know how you felt about it was very, very meaningful. I’ve wanted to share so much more with you in the comments, but I couldn’t, or I would leave spoilers.^^’ Thank you so much. <3 
> 
> And lastly, I have a little angel (that’s also a devil) in my life that’s motivating me to write a few side stories for this work. They are little somethings I had in mind while writing this, but couldn’t fit in this main work, so I might write them down eventually and post them here. How knows? ^^’
> 
> [@twitter](https://twitter.com/10queso)   
[@curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/10queso)


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